Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. Song of Solomon 2:15
…A taste of the spaghetti sauce while it is simmering…”SooOOOOooo good!,” …it requires another taste and just one more!
…A french fry (or two…or six!) from a family member’s “Happy Meal”…”Ooh! I need me some of these!”
…Just one more handful of popcorn at the movies…”Ok, well, maybe one more….”
While it is certainly true that Solomon probably didn’t have these scenarios in mind when he penned the request to “Catch for us the foxes that ruin the vineyards,” there is definitely an interesting principle that we can draw from the biblical context of the verse.
Small foxes can ruin a wonderfully good thing.
Do you find that you aren’t quite experiencing the physical results that you feel you should be as you apply yourself to eating between physical hunger and satisfaction? While it is my deepest heart’s desire to convey that this journey is about SO much more than food and weight, the fact does remain–at least in part–most of us chose to connect with Thin Within in the first place because we felt that we could/should be a smaller size than we were (I know this isn’t true of everyone…many of you hope to be willing to eat what God calls you to eat instead of restricting).
It IS true that God may be teaching you personally that HIS desire for you is to be content at a certain size instead of something as small as you had hoped, but if the size that you think you are supposed to accept contributes to extreme health problems, perhaps there is still yet work to do. If you aren’t seeing some progress in letting go of the physical weight, I want to suggest that you evaluate:
Are there little foxes ruining this vineyard?
It takes a lot of work to get a vineyard to produce! The worst thing to a vineyard owner is to put all that time, money, and effort into having a producing vineyard only to have the little foxes ruin it all. Charles Wesley is credited to have said:
Spoil vines – foxes do this many ways, by gnawing and breaking the little branches and leaves, by digging holes in the vineyards, and so spoiling the roots. Tender grapes – Which are easily spoiled, if great care be not used to prevent it.
I realized that the little foxes running amok in my life and my attempts to adhere to the principles and boundaries that God has led me to embrace (0 to 5 eating) were a problem for me. I had waited for my definitive hunger signal at one particular lunchtime. I eagerly put left over Mexican food in the oven to heat up. Even as I set the timer for 15 minutes, I realized that my hunger was INCESSANT! I reached for small fox #1…a few chips. “Yum!” Then small fox #2…A cookie. “Yes, perfect!” Small fox #3…A bite of frosting from the jar…”That will do.”
All three foxes had dashed through before the meal emerged from the oven. By the time my leftovers were heated, I wasn’t hungry any longer and the amount of food that I had placed in the oven was based on my eating it from hunger to satisfaction…not from whatever-hunger-number-I-was-at-currently to a 5. Meaning, by eating the amount I had prepared, I was almost assuredly overeating! Being a “veteran” Thin Withinner I had put a fist sized portion in the oven, but only now I needed to be honest…there was a “three-finger sized” amount of space left in my stomach!
This didn’t happen just once before I became aware of the little foxes, either. It happened numerous times…each time with the justification of “Well, I am hungry!'” The truth is, if all of those little bites were going to be a part of my meal—used to satisfy my hunger—they needed to be considered. The portion I was yet waiting on from the oven might not even be necessary at all!
Having shared this with some of my coaching clients who have lamented that they wonder about their physical results not being quite what they had hoped, they have approached their eating with additional vigilance. You know what has happened? You guessed it. The physical changes are happening once again.
How About You?
On your way to your God-given natural size, every so often you might have to re-evaluate, refine, hone in on what is going on. Is it possible that you could benefit from evaluating if the little foxes are ruining your hard work? They can be quite subtle and we tend to justify and minimize them. Consider this thought, though…When we justify them not only do those small bites here and there represent energy that we are consuming that our body may not need, but might it also be adding a little bit of hardening to our hearts spiritually speaking? Maybe we can ask God to make us sensitive to His leading so that we get rid of the little foxes and welcome His Presence as the good Vinedresser that He is into our Vineyard!
So often, when we have a look–a really good look–at what drives our overeating (or our gluttony to put it out there) it is the thought of “Life isn’t fair and it should be.”
When other people seem to eat whatever they want in the amounts they want, it really doesn’t seem “fair.” Does it? Have you ever felt that way?
When I struggle with my weight and I eat so little food, it really doesn’t seem “fair.” I have “given up” so much food and the physical changes seem to be so minimal! Have you ever felt that way?
I know that I am growing spiritually, I am depending less and less on food to meet emotional needs. I am turning to the Lord and growing in my walk with Christ, yet this battle with food seems ever before me. It hardly seems “fair.” Have you ever felt that way?
I am doing my part. Why on earth won’t God do His? Have you ever felt that way?
If I am not careful, this thought that “Life isn’t fair and it should be” can become a root of bitterness in my relationship with others and with the Lord. I can end up harboring a grudge.
Let’s consider what “fair” would be.
Who among us can stand before holy, perfect, God and claim to be holy as He is holy? In this moment, we might fool ourselves into thinking we are “good enough,” but sooner or later a stray thought, a harshly spoken word, a thoughtless deed will betray that we are far from holy. God has declared that we all have sinned and fall short of his glory (Romans 3:23) and we seem to prove it with each hour that passes!
He has also declared that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23).
So what is fair? That I would be zapped by a bolt of Divine Lightning where I stand (or sit as the case may be). That I would be eternally banished from the presence of God!
Thankfully, God is NOT “fair.” He has provided a way for us. He demonstrates his love for us in this, that while we are yet sinful, he had Christ pay the death penalty. Christ died in our place and his righteousness was credited to our account. (Romans 5:8)
Is that fair? Goodness no! “Fair” would never have required Jesus–who died a perfect life–to be brutally tortured and sentenced him to die on a Roman cross–one of the most brutal ways of dying. And “fair” would never credit ME with Christ’s wonderful, amazing, sinless righteousness.
In light of all of this, do I have any business coddling the thought (I can hear Gollum’s “My precioussssss…..”): Life should be fair to me. I deserve better!
You don’t deserve better. I don’t deserve better. We deserve hell! But God has intervened and to all who will look to Christ and what he has done for us, we may be saved from that death sentence. Romans 6:23 which I quoted in part above says “The wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Pretty unfair stuff! Pretty GREAT stuff!
So, what does all of this have to do with eating? Well, God has given us a variety of foods to enjoy. The textures, the tastes, the wonders of all the varieties of food we can enjoy are myriad. There really is no limit to it. But, as with all of the many blessings he gives us (like sex, for instance :-)), God has intended that the pleasure be enjoyed within certain boundaries. Within those boundaries we are free to drink deeply of the pleasures of His hand! We can delight! Thrill! Be blessed! This is grace abundant! This is merciful bounty and kindness! We want to renew our minds about what we consider “fair” and begin to see God’s goodness as it is:
My body is fearfully and wonderfully made and remarkably efficient!
I have taste buds that can enjoy the plethora of flavors that are available!
When I live within God’s intended boundaries for me, he rejoices in my delighting in his gifts
I can foster a heart of gratitude for the many blessings he has given and put greed to death
The textures and explosions of flavor that are possible with literally millions of combinations of spices make food one of the most diverse gifts available
What can YOU add to this list to put the whole “Life isn’t fair and it should be” into its proper perspective?
Do I really want to fuss, be resentful, claim that “it isn’t fair” if I can’t stuff my face until my stomach is miserable? Really?
So, I have decided that I am glad that life isn’t fair. If it was, not only would I not be able to enjoy any food (since I would be in hell where I don’t think food is necessary), but I would not have a relationship with the Lord. I wouldn’t get to enjoy the pleasures that God brings my way in this life–all wonderful delights that I definitely don’t want to take for granted.
How about you? Does the lie that life should be fair impact your life at all? Does it hinder your joy in 0 to 5 eating boundaries? What can you do to make today different?
I am living, for all practical purposes, as if I am godless.
How is this possible?
The past week or so, I have had difficulty processing Breezy’s diagnosis, I guess. For some reason, it has sent me into a topspin. I think it is partly because, in order to do my BEST for his care and to manage his disease effectively so he doesn’t end up foundering and in intense pain (and ultimately having to be put down), I must invest a lot of TIME (something I don’t have) and MONEY (something else I don’t have). Feeling this way makes me feel GUILTY (something I have a LOT of, it seems).
So, instead of bowing before the throne, I have gotten an edge going…a cold shoulder to God (who created Breezy and has blessed our family with him). This is a result of PRIDE.
Pride has led to PRAYERLESSNESS.
PRAYERLESSNESS is living like a GODLESS person.
For all intents and purposes, I am a practical atheist when I live like this.
This realization hit me like a ton of bricks this morning during, of all things, my quiet time.
You see, I can keep going through the motions of spending time in God’s Word, filling in the blanks in my workbooks, even parroting prayers from Stormie Omartian’s books (and even maybe praying my own) yet never really converse with the King of the Universe who wants to be invited into my life, to invade, to flood all my empty places with Himself.
I know an author I read somewhere once, mentioned this “practical atheism” view before. Was it John Piper? C.S. Lewis? I can’t remember…if you know, please let me know!
In any event, boy, was a smitten with this awareness.
God wants IN. He wants IN my every bite, my every swallow, my every word, my every thought. He wants to be my HOLY OBSESSION. He wants my blood to be “bibline” so that if I get cut out pours His truth…(well, you get the drift I trust).
While I feel like I “know” God’s Word inside and out, His precepts “like the back of my hand,” arrogance keeps this “knowing” at arm’s length. Why? I don’t have any clue. I know that it isn’t better my way apart from Him.
Somehow, I need to allow all that intellectual “knowledge” to come home to my heart. From merely a so-called intellectual “knowing” to an emotional, spiritual (and whatever else) BEING. I believe that this is vital.
I don’t want to live as if I am godless. I don’t want to make decisions apart from inquiring of the Lord or a perfunctory “Bless this choice God, because you have been silent on this for all of 2 seconds, so I am running ahead with the decision that I think you should make…so bless it, ok? Thanks.” I want to wait on Him.
A note about this multiple-part testimony: It seems so self-indulgent to me to share here on the blog all of this “All About Me” journey thing. My hope is that you will be encouraged! No matter how much “wandering” you think you have done, I am willing to bet I have done more! No matter how long you feel it has taken you to “get it” with regard to Thin Within principles, I am willing to bet it has taken me longer. No matter how many poor choices you feel you have made, I hope you can see I have made more! And *I* had a set up for “success” years ago!
So…that is why I have chosen to take the time (and space) and share this lengthy testimony with you. I truly hope that you can be encouraged. I have been the queen of failures, the master of flaky “commitments,” the expert of “good intentions!”
But God can and will turn any of it around. ALL of it matters! Rather than think it proves that I am a failure or flake, I choose to believe that it proves that God has deposited into my life investments that are now finally “maturing” (even if I am not! LOL!). Truthfully, if He can finally get through to me given all the chances I have had, then He can definitely transform ANYONE! So BE encouraged! And forgive me for going on and on with my testimony…
Letting Shame Win
Continuing from part 3…
The book project merged into another writing project through the holidays of 2001—what has now become the 12-week Thin Within Foundations Program material. As with the birthing of any work of value, there were many challenges. Looking back now, I can say it was all wonderfully worth it!
But at the time, facing the impossible tasks of writing constantly for short deadlines while trying to keep my home and homeschooling my then 8 and 10 year olds…emotionally, I was a basket case. What could have been an opportunity for growth—well, I allowed it to send me back to familiar coping mechanisms instead…plunging myself head long into overeating! Can you believe it!?
Do you find yourself gravitating toward that which is familiar–even when it is destructive? I know I do if I am not vigilant and guard against this tendency! That period was proof of that!
My journal entries at the time I was writing with Judy read like one struggling with two extremes (or what TW calls the pendulum swing). Resolved to demonstrate the freedom in practice that I knew Jesus had paid for me “in theory,” I repeatedly confessed my struggle with overeating to God and begged for His rescue. I lamented that even during my partnership with Judy Halliday—a wonderful mentor—still I hadn’t begun to live out the freedom that Jesus paid to provide for me. The feelings of defeat were, at times, absolutely overwhelming. More than ever before, I began to understand these words of the Apostle Paul:
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? (Romans 7:18-24)
The problem was, I continued to leave out verse 25 and chapter 8 verses 1 and 2 which reads:
Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!…Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
I continued to write for the Thin Within company through the first part of 2002. The book came out in Spring of 2002. We filmed the earliest videos for the company about that same time. But how was I supposed to testify about the effectiveness of the Thin Within approach when my body didn’t reflect that truth? I knew it *was* effective, but I wasn’t choosing to live according to what I knew. What kind of testimony is that? (More shame piled on…)
It is still difficult for me to see or hear that people have viewed those early TW videos…but I know God can use even a cracked pot to contain his glory!
Nevertheless, the “truth” I lived at the time wasn’t the truth I knew in my head. Shame began to return to my life more quickly than any weight I had formerly lost (which is saying a lot as the weight had returned QUICKLY).
Shame is dangerous. It causes us to isolate, to hide, and furthers our sin/shame patterns. have you found that to be true? I know now that if I have been hiding out at home and not getting out to see people as often, to evaluate my life…what is going on. Am I caught again in a shame cycle?
This, too, is written about in the Thin Again book. So much of what I had learned remained only in my head, however. The more I knew and didn’t apply, the greater my shame.
At some point, I supposed I couldn’t “handle” continuing to connect with my friends and mentors in Thin Within if I wasn’t going to change. Slowly, I drifted away from my association with the Hallidays and the Thin Within company.
In fact, I was ashamed that my name had been placed not only in the acknowledgements of the TW book, but also inside on the front page! God’s call was irrefutable. Yet I continued to resist.
Oh, dear reader…my heart is heavy as I share these details with you. I do so in the hopes that you will know that no matter how rebellious or sinful you may feel you have been or even are…I have you beat! My own rebellion is far greater!
When it comes to giving my heart and eating to the Lord, no greater love could have been given…and yet I continued to resist. So many chances. So many opportunities. Yet I began to feel as if I didn’t want my name to be associated with Thin Within or the Hallidays. I felt I would reflect poorly on the Hallidays, on Thin Within and on the Lord. I wasn’t yet living the truth that I knew was contained within the pages of the book. Shame is so deadly.
