I once heard it said that “you can’t reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday’s junk.” I have been pondering that truth filled statement as I have been studying my true Worth not Shame in Hunger Within. When I think about “yesterday’s junk” in this saying, I think of all the baggage or trash that I keep holding onto even though I have learned where my true worth lies and know that I can let go of those things that hold me in the past. But some of those items are so deeply ingrained and the feelings and beliefs that go along with them have become comfortable even though they are negative and it will take an Act of God to break me free from them. Praise God that I am in the place I am right now because I am ready and willing to face them, look at what caused them and allow God through the Holy Spirit to break the chains that hold me to them.
I like to say that I am a positive person. That is the persona I want the world to see and acknowledge. Truthfully though, I really am not. When news comes to me, I immediately think on the negative side of things and roll in the ways (like a pig rolling in the mud) that it is going to negatively affect my life. Why is that? When I look at my life I see a life that has been tremendously blessed. Sure, the LORD has walked my husband and me through trials that would have sent a non-Jesus follower off the deep end. I have had many struggles and hurts that have cut me to the core of my being. But, God saw me through them all and He brought me out on the other side as a stronger and more loving woman. I am always ready to share how He has worked in my life and heart with others who are hurting. So, where does this negative spirit come from and what does my Loving Father want me to do with it?
Let me explain what this current thought is. Today, I worried about money. You may be right there with me. I feel this worry as a “spirit of lack”. I am so familiar with this stinky, evil little spirit for it has followed me around for a long time. I know where it comes from. My husband and I have dealt with unemployment. We had a period of several years where he was unemployed on and off for quite a while. It was painful, but we learned how to tighten our belts and through that stewardship, we were even blessed by God. It was through one of these times that we paid off our house. It was during one of these times that we held two unbelievable garage sales and ended up with enough money to pay bills for a few months. But, I still had fear, even during those times where God was showing Himself faithful and that fear I felt, turned into a spirit of lack. You may ask, “Where are you now?” My husband has been in a solid position for over 3 years. I am in a two solid part-time positions . We are in good shape. But, that little spirit of lack reared its head today and made me really think about why I am feeling this way.
I believe the truth of this whole matter lies within the scripture shared at the top of this blog…Philippians 3:8. When that spirit of lack shows itself, I am looking at certain things as more important than knowing Christ Jesus. When in that negative place I am looking down at me, or looking around at circumstances I don’t have the power to change instead of looking up at my only Source of worth, my only Source of strength, my only Source…period!! He alone takes my shame and spirit of lack and gives me back a beautiful robe of righteousness. All He asks is that I open my hands and give that junk to Him. He gladly takes it from me. All I have to do is place those thoughts and feelings at His feet, to never pick them up again.
This spirit of lack shows itself in our lives in many ways. It could be a lack of funds, a lack of food, a lack of love, a lack of faith. Where do you see it in your life? I have enough money for today, but don’t have enough for what I “want”. Am I still blessed? Yes, I am. I have enough food in my house right now to feed a small army, but do I have the “goodies” that my flesh desires? No. Sometimes it makes me sad that I don’t have those things in my house. I could have them, don’t get me wrong. After all, everything is permissible, but the items I am thinking about are not beneficial for me. I know that in my head, but even this can make me feel lack. Today, I am going to be grateful for those whole body pleasers that make my body feel good. Am I loved? Yes. Sometimes it is difficult to feel though because we all run into barriers when those around us are also hurting. But, one thing I am sure of, God loves me and He tenderly holds my life in His hands. Do I have faith? Yes, I do, but just like the father who asked Jesus to heal his son, sometimes I cry out, “I believe Lord, help my unbelief.” I struggled with this when I first came into Hunger Within. Did I truly believe that I would release weight? Did I truly believe that God would heal my disordered eating? Did I truly believe that I deserved His help in this area? God has proven Himself so faithful in the area of my weight and disordered eating.
What does it take for me to honestly let go of that ugly spirit of lack? I have to look at everything, no matter what it is, and know that it doesn’t mean a thing when I look at the blessing of knowing Christ Jesus and His redemption power in my life. Every thought that comes through my mind, I have to take captive to Christ and ask, “Does this matter for eternity?” I know of one area in my life that is lacking. I haven’t been living with an attitude of gratitude and thankfulness. I do thank God for things throughout the day, but I am not intentional. As we go into the Christmas season this year, I am committing to keeping a daily gratitude list. I want to thank God and share with Him all the ways I am grateful for Who He is. I want to thank Him for all the things I take for granted. I want to remember Him.
How about you? Will you join me? Will you open your hands along with me to let go of “yesterday’s junk” so you can receive today’s blessings? Will you share as comments on this blog post some of the things you are grateful and thankful for? I would love to praise God Almighty for those things along with you!
The Treasury Department tells us that in order to see and identify counterfeit money that we have to learn every fine detail of the real thing. Unfortunately, for us who deal with disordered eating and distorted relationships, we have a harder time identifying the counterfeits in our lives. We oftentimes grew up wondering what was real and what was false.
For me, I had a yearning; a longing that was insatiable. I could feel a lacking in my home life growing up that became even more severe at the age of 14 when my father died. I filled those longings with food, inappropriate relationships and even alcohol. I ran the gamut looking for something, anything, to satisfy the longings I felt inside for genuine intimacy. I met the Lord Jesus Christ at church camp the summer that I was 9. I sometimes wonder if I would have lived to 19 if I hadn’t had the Holy Spirit watching over me. Life started getting rough for me a short time after that when my dad first came down with cancer. We had up times and down times and then he died and left me alone with my mother. I won’t say any more than my mother lived out her teen age fantasies through my life and I was free to do many things I cringe about when I think about them now. I repented of all those things and Praise God that He has forgiven me and has redeemed all those wild years.
I met and experienced many counterfeits through those years. We learned in my home that appearances are everything, so as long as we looked good on the outside, all was well in our world. As I look over the causes of disordered eating, I have all but one of them. I experienced trauma, abuse, a controlling environment and most of all, a lack of validation of feelings. Just like many of us in Hunger Within, I never learned what security and unconditional love looked and felt like which left me not knowing how feel and show those things myself.
Part of my journey also involved chronic dieting. My mother wanted a diet buddy so at the age of 9 we went on the original high protein diet. I dieted on and off until God introduced me to Hunger Within in January of 2015. Even dieting and the success I experienced led to more disordered eating and thoughts about food. I always lost, but didn’t keep off the weight. I gave up diets for good with God and Hunger Within and can enjoy the vision of never needing to go on one again, or even spend an obsessive amount of time researching what’s new in the diet world. God has revealed how dieting is a counterfeit way to live. I’ve even tried to set other boundaries through other programs, but they became nothing but a law to me, like a diet. These too were counterfeit. His way of 0 to 5 boundaries around my eating is the real thing. God gave me a new and deeper understanding of Colossians 2:20-23 which says, “If you died with Christ to the elemental forces of this world, why do you live as if you still belonged to the world? Why do you submit to regulations: ‘Don’t handle, don’t taste, don’t touch?’ All these regulations refer to what is destroyed by being used up. They are human commands and doctrines. Although these have a reputation of wisdom by promoting ascetic practices, humility, and severe treatment of the body, they are not of any value against fleshly indulgence.”
I’ve learned to let go of many lies working through the materials of Hunger Within with God leading me. So many counterfeit thoughts that the Lord revealed to me and that through covering them with His Word, they were removed. Have you ever said, “I’m so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, I’m just going to eat.”? Did it ever help you in the long run? Me neither. That is a lie God released me from. How about, “My mom must really care about me! Look at all this beautiful and tasty food she has prepared! I need to eat up so I don’t hurt her feelings.” This was another lie and counterfeit relationship. My mom loved us through her food and we “felt” loved by accepting it. But heaven help us if we ever turned anything down. Do any of you identify with this scenario? How about, “I’m an emotional wreck and I need to numb my pain so I am going to eat.” Food only numbs for a short time and then the numbness wears off but the emotions remain. This one is huge in my life, “I really need to speak to my family member about XYZ, and I don’t want to because their feelings will be hurt, so I am going to stuff down what I need to say with food.” I have eaten many unspoken words that I needed to say. Do you feel like no one really cares so you say, “Why should I care when no one else does. I might as well eat!”? These are all lies and counterfeit ways to deal with what is going on in our lives. When I say, “I’m going to eat because I feel ___” it is a counterfeit way to deal with my emotions and feelings. Now I take those feelings and emotions to God and I work through them with Him.
You may be saying to yourself, yes, I identify with the pain of what you are saying, but what do I do about it? Let me introduce you to Hunger Within. God placed inside each and every human He created a Hunger Within. It is our longing for genuine intimacy, first with God our Creator and then others. This hunger can only be satisfied through a deep relationship with God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit. Through this relationship, we are changed from the inside out. Let me also introduce you to the part you play. It is called surrender. I started having victory in the area of food, disordered eating, chronic dieting and body obsession when I let go of the reins. When I finally let go of trying to do this on my own and realized I would never be strong enough or have enough willpower, God took over and started changing me.
Are you ready to experience victory in the area of your food issues and disordered eating? Then come with me on the Hunger Within pathway as our Loving Father takes our hands and introduces you to The Real Thing, Jesus, who takes our burdens and the Holy Spirit who reveals all the counterfeits in our lives.
At church this morning, the teaching was on Love and Galatians 5:22-26, and because of the way that God is working in my own heart and mind, I took some time to meditate on these scriptures as they relate to my journey in Hunger Within. I gave myself an assignment: How do I live out the Fruit of the Spirit? The assignment wasn’t easy, but here is what I came up with.
The first Fruit of the Spirit is Love. In and of myself, I am very lacking in the fruit of love. In my flesh, I tend more towards frustration and criticism. I don’t like this about myself and it hurts to even admit this, but this is me when I am not renewing my mind and immersing myself in God’s Word. Can you relate? These feelings can draw me into destructive eating. But, because of the Holy Spirit leading me to let go of my self-absorbed focus concerning my body, my weight, my food issues, I am choosing to love more. It is easier to ask God to love others through me because I am not looking down at myself, but up to the LORD and around at others. I am seeing this fruit being manifested in my life.
The second Fruit of the Spirit is Joy. Most people who know me say that I am outgoing and fun to be around. That is the façade that I show to the outside world. But have I been joy-filled? Not always. I have leaned more towards joy in my life because I have always loved the scripture that says, “The joy of the LORD is my strength.” Unfortunately, this is me when I am by myself! That kind of joy could be better defined as happiness. When you add my family, my friends, my church family, my co-workers, my acquaintances, joy is not usually what I feel in my heart. Why? Because, in my flesh, I get aggravated and frustrated. It isn’t the true joy that comes from walking closely with the Lord that isn’t dependent on what is going on around me. It is only when I allow the Holy Spirit to work in every area of my life that I can truly feel and experience joy in all circumstances.
The third Fruit of the Spirit is Peace. I love peace. I used to love singing, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.” Sadly, I can show a peaceable exterior, but underneath it all, there is often chaos. It is so easy to get caught up in the drama of life; especially with my family! How can I exhibit peace in my life when so much chaos is always going on around me? Only by pausing and asking God to grant me peace in the storm of life. Could I ever stop and pray if I am caught up in the drama of others around me and also living with the internal drama of body and food focus? No, I couldn’t. Working through the issues that have caused me to be discontented in the first place and by going to God with thanksgiving and prayer, I can experience the peace of God that surpasses every thought and will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
The fourth Fruit of the Spirit is Patience. This is a hard one for me! I am fond of saying that patience is not a muscle I was born with and have also been known for blaming my mother for teaching me impatience by her modeling of this behavior. It isn’t her fault though. Have you heard people say, “Don’t pray for patience or you will be put in situations where you have to learn patience?” I used to say that too. I’ve decided I want to pray for patience, for through trials, God’s Word promises that when I count it all joy when I fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of my faith produces patience, and then I let patience have its perfect work, that I may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. I want that in my life.
The fifth Fruit of the Spirit is Kindness. Let me come clean about how I have been kind in the past. I am always kind to a person’s face, but in my past, I have often turned around and talked badly about that person if there was anything about them that rubbed me the wrong way. God has changed my heart towards others through my almost constant prayer to let me see others through His eyes. He has answered this prayer and has given me a spirit of discernment to see what others are going through. Kindness is being friendly, generous and considerate. Teaching in Hunger Within has grown my kindness muscle as God works through my life to help others.
The sixth Fruit of the Spirit is faith. We know from God’s Word that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. I personally met the Lord Jesus Christ at church camp when I was 9 years old and my faith has been growing ever since. There have been trials and struggles that I never would have made it through without Him. He has proven to me that His hand has been on my life even when I was backsliding. His presence never left me. I not only hoped for a Savior, I had faith that I met the unseen Savior in person. Dear reader, if you have not personally met Jesus, please let me share my faith with you!
The seventh Fruit of the Spirit is Gentleness. I didn’t quite understand this word till I realized that one of its opposites is pride. God is diligently working in my life to break my pride. He has shown me how I want to do things in my own strength, and to be gentle in spirit, I need to place my strength under the control of God. I am finding that in order for me to be gentle with others, I have to give up my right to be right which drives others away from me. I want to allow the Jesus in me to draw others, so I pray to be gentle and let my Shepherd lead me.
Finally, the eighth Fruit of the Spirit is Self-Control. This is interesting, because in myself, I really don’t have any self-control. I find self-control by turning my whole life and heart over to God and allow Him to move in me. He gives me the desire to follow His leading in my 0 to 5 eating boundaries. He gives me the desire to follow as He leads me into having boundaries around relationships. He gives me self-control when I feel myself getting frustrated and critical. It is His strength that keeps me from acting out those feelings by either hurting another with unkind words or myself by eating outside of my boundaries.
I am not living the Fruit of the Spirit perfectly, for I won’t be perfect till I meet the Lord Jesus face to face. What I am enjoying is the working of the Holy Spirit in my heart as I do see more and more evidences of the Fruit in my life.
What about you? Are you willing to do this assignment along with me? I would love to hear how you are “Living in the Fruit of the Spirit!”
I have been thinking a lot lately about my grave clothes: the ones the LORD has already removed and the ones that remain. These are the grave clothes that are removed layer by layer after Jesus called me forth, just as He did Lazarus, from the tomb of bondage and disordered eating into the bright light of His healing grace. There are other analogies about this removing process. Most of us have heard about peeling the onion. Both pictures are wonderful for giving us a visual of what happens as we surrender our pasts, our presents and our futures to the LORD for His healing. Each layer is removed to reveal another. Each layer removed takes us into deeper and deeper relationship with our Sovereign and Loving Father. I don’t know if anyone else has thought about what removing grave clothes or peeling onions have in common along with leading us into freedom? I have. They both stink. They smell. They can even lead to tears. This isn’t a bad thing. It is a needed thing for healing from our damaged emotions and our disordered eating patterns. But what I want to share today doesn’t stink. In fact it smells pretty good!
In Sunday school this week I was given a new picture about what we are doing in Hunger Within concerning the same surrender that leads to grave clothes being removed. We were asked to read a short paragraph from “Restoring Broken Things” by Scotty Smith and Steven Curtis Chapman. This paragraph talked about God’s perfect creation that became affected with the illness of sin after the fall of man in Genesis. Then it pointed to healing for those who are redeemed by the Lord Jesus Christ. So in looking at the story of our lives, we were asked to picture a spectacular rose bud. I love roses so this wasn’t a difficult thing to do. The next step was the difficult one. We were to decide if we see ourselves as a diseased rose bud that is now being healed or one where the petals have been torn off and thrown onto the ground. I couldn’t help at this point to think of what God has been doing in my life through Hunger Within.
At one point of my life, I was like the rose bud that was diseased and the petals were being removed, and I was the one removing them! This is great picture of my life when I was filled with discontent and striving and struggling to make things happen on my own. This was back when I thought I could control things and the more out of control my life became, the more I ran to my false comforts of food and other mind numbing substances and activities. God wanted to heal me, but instead, I was tearing myself apart like the diseased rose bud with its petals being torn off and thrown to the ground.
Now in my heart that is surrendered to the Lord, I can see myself as the once diseased rose bud that is being healed. I can picture my dried out bud being renewed and refreshed with daily living water through Jesus and the Word of God. I can picture the Holy Spirit breathing life giving oxygen to my healing rose bud. I can feel the life that was once discontented and un-surrendered being given new and abundant life through the healing work being done by my Loving Father.
Here is the exciting part! This healing process isn’t just about what we are letting go, but also about what we are gaining. Just as each grave cloth removed represents letting go of a part of my damaged emotions, feelings and behaviors, I can see what is represented by picturing that rose bud that is healing and is blooming into new life. Many of us know what our grave clothes are, and if you don’t, I suggest reading and working through the book Hunger Within. But, what about the rose bud and its petals? I see each petal opening as a gift that God is giving me as my grave clothes are being removed. These gifts are evidence of a heart that is changed. What do these petals represent in my life? I have the peace that passes all understanding. I have joy that is unspeakable. I experience contentment and abundant life no matter what the circumstances or trials I face. I believe without a doubt in the healing power of the Holy Spirit working in my life. I am no longer self-focused, but God focused. I no longer obsess about my weight, what I eat or don’t eat, or if I should go on or off of a diet. When I feel frustrations come up (after all we won’t be perfect till we go home to be with the Lord!) I write them out in my Truth Journal, work through them in the Word, and then release them to God in prayer.
Years ago I thought I wanted this healing, but for whatever reasons or excuses, I never really surrendered. I still wanted to sing as Frank Sinatra did, “I did it my way!!” Dear friends, doing it our way never works. Doing it our way equates to what is said in Colossians 2:8: “Be careful that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deceit based on human tradition, based on the elemental forces of the world, and not based on Christ.” Surrendering on the other hand is lived out in Colossians 2:6-7 which states, “Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”
What about you? What type of rose bud do you see as yourself? Will you surrender to being rooted in Him and will you join with me in praying Ephesians 3:16-19 for us all? “I pray that He may grant us, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, and that the Messiah may dwell in our hearts through faith. I pray that we, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, and to know the Messiah’s love that surpasses knowledge, so we may be filled with all the fullness of God.”
One of the first things I came in contact with when I was looking for a different way to control my yo-yo weight, my constant focus on my current diet, the next diet or going off my diet because I really just wanted to eat the way I wanted to in the amounts I wanted to, is these verses found in Romans 12:1-2. I’ve read through my Bible a few times, and have read the book of Romans many times with special focusing on certain verses, so I can say I have read this verse more times than I can remember. It is even written in many of my journals and I have written a scripture prayer around it. It’s easy to remember and throw out when pointing out someone else’s sin or for pointing out how we as Christ followers should not be like those around us who aren’t. It’s like a good friend where sometimes familiarity breeds contempt.
When I started letting go of my constant focus on food and food issues, and really started surrendering to what God’s Word was saying to me, I came up short by these verses. You see, there is power in the Word of God. There are promises that are full of truth and change for us when we actually do what God’s Word says. I was playing on the outskirts of this new program and community I had found, having a day or two of 0 to 5 eating, then a day where I ate all day long, then a day where I may eat only one meal from being stuffed from the day before. I believe I had traded my dieting by following my favorite food plan for a “new” dieting method…0 to 5 eating. What I found was that it wasn’t working for me and I couldn’t figure out why. I was reading the book. I was making truth cards. I was journaling. What was wrong??
The truth was I was still conforming to this world. I sought out TW/HW to lose weight. I saw where others had lost weight quickly and boy was I on board. The missing part was that I was not spending the time and energy I needed to in having my mind transformed. Through my familiarity with these verses, I can honestly say I didn’t quite believe them. I don’t think for one moment that I am alone in the boat of crying out to God many times over my lifetime for help and healing from weight issues and the compulsion that I had about food. I am sure that many of you, just like me, has seen God work in HUGE ways over BIG issues that have come against us. But, what about this weight thing? Isn’t it my fault that I have walked in the shoes of being overweight? Since it is my sin of gluttony that landed me here, then shouldn’t I be able to get myself out?? In my heart of hearts, do I really believe that God really cares about what or how much I put into my mouth? Or, the question that I am sure hurts our Loving Almighty Father so much when we utter it: Does God love me enough to cure me from my addiction to disordered eating? Do I really believe deep down in my soul that God can and will transform my mind in this area? Do I really believe that I will change?
The answer is YES!! I didn’t believe it at first, but now I assuredly say that yes, God is still in the business of changing hearts and minds! Because that is the transformation that God is making in me. And I know that God can and will transform you too. Can I be blunt? I see a generation of people who call themselves Christians who are happily conforming to this world. I see many Christians getting caught up in fear and “what ifs” without remembering that we love and praise and serve an All Knowing, All Seeing, Ever Present, All Powerful Sovereign God. He has always been in the business of taking people who have been broken and crushed by the world and it’s ways, and creating from them something beautiful. There are so many pithy phrases we use to say this…like, God uses cracked pots. What I am seeing though is that in many ways, we are happy being a cracked pot and really don’t believe there is anything else better for us. In essence, we don’t really believe that God will take the cracked pot that we are and use His mighty super glue to heal all those fractures.
What I am saying here is as much for me as for anyone else. My heart breaks though when I see a group of believers that still get so caught up in legalism. What I mean is that even with the God given bodily boundaries of eating 0 to 5, there has to be more, like counting calories within 0 to 5, or counting carbs (we know this is a good medical practice with certain health issues, so continue with following your doctor’s orders) within 0 to 5, or checking after each small bite if that was the one that put me at a 5 and not at a 5.25. Believe me, I feel the draw, but each time I do, God transforms my mind around it. The other thing that breaks my heart is the easy way in which we fall off and say that’s okay. It is like saying God isn’t really working. Where is the cry to Him to change our hearts once and for all?? Our God is the Great Physician and He does and can completely heal us from the compulsion of disordered eating. It takes belief. Sold out belief that the God we know is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and as He was in the business of miracle making in the Bible, He can and will be in the business of miracle making in my life and yours.
Do you believe that? Will you believe that? This is the transforming message of the HW material. I know that God is using it to transform me. Will you join me in the journey?
I am so grateful to be a member of TW/HW. I know without a doubt that my Loving Father led me to this community of healing and change. God led me to the place I needed to be when I fully cried out to Him in despair. It isn’t that what I have read and studied since arriving here is something completely new or different from what I have read or studied through other Biblical weight loss programs. I wasn’t new to setting boundaries around my eating (although those boundaries were never clear and were apt to change with the wind), or going to God through His Word and in prayer in times of stress and temptation (although I didn’t have a firm foundation in this practice). What God did introduce me to when landing in TW/HW is women and men who have changed lives. Women and men who have accepted the pleasant boundary of eating within the hunger scale of 0 to 5, and who through letting go of all the legalism of trying to control their weight on their own have met the only true Healer. I saw something that I wanted. I wanted their freedom from the compulsion. That was my cry to God, that I couldn’t do this weight and eating thing on my own anymore. I was beaten and He heard my cry and brought me here.
It is in the groups of TW/HW that I found the truth of Hebrews 12:1 as it pertains to my sin of obsession with diets, body image and weight control. It says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” That great cloud of witnesses is the gals and guys that have used TW/HW in their lives and have been set free. Some have lost a lot of weight, some a little. Some still struggle with the pull back into what the world tells us we need to do. But the tools are there and through using them they have found freedom from the obsession; the freedom from striving and working and striving some more. What a beautiful thing that freedom is when it invades your life!! It has invaded mine!!
I have to admit that I was afraid at first. After all, if I could eat only when I am really hungry and stop when comfortably satisfied, I wouldn’t need this plan at all!! In fact, when I started in my first HW study, I didn’t “get real” till half way through. I was still trying to control things and it wasn’t till I realized that my body wasn’t reflecting what was coming out of my mouth, that I came to the place of surrender. I had to come face to face with the fact that God’s way of changing me wasn’t my way of speedy weight loss and the kudos of my friends and family on how great I looked. Jesus was asking me the same question that He asked the paralyzed man at the pool of Bethesda (John 5:1-9), “Do you want to get well?” That’s a tough question because I had run to food for all kinds of emotions for so many long years that I was afraid of letting that comfort go. The food was always there in good times and bad. But, it wasn’t my friend. It was just a thing I ran to instead of God. So I let go. I quit eating all day long. I imperfectly started eating 0 to 5. My mind cleared from the food fog. God took me deeper into His Word because I wanted more of Him in my life. I no longer weigh myself to see how “good” or “bad” I am. I am releasing weight at a slow pace that I am content with (God is breaking my pride through this). My clothes are loose and I am fitting into a smaller size. Some days I think I want to know what the scale would say about my progress, but only for a moment. Then I remember the sweet feeling of peace that comes from placing all that old thinking into my past. It is no longer a part of my current life and with God’s strength and help will not be a part of my future. In letting go of my legalistic past Psalm 63:1-8 has become the prayer and praise of my heart.
Psalm 63:1-8 1 You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. 3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. 4 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. 5 I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. 6 On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. 7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. 8 I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.
Are you crying out to God right now for relief from the compulsions that rise up around your own body image and weight loss/gain history? If you are reading this, then I am sure you are searching. You have come to the right place, because TW/HW works. It works when you can say with all your heart and mind, “Yes, Jesus!! I want to get well!!” You don’t have to work and strive. You don’t have to create a plan or “decide” what you want your boundaries to be. They are there already, tried and true, in 0 to 5 eating. Back in January, 2015, I wrote on the first page of a new journal, Jesus says in John 8:31-32 that I am His disciple IF I abide in His Word. THEN I will know the truth and that truth shall make me free. My job: Abide in His Word. HIS job: Teach me His truth and He will set me free. In order to really abide in His Word, I had to surrender: My plan, what I thought I wanted, what I knew was blocking me from Him. Are you ready to surrender?
Have you ever felt unloved? Have you ever felt unworthy to be loved? Have you ever gone above and beyond anything anyone has done for you in order to win that love? I have. People have hurt me, offended me, and even made me feel unloved or unlovable. People may not like me at all. But, that’s okay with me now, because I have come face to face with the Lover of my soul.
The day I woke up to truth was like many others. Nothing set it apart in what I needed to get done that day. There wasn’t a load of chores to do. I didn’t have a day at work that was any different than the one before. I just felt different in my soul. The thoughts in my mind were, “I feel weak and unhealthy. Watching my weight and food used to be easy, but it isn’t anymore. I don’t know my purpose with an empty nest. I don’t have any family to take care of daily. I feel alone. I know God is working but I need prayer. Where do I go next?”
I cried to the One and Only True Helper and Healer, because I had nowhere else to go with all those rumbling emotions. I was finally at the end of myself. My Prayer was:
“Abba Father, oh how I want to feel Your love.
I want to not only know and believe in my head that You love me
and that You find me a joy and that You delight in me.
I want my head knowledge to move into my heart.
I want to feel it – really feel it, so that I no longer dialogue with the devil
when he works to make me feel undeserving and unworthy,
unloved and unlovable.
I know that Christ’s blood covers me.
I know that I believe in Him and have confessed Him with my mouth.
I know You have adopted me into Your family.
I know my sins have been forgiven.
Now, I need to feel His righteousness that covers me.
Abba Father, speak to my heart through Your Word as I deeply dig
into who I am in Christ and walk this pathway You have given me.
Allow Your Word, that is living and active and sharper than any double-edged sword
to penetrate my soul and spirit with Your truth.
Allow Your Word to judge
the thoughts and actions of my heart.
Unveil everything dark and dingy, Father,
because nothing is hidden from Your sight.
May my heart be uncovered and laid bare before You,
my loving Abba Father,
so that my life be transformed into the image
of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
through the power of the Holy Spirit,
so that my life be a pleasing fragrance to You,
and all those whom I meet.
I want those I am in contact with to smell Jesus on me.
I want to be, through this life You have given to me,
Did He answer my prayer? You bet He did!! He led me deeper into His Word and truly opened my eyes, my mind and my heart to receive the truth of His great love for me. I am not new to Bible Study. I might even say I am an old hat at it and that is not necessarily a bad thing, for I have a good basis of “knowledge”. Where He is walking me now goes so much further than a basis of “knowledge” though! He has taken the scriptures that I have been reading my whole life and opened them up to me as a precious gift.
Ephesians 1:4-6 says: For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will – to the praise of His glorious grace which He has freely given us in the One He loves.
He opened my eyes to the fact that this scripture is about so much more than being accepted. This scripture says that in Christ, I am: chosen, holy, blameless, loved (MY FATHER LOVES ME), predestined, adopted, blessed, by His glorious grace which He has freely given!!
In Colossians 3:12 it says: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
So, I am chosen by God, holy, dearly loved. And through the Holy Spirit’s power I can be: compassionate, kind, humble, gentle and patient.
This whole life giving process of listening to God, walking closer with my Savior and being transformed by the Holy Spirit is something that has come about in many ways due to finding TW/HW. Remember me mentioning how weak and unhealthy I felt? Through imperfect obedience to 0-5 eating, I am being freed from the idol of food, which kept me from experiencing God’s grace. I know He led me here, to this ministry, in order to finally break down one of my huge strongholds! I no longer feel weak and unhealthy…I feel free and alive! He gave my life purpose in this season of my life, by giving me the opportunity to minister to others who have felt the same things I used to. One of the most beautiful gifts that has happened through this walk with you all in TW/HW is that without my bondage to food and body image, I can now freely feel the love of those around me. I forgive those hurts and offenses and God opened my eyes to knowing that if I “feel” unloved, it is because of my heart, not the heart of others. God has proven Himself to me. All He asked was for me to be obedient to Him.
How about you? Are you struggling with feeling hurt? Are you feeling unloved and unlovable? Are you ready to let those feelings go and run with me into the arms of the ONE who loves us better than anyone else can? I went through a few months in TW/HW without having any victory. The problem was me. I hadn’t surrendered to letting go of my idol of food for God’s simple and precious way of pleasant 0-5 boundaries. Will you surrender today?
I have been up and down the same 60 pounds for years. I can’t say that I ever believed that I would find a way to eat the foods I like without gaining weight, and I have never really believed that I would find a way to lose weight and keep it off for any period of time. This lack of belief comes from my history. I have belonged to the “popular” weight loss club more times than I can count. I have done high protein low carb, low fat high carb, 5 day juice fasts, and 5 day miracle plans. I have been an exercise bulimic and have followed a Biblical plan that just led me to more legalism and condemnation.
I woke up one day and found myself back at the weight I had set as my “I will not go above this weight” weight. Once I hit this high mark, and of course because I felt so uncomfortable at this weight, I always stopped myself from gaining more weight by going on yet another diet. Dieting always worked to take off the weight, but I lost weight in the past to get small enough to go back to eating the way I always had. Sadly, because I didn’t have a change of heart, the weight would come back on and the vicious cycle would start all over again. But, this time, I couldn’t stand the thought of another diet. My heart could not take it again! I had been dieting on and off since I was 9 years old!! I said, “No more!! God surely has something else for me.” I did a search on Pinterest for Biblical Weight Loss. I have tried programs like this in the past, but didn’t have any lasting weight loss. But, I was desperate for something new that I hadn’t done before. That search led me to a Facebook group doing a study of Taste for Truth by Barb Raveling. I had high hopes!! I journaled, learned to renew my mind and scripture prayed, but I didn’t have any luck setting boundaries around my food that gave me any freedom and I did not let go of any weight. Because of all the dieting had done, I still wanted rules. I couldn’t get any boundaries set that weren’t legalistic.
As our time through this study was coming to an end, a gal in that group shared that she had joined a Hunger Within Facebook group. She helped me to get into the group by sharing who I needed to friend. The group had just started, and I was in.
I was introduced to the boundaries of 0 to 5 and my life has changed forever!! I was introduced to other gals that were experiencing victory and so I prayed that I would never go back to the way I was before!! My eyes were opened to a way of eating that allowed me the freedom of choice I was looking for. There are no longer any good or bad foods for me. I can eat what I am craving, within my boundaries, and with thanksgiving. I eat within 0 to 5 most of the time. When I eat beyond 5, or when I eat when I am not at 0, I no longer condemn myself. I have found the freedom to not beat myself up as I did in the past while dieting and then cheating. I repent, and then wait till the next time to eat. God heard my cry for help and saw that I was finally ready to surrender my food, my weight and all of my life to Him. I believe He led me to Hunger Within and He is leading me in every step of this journey. He helped me find boundaries around food that I can follow for the rest of my life. He has filled my heart with so much gratitude!! He has healed me from being constantly obsessed about my weight and food. I don’t think about what I should weigh, how much I should or shouldn’t eat, what types of food I should eat and what types I should never eat. I eat what I want within 0 to 5 with God’s grace and strength. I look at what He has done in my life as a miracle.
I have released enough pounds of pain to be down one size. Don’t ask me how much weight I have released in pounds, because God has also given me the peace to not need to know what I weigh, but to grasp my progress by how my clothes fit.
Other blessings of being a part of this Facebook class are that I have been given the opportunity to write blog posts about my struggles and victories and have had the fabulous joy of being on the class webinars. God gave me a heart a long time ago that wants to teach women what joy and peace is found in Christ Jesus and that no matter the circumstances, we as daughters of the King, can have abundant life through surrendering to His leading and direction. I am so grateful for being a part of this class and the ability to share my heart and my journey.
Along with the miracle of being down a size and heading down another, God has also worked in my heart and mind to release most of the frustration and anger I have been carrying around for the past several years. When I quit stuffing these feelings down with food, I was finally open to hearing His voice. He and I worked to get at the bottom of the reasons of those negative feelings, and He led me to healing in these areas of my heart and life. He even gave me the strength to apologize to my family members for the anger I felt and for being critical. God helped me see my part of our issues using the tools I have learned in Hunger Within. If I was still overeating and binging, this miracle would never have happened. If I was still obsessing about what I weigh, how to lose weight, what to eat, if I should eat, my heart would never have been open to God’s voice and I would not be living the life of victory that I am right now. With God’s leading and strength, I am committed to the Hunger Within boundaries of 0 to 5. I have finally found how to drop weight and keep it off without ever having to diet again!!
How about you? What is the one big thing that is keeping you from joining me on this journey of miracles and freedom? Are you ready to surrender and believe that God can and will change your heart?
Have you ever heard God’s voice? I don’t mean audibly, but have you heard His Spirit speak to your spirit? I did. When I was a member (for the umpteenth time) of the last commercial weight loss program I went to, I was struggling. You see, whenever I joined up, once again (for the umpteenth time, because this time was going to be different, yes, ma’am!!) I rejoiced in my ability to follow the program righteously. Yes, sir’ee, I was LEGAL!! I weighed and measured my food. I wrote down every bite and sip. I listened with such attentiveness at the meetings. I contributed to the discussions with my wit and humor (and of course all the extensive knowledge I had learned and retained throughout the many, many years I was on that journey). And then, life happened. Life caught up with me. Life grabbed my shirt tail and pulled me back into my failure. I fell off the “perfect” bandwagon. I cheated. I was back to being a failure. I couldn’t do it anymore if I couldn’t be righteous. If I ate my 30 points at the breakfast buffet, then I was done for the day. Who can live that way?? (I just wanted to go back to eating the way I had always eaten. After all, I had lost a bunch of weight already. Wasn’t I cured??) So off into my own self-will run rampant I went. Oh boy, the abandon!! But the next week I would have to face that horrible scale!! Of course, the scale was my BFF when I was legal and righteous!! I could get tendinitis from all the times I patted myself on my back!!
Let me tell you a little bit of my history, and maybe you will understand why this group only fed my pre-set view of myself. I was raised by a mother who was very conscious of body image. She was never larger than a size 16 (and many years ago, a size 16 was smaller than it is today). When I was 9 and going through puberty, my mom put me on my first diet. She really just wanted a diet buddy, and I was her youngest so I made the best choice. We dieted and lost weight. I heard for the rest of her life how she lost her weight and never gained it back. I have dieted on and off from that day on. Needless to say, I lost and gained many times over. My mother also taught me how to be bulimic.
So, I was at my favorite weight loss club, and had fallen off my pedestal of righteous eating and was back to playing games in order to get the scale to remain my BFF instead of my own worst enemy, and in a moment of clarity, I cried out to God, my Father, my Great Physician and Lover of my soul. I cried out, “God, I can’t do this anymore!! I am slowly killing myself playing these games with food and food restrictions, and trying to get the scale to obey me. I am so weary of trying to control this area of my life!! God, help me!!” Clear as day, I felt the Holy Spirit speak to my heart. He said, “My daughter, only in America do people pay money to not eat.” This statement of truth crushed my heart. I don’t want to get into how people are starving around the world and even in parts of our country. We all know this is true. I also know that we are blessed in this country in so many ways. My own life has been blessed with always having enough, even though we had long periods of my husband being unemployed. God always saw us through. We always had food on our table. What God was pointing out to me was what was in my heart. Even though I had enough, I wanted more. I was greedy. I was a glutton. I wanted more than my fair share. Even in my hunger within, my spirit wanted to be filled to overflowing with God and His love and true intimacy with Him, but my flesh wanted to be filled with what the world could give me. And sadly, this filled me physically, but left me feeling so empty. Only in America is what I heard, but in my heart of hearts, what He was really saying was, “Only in your heart are you driven to pay others money to keep you from eating what I have given you to eat with thanksgiving, in the way I designed your body to eat when hungry and to stop eating when satisfied. Sweet daughter, when you eat more than that, you are seeking a filling that doesn’t come from ME.”
Hearing His voice speak to my heart with truth about what I was doing, led me to the beautiful program of Hunger Within and Thin Within. I had never experienced before this time any freedom from the compulsion to overeat or not obsess about food. God, in His great mercy, called me forth from the tomb I was in with my food and eating history. He has unwrapped my grave clothes that have kept me bound up for most of my life, and through eating the way He designed me to eat, all foods with thanksgiving, within 0 to 5, I am truly living a life of freedom. My chains are gone. I’ve been set free.
How about you? What is keeping you held back from hearing His voice? What chains around your eating and food obsession are keeping you from totally surrendering to 0 – 5 boundaries? Are you ready to hear Jesus say, “Sweet daughter, Come Forth!!”?
of all the baggage or trash that I keep holding onto even though I have learned where my true worth lies and know that I can let go of those things that hold me in the past. But some of those items are so deeply ingrained and the feelings and beliefs that go along with them have become comfortable even though they are negative and it will take an Act of God to break me free from them. Praise God that I am in the place I am right now because I am ready and willing to face them, look at what caused them and allow God through the Holy Spirit to break the chains that hold me to them.
