11/30/06 Day 8 Thoughts

Day Eight Overcoming Obstacles to Restoration: Part 1

2. Further down page 76 we read about Asa’s choices a bit later, however. “Asa somehow thought that God’s help wasn’t enough. He forgot that God would provide him with everything he needed as He had done before. Asa sold out. He disregarded God and defiled His temple. In that moment of terror he believed the lie that his kingdom would be overtaken. This belief was at odds with deeper beliefs and values he previously had held.” Have you experienced this discrepancy or contradiction in your own life?
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Oh yes. I can relate to this for sure. There are some subtle “unworkable beliefs” that have crept into my life over the years that weren’t a part of my working through this material before. I am thankful that God has exposed some and fully trust that he will continue to do so.

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3. Asa’s fear affected him, causing him to make a costly decision. (See page 77, 78.) How does fear affect you at this stage of your journey?

I still fear that I will totally walk away from this and that it will reflect so negatively on Thin Within and the Hallidays. It shouldn’t of course. But it is almost like the pressure I feel *not* to walk away causes me to fear trying. It isn’t as powerful an influence as in the past, fortunately, but I still feel it.

Fortunately, some very deep issues have been resolved and healed some since the last time I made my way through this material. I believe this is why *this* time *is* different. I laid down my anger toward God about Daniel. (Daniel is my son who is autistic. I have long been frustrated and angry with the Lord that he would pair us up…I had a difficult upbringing and didn’t see a good example of parenting at all. Daniel has a truckload of needs as deep as the ocean. It has felt like God really “messed up” by giving this poor child ME as his mom. Of course, I have parented him in fear, assuming I knew what the future held and being angry at God that He would allow such things. But the future isn’t mine to know. God has convicted my heart that I need to parent in present time and also that He totally understands my pain –he used a song by Mark Shultz to show me that…it has touched my heart and washed over me like a flood. I now bow my neck and say, “Yes, Lord, you do all things well….” HUGE step for me and it has radically transformed my TW journey…I witheld this aspect of my life out of resentment toward God before…it was subtle, but it was there….)

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4. Just a note: On page 78 you are asked to identify your beliefs about food, eating and your weight. It may be very difficult to identify them at this stage of the journey. Be patient with yourself in this exercise. Allow yourself to come back in the days to come and add any additional beliefs that you begin to recognize.

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This was illuminating for me. I realized that whether false or true, there are a lot of things that I believe that I hadn’t identified outright before. It is good for me to see them in black and white! LOL!

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5. On page 78 there is a list of beliefs that some of the TW participants have shared. Which of those listed do you identify with?

Well, nuts…of COURSE people should like me in spite of being overweight! I am not sure why this one is on the list. LOL! Anyone help me out here? LOL! I know that I can say it with an attitude….maybe that is the problem…the attitude.????

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6. On page 79 under the subheading “Present-Time Eating” you are asked, “In considering your beliefs, do you see any contradictions?” Journal your answer to this. It is a very deep question!

YES! I found a new one yesterday! My kids are old enough now that I can leave them at home. As soon as I crossed the canyon (literally…we live on one side of a canyon and the other side is “civilization”) I found myself thinking “I DESERVE _______________” (insert food of choice!). I wasn’t hungry! Glad that I saw it before I acted on it!

Anyhow, it isn’t truly a belief, I guess. But it IS fat machinery of some kind!

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