But the reality is that, even if I had been told some great words of wisdom or knowledge “back then,” I would not have been ready to receive it. I would not have taken it to heart, I would not have understood the depth of it. It wasn’t time. My heart wasn’t mature, ready, or open to what God has for me like He does in the present.
I think that, at those times, I was stuck in my own opinions and rigid beliefs, even if those beliefs were adopted from other Christian leaders and people I respected. I certainly wasn’t open or ready for what God is showing me now, that’s for sure.
God had to get me to a place to be more open. I needed to go through some experiences, some suffering. I needed to repent just a little bit more, and a little bit more… sometimes a lot more of whatever the Holy Spirit presented to me. I needed humility to receive the messages from Jesus. I needed to learn how to listen. I needed a “heart of flesh” instead of a “heart of stone”.
I think that is how it is in Thin Within. We start out with the basics, we come and go into the program. We accept what we can hear and understand at the time, but old dieting beliefs prevail and we give up. We return to dieting because we haven’t quite believed that Thin Within will help us (at least not fast enough) only to find ourselves back again, wondering where we went wrong. We want weight loss, we want freedom, we want God, we want it all!
Yet, freedom in Christ seems too scary with Thin Within principles. We are torn because the world shouts that we can have something more secure and more predictable. The world says that we can keep our God and be “Fit and trim in 90 days” if we just follow their plan. The world tells us that all we need are formulas, pills, shakes, a meal plan on paper, lap-band surgery, the latest exercise machine, an external guru to lead us to freedom.
Let’s be honest, when all is said and done, we are seeking weight loss instead of God when we listen to the world. We are like toddlers who refuse to release our unbeliefs out of the clutches of our hands into His because we think what we want is so great. What’s an Abba Father to do?
Well, He can either pry our little fingers open on a bed of suffering so He can place what we really need in our hands, or He can wait until we willingly release our grip on what we find familiar and safe to bestow what He has wanted to give us. Given that God is patient with us, I think He prefers to wait until we come to Him with open hands. We have to believe that He has something much much better in mind for us than just weight loss. I believe he wants to give us open hands and open hearts to receive Him in greater measure.
I’m getting there. I sense that I’m at a place now where my hands are more open to receive whatever He has for me in this journey. Open to staying off the scales as He directs. Open to understanding my body and how it works, not someone else’s idea or rules of how I should and should not eat. Open to the fact that my body is His because I was “bought at a price.”
My eating is His, my food is to do His will and not satisfy my own longings. My learning is His. “My people fail for lack of knowledge.” I will read and study His Word and anything else as He leads me to go deeper and understand more. I’m accepting my body “as-is” in order to “be content with what I have.” I’m pursuing Him and not the body I envisioned since “outwardly I am wasting away.”
When I think on such things, I want to run to Him with open hands as my loving Daddy. When I do this hour by hour, food becomes less interesting, weight-loss a thing of my past, and He becomes my everything in my heart, soul, and hands.