Years ago I lost over 65 pounds doing a hunger/fullness plan. This was before I knew about Thin Within. All was good until I moved to a new city and I started to slowly slip away from that. I stared turning again to food for comfort. I thought I needed accountability and so started my years of dieting. On the first diet, I went down to the lowest weight and size I had ever been.
BUT…In order to maintain this small size, I had to eat a very strict diet and exercise a whole lot. I became obsessed with my weight, my size and my food.
I felt ENSLAVED by this diet and exercise routine!
I was afraid of gaining my weight back and felt as if I HAD to stay thin to be acceptable to others. Yet, despite how hard I worked to diet and exercise, I still seemed to gain and lose the same 15 pounds over and over again.
Then a few years ago, God got my attention through my mother in law’s battle with cancer. She also had battled her weight all her life. When she was in the last stages of her life, her poor body had shrunk down to a very small size. At one point she said to my husband “at least I am finally skinny”. God used that comment to make me think.
“Is being skinny a good side effect of this horrid disease?”
That really struck me!
NOTHING WAS GOOD ABOUT THIS DISEASE.
I wanted to be thin so badly!
Would I trade my health for it?
My eyes were opened and I began to see how being thin had become an obsession. I knew something had to change. So, at that point I stopped dieting. I had been jogging/running while my Mother-in-Law was sick, but now that she was gone, I couldn’t run. Every time I would try to go for a run, it just reminded me of the loss.
So, I started putting on weight. I was so scared that I would gain all the 65 lbs. back I had once lost!
Deep within, I knew diets were not working. My problem was with overeating, but I needed to get to the root cause. WHY do I overeat?
God brought back to my mind that I knew how to eat between hunger and fullness. He revealed to me that I needed to finally and totally surrender my body, the food and the exercise over to Him.
BUT I was terrified that I would just keep gaining weight!
He so gently led me to the online bible study of Hunger Within. Thru this study and a LOT of prayer to the Lord, He invited me to let go of my own control and submerge myself completely in this way of eating, living and being.
He whispered to me, asking me to let go of what I think I should look like and to trust Him fully.
Sometimes I still want that “skinny” body that I had when I was living in “diet obsession”, but not nearly as much as I did when I first started reading Hunger Within.
I have been learning and growing on this journey with the Lord. He has taught me to love my body where it is as He has been healing me from the inside out. I have released some weight, but more importantly, I have found that the idol of “skinny” really isn’t what God wants for me. He wants me to be at the size and shape that HE has created me to be. To be honest, He has shown me that my body is not made to be that very small size I was when dieting. That is why I had to be so obsessed to keep that “number on the scale”.
With this way of living (eating 0-5, daily surrendering to Him my food and my body, renewing my mind every day with His truth and replacing lies with His truth), I am able to be at the size God intends me to be (which is a healthy size according to my doctor, but not what the world calls “thin”).
So, back to the beginning of this journey with Hunger Within.
Remember, I said that I was terrified of gaining weight? Well, guess what? Since living this “Thin Within” way, I HAVE NOT GAINED ANY WEIGHT, but have released some.
I am FREE from the diet and exercise obsession. I now enjoy exercising because it is fun, not because I am enslaved to it. I now enjoy all foods in moderation without fear of a potluck or dinner at a friend’s house. I am FREE from body shaming that has been a part of my life since early childhood! I am complete in HIM.
Deanna Burris and I are co-leading a Hunger Within Class starting February 1st. If you are interested in joining us on this journey, please sign up by “friending” me or Deanna B. on Facebook and sending which ever one of us you “friend” a Facebook message. We would love for you to join us!