Anxiously Awaiting Zero

Anxiously Awaiting Zero

My flesh machinery has really been riled up these past few days, with food loudly and persistently calling my name, like, all the time! Awaiting zero has been harder than usual.

We are taught in Thin Within that overeating – eating when we aren’t hungry – can cover raw, uncomfortable emotions, thus numbing us and keeping us from dealing with emotions that really need to be dealt with, not buried alive or smothered.

Doing things that I know I should be doing often helps me ignore the loud calling of my name by food.

My food is to do the will of Him who sent me, and to accomplish His work.”  (John 4:34)

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I’m fully aware this is Jesus talking, and that I’m not Jesus! Or diety! But I believe that this principle – that doing the will of God is food to us – is true for us, too, and Jesus lived it out first to show us how to do it.

But still…  right now all I want to do is eat!  EAT EAT EAT!!!! UUUUGH!!!! (This is as embarrassing to admit as it is frustrating to feel!)

But the Lord reminds me… I am not without help! He Himself helps us:

Apart from Me you can do nothing…

 

But He has also inspired His people to create resources that help us more clearly see – and accurately apply – these truths. And He has given us many wonderful resources in Thin Within, especially via Judy and Arthur Halliday, and Heidi Bylsma! I am currently going through Rebuilding God’s Temple, and in the Week 10, Day 4 lesson, we are asked to take note of specific emotions that are stirred up in us while awaiting zero, and then also journal about them. So that’s what I’m going to do right here – share with you my process…  for better or worse… 

 


1. Identify the emotion that’s surfacing while awaiting zero: 

That’s easy! ANXIETY!

 


2. Journal about it: 

I know scripture clearly tells us to not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, to let our requests be made known to God…

 

And I totally get that and agree with that! Well, I totally agree with that, but I’m not so sure I totally get it, or I wouldn’t still be dealing with this stuff, right? But nonetheless, I am anxious.

The wonderful thing is that God knows us, He knows we will be anxious, and He has made provision for this emotion in these verses: 

Pour out your hearts to the Lord for He can help.”  …  “Make your needs known to Him.”  …  “Come and talk with Me, oh my people…”

So I will take Him up on his offer and start pouring…  making my needs known to Him… and coming to and talking with Him…

Here are my current anxiety-causers: (They really boil down to two.)

One is that I have a busy few days coming up, and I am anxious about how I’m going to get everything done. How do I best prioritize, not get side-tracked, and use my time the most wisely?

The other is that we will be having company staying at our home for several days. I have a melancholic personality and I enjoy – and actually need – time to myself. Having company will entail interruption to my usual quiet days – quiet because we are empty-nesters and my husband is retired. So this will be challenging to my flesh, especially since hospitality does not come easily or naturally for me – probably because I am basically selfish, and hospitality is basically all about unselfishness. It will be rewarding, too, I enjoy people once they are here, but I am still anxious about this. 

 

So identifying the emotion and journaling about it got everything out in the open, and definitely helped, but now I need to take it to the next level and “finish it up”; I need to…

 


3. Pray it all the way through. 

 

Okay, Lord, here I am…

Lord, You know all about the anxiety that is having a hayday in me right now. And I’m sure this is part of what’s drawing me so strongly to want to eat right now, to try to mask it or smother it or avoid dealing with it, or D. ALL THE ABOVE.

Of course I know full well that none of those will work, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fall for it, again.

Lord, I want to be honoring to you in how I eat, and I know I have not been, and for that I ask your forgiveness.

I come to You with the weightiness of my emotions, my selfishness, my confusion, my frustrations, my anger, and my insecurities… 

 

…in this case, about hosting and entertaining guests. And I give it ALL to You, Lord…

You know what You want to happen with our guests, and I ask You to lead me that way and give me Your heart, Your love for them.

Help me think less about myself and more about them and their needs, and to make them feel welcome, and to show them Your love.

I also ask You to help me use my time wisely and get done those things that You want done, and let the rest go!

I cast all of these cares on You, Lord! I can’t fix them or get rid of them anyway, so I bring them to – and leave them with – You.

And I trust You with them, and to get me over any hurdles, and through any tough times that come up today and once our company is here. Please give me the words, the heart, the direction, and the wisdom I need in each moment.

Thank you, Lord, for everything You are doing and are going to do! Aaaaaaamen!

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

A Fresh View of Zero

A Fresh View of Zero

I’ve noticed that, as I’m getting close to zero ~ truly hungry, but not starving ~ anxiety rises up in me. If I’m busy and my mind is occupied, anxiety is less likely to happen, but it often does. 

I obviously need the Lord to renew my heart and mind regarding zero. So I thought I’d start by defining anxious.

The word anxious has two different, almost opposite meanings, and I feel both aspects of the word as I approach zero…  

One kind of anxious is what you feel when you’re looking forward to something and you have tingly butterflies in your tummy. Like when you think of meeting a friend for coffee, or going to get a pedicure, or an upcoming vacation to a fun destination. Eating my next meal may not be quite as exciting as vacation or a pedi, but my resident butterflies nonetheless say otherwise.

Linked to the fun kind of anxiety is the other kind of anxiety – where you feel nervous with a sickish sense of dread. Like…

• a test coming up that you haven’t studied for, or…

• stopped-up traffic on the freeway when you’re trying to get to the airport, or…

• someone told you they want to talk to you, but didn’t tell you why, and you have a hunch it’s going to be hard.  

Because of that dreadish kind of anxiety, just getting down to zero is a huge victory for me! 

In my “pre-Thin-Within” days, I seldom felt hungry! Seriously! I often went months without ever feeling a single hunger pang! If I ever did, it was purely accidental; never planned for, and certainly not something I desired or sought!

So I’m thankful that I’ve become much more acquainted and comfortable – in an uncomfortable way – with zero! It’s not quite my “friend,” but we’re definitely more than “mere acquaintances.”

Instead of rushing to fill my tummy once I hit zero – and thus stuff that anxiety with food – I have asked the Lord to give me a fresh view of zero, to help me renew my mind about it.

I want to deal a death blow to the dreadish anxiety, but doing so is a processAnd, thanks to Thin Within, I have a wonderful array of tools to help me deal with these anxieties! 

I’m “attacking” it from four different angles, which I think of as the four sides of a boxing ring. I actually hate how violent boxing is! Why would any sane person would put themselves inside a ring where the sole intent of their opponent is to punch them repeatedly and win over them by knocking them out! But that is exactly what I want to do to my unruly appetite! Deal its unruliness some death blows and gain victory over it!

The four “punches” I’m utilizing are to: 1) Renew my Mind about Anxiety,  2) Make Truth Cards (or a Truth List) about Zero,  3) Gain Wisdom Regarding Eating (Once I’m at Zero), and 4) A Prayer as I Approach Zero.

Let’s take them one by one…

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1. RENEW MY MIND ABOUT ANXIETY

I did a word study on anxiety using a study tool I share in “Two Forms for Studying Scripture” called the “Word Alive Study.” Here’s the one I did on the do-on-your-computer version. (There’s also a print-and-write-in version for those who prefer handwriting.) I copied the definition from Webster’s 1828 Dictionary and pasted it into a box on this form!

(Click on this form to see it more clearly in a new window; click your back arrow to return here.)

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2. MAKE TRUTH CARDS (AND/OR A TRUTH LIST) ABOUT “ZERO”

To get a fresh view of zero, I created several Truth Cards about it and made a Truth List using the same truths. So the two are the same in content; one is just in card form, with one truth per card and a pretty picture or page, and the Truth List is just a list of the same truths. This can be hand-written on a piece of paper, or typed and printed out, in a list on your phone or computer. Or you could make them into a small booklet.

Here are several truths relating to “zero”:

When I reach my zero, it is not an excuse to chow down, but to simply replenish my body’s fuel.

I need to be more thoughtful about my zero, and “spend” it wisely and with self control.

Zero is not to be feared; it is God’s design for my body – as is self control.

“The Lord Himself is my inheritance, my prize, He is my food and drink, my highest joy.” (Psalms 16:5)

“Nothing tastes as good as obedience feels.”  ~Heidi Bylsma

“When I eat at zero, food tastes so much better, I am free from bondage to food, and I feel peaceful and content.” ~Christina Motley

And here are several of the above truths made up into Truth Cards. These first four are photo/graphic truth cards I made in Canva(.com):

I also make many on my phone using Word Swag, an awesome free app. Here are three using that:

I keep all my digital Truth Cards in an album on my phone, and have printed some out and added to a pack of Truth Cards.

These last two are actual physical cards in a spiral card pack that I made like small scrapbook pages, using stickers, pretty papers, and buttons:

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3. GAIN WISDOM REGARDING EATING (ONCE I’M AT ZERO)

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EATING PARAMETERS & ENVIRONMENT

The Keys to Conscious Eating are the foundation of becoming wise in how we eat. These are presented and discussed in:

However, even though the concepts are simple, for those of us with disordered eating and food addiction, it’s not so simple. This is why there are several more resources to help you dig down and deal with the reasons behind our disordered eating. (It’s not just a simple matter of loving food!) These resources each have different but dove-tailing messages that will greatly help you gain freedom from food addiction:

WHAT TO EAT

There are no food rules in Thin Within! No “taboo” foods, omitting of entire food groups, nor focusing on just a few certain foods…  just common sense, really. And, while there are some basics that don’t vary much, specifics vary from person to person.

Here are a few words from Judy Halliday in Hunger Within, page 112:

There are no forbidden foods. Nevertheless, as we follow the leading of the Spirit, we will find ourselves making wiser, healthier, God-honoring choices. While we have the freedom to choose what we will eat or drink, we know not every food or beverage is beneficial for us, nor do we want to be enslaved by anything. When we are guided by the grace-giving keys to conscious eating, we recognize that certain foods can be detrimental to our health, and are best enjoyed in moderation or avoided. We also develop discernment about what we call “trigger” foods and beverages.

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4. A PRAYER AS I APPROACH ZERO

Finally, in my prayer, I want to cover what I’m feeling as I approach zero:  the good anxiety of looking forward to eating, the harmful anxiety of fearing that I will throw off all restraint and just binge.

Lord, I’m getting close to zero, and I need You to help me process this anxiety that I’m feeling, and not just rush to squelch it with food. I’m excited to eat, but I don’t want to use it as an opportunity to indulge my flesh.

I don’t want to have my heart be so connected to eating that I look forward to eating more than is appropriate. So help me utilize the Keys to Conscious Eating and really take time to enjoy what You have provided for me. 

I’m also feeling some fear that I will lose self-control and just devour everything in sight, so would You live Your life through and in me so that, “by the mighty power of the Spirit of the Lord at work within me,” I can eat as You originally designed me to eat? I want to learn how to “eat to live instead of living to eat”! 

We do not earn grace or our salvation. Salvation is “the free gift of God to those who believe in Christ Jesus” and grace is “unmerited, unearned favor.” Which means we don’t have to DO a single thing to get them. Both are entirely free!

So I think of doing “all the above” work not as a way to earn my healing and victory, but simply as applying all that He has given me to “work out [my] salvation,” making it my own, especially as it relates to this very difficult area of my life. This helps me get all the hindrances out of the way that keep me from receiving all God has offered me! And you, as well!

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Please feel free to share any prayers YOU pray as you approach zero, as well as any insights you have gained in this arena that would bless and encourage your fellow journeyers!

 


 
Stress Makes Me Munch

Stress Makes Me Munch

I admit I’ve eaten when I’m lonely or bored, but stressed? Never thought about it until I flew with my husband. We own a Taildragger plane, but I rarely fly with him because it STRESSES me out.

So imagine when he flew me further than my own backyard this past weekend. The stress in my body exceeded Mt. Shasta’s 14,000 foot peak. If I’d been an earthquake, my stress level would have been a ten on the Richter scale. If I was a cat, I’d have been hanging from the ceiling by my claws with my fur standing on end.

Forget Thin Within’s boundaries and counting the cost. When we landed at a small airport, armed guards couldn’t have kept me from the snack vending machine. I wanted my sweet, endurance prize—an Almond Joy.

So yeah, Stress triggers my eating button. If I smoked, I would have inhaled two cigarettes at the same time. If I was a gunslinger about to fight the bad guy, I would have choked down a double shot of whiskey.

However, as I stood in the lobby, waiting for my husband to refuel our plane, I stopped to observe and correct my actions. I realized my taut nerves made me buy that Almond Joy. Eating it, was no solution.

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So I climbed into the backseat of our tandem-seat plane and tucked that mouth-watering baby inside the seat pouch in front of me. When the flight got bumpy, my eyes feasted on the package; imagined how it tasted. But I refused to eat it unless it was absolutely necessary.

Understand, my husband is an experienced aviator who’s flown his whole life. He’s safety conscious, especially with me, because he gets stressed when I’m screaming, “Not so high!” 

Everyone has their thing that makes them stressful. Mine is flying…actually, it’s being suspended in the air higher than ten feet. I feel the same way about aerial trams. So, I’ve had to “work” at not being stressed when I fly.

Here’s what I discovered in the cockpit that calms me and carries over into my life so I’m not a walking Almond Joy.

1) I listen to Christian praise music and meditate on the lyrics that talk about God’s presence and character.

2) I listen to imagery podcasts that help me control my breathing and relax my body.

3)  I pray for people rather than focus on myself, and relinquish my desire to control or fix their problems.

4) I recite Biblical Truths

5) I distract my mind by doing a Word Search. I also have an adult coloring book filled with scripture. Coloring books are popular because creativity relieves stress. I used to embroider and needle point to relax.

6) I read a light-hearted book.

7) I poke fun at myself and laugh.

8) I close my eyes and pretend I’m soaking in a warm bubble bath. 

These suggestions help me relieve stress…and avoid munching…whether both feet are on the ground, or I’m 10,000 feet in the air.

But honestly, when life gets crazy bumpy and it’s absolutely necessary….I munch on the Almond Joy. Only now I know to give half to my husband so I don’t consume all those calories. Why add guilt to stress?