Beginning again...again

[huntress]

Hello all,
I feel like posting here is a method of accountability- I have been playing around with this for so long, willing to sacrifice so much for so long but not more, and so always flirting around the edges of freedom. Recently I've been through a rough time and feel like i've gone backwards quite considerably to the point when I'm actually bingeing again (TW style binging of 2 mugs of cereal rather than 2 boxes, but still not at all free) and feeling really discouraged by it.
Had some prayer with a friend last night and I so want to get back on the road, not expecting a quick fix but walking with determination b/c freedom in this is my inheritance, dagnammit! I am so much less use in the Kingdom when i am thinking about food and my body all the time- how much more could i be loving people and shining for God if i had all that mental space back?

So would you pray with and for me? And maybe send me a message in a week to see how i am doing? No TW groups in this country so online fellowship would be wonderful. I appreciate you all and your wisdom and honesty so much.

Thanks.

[justbeu]

Oh yes dear one, I will pray with and for you!!! I have been on the TW journey for 1 week and Thursday of last week, I had my worst binge day that I can ever recall. I felt absolutely horrible afterwards. Physically, spiritually and emotionally. I felt like such a failure as I wrote to the board, prayed, read my bible, did all of those things. I let the enemy win THAT TIME....I will NOT give up as GOd will never give up on us!!!
love,
Gwen

[norma]

Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank you for Huntress. I thank you for bringing her back to these boards. I pray that above all she will prosper and have good success. I pray for a greater revelation of your love for her. In Jesus Name, Amen

[yfrender]

I think there is value in giving credit where credit is due. At times all of us have had rough moments as we are in the process of turning away from selfishness and habitual sin. Yes, we are personally guilty of making the decision to surrender to sin. However, sometimes we don't recognize the temptation that we feel from the world around us and from Satan. In those moments when we throw ourselves at the Lord's feet, Satan notices. What he wants more than anything is to take God's glory away from Him. He will try anything possible to keep us from our goal of fully walking in the Spirit. Overcoming sin is so much more of a spiritual undertaking, especially when it seems so physical (as in eating).

Lord, we thank You that You do not cause us to stumble or fail. Thank You that You are faithful to help us overcome any temptation that our flesh, the world or Satan throw at us. Thank You that we can trust You. Help us understand the nature of the battle and we praise you for carrying each of us through it. Thank you for Huntress and the availability of these boards. such a blessing! Amen

[huntress]

Thanks so much guys- felt really different today, not perfect, but such a better day than the last months. Think it is good to keep track of my numbers publicly, so here they are:

9.15 0-5
11am 0-2
12.45 0-5
1800 0-6 (and i 'rode the 0! for an hour! unheard of! I didn't die!)

I could have left some more of my dinner- in fact quite a lot, i'm so unused to how little food it takes to get to 5 darn it.

However, i'm laying it down. those last bites are seductive but they are deceptive, and unnecessary and i think that is what is being referred to (for me, at the moment) in the verse "we strip off anything that slows us down and holds us back".

[huntress]

Man, how come everytime i wander off and do something else to try and control this issue if manage to convince myself that isn't the way, the only way?It's not like it's easy getting back into it, but it does feel so much more...authentic. Like everything in my is pulling in the same direction, not against myself.

So, yesterday:

9am 1-6
11am 0-1
1.30 0-6
5pm 0-3
9pm 0-6

I go over 5 because i feel like i'm entitled to pudding but forget to leave room for it. I need to get back into the habit of one peice of dark chocolate, it hits the spot in a sense of completion but doesn't overfill.

Today

6.30am (yuk) 0-5
8.30 2-4 (assumed i must be hungry, but wasn't)
1200 0-5
1600 0-3
2000 0-6

And now I'm wanting something to munch on before bed because the house is empty and i am lonely, but instead I am going to go in the bath with my bible.

Night!

[DC Faith]

Good for you Huntress. and your drive to get you mind off food and on God and others is helping me .Im going to post my h/f numbers too for accountablity . Im not sure where to do it though maybe in the journal area but thanks I'v been binging alot i guess i could say for months I've been on one solid binge the last time I did 0-5 for a few days i felt so close to my Lord I don't know why I would ever turn to food again.
I'm praying for you & all here .Please pray for me too.

[huntress]

We can hold each other accountable and pray specifically then. Saying that I am going on retreat tommorow and will be away for 5 days so will have to do it on paper and post when I get back. I'm so aware of how fragile my walk is at the moment, had another bad day on friday and ate for hours. I'm really hoping that being on retreat and having lots of time with God will help me get to the bottom of this stuff.
Can't even bring myself to post friday's numbers, but yesterday and today....

Saturday I was working and busy and running around with people. Although being home alone is hard, being around people is hard too as I find it hard to focus and just get swept up with everyone else. BUT, as JOyce Meyer says, it is what it is, In God we can deal.

6.30 2-6
9 3-5
1300 0-5
1600 2-4
1900 2-7
1am 0-3

Sunday

11.45 (Rode the 0!) 0-4
1330 0-5
1800 0-6

And I'm done for the night- it's danger time so i need to flee to the bath. Lord, give my your strength, show my how to be faithful in this, to choose freedom.

Be with my sister today too- help us fly.