I am celebrating Independence Day! Yes, I know it is the week of July 4th and we celebrate the freedom and independence America gained back in 1776. But, this is also my year of independence and I am celebrating! What have I gained my independence from you may ask?
Man made dieting rules
Counting and measuring – calories, grams, points, etc.
Eating only certain types of foods or restricting certain types of foods
The scale
Worrying if I am up or down in weight
Worrying if I am thin enough or fit enough
Worrying over how others look at me or what they think about me
Worrying if the clothes I have laid out for tomorrow will fit
Listening to Satan’s condemnation
Beating myself up for calling learning opportunities failures
Wishing I was someone or something I am not
Feeling like I was living in chains
You see, I’ve found something beautiful, and I want to share it with you. What I’ve found is freedom in my LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ. He said to me, “Come, Deanna (feel free to put your own name here, because if you are reading this, I know He is calling out to you too!!), because you are weary and carry heavy burdens. I want to give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and I will give you rest for your soul. My yoke will fit you perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28 NLT) I found that I was spending an excessive amount of time thinking about nothing more than food and my life seemed to be going on without me. I was obsessive, focused only on myself. I had an emptiness that I kept trying to fill with things that never seemed to satisfy. I had the self-will to change and fix my life, but as we all know, self-will is weak and powerless. Do you identify with me? Well, Jesus met me right where I was and opened my eyes. He revealed to me the truth of where my heart was. He pointed out that I was worrying about my life, what I was going to eat or not eat, what the scale was going to tell me the next time I stepped on, what I was going to wear or even if my clothes would fit. He told me how my life was for more than food and my body was for more than clothes.(Matthew 6:25-34)
My life is for Him and my body is His temple. (1 Corinthians 6:19,20)
Through the program of Thin Within/Hunger Within, I have been spending time with my LORD in a way that I have never done before. He has brought me to a place of surrender. I’ve surrendered my dependence on all of the things I have listed above and what a difference my life is today compared to where I was. I have also learned a beautiful paradox of walking with the LORD in this way. By allowing Him in every area of my life and heart (and I mean every dark and hidden corner!!), I learned that I can really celebrate the independence from all those things I have listed above by being dependent on the One who is faithful to grant me the freedom from them. To find independence, I have to be dependent. My freedom has come from being free to trust Him fully. My freedom has come from throwing up my hands in surrender, knowing that in and of myself, I never had what I needed to break free from disordered eating and thinking.
The Word of God and prayer are the weapons I use to keep from going back into my old ways. The temptation is still there to fall back into what is familiar, but as long as I feed on God’s Word daily, He is faithful to complete this good work He has started in me. My loving Father has shown me where the pleasant boundaries lie that keep me safe and in His will for my life. Whenever any issues come up that make me want to run into the arms of false comforts, I stop and lay them at the feet of Jesus, with thanksgiving. I know that He is able to set me free from worry and fear about anything. The blessing is not only that I have let go of my will for His will, but that by doing so, I have opened my heart to healing and freedom in so many other areas. With His strength, I have let go of anger and frustration. With His strength, I have let go of trying to get my family and friends to fit into a mold of my own making. With His strength, I have let go of being selfish with my time so that God can use me to serve others. With His strength, I have let go of all thoughts that “I can’t” because with God’s leading, nothing is impossible. My job is to stay firmly dependent on Jesus, the Lover of my soul.
Where are you today? Are you ready to celebrate independence with me? Take my hand and let’s walk together in full surrender and dependence so we can shout together, “FREEDOM!!”
Have you ever been on a detour? You are on your way from point A to point B and you find yourself crossing X, Y, and Z?
I went on a detour recently with my weight loss journey. It is so easy to be swayed off the straight, tried and true path, and I was swayed. Luckily, my loving Abba Father led me back to the path He wants me on and opened my eyes to watch out for any detour signs ahead.
I was feeling worn out, tired and was not sleeping well. A friend had been suggesting a line of supplements that promised better health, energy, better sleep and a decrease in appetite (which leads to weight loss). I am a cheerleader for staying healthy using any natural ways possible, so I jumped on board. I signed up and started the “line”. Even though I wasn’t taking them for weight loss, I know that in the back of my mind I was hoping for some weight release. Actually, I was hoping for big things.
During this time, my mind kept wandering away from Thin Within/Hunger Within. I looked at the success stories and started reading the recommendations about how to eat, what to eat and when to eat. My friend even told me I needed to eat first thing in the morning, whether I was hungry or not, because I needed to get my engine running. And, my mind kept wondering to diets and what I should be doing to move things along.
Then something happened. I realized that I actually felt worse on these supplements. My stomach was getting upset and I was sleeping worse. I was confused because what I had been expecting wasn’t happening. Where was my success story? I prayed and took the mess to the Lord, and do you know what He laid on my heart? He said, “I am here. I have been here all along. My plan works. My plan is what is best for you. Have you come to Me?”
So, here is some honesty. I have recently been haphazardly following our 0 to 5 eating boundaries. When I decide I am going to eat outside of them, I do it. I hadn’t been renewing my mind in God’s Word when I felt tempted to break my boundaries or after I had broken them. I hadn’t been using the other Keys to Conscious eating as they are laid out. My accountability partner and I realized recently that we were treating our Thin Within/Hunger Within programs as another diet. To me, a diet is something you go on and off at a whim. I have never really been on a diet that I have truly seen as “lifelong”.
But, God’s plan is a lifelong plan. His plan honors the way He created my body to eat. When I listen to the cues my body naturally gives, I eat with joy between hunger and satisfaction. When I follow these boundaries, I don’t mindlessly eat at night (which causes sleep disruption that leads to feeling worn out and tired). When I follow my body’s cues, I crave whole body pleasers instead of taste bud teasers (and those total rejects).
My short detour only lasted a month. I am back on the path of Thin Within/Hunger Within. My eyes are no longer on the bright sparkling promises of another program. For today, I am committing to the plan God has for me, and when I am tempted or when I fall, I am using the tools that are right there for me. I am embracing the detour I took as a learning experience, and one I needed to take in order to bring me right back where God wants me.
What about you, dear reader? Have you taken a detour? Turn to God, and reach out for help. You will get back on the right path.
Dear readers, have you grabbed onto the importance of renewing your mind in God’s Word? In good times and in troubled times, this command from God’s Word in Romans 12:1-2 never fails to bring me peace and understanding. Whether I pick up on something I need to hear from my daily Bible reading, or the Lord places an area of my life He wishes to work on in my mind, or a topic keeps being placed in front of my face, digging in the Word and then praying about it is the way I renew my mind.
The other day, I was lead to read John 6:63 –
The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.
This scripture hit me hard because since summer started I have been floundering with my boundaries of 0 to 5 eating. I would like to blame the steady stream of birthdays and graduation parties, but that would be a lie. There are also many more opportunities for drinking during all those parties, and if you happen to drink, you will probably notice like I do, that overeating is so much easier, but blaming this too would be a lie. It is my flesh wanting what it wants, when it wants and in the quantities it wants. I was reading old blog posts that Heidi Bylsma wrote from back at the beginning of our blog (January 2007). She called what I am talking about “Recreational Eating” and boy, is that a great description about what has been going on. Am I following my boundaries? No. Do I feel good? No. Am I comfortable? No. Am I using the tools? No. Am I happy about it? No. What am I going to do? I’m going to renew my mind. And as Heidi is fond of telling us, when you fall off the horse, dust yourself off and get right back on. so I am back on my “horse” and I am continuing on my journey.
Each day we have a choice, dear reader. We can choose to follow our flesh or we can choose to follow the Spirit. One counts for nothing and one counts for life. When I am living the way I have been this month, I don’t feel like I am living at all. I am tired and I am blah. Here is what I wrote in my journal after meditating on the scripture from John 6:63:
Lord, my flesh is greedy for comfort. It seeks what is not of You. It is not honoring to Your will for me. It is not honoring to Your Word. It draws me from feeling Your presence in my life. It listens to the lies of the evil one. It seek s self-gratification. It does not want to selflessly give. My soul and heart cry out to You for deliverance from my flesh. Because of Christ Jesus I can choose whom I serve. I can choose to continue to be a slave to sin or I can choose Christ and be a slave to righteousness. Today, I choose Christ. I choose to be weak so that His strength be made manifest in my life.
Today:
I choose to follow Christ.
I choose to honor God with my body.
I choose to bring the Lord into my mealtimes.
I choose to take my frustrations and lay them at the feet of Jesus.
I choose to praise and glorify my Triune God…God the Father, Christ Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit who brings comfort, discernment, conviction and peace.
Amen.
Dear friends, let’s renew our minds today so that we can keep our focus on God, the healer of our hearts and minds. Will you pray Psalm 119:37 with me?
Turn my eyes away from worthless things: preserve my life according to Your Word.
I heard in another group I belong to something that really struck a chord in me…especially in the area of feelings. They said that God showed them how they had made an altar to their own feelings. Well friends, I felt my heart beat faster and harder in my chest when I heard that statement and I knew that the Holy Spirit wanted me to look at my own life concerning this issue. It was time to pull out my journal and spend some one on one time with the Lord.
As I did just that and thought back over the last few weeks, I saw a pattern that showed why this statement caused such a reaction in me. Friends, I can start my day out great. I’ve spent time with the Lord in prayer…check. I’ve read my Bible and devotion…check. I’ve eaten my breakfast when hungry and at a 0…check. I’ve stopped eating when satisfied…check. Then, it happens and I am off and running into feelings land. A driver cuts me off in traffic. I realize I left my coffee at home. A semi almost runs me down in my car. An unkind word is spoken by a co-worker that I am sure is aimed at me. My boss calls me for a “meeting”. A friend or family member is clearly tired of hearing me gripe and complain. And, it doesn’t stop there. I can also build an altar for someone else’s feelings. Ahem, I believe they call that co-dependency. When someone I am close to (hubby, my children, a close friend) is suffering depression, sadness, anger, hurt feelings, I can jump right in and take on those feelings too and allow them to run me off my own path onto theirs. I know these things are everyday situations we all probably face, but when you are someone like me who has built an altar to their feelings or someone else’s feelings, these things can send me off into the world of I’m not good enough for anyone or anything and I might as well overeat because who cares anyway. And do you want to know where I build my altar? I build it right in the middle of the room where I am holding my own pity party.
There is a great song from the 60’s that goes, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to (I bet if you know it you are singing it in your head right now!).” Somehow, I have made this my anthem but by changing the words to, “It’s my pity party and I’ll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, and cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you!”
Dear readers, I really don’t like going to my own pity parties! I am so grateful that the Lord led me into this community and for the tools we have. It saddens me that I forget to use them! The Observe and Correct tool is perfect for me to use when I catch myself putting on my party clothes. When I observe my behavior, I can usually follow it back to looking down at myself (or at someone else) and feelings of ungratefulness instead of looking up at the Lord and allowing Him to heal those broken places and to tear down those altars to feelings.
If you are a follower of Jesus, then you know that when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior, we in essence put Him on. When God, our heavenly Father looks at us, He sees Christ and His righteousness. That is what happens at the time we accept His sacrifice for us and accept His forgiveness for our sins. But, along with that, we have a loving Father who wants to change us…our minds, our hearts which in turn changes our actions (and reactions). I want God to change me. I want Him to remove those pity party clothes from my closet. What I have found is that I can’t remove something from my life without replacing it with something else. Without those negative feelings being replaced with something positive, the door to them remains open and they can step right back in. I found the answer to my problem in God’s Word in Colossians 3:12-15. To get rid of those feelings to which I build altars, I need to take off those pity party clothes and put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. And, over all these, put on love. These emotions lead to a grateful and thankful heart. This takes prayer and keeping my focus on where it belongs; on Christ Jesus alone.
When I catch myself singing the wrong tune, (It’s my pity party and I’ll cry if I want to) and I feel myself getting ready to put on those pity party clothes, from now on I am choosing instead to observe what is going on in my mind and heart, and choosing to correct my course, back onto the one that the Lord has laid out for me…the path towards healing and becoming more like Him. Colossians 2:7 reminds me to allow my roots to go deeply into Christ Jesus. When I do, my life, my mind, my heart, my strength and my all will be built on Him. Then I will look only to Him and not those feelings and emotions that typically go on in me and around me and I will overflow with thankfulness and gratitude. And that, my friends, leaves no room for altars to feelings or emotions and definitely no room for a pity party!
What about you dear reader? Do you recognize yourself as a member of your own pity party? Let’s tear off those party clothes together, allow the Holy Spirit to tear down those altars to our feelings and emotions, and let’s put on those blessed emotions and feelings as outlined in Colossians 3:12-15. I think they will fit much better for us all…don’t you?
As the USA celebrates Memorial Day today, let us all remember the sacrifices of all those who have served, sacrificed and died in the name of freedom. If men and women had not given themselves so selflessly, I might not have the freedom to even remember them on this blog post.
As we remember those who gave up so much for our freedom, let us never forget the ONE who gave ALL. This Memorial Day, let us remember the Lord Jesus Christ and His ultimate sacrifice. He died so those who believe in Him may live. Let all who belong to Him live lives that proclaim Him and glorify Him so that more may find life through faith in Jesus Christ.
“Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)”
One day when heaven was filled with His praises, One day when sin was as black as could be, Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin— Dwelt among men, my example is He!
Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh Glorious Day
One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain, One day they nailed Him to die on the tree; Suffering anguish, despised and rejected; Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He.
One day the grave could conceal Him no longer, One day the stone rolled away from the door; Then He arose, over death He had conquered; Now is ascended, my Lord evermore.
One day the trumpet will sound for His coming, One day the skies with His glory will shine; Wonderful day, my beloved ones bringing; Glorious Savior, this Jesus is mine!
I have shared in the past here on the Thin Within blog about miracles that I have recognized God working in my life. I had something happen this past week that in my heart is proof that our God still works miracles today. Do you believe He does dear reader? I hope so. If not, how will you recognize them yourself when they happen to you?
I took on a second job the first of November last year. It started out well; I was busy and was learning new things in my position as a full charge bookkeeper. Well, last week I was let go from this position because the work load had dwindled after year-end books were completed and tax season ended. It was an amicable parting. As I have looked back on the 7 months I worked at that office, I started remembering and identifying how God has really changed my view about food and this thing we call disordered eating.
The work at year end and during the late winter and early spring was very stressful. Stress is one of those triggers that usually makes me run to food. And in the office where I was working the company kept the break room well stocked with snacks and soft drinks. After all, the accountants were working long hours and weekends and needed to keep up their strength. We also had clients bringing in snacks and food as a thank you for the work we were doing for them. Let me just say, there was never a shortage of things to nosh on! I can remember seasons in my overeating journey where such abundance would send me into eating all day long, day after day. The miracle here is that because of all the changes God has made in my heart and mind since coming into the Thin Within/Hunger Within community, I was never even tempted to eat from all those “goodies” outside of hunger and fullness. This, my friends, is a miracle.
One of the issues I have struggled with along with weight and disordered eating is rejection. This is an area where God has worked in my heart through the renewing of my mind in His Word and in Him placing in my heart the truth of who I am in Christ Jesus. In the past, any perception of rejection (being let go from my job [my healing through Thin Within/Hunger Within has changed my perception of many circumstances]) would have sent me into a tailspin and would have me running to excess food. Guess what I did the day I was let go and each day since? I’ve eaten within my God given boundaries of hunger and fullness. That, my friends, is a miracle.
Also, being let go at this particular time has lowered our family income at a time when my hubby and I were anticipating being completely out of debt within a few short months. Let me tell you that I don’t like it when my “plans” get changed. But, I am happy to say that even having our plans postponed didn’t send me into overeating or bingeing as it would have in the past. This, my friends, is a miracle.
I came into this community at a time when I was crying out to God to change me. I was at the end of my rope and was so sick and tired of how I felt in my own skin. My prayer has been since being here for Him to change my heart and my mind, one day at a time, through the renewing of my mind in His Word and through growing into a deeper relationship with Him. I know that the “old-timers” in our community are probably shaking their heads in agreement with the miracles I have experienced. They’ve experienced a few of their own. Those of you that are newer and haven’t seen this kind of victory, all I can say is don’t give up! The miracles will come as you continue to surrender your life and your disordered eating over to God. Keep renewing your minds daily. Keep eating within the boundaries of hunger and fullness. Use the tool chest that Thin Within offers each of us. One day you too will look back at your life and see the many miracles God has been working.
Are you battling sin? Do you fear that you will never break free from the cravings and obsessions that follow those of us who struggle with disordered eating? I have good news for you and it is found in Romans 6:8-11. Bask in the truth of this scripture.
Romans 6:8-11
“Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him. For we know that since Christ was raised for the dead, He cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over Him. The death He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.
So, we are dead to sin according to scripture. Maybe you are sitting there thinking, “Yeah, right. I sure don’t feel dead to my sin.” Maybe you have cried out to God time after time, then became determined that you are just not going to do that thing (overeat, binge, restrict, condemn) anymore, yet to go back to it time and time again. Believe me, dear reader, I have been there.
There are things in this life that I absolutely cannot do for myself. I can’t save myself. It is only by the grace of God through my faith in Jesus Christ that I receive the gift of salvation (Romans 10:9). I can’t forgive my own sins. Only God is faithful and just to forgive my sins (1 John 1:9) because I am His child through Christ Jesus (1 John 2:12). But, when it comes to change, I feel like I have the power and strength to do it myself. Learning at an early age to be self-sufficient has made this lie a tough one for me to lay down.
I was reading about Lazarus the other day. I love this picture from the life of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (John 11:1-44). It is made even more real to me in my own life as I continue to work the program of Hunger Within. In Hunger Within we learn about the “grave clothes” that God wants to remove from us in order to bring about healing in our lives in the areas of our disordered eating. The healing of the food issues transfers to all areas of our lives for which I am so grateful. So, picture Lazarus, dead in his tomb. He’s been dead 4 to 6 days before Jesus arrives. Jesus comes and wants God’s glory to shine forth in raising Lazarus from the dead. This is exactly what Jesus wants to do in our lives as we look to Him and His power to heal us (from disordered eating and every other trial). He wants God’s glory to be revealed in our lives. But, what if Lazarus had decided he was too comfortable being dead and didn’t want to be brought back to life? Can you picture it? Jesus says, “Lazarus, come forth!” And Lazarus says, “No Lord, I’m comfortable being dead. I don’t want to be brought back to life.” Can you picture Lazarus saying, “NO” to the power that Jesus was ready to show of God’s glory (this is our Abba Father who loves us!) to those watching and waiting to see what Jesus would do? I can’t imagine saying no to Jesus. But, dear reader, isn’t that what we say when we fail at this way of eating? We find ourselves comfortable in our desires and compulsions. We realize there are things we don’t want to let go of. We feel safe wrapped up in our grave clothes. Don’t we find ourselves saying we can’t eat this way or that we will never change; we are just wired this way? Don’t we find ourselves drawn back into the world of current favorite diets? Don’t we want to be accepted by the crowds around us who are doing just that? Do you tire of people looking at you with strange looks when you say, “I don’t diet anymore. I eat within the boundaries of hunger and fullness…you know 0 to 5 eating?”
Dear reader, if you identify yourself as a true Jesus follower, and by that I mean that you had a time in your life that you admitted you were a sinner and needed a Savior, you have within you the same power that raised Lazarus from the dead. I do, and you do! If you are tired of a sin/repent cycle, grab a hold of the Lord and allow His power to work in you. I am. Day by day I surrender my disordered eating to Him. I surrender the compulsions. I surrender the things I obsessively think about that distract me from the work He is doing in my life. His resurrection power is real. Our Abba Father loves us and He wants to transform us into the image of His Son. After the beloved verse of Romans 8:28 lays Romans 8:29. It says, “For those God fore-knew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.” That is us dear reader. God wants to change us. We just need to lay down control and say, “Yes, Lord. Change me. I am dead to sin, and alive in Christ.”
When sin calls my name, I can choose through the power of Christ Jesus to say, “NO. I am dead to you and alive in Christ Jesus!”
Dear reader, let’s be like Lazarus, who upon hearing his Lord’s voice broke forth from death into life, and accept that we cannot heal ourselves, but with the power of Christ Jesus, we can be healed and brought into life.
I am SO grateful for the various Thin Within communities!!! Each one I have been a part of has been a sweet blessing, but a blessing that I have not “taken advantage of” nearly as often as I need to. L I too easily allow other things to crowd in and take the place of spending the time I need to with the Lord, and also with you ladies. So, rather than being “a part of” you, I have been more “apart from” you. L
So how much time is “enough” time ~ especially with the Lord?
I was watering the garden the other day, trying to figure out “how much is the right amount of water for my plants. And the right amount of time to water. I’m not exactly famous for having the most lush gardens or plants in my home. L I tend to either over-water or under-water, and neither result in happy plants.
I noticed there were places where the soil got completely moistened with the water I gave it. In other places it looked only barely moist. And there were still other places where it was completely dry, even though I had watered there not long ago.
I realized there were several things affecting this…
Of course, the amount of sun the area had beating down onto it played a big part in how dry it was, and how quickly it would become dry again.
In most analogies, I like to equate the sun with God and his warm grace, but not in this one. Here I liken the beating-down sun to the “hard stuff” in my life. Things that are just rotten, awful, hard, painful, not going away, and that I have no power to change. They just keep beating down on me – and drying me out – like the hot sun in a parched desert.
Then there’s also the matter of the type of pot – or lack thereof – that a plant is in. A non-porous pot does not allow nearly as much water to evaporate out through its walls as does a porous earthenware pot.
At this point in my life, I am like a very porous earthenware pot. This whole thing of needing to die to my flesh in the area of food and eating is draining, in every sense of the word. It involves allowing God to remove my yucky “graveclothes” and reveal the stuff in me that either is dead, dying, or needs to die – which, of course, is unto me being healed and made whole and new – but it has made me very “leaky” (including my eyes) and feeling very vulnerable: Shaky at times. And greatly in need of a lot of God’s softening, moistening, refreshing and healing water.
I also noticed that the proximity of a plant to other plants made a difference in how soon after watering it needed to be watered again. I don’t think I saw dry soil around any plants that were close to other plants. The water seemed to soak through the whole area, probably through the common root system. And maybe just the interactive ambiance between them! J
It doesn’t take too much imagination to translate this part of the analogy! As Deanna B recently shared, our need for accountability is great. And I have not been taking advantage of that! L So I am recommitting myself to doing this ~ to being in this kind of relationship ~ with you precious ladies here in the Thin Within community!
So, as I was standing there spraying my plants in “center” mode on the hose nozzle, what hit my center was that I do not need to focus on putting in a certain amount of time with the Lord, but that I need to give Him enough time to allow enough of His glorious healing and unlimited water to soak all the way down to my dry and needy roots; down to where my deepest need is.
“I pray…that out of his glorious, unlimited resources He will give you the mighty inner strengthening of his Holy Spirit. And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in Him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love…” Ephesians 3:14-17 (TLB)
YES YES YES!!! This is what I desperately need! My roots need to “go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love”!
This rest of this passage in Ephesians 3:14-19 (TLB) has even more life-giving water as it elaborates on what this “marvelous love” is like: “…and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself.”
Getting filled up by the Lord isn’t so that I can say “I spent such-and-such an amount of time with the Lord today,” (which my “to-do-ish” nature gravitates to!), but so that my roots can have – so that the very core of me has – all the fresh Living Water I need to be nourished, refreshed, and healed. Transformed ~ from the INSIDE OUT!
Psalm 1 says: “Blessed is the one … whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on His law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither — whatever they do prospers.”
I have *much* on my plate in this season of my life, and am way too easily distracted to get to those things, and I have simply – and sadly – not been giving my roots “enough” water; my heart enough Jesus. And I am feeling it. There’s too little grace, too much negativity, too easy to feel hopeless.
So I am re-stating my desire, my intent, and my commitment to allow the Lord more time to go more deeply into me, down into the dry, crusty, dark places that are in need of His touch and His redeeming work.
And I’m also restating my commitment to come here more often and to not only share nuggets of my journey with you precious ladies, but also to be showered with the refreshing “Living Water” that you so lavishly share here out of your own walks with the Living God!!! I am so thankful for your openness to so vulnerably share your journeys! And to *you,* Deanna, for laying down your life to continue making this possible through the summer!
“And the Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy you with all good things, and keep you healthy too; and you will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.” (Isaiah 58:11)… Yes, Lord!!! Bring on the water!
And how will He do that? One last verse that comes to mind: “My heart has heard You say, ‘Come and talk with Me, oh my people'” ~ which I take to mean that He’s actually serious about; He wants me to come and talk with Him even, if not especially, when I’m in a bad mood or a dark place, ashamed of my repeated failings, my sin, my battle with food addiction, my frustrations with myself, and the feelings of hopelessness that grip my and try to drag me down into the pit of despair. I don’t need to clean myself up to come to Him; He wants to do that!
So, even when I’d rather hide, “by the mighty power of the Spirit of the Lord at work within me, I will instead say: “…and my heart responds ‘LORD, (and you sisters here in the Thin Within community!), I AM COMING!'”
Barb Shelton has been writing for homeschoolers since shortly after starting her homeschooling journey in 1982, culminating in graduating their three children. Since almost no homeschooling books were written back in the “olden days,” Barb ended up being a inadvertent (and unlikely and unwilling, actually) pioneer in that movement, writing 8 books and speaking at many homeschool conventions around the country. Barb is sure she learned more than her kids did in that 24-year experience, especially about depending on the Lord and allowing Him to redeem many areas of her life ~ the “final frontier” of which is getting victory in the area of eating. The Lord is bringing her into the “general public” realm now, and her first blog ~ “Honeycomb Oasis” ~ is almost ready to launch! There she’ll be sharing many of her “life learnings,” so check there toward the end of May!
I forgot something very important last week that nearly sent me on a downward spiral. I am praising the Lord for helping me to remember this important bit of information. I forgot that when Jesus Christ died on the cross for me and was resurrected and because I have placed my faith and trust in Him as my Savior and Lord, that I have His power to say no to sin.
He broke the power of sin in my life.
I think I became forgetful because we are going into the summer months. It’s during the summer months that many of us “take time off” from activities we do during the school year: like corporate Bible Study and co-leading classes for Thin Within/Hunger Within. I know that if I hit the summer without a plan in place, I tend to flounder and waste time. I tend to use the freedom from activity as an excuse to be lazy. And, this past week I used the excitement of upcoming freedom to put me in a dangerous place concerning my disordered eating.
Yes, through Christ Jesus, I am free from the power of sin, but that doesn’t give me the right to freely sin.
I wonder if you can identify with me. See, I was looking at freedom from weekly responsibilities as an opportunity to run wild so to speak. I know it is easier for me to keep my focus on the Lord in what I am doing when I have responsibilities. They give me things that I have to get done in my spare time. But, sometimes I get tired and in my tiredness, I start to look forward to some freedom. With the summer months in front of me, I started relishing the freedom ahead, forgetting that I am not good with too much free time on my hands. So, I started eating outside of hunger again. I couldn’t understand what was happening until I took it to the Lord. He showed me that even though I thought I wanted the freedom that the summer would bring, I was really afraid of the freedom. Why was I afraid? He showed me that I hadn’t made a plan to take Him into that freedom. Without Him in my free time, I don’t have His power to say no to sin. It is only through Him that sin has no power over me.
Running wild into freedom without Christ Jesus is no freedom at all. It is running straight back into bondage.
There is an old saying that I heard at a 12 Step meeting years ago that goes, “An addict lost in his own mind is in enemy territory.” I’m going to expound on that to say, “An addict lost in too much freedom without Christ along is in enemy territory.” That is where I found myself.
So, what did I do? I asked the Lord to help me. He helped me remember that I have an accountability partner in Thin Within (if you don’t have one, I highly recommend you get one ASAP). I reached out and found out that we both were struggling. God is so good! We had a divine appointment. My accountability partner and I have agreed to stay in contact daily via text or personal message, and voice to voice via phone on a more regular basis. We are being vulnerable and admitting our weaknesses to one another and to Jesus. We are sharing our 0 to 5 eating, our plans for renewing our minds, our temptations and our victories.
I am no longer afraid of the freedom of summer because I have asked Jesus and my friend to walk with me.
Dear reader, the moral of what I just shared is simple. If you are finding yourself in eating situations that leave you feeling unsettled, unhappy and condemned, would you consider doing what I did, and take them to the Lord, surrender to His wisdom and accept what He shows you? Look for those He has placed around you and reach out to them. There is freedom ahead and you don’t have to walk into it alone.
I am celebrating Independence Day! Yes, I know it is the week of July 4th and we celebrate the freedom and independence America gained back in 1776. But, this is also my year of independence and I am celebrating! What have I gained my independence from you may ask?
I found that I was spending an excessive amount of time thinking about nothing more than food and my life seemed to be going on without me. I was obsessive, focused only on myself. I had an emptiness that I kept trying to fill with things that never seemed to satisfy. I had the self-will to change and fix my life, but as we all know, self-will is weak and powerless. Do you identify with me? Well, Jesus met me right where I was and opened my eyes. He revealed to me the truth of where my heart was. He pointed out that I was worrying about my life, what I was going to eat or not eat, what the scale was going to tell me the next time I stepped on, what I was going to wear or even if my clothes would fit. He told me how my life was for more than food and my body was for more than clothes.(Matthew 6:25-34)
I’ve surrendered my dependence on all of the things I have listed above and what a difference my life is today compared to where I was. I have also learned a beautiful paradox of walking with the LORD in this way. By allowing Him in every area of my life and heart (and I mean every dark and hidden corner!!), I learned that I can really celebrate the independence from all those things I have listed above by being dependent on the One who is faithful to grant me the freedom from them. To find independence, I have to be dependent. My freedom has come from being free to trust Him fully. My freedom has come from throwing up my hands in surrender, knowing that in and of myself, I never had what I needed to break free from disordered eating and thinking.
