Living With Abandonment


Written by Lesley Murphy

“I was going to make you some potato salad, but I didn’t know if you were on a special diet or not.”

This came from my friend of over 20 years. No one knows me better, aside from my husband. I realized in that remark how often I must have tried one diet or another over the years – obviously to no avail since she assumed I was still trying out the latest fads, doctor’s revelations or magic pills. Sad, but true.

“I gave up dieting.” I answered with a little laugh.

give up dietI gave up dieting.

But if you give up something, what do you put in it’s place to keep your life balanced? Often, when I have broken the latest diet, I’ve put food in its place. More food! Forbidden foods! Lots of food! I live with abandoned and suddenly find myself stuffing my face with all the no-no foods around me: chips, cookies, candies, cakes, cokes (why do they all start with C?)

But I HAVE given up dieting. Six months ago. I turned to “Thin Within” and realized how addictive my feast to fast to feast had become. My diet mentality is (was) so ingrained within me that I have continued to struggle with “letting go and letting God.” I’m realizing I have a deeper fear within me – somehow I FEAR eating only enough to satisfy. Somehow I have a latent fear that the cake in front of me will be my last. Somehow I fear “giving up” so instead I gave up dieting and like the proverbial, prodigal son, I went down into the food troughs to swill with the piggies. I’ve been pigging out ever since! I’ve made my bed in hog heaven. And I’m in a pig pen for sure – waxing fat and feeling the perceived “diet free” mentality has taken its toll.

I don’t want to be fanatically free – it’s a false free – it’s the opposite end of the spectrum – it’s the devil’s lair – it’s not the wedding feast. It’s the last meal before the dead man walking.

Jesus doesn’t give me a spirit of fear. He has given me a spirit of love and a sound mind, a spirit of truth and discernment, a spirit of grace, mercy, forgiveness, freedom.

I really am free. My mind was still tied to the elephant stake of dieting – of the feast-fast-feast yo-yo. But Jesus broke that chain of bondage for me already. As I have tasted the chips, still waterscookies, cakes and cokes I have realized they never satisfy. If there’s no satisfaction, then why fear? I’m most satisfied when I taste the goodness of the Lord in the goodness of the better food choices. I’m not prone to stuff myself on the fresh foods. I’m content and I’m unafraid to let the C’s pass me by because I have a Father who feeds me spiritually and physically. I’m not going to miss out on anything as long as I’m feasting on Jesus and His mercy and grace.

God is for me. He has freed me. My abandonment is not in throwing caution to the wind. My abandonment is letting go of the devil’s lies and letting God lead me beside His still waters where there will always be enough.

How about you? Are you tired of the yo-yo way of eating and how it’s affecting you? Are you finally ready to abandon? Are you ready to trust God fully and abandon diets forever? How do you think you can go about this? Will you begin today to let go?

leslie murphyLesley Murphy is 62 and has been married to her best friend for over 30 years. The have three children and four grandchildren.

Lesley loves cats, photography, running and quilting.

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3 Responses to Living With Abandonment

  1. kelly June 5, 2015 at 5:10 am #

    It’s always encouraging to hear someone else describe my own personal struggles. I too have been known, by those close to me, for some type of diet or exercise program and the yo-yo effect of doing nothing at all. TW is putting a stop to all of that. This was well written and I love the analogies. The “still waters” is what TW is to me. No more rushing about to find “the cure” so that all will be well. It is well with my soul now! I don’t have to “wait” until my “weight” is off. This was a really good article.

  2. Susan Minatrea June 5, 2015 at 7:56 am #

    Thanks Leslie! I just started my TW journey 3 weeks ago. Your description of the diet mentality was right on…and unfortunately, I’ve about worn out the Yo-Yo! I too, can say I’m done dieting. Fear seems to be the culprit and the number of lies are adding up, as they are exposed and disposed of by God’s word. I appreciate your post and your journey.

  3. Kathy Barns June 12, 2015 at 10:36 am #

    Thanks for sharing your struggles. I am a diet dropout too. My yo yo is worn out also. I know in my heart of hearts that TW is the way for me to get close to the Lord and break free from my addiction. I have been having trouble still dealing with former “no no” foods. It’s a “give me an inch and I take a mile” kind of behavior. I believe that over time with observation and correction that I will learn. I am encouraged by your post.

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