Maintaining my weight during the holidays may be tougher than I imagined. This past weekend, my mouth watered as I stood in a food truck line, staring at giant corn dogs that rotated on an aluminum grill behind a greasy window. Behind me, the scent of caramel popcorn lured my nostrils. Next to me, a woman stood by her cart and hollered, “Don’t forget your hot chocolate with whipped cream.”
I turned to my son. “Do you want a corn dog?”
“No,” he said. “I’m not hungry.”
“Neither am I,” I groaned, stepping out of line. “What was I thinking? I don’t even eat corn dogs?”
A week earlier, I’d been so pleased with myself because I’d controlled my appetite—and portion sizes—at our family’s Thanksgiving feast. Thanks to Thin Within, I had a new attitude. Who knew you could be around that much food and leave the table without feeling stuffed as the turkey. But if pride comes before the fall, I was about to eat some humble pie.
Our church hosted a women’s Christmas event. Mindful of Thin Within principles, I went there with an empty stomach, spooned small portions on my plate as I walked through the buffet line, and snubbed the sweets. Unfortunately, I was seated within a stone’s throw of the dessert table so I didn’t have the last laugh.
My first mistake—thinking I could look at the dessert when I went for a cup of tea. No harm looking, right? But my willpower was no match for the lust of my eye.
My second mistake—thinking one bite wouldn’t hurt. After all, Thin Within doesn’t want us to live as martyrs and avoid sugar. I reached for the smallest cookie and plopped the whole thing into my mouth. Mmmmmm! That cookie tasted even better than it looked. I took another cookie and returned later for a piece of banana bread.
Now I know there’s freedom in Christ. However, caving into my sweet tooth that night led to a cavalier attitude the next day when I was decorating my house for Christmas. Instead of sitting down for a meal when I was hungry, I nibbled. One bite of cheese led to a handful of peanuts, and eventually, a mini snickers bar and some more peanuts. Not only did I eat more food than I should have that day, I ate so fast that I barely tasted it.
The following day, I noticed I felt hungry more often and it took more food to satisfy me. Which is why I stood in that food truck line at a Christmas faire…salivating over every sight, sound, and scent of food. Isn’t it amazing how far we can backslide within a week?
Now, I could use the holidays as an excuse to binge on delicious treats that I normally don’t eat during the rest of the year, BUT, do I really want to gain back the weight I’ve lost? So what should I do? Torture myself by avoiding the egg nog this month? Or kick myself when I succumb to the yummy temptation?
Thankfully, there is a third option that doesn’t require torture or guilt. I can review my TW workbook and refer to my mobile app, I Deserve a Doughnut. Between those two resources, and relying on God’s grace, I’m hoping to relish the Christmas season without gaining a little round belly that shakes when I laugh like a bowlful of jelly!
When I joined a Thin Within online class, Heidi Bylsma asked me to blog about my journey. I’m glad she did. Her request required me go the distance. I had to read the lessons, participate in the online discussion, and apply the principles in order to write about my experience.
Unlike previous attempts to lose weight, I didn’t obsess with food. I didn’t search for recipes to help me cook “light” or “eat smart.” Instead, I learned about portion control, and using food to satisfy my hunger instead of an outlet for my emotions. In time, my appetite shrank and I felt satisfied with less food.
My husband kept asking, “Is that all you’re going to eat?”
I’d respond, “I’m full.” Unable to believe it myself.
Then I was faced with a whopper of a challenge. During the last two weeks of the twelve-week Thin Within class, my husband and I went on a cruise. I shuddered when I first saw the all-you-can-eat buffet with so many enticing options. I had access to delicious food twenty-four seven.
Would this vacation turn my successful weight loss into a shipwreck?
Would I be miserable avoiding particular foods like the soft-serve ice cream?
Would I regret not indulging myself with this smorgasbord of international cuisine?
I took a deep breath. Lord, help me. Then He reminded me, that I’d be onboard for sixteen days. There was no pressure (or need) to taste all the food in one day. I took tablespoon portions—just enough to satisfy my hunger. And the few times I went for a second helping, I found the brief taste wasn’t worth feeling stuffed and bloated.
As it turned out, the buffet line was my best option because I could control my portions compared to the ship’s sit-down restaurants where they served you a set amount that I hated to waste. So the cruise showed me that buffet lines may tempt me, but food is not the enemy.
I am the master of my plate. And I felt victorious when I returned home and discovered I hadn’t gained weight.
Thanks to Thin Within, my attitude towards food has changed.
My taste buds don’t take priority.
Vacations and family celebrations are no less fun if I’m not stuffing my face.
My day isn’t ruined if I don’t eat potato chips with my sandwich.
I also learned the value of TW’s nation-wide online community. I loved reading my fellow classmates’ comments. Their words assured me: I’m not alone in my struggle to lose weight or my low self-esteem when it comes to my body. The members spurred me on—emotionally and spiritually. I couldn’t help but love my classmates and want to pray for them.
Finally, my greatest lesson was a reminder that only Christ…not food…can satisfy my heart. By God’s grace, He enables me—one day at a time—to live without food ruling my heart. There’s freedom in Christ. And that’s the sweetest gift of all.
Going on a vacation when you’re trying to lose weight is like going to the Land of Plenty. Plenty of Temptations to eat more than normal. Plenty of Good Reasons to justify eating.
Part of me dreaded vacation. I’d spent two weeks renewing my mind to only eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m satisfied.
What if this trip to Seattle became a roller coaster, rousing my senses—sight, smell, taste—to incredible heights until I couldn’t resist. And then plunging me into a sea of gluttony and condemnation from which I’d never recover?
So I packed my Bible verses to remember who I am in Christ rather than identify myself as an anything goes tourist on holiday.”
First day in the city, my family walked to the Bay where the salty sea air wasn’t the only thing I breathed in. Asian, Italian, and Seafood restaurants lined the wharf where customers dined outdoors…savoring their meals in plain view.
I tried to shield my eyes from the culinary temptations, but the smorgasbord was everywhere. Ice cream waffle cones, fried fish and chips, shrimp cocktail, sushi, calzone, clam chowder. I felt like Pinocchio walking through the midway of food booths at a fair.
In the Public Market, food—cooked and raw—were displayed on ice or slanted trays like crowned jewels. People—hungry or not—lined up to satisfy their appetites. Until Thin Within, I never realized how food monopolizes our day.
Waiting until I was hungry to eat, wasn’t the problem. It was the mental debate before each meal: what I wanted versus what I was capable of eating before I reached a five.
In the olden days, I might have postponed my diet or played the martyr…eating a house salad while my husband and son devoured the Seafood Sampler. However, Thin Within isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle. So I asked for the smoked salmon on a side salad instead of as an entree. Even so, the salad portion was larger than a fist.
“Food is fuel,” I said, and scraped half my salad on my twenty-year-old son’s plate. I took a tiny bite of my husband’s crab cakes. And I only had one slice of fresh sourdough bread. By allowing myself to taste different foods, my taste buds were tickled and my stomach had “enough.”
Initially, I thought I might lose weight because we never ate more than two meals a day. Never snacked between meals. Burned more calories by walking than we ate.
However, my diet declined as the week progressed. My battle wasn’t a lack of self-discipline as much as listening to my family.
“Eat what you want. You’re on vacation.
“You can eat smart next week.”
“You should try my Belgium waffle.”
“I can’t eat all this pizza. Do you want some?”
“I thought you were going to help me eat this Chocolate Brownie with vanilla ice cream.”
“Is that all you’re going to eat? Don’t you like it?”
Instead of saying, “I’m trying to lose weight,” I’d tell them, “I’m not hungry.”
Not being hungry empowered me as opposed to sacrificing food to lose weight.
Portion control was my worse enemy. One afternoon, I ordered fish tacos from the appetizer menu thinking they’d be smaller portions, but the waitress brought three large tacos. I was satisfied after I ate the first taco. But my son refused to be my garbage disposal and eat the other two.
“Clean your plate & Don’t waste your food” were ingrained in me from birth. I made myself eat the second taco. My stomach groaned. “You’re not eating for two.”
So I tried a childhood trick. I picked at the third taco with my fork to make it appear like I’d eaten some of it. Then I placed my cloth napkin on top of my plate so the waitress wouldn’t see the uneaten food.
Some folks might wonder why I didn’t ask for a Doggy Bag. 1) We never ate near our hotel, and didn’t want to carry it around. 2) Our room didn’t have a microwave to reheat the food.
By the last meal, I stopped inventing ways to eat or not eat my food. Not knowing when I’d eat next, (another excuse) I ate both halves of my croissant breakfast sandwich despite being full. Rather than justify my actions or live in condemnation, I focused on the positive.
Everything I ate was delicious.
I tried to limit my food.
I did better than I anticipated considering how little control I had regarding meals.
Thin Within exposed the false reasons that made me think I deserved to eat with abandon during vacation.
I’m home now, and happy to announce, “I didn’t gain weight.” That’s a first for me!
