In a tennis tournament at Sutter Lawn in Sacramento in 2012.
I love getting out and playing tennis. Tennis is something I have loved for much of my life, but I took a LONG hiatus from competitive tennis. In 2010, I returned to the courts and have been on USTA and other teams and played in tournaments ever since. I definitely LOVE it.
Some of you may be wondering the question that I am occasionally asked by Thin Within participants.
“What about exercise?”
First, it is important that I mention: I have a background in exercise obsession. Though I never practiced any other means of “purging,” I did exercise to excess–so that my husband calls one season of my life my “Bulimic Period.” I am not sure a doctor would have considered it clinically so, but I exercised to compensate for my eating.
I had a lot in common with Winnie the Pooh in this video:
If I exercised more, I would eat more. If I ate more, I would exercise more. NOT a good place to be in!
Second, given my previous obsession, when I started blogging and releasing weight (this time for good) in 2006, I resolved not to release weight depending in anyway on exercise. I “fasted” exercise as I knew it. I wanted to learn how to exercise for other reasons and that took time. Granted, I lived a relatively active life (for a woman who was 100 pounds overweight). I have horses and kids and dogs and land that always seemed to need fences or something. So, it is true that I released the 100 pounds without doing what I had always done before to lose weight…without a workout routine like I had depended on previously in my weight-loss attempts.
About six months into this leg of my journey (in about spring of 2007), I discovered “Dance Praise.” This is a dancing “game” for the computer that had a floor mat and steps on the computer screen (think “Dance Dance Revolution”) all done to Christian music. I had so much fun with that program and would mix it up all the time with different settings. Given where I had once been with exercise and how “light weight” Dance Praise seemed to me, I felt like it was an acceptable form of being active. I would lose myself in the music and just enjoy moving and praising God!
I haven’t used Dance Praise in a long time, but I do enjoy playing tennis a lot. I sometimes also use a workout DVD to do a step workout or Turbo Fire workout. But I have a rule for myself: I MUST ENJOY IT.
Even since 2006, though, I have noticed that when I feel most out of control in my life, I will revert to exercise obsession if I am not cautious. Therefore, I have to be cautious!
My goal with exercise now is, simply, to do it 0 to 5. What does that mean? Sort of like 0 to 5 eating or 0 to 5 spending or 0 to 5 drinking of favorite beverages…all things in moderation. I want to exercise if and when my body needs it like I eat when my body needs food…not less than that and not more than that. I believe that this is an appropriate goal for most people. If we sit with the Lord and ask him what that might look like, I think–just like he is with food–he will show us what that means.
For me, someone who loves to be active and has a history of compulsive exercise, if I am fearful of NOT doing whatever it is, then I have to evaluate the place exercise has in my life.
If I have to chart it, graph it, log it, mark it, track it…then I have to evaluate the place it has in my life.
But, honestly, if I avoid it like the plague, I may want to evaluate the place it has in my life! (Or doesn’t!)
I love exercise that I don’t keep track of. I have logged my routines, my strength training workouts, reps, weights, and sets. I have logged miles, wind-sprints, and so much more. I just won’t go there again. That is one thing about tennis I love. I really can’t keep track in any way.
I love playing a song on my iPod player and just kicking up my heals and dancing. One of my favorite songs is by Mary Mary (and Mandisa has done it too…) Shackles (Praise You). Another one is a fun song by Mary Ann Kennedy about owning a Golden Palomino. 🙂 Whatever has a great beat, I just love moving, but hopefully without anyone around so I can really bust a gut! 😉
So what about exercise?
“All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. All things are permissible, but I will not be mastered by anything.” (1 Corinthians 6:12) That can be exercise, or lethargy. If you have a medical reason not to move your body joyfully and gently, then by all means, protect your body. It is amazing, though, what you can do in the water (water aerobics is very gentle!) and even sitting in a chair! If you know you physically *could* move your body joyfully and worshipfully without injury, I would encourage you to ask the Lord what He would have you to do with this if you aren’t currently active at all.
Please note…the purpose is not for losing weight. EVER.It is to honor the Lord with your body, to help it be relatively healthy, period!
Since my body is not my own, since it was bought at a price, since I am called to honor God with my body (1 Corinthians 6:19,20), I think it is incumbent upon me to prayerfully ask God to show me what it means to joyfully, gently, and with a worshipful spirit move my body. What will give me the best possible health for the length of time I am on this planet without sacrificing mental or spiritual health or hurting myself physically?
How About You?
What place do you feel God has shown you exercise should have in your life? How are you doing with that? What ideas do you have for improving on that…meaning, if you over-exercise now (which may mean you do it out of fear and God wants to spend time with you on that) or under-exercise now? What do you think? What Scriptures has God used to convince you of His will for you in this regard?
“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them,
for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
– Luke 18:16, 17
Once, while waiting in my car at a nearby elementary school, I witnessed something spectacular! Two little girls walked by my car. One of them exclaimed to the other, “Come here! Let me show you something!” The girls ran ahead to a vacant lot that was covered in yellow flowers. They took off their shoes and began dancing and playing amidst the flowers, smiling and giggling with glee.
I watched as they played, pretending they were fashion models with flowers between their teeth, in their hair, and wrapped like jewelry around their necks and arms. The little girls’ ecstasy was enchanting and exhilarating.
Soon, the twosome was skipping through the flowers and scooping up large handfuls of the blooms and throwing them in the air! At first, my heart broke at the thought of the flowers being yanked up by the roots…I wondered how other little girls could enjoy them? But the field was rich and healthy and I was soothed by the thought that other flowers would grow there. There will be more flowers and more girls and more dances.
Just then, one of the girls plunged headlong onto the ground, as though she couldn’t get close enough to the objects of her joy and delight. She lay there encircled by yellow flowers as her friend threw handfuls of the blossoms over her, showering her with what seemed to be small bursts of sunlight.
As I watched, I wondered…when did I change? When did I stop taking off my shoes? When did I stop skipping? When did I become more afraid of briars and stickers than of boredom? When did picking flowers become sacrilegious? I realized how much I want to recapture that sense of wonder, that joy, that adventure…the child-like heart that plunges into beauty and wallows in the joy it brings.
In Luke 18:16, 17 Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
I believe, in some mysterious way, that those little girls showed me how to receive the kingdom of God…I’m to receive it with reckless abandon, joy, and enthusiasm, putting aside my high and rigorous regard for “rules and regulations” and my desire for the “practical” or “sensible”.
I believe that the Lord is calling me to go barefoot more often and to worry less about stickers, to skip more, to pick more flowers, to smile and giggle more, and share it all with a friend. And I believe that He wants me to desire to be so close to the object of my joy and delight that I plunge myself headlong into His ever open arms.
In His sight, I am a “princess on parade” and His Kingdom has come! I will receive it with joy, gladness and wonder!
Thoughts to Consider:
1. What can you do to recapture that joy and delight in your Savior and the many gifts he has showered on you?
2. What role could joyfully moving your body play? What activity might you do to enjoy moving the marvelous body that God has given you? Turn on some great music and dance in your living room? Jump in your swimming pool and pretend to be a mermaid (or mer-man)? LOL! I used to pretend I was Peter Pan gliding through the air when I was gliding through the water. What might work for you today to recapture that youthful glee?
While I was back east with my kids–especially the first day of our visit to Washington, D.C., I became very convicted in my heart about how sedentary my kids have been during the years we have homeschooled. I value physical education and activity, so why haven’t I made that a vital part of our homeschool curriculum? Time, primarily. It *is* hard to do all the other subject areas and enrichments (like music) and make time for exercise. BUT…I must.
So, since we had ended two units–one in history and one in science–just before leaving on vacation, I decided upon returning home to make a deal with the kids. I won’t ask them to do science and history (per say) during the month of May IF and this is a big IF, we plunge ourselves headlong into a month of family fitness. Not a huge diehard program, but of daily being active in some way and daily making some small little choice in our eating to say no to self.
We would journal each day about how we feel physically, emotionally, spiritually and, at the end of May, evaluate what we would do for June. It is like an experiment. (Of course, Michaela pointed out that a true experiment has only one variable and we are throwing in too many variables for it to be a true experiment…sometimes she is too smart for her own good.)
Additionally, we are reading the Harris boys’ Do Hard Things. This is an amazing book. I am totally motivated! It exposes the Myth of Adolescence and challenges teens to “rebel” against low expectations. Oh my word…I am excited about what my kids may feel led to do as the “Do Hard Things” that God is calling them to do.
This past week, these changes in our homeschool curriculum made life SO much richer for me. I hope for them, as well. I guess technically, we only really did this stuff for a couple of days…starting May 1.
You may wonder how I would feel about logging and journaling my own physical activity with the kids and/or doing a regular exercise program of some sort, given my past and how I have avoided returning to obsession by avoiding any kind of regular program at all.
God brought something important home to my heart this past week. And now it is time to see if I can follow His prompting. Of course I can! He pointed out in my spirit that I enjoy freedom with my eating, right? No food is off limits, right? In fact, at Thin Within, we use Colossians 2:20-22 to point out that it is so easy for us to try to control the food to feel righteous when what we need to do is to control the heart. I have not had any difficulty with the concept that I no longer need to control the food. I understand and embrace the fact that my heart must be submitted to the Lord–no food is evil! When I go bonkers with a certain food, it isn’t the food that is an evil “trigger,” but it is proof that my heart is still chained to the food and my heart must be dealt with.
I understand, believe, and live that with food.
Well, what about exercise, logging and journaling and so on? God convicted me that a regular exercise program also is not some great evil I should avoid. By avoiding it, I am controling an external instead of my heart. I must, instead, allow him to teach me how to walk in freedom amidst exercising and logging and journaling. In essence, it is time for me to “grow up” in this a little bit. Besides, while I have always loved exercise, is it possible that my heart is deceiving me…that I really am…dare I say it…lazy…and just don’t want to exercise?
While it *is* true that I don’t want to become dependent on exercise to have a body that I am willing to accept…as I believe that is total captivity (where you live in fear if you don’t have time to exercise, or have a legitimate reason not to or something)…by the same token, God wants to train my heart to cope with those things in life…and that exercise is good for my heart.
I know that I have a very active life compared to most just by nature. Yesterday I exercised three of my horses, for instance! That required quite a bit of *me*. My arms are strong and my back has to do a lot, too (last night it was screaming at me that it had done too much!). But I know that, like my kids, I would *feel* better if I was fitter. If I was able to enjoy mountain biking for instance…When I used to run all the time, I will never forget the first time I tried true mountain biking in Lake Tahoe. I was fit enough that I could do it without having ever done it before. Either pedaling up some hills or getting off and hiking with a bike up hills was no big deal to me because I was fit.
I live in mountain biking mecca. I would LOVE to mountain bike with the kids. It would be great to be *able* to without dying. Yesterday when I was riding Breezy, I saw some guys sailing…I don’t know what you call it…it wasn’t hang gliding, and it wasn’t parasailing…but it was like a parachute…they hiked up the hills and let the sail carry them around…Oh my…it was breathtaking to watch. I want to do that and must be able to hike up those hills to do it. (Which shouldn’t be too tough given my usual routine involves climbing up steep hills with a feed bucket full of hay spreading it in the hillside forest for the horses! LOL!).
Anyhow, this month will be a training time for me…not just physically, but spiritually–that I don’t return to captivity–obsession. We have a 2 week free pass to a gym that we used to be members to. We will enjoy using that, too, after everyone is totally well. Maybe that will be our last two weeks of May or maybe I will save it for the first two weeks in June! We have to drive 45 minutes to use it, so the gas costs are expensive. The kids and I have enjoyed playing racquetball there before. Talk about a workout!
I was always athletic and as a chubby, if not obese, adult, exercise and working out was a GIVEN! There was my aerobics and strength training period where I obsessively began to chart and log every exercise, repetition, intensity, set, etc. Every step climbed on the stair climber, every class attended and each minute of “Quad Step!” I was working on being certified by ACE as an aerobics instructor. (I was “certifiable” all right! LOL!)
Then, something weird happened and I ended up in the hospital…I came out of there needing to do something different. Long story, but I began training for a marathon! Yes! Something different! I logged and charted and graphed my miles, terrain, hill workouts and ran the San Francisco marathon and trained for the Rock and Roll Marathon in San Diego.
An overuse injury resulted in me not being able to run and horror of horrors! The weight POURED back on my body! PROOF that I hadn’t dealt with my obsession with food. No wonder my husband calls that my bulimic period.
I have had video workout “phases” where I obsessed about that, gosh, I could go on and on.
Suffice to say, I have GOOD reason not to trust myself as I evaluate whether I really want to have a “program” of some sort for exercise. Since I released all my weight, I have never had a “program.” I used Dance Praise to work out for FUN! I didn’t log minutes, reps, or intensity. I just bee bopped along and praised the LORD! Perfect for me! Some problems with the computer program have caused that not to be a part of my activity these days.
It recently occurred to me that maybe I wanted to incorporate exercise into my life again…I mean something to improve my cardio vascular fitness. I live an active life, but I think God might actually want me to offer Him my fitness…I know that it could improve. I am quite strong. I don’t need to strength train. But I do feel like my heart health could be bolstered by doing something aerobic. Thing is…what could it be that won’t snatch me back into compulsion?
Simply, exercise used to be an idol–a stronghold. I have to be really careful now not to go back there again. I have released all my weight by living a relatively active life, but no intentional workout plan. This has been incredibly freeing for me.
Now, however, I can’t help but feeling like I should make sure my body is operating at maximum efficiency…you know, optimal health. I struggle with “pushing” myself still…I hope to find things that I can do that are FUN that I do just because I LOVE it not because I feel a sense of “I better or else I will get flabby again” or some such fiddle faddle.
One thing I am considering is Dodger. He needs to be worked with. We aren’t ready to ride on the trail together, but I think I could take him out walking, hiking and jogging on the trail. In fact, he and I used to do that together…so given he may go to my trainer’s in a few weeks, I would like to maybe get him out for a walk, jog, hike (we live in a very hilly location) several times a week! I think this would help me accomplish a couple of things. I just LOVE being with my horses and this horse is very special. (He is in a video with Danieland he was featured in Chicken Soup for the Horse Lover’s Soul Volume 2.) I am so eager to have special one on one time with him. I could do that while helping him through some of his fears at being away from his herd buddies…and be active at the same time! It sounds wonderful! So…maybe I need to brainstorm things I enjoy doing that don’t feel like my old compulsive workout days…
1. Taking Dodger for walks 2. Dance Praise
3. I MISS ROLLER BLADING! I need to find a place where I can roller blade! Where we live we can’t do that. Bummer! Maybe I could out at the Omstead (where I often go to ride…they have a fire road that might work for blading on…) 4. Taking the dogs running…I used to train for marathons with my dog Samson…I haven’t wanted to start running where we live now, though. This is home of the 100 miler runs that some of my friends do…I am not kidding! And *I* thought training for a *marathon* was obsessive! LOL!
5. Mountain biking is something else that TONS of people do in this area. I would LOVE to do that, but I know I need to be fitter to manage getting UP the hills!
6. Kayaking. I live in river country…gives me something to consider! These things sound like fun!
Well, I am already out of ideas! Maybe God will show me as I just get started doing something fun…maybe one thing will lead to another.
Lord, you know that I want to have a temple (my body) that is in the best condition it possibly can be in (reasonably, Lord) for service to you. I want to be able to be fit enough not to worry about climbing any of the hills around here. I want to be able to have more energy and to know that I am doing my best to be in the best condition reasonably possible that I might serve you more effectively. You know that I fear returning to obsession. Please help me to remember that perfect love casts out fear. You are perfect love, Lord. If I rest in your love, I need not fear. I want YOU to be my guide and not to allow fear to be my guide…yet another idol in my life. Please be King in this and show me the way. Keep me from slothfulness, lethargy, laziness. Thank you for Dodger. I pray that he and I might bond as we go out on special walks together…Make it possible, Lord! In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.
Someone somewhere somehow told FIRST magazine (which I had never heard of before) that I had been using Dance Praise by Digital Praise to assist me in my “dieting” (gagamaggot!) efforts! The truth is, all winter long, I LOVED using Dance Praise, a “game” on the computer that has a mat to plug in to bebop to Christian songs for getting some exercise and also for some praise and worship time! It is a blast. If you haven’t ever seen it before, check it out! It is such a wonderful way to move and worship at the same time. When I am doing “Dance Praise” I don’t really notice time…I just get caught up in the fun and worship. I have found myself face down praising God in the middle of my “workout” time! You can’t beat it! It is SUCH fun to dance around to music by Chris Tomlin, the Newsboys and others.
Since the late spring and summer, however, and with all the outside activities, I haven’t done much Dance Praising. I guess I miss it, though! LOL!
Anyhow, back to the “news”… so FIRST magazine (a secular magazine that you find right next to the tabloids at the grocery store check out stands) is doing an article on using arcade dance games to get rid of weight. Can you believe it? They contacted me, interviewed me and though I crowed all about Thin Within their article IS on dance games…
On FRIDAY (in two days) I am supposed to go to have a PHOTO shoot done! Mind you, I am not a “hair and makeup” kind of gal. I mean, I get up, shower, braid my hair and put a baseball cap on and I am good to go! Truly! So I am not excited about having my face painted and someone messing with my hair. LOL! Ok…what an ingrate… I know, I know…it is probably another form of pride that God wants to demolish…
Anyhow, what I REALLY hope is that SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY they will hear that God is at work changing lives…yes, he uses arcade dance games to give us a lot of fun and fitness, but He also has made our bodies to be reliable for hunger and satisfaction…OOOOOh! I SO hope that this message can come through! If not, maybe they will consider doing an article on non-diet approaches to releasing weight. Wouldn’t that be cool?
So, if you are reading this, could you join me in praying that GOD will be exalted in this article? I mean, if this ends up being all fluff, I will be SO disappointed! I want God to be glorified and to get the word out about Thin Within, too…Wouldn’t that be neat? 🙂
Pray for me to be gracious on Friday, too…and not to cop an attitude. I really hate foo foo stuff. LOL!
