As I finish a meal, anxiety in various irritating forms rises up and churns around in me, niggling at me and remaining until it’s time to eat again. So pretty much when I’m not eating!
I don’t like admitting that as it’s downright embarrassing! And sad! But ::alas:: it’s where I’m at.
However, that said, it’s not where I have to stay!
I’ve sensed something gurgling around inside me for a couple of weeks. A good gurgling of something good! I started writing, and loved what came out! (Journaling does that, you know! It brings out things that you didn’t know were in there!)
It’s not just a truth list, and it’s not just a prayer – it’s both woven together. So I decided to call it a “Prayer-n-Truth List.”
My intent is to go through this list, ideally after each time I eat. But that’s not always feasible, so at least two times a day.
It is really “mind renewal“ on steroids – because that’s the kind my wayward appetite – also on steroids – needs. Steroidial mind renewing!
Giving credit where it’s due, you’ll recognize many of these truths, at least the premise behind them, as having been shared somewhere along the way – in books, heart-to-hearts, porch chats, blog article, groups – by Heidi and Christina. I just kind of reorganized and reworded them to be like lasers directed toward specific things I’m dealing with – “deal with” as in annihilate!
So here are my thoughts – for that seemingly eternal time between the end of a meal – hopefully “5” – and waiting to get down to the coveted, anticipated zero￼… (Like I said, pretty much all the time I’m not eating!)
My Prayer-n-Truth List for Between 5-0:
🌻 What is true is that… I have now eaten up to “5” which means this is all the food my body needs for now and for the next while.
🌻 It is true that… You have made our refueling process enjoyable by giving us tastebuds and tasty food, and I thank You so much, Lord, for this simple but profound delight in life!
🌻 It is true that… many people in the world do not have the privilege of being able to eat when they are at a zero, or of stopping when they’re at five (satisfied) because there’s not enough food to get them to a five! So I thank you, Lord, for this delightful privilege!
🌻 It is true that… now that I’ve reached 5, it’s time to turn off the faucet of my perpetual desire for food. It needs to STOP 🛑 with NO “drips”! (seconds, “one more bites,” mini-snacks, etc.)
🌻 I do not want to continue eating just because it’s enjoyable. Rather I am stopping now because my body’s need for fuel has now been satisfied, and I’m not going to take advantage of the pleasure aspect You instilled into refueling by eating more than I need.
🌻 I do not want to give up my birthright of having a well-functioning body for “one more [unneeded] bowl of…” any food I just had for a meal that would take me on up into a 6 or 7 if I ate more of it… or anything else in the cupboard, for that matter.
🌻 Lord help me accept that “the kitchen is now closed” until I get back down to a zero.
🌻 “Not eating more food till I’m at a 5 does not mean that I am being deprived of anything, nor am I being punished; it just means that there’s no more physiological need for food right now.
🌻 I’m not listening to my head hunger. Instead…
🌻 I am choosing right now to DIE to my “flesh machinery” that just wants to eat eat eat more more more!
🌻 I want it to actually be TRUE that YOU are my food and drink, my highest joy!!!!!!! ALL the time, not just when I’m walking in victory!!
🌻 I bring my broken appetite to You at the foot of the cross and ask You to put it to death… and replace it with the appetite You designed for me when You created me.
🌻 Considering the kitchen to be “closed“ is a “discipline that seems painful rather than pleasant,” so help me realize that it actually IS pleasant and will “yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness to me as I am trained by it.”
🌻 Lord, help me embrace the sensation of hunger as being pleasant, and not something to be avoided.
🌻As for what to DO in the interim time between just having eaten (5) and getting back down to physical hunger (0), would You help me abide in You, Lord? I want to walk with You, delight in You, learn from You, obey You, and enjoy doing so!
🌻 Through this 5-down-to-0 time, would You show me one more good thing about abiding in You?
🌻 My heart’s desire is that my thoughts, focus and purpose – now and in life in general – would be based on and all wrapped up in YOU, not in desiring more food or longingly looking forward to what and when I can eat next.
🌻 Lord, would You create in me a “new normal” that would not even think about food again until I get hungry and all of a sudden realize “Hey! I’m hungry! I need to eat!”
[I have to tell you this little side story… While writing this list, I got the urge to use the bathroom 🚽 and it dawned on me that this is how I want my appetite for food to work: I realized that I had not been sitting around just lonnnnnging to urinate again! Or thinking about the next time I get to, or hoping the urge would hurry up and get here! When the urge came, I simply realized “Oh! okay, it’s time to use the bathroom!” … Sorry if that’s TMI for anyone! It really spoke to me!]
🌻 If something happens between 5 and 0 that stirs up anxiety in me and starts compelling me toward food, would You help me “come to (my senses)” and show me with clarity exactly what that thing is – because it’s often vague and foggy – and then help me to come to You with it as soon as I have a moment, and process it with You?
🌻 If an offense of any kind occurs – if someone hurts, offends, disappoints, or irritates me (or I remember something from the past that did so) – please help me walk through my Steps of Forgiveness ASAP and get that thing off of my plate, heart, and mind and out of my spirit so that I can be FREE to walk in unencumbered, joy-filled fellowship with You.
🌻 Lord, I want to be NORMAL-in-You! And I know my only hope for this is walking close to You, allowing You to do Your work deep in me!! “For apart from You, I can do NOTHING”!