12/03/06 Day 11 Thoughts

I have to laugh! I posted that stuff about graduating from kindergarten and that is precisely what today’s material was on in Day 11. Or at least it sure seems related to me. After I posted, I went out to do my morning chores (feeding the horses). While I was out there, I wondered if I shouldn’t come back in and shoot you all an email clarifying some things in my previous post. Then I thought I would just get started in my reading of Day 11 instead. I am glad I did. I would have wasted your time! LOL! It is clarified in day 11 as far as I am concerned!

Day Eleven Removal of the Rubble

1. On page 110 the authors come to a point and state the following “We have learned that a very basic yet powerful belief is in operation for most men and women who struggle with food issues, and here it is: This is my body, and I can do with it as I please.” Respond to this statement. Do you feel it is accurate? Or not? For you is it accurate? How so?

Because of my extreme disappointment and resentment toward God about my son’s autism (Daniel was born 14 and a half years ago!!!), I was definitely in a state of rebellion. God crumbled the wall I had built against him when a dear friend began to pray for me and when a woman with a four year old with the same type of autism began asking me questions and told me I had been such an encouragement to her…oh my word, God has a sense of humor! But he used that and the playing of Mark Schultz’s song, “He’s My Son” on KLOVE to just melt my heart about this. Add to that, the song by Steven Curtis Chapman “God is God” and, well…I could tell that God was not only NOT distant, but he was intimately involved. He showed me just how much of my resentment and fear was based in assuming I knew the future (I know I have shared this with you all before).

Anyhow, all that to say, it was my resentment and anger at God that caused me to maintain the attitude “I will do with my body as *I* please.” Even when I ate 0-5 before, it wasn’t with a humble spirit. It was because *I* just so happened to have *chosen* to do that because *I* wanted to. SO THERE, GOD! (shaking fist!) I mean, I really have been a BIG BABY about this!

God forgive me for this attitude.

As He melted that away…something new and wonderful has been happening. I have welcomed his touch…I have seen that He has been at work healing me from so many things and I was missing it. Now it is clear to me.

My body is not my own. I was bought at an incredibly high price. It cost my savior everything…His kingly position in heaven…and to take on flesh and all the things that go with that. And ultimately, to be accused falsely, beaten, betrayed, and killed. Oh my heart…..How can I refuse such amazing love?

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2. At the top of page 111 we are told that “We often have temper tantrums about our bodies and our food. ‘I want what I want when I want it!’ Acting very much like spoiled children, we declare in word or deed, ‘My will, not Thy will.’” Can you identify with this? When is this attitude most prevalent for you personally?

True confessions time! Judy gave me a lot of freedom in the working on the book to include excerpts from my own life that would illustrate a point. So “Michaela,” while actually my daughter’s name, is truthfully ME. I had a friend actually say to me the anecdote in the book on page 110 and 111 “Of COURSE your son has temper tantrums. He sees you having them all the time!” …bless her heart. I wish I could find her now and THANK HER! She has no idea how much God used her in my life and is again. She was talking about my tendency to insist I have a Dairy Queen Oreo Blizzard whenever I wanted and my insistance that we swing through the drive-thru…ANY time I wanted one. See what I mean about being in kindergarten? I have been such a big baby! Even still!

Anyhow, right now, possibly for the first time in years and years, I am truly at a place where I am willing to say not MY will, Lord, but THY will. Like Rhonda’s poem…what a wonderful poem that is. So fitting for where I am right now. Oh Lord! Please don’t let me LOSE a willingness to let go of all…to release it all to your hands! Keep my heart, Lord! Make it completely yours!

No more temper tantrums and kindergarten behavior! 🙂

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4. On page 112, the authors speak of being broken. Have you ever been broken? What caused the breaking? What was it about? Is God heading you toward brokenness at this time?

Yes. Definitely.

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5. There is a quote on page 114 by Kay Arthur related to self-effort. Evaluate how hard you are trying. Is your focus on your self-effort? Or do you feel the freedom of walking in the Lord. Does it seem like it is too remote? Or is this something you are grasping with experience? Consider taking time to pray to the Lord about how you feel about this.

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I am tasting this…I can see it possibly for the first time.

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Other quotes that challenge and encourage me:

“As we begin to take captive all of our thoughts that are contrary to Christ’s and replace them with the truth of God’s Word, we will want to give Him our bodies and our lives. This is a process which at first may not be easy (**I’LL** say!!!). However, each time we surrender our will and move forward in faith, we will experience God’s blessings. Remind yourself that the desire of your flesh is to reserve your body for your own use. God has your ultimate best i mind. Not only are you a temple, a sanctuary in which God has chosen to dwell, but you are set apart by Him and for Him. You are HIS! He purchased you and therefore you belong to Him–heart, mind, soul, *and* body. This is a *transforming* truth. HOWEVER (and this is a BIG however! LOL!), this truth REQUIRES THAT WE SUBMIT OUR WILL TO HIM!”

Yikes! Time to amp it up. I definitely need to. This isn’t just about eating. This is about my reliance on the Savior.

Ever onward and out of Kindergarten! (erm…I hope!)

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