Imagine a pile of gifts under the Christmas tree. Actually, no need to imagine; here’s the exact scenario I’m talking about…
Now imagine that one of the gifts has this message on the tag: “Do not open until December 25!” (See further down.)
Of course, even if that message is not stated right on the tag, the expectation is still there that it is not to be opened until “the appointed time,” be that Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, or whenever your family chooses to open gifts.
So let’s say it’s a week before Christmas and I spot a gift with a tag that says “To Barb from Dave.” I grab it, shake it a little, say “THANK YOU, Dave!” and start tearing off the wrapping paper.
Dave says “What are you DOING?!?!?!? You can’t open that!”
I say “What do you mean?? It says right here that it’s from you to ME!”
Dave answers “But it’s only December 18th! It’s not time to open presents yet!”
Reluctantly I put it back… to wait for December 25 to get here.
So let’s take a closer look at what I was really doing…
Was I thankful? Indeed I was! Wasn’t that enough? Nope! I was thanking Dave for a gift that, while it had been bought and even wrapped for me, and was going to be mine eventually, it was not yet the appointed time for me to receive and open it. I was starting to open something that had not actually been given to me yet.
The Lord showed me that this is what’s actually taking place when I give thanks for food I want – and even start – to eat, but I am not yet at a zero.
Yes, the food was chosen for me (perhaps by me) and it’s intended for me, but the Giver is not yet giving it to me because it is not yet time.
So I really don’t have any business thanking God for it until it is actually “the appointed time” for me to eat. Which is when I’m actually hungry!
If I sit down at the table and start to say “Thank You Lord for this meal,” no matter how appreciative I am, it’s not going to change the fact that I should not actually be thanking God for it when he has not actually given it to me – YET.
“The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy desires of every living thing.“ (Psalm 145:15–16)
He gives us our food “at the proper time.” I looked up proper, and one of the meanings is “appropriate to the purpose.”
Okay, so what is the purpose of food? … To nourish our bodies and keep us alive and healthy.
So “proper time” doesn’t mean we have to have meals at a certain (or proper) set time, like breakfast at 8am, lunch at noon, and dinner at 6pm. It means that when our bodies are actually getting hungry, then is when it’s “the proper time” to refuel them.
So what we want to aim for is eating in the righttiming – as in when we actually need the food. And I do not actually need it physiologically until I am physiologically hungry.
Head hunger cannot be satisfied with physical food. God alone, as it says in verse 16, satisfies our desires – our head hunger – with Himself.
He opens His hand to me, but my part is to take from His hand. At the proper time – when I’m actually hungry.
And it is at that point I can – and, of course, should – express my gratitude to Him, because He is actually giving it to me then. That is the right time to be thankful for my food!
Actually, a better title might be: “No Man… but I have a Plan!”
During my second month of pregnancy, when I may have been feeling my worst, my husband announced he would be going to London on a two-week business trip. I was very concerned about being left alone with the two kids, work, housework, and in my first trimester of pregnancy. But most of all, I was concerned about being left to my own devices in the evenings… all alone…
Historically I would have used the evening times alone to “indulge” in over-eating, and late-night movie watching. But I know that inevitably, I wake up the next morning regretting staying up so late and regretting what I ate! So, I decided to use it as a re-framing opportunity. I wanted to think of an evening alone in a whole new light. I knew from experience that would take planning, accountability and a new way of thinking.
I started out with a favorite prayer pneumonic from John Piper. It’s “APTAT”:
A – Admit that you can do nothing on your own.
P – Pray for help
T – Trust a Promise
A – Act in response
T – Thank him for helping you.
In the past, this little reminder has helped me calm my anxiety and refocus on God and his ability to influence me and my circumstances. So that’s what I prayed. And then I made a plan.
Truth Cards
My attitude about this whole situation was not great. I felt panicky and like I was being left out of the fun. So I wrote some truths about what this time really was about—or some of the potential benefits of this short season. Truths like,
“Thank you God for this more relaxed week to make memories with my children.”
“Jesus is my Perfect Companion. He never gives up on me, grows weary, stops loving me, or walks away.”
“God, you know I am not perfect. But you have said I have your resurrection power in me. You said your Divine Power has given me everything I need for life and godliness today.”
I reviewed these in the mornings usually. A quick way to get my mind right for the day.
Evening Mind Renewal
One of my goals was to renew my mind every evening after dinner and before I started watching TV or having any snacks. This was an Accountability Point for me (see below) and was very helpful. In fact, I got a big surprise! I discovered new things about myself! I discovered I love to go out on the porch after dinner. Listening to the night sounds and looking up at the moon and stars gave me a wonderful calm and new perspective for the evening.
I came to look forward to that time to just “be” with my Heavenly Husband. We enjoyed such satisfying moments together that TV didn’t even interest me some nights (!) This time of mind renewal looked different on different nights. It might be praise time, reviewing my Truth Cards or using Barb Raveling’s I Deserve A Donut App or my own Bible study.
Extra Boundaries for TLC
I also tried to listen to what the wisdom of God’s Spirit was nudging me to do to protect myself during a particularly vulnerable time. I decided it was best not to buy or bake any sweets/desserts during that time, since those are particularly difficult for me to resist, especially when I’m alone. I also knew that the later I stayed up, the weaker I became. I was more likely to make choices I’d regret later. Plus, I need my rest—after all, I’m growing a baby! So my other boundary was to be in my bed at 9:30 on weeknights and by 11 on weekends.
Accountability
I knew that on my own, I’d be less likely to finish strong. I tend to thrive with that extra boost of encouragement. So, I called up my friend Molly. We met in one of the Thin Within online Facebook groups and really hit it off. We periodically text or call so I knew she’d be willing to help. She was so kind to touch base with me daily and encourage me that we were doing those two weeks together. Even when I had a disastrous day, it really helped me to Observe and Correct, when I had to reflect back and report in about what had happened and the choices I had made.
God was so gracious during the time my husband was away. He answered prayers and gave me extra energy, grace, and patience with the kids. He kept everyone safe and gave me strength to survive fever and floods! He is so Good.
So whether you have a challenging weekend coming up or a new life situation that has you baffled…I pray these ideas will prove useful to you. I have to remember: the main thing is the Main Thing—Jesus! He’s the one who empowers me to walk wisely in the way he instructs me to go. Keeping my eyes focused on the Author and Perfector of our faith is what makes life full and satisfying, regardless of my outward circumstances.
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Emily lives in South Korea with her husband and 2.1 children. She enjoys being the token American in her neighborhood and baking for the Korean neighbors. She is grateful for the chance to lead worship in their small “expat church”. Like most mothers, she’s also good at multitasking–like cooking and putting on bandaids, rubbing four feet while reading two books and driving while chewing gum and talking on FaceTime with family back home.
Thanks, Emily!
If you are a pregnant mom, won’t you post here and let us know? We would love to have a little support community right here on the blog for you all who are hoping to navigate the waters of your pregnancy (and after) while applying the Thin Within principles. Not only does Thin Within “work” during pregnancy to minimize weight gain, but many women LOVE the way they feel when they do this! EVEN when pregnant!
Am I the only one who finds it SOOOO hard to wait for a zero ~ “true hunger”? There are many things in my life that I do even though I don’t want to do them… like doing the laundry… dishes… going places when I’d rather stay home… I even shower, floss, wash my face, and make my bed when I’d really rather not!!!
And there are many things in the Thin Within world I do even if I can think of other things I’d rather be doing…
Having a phone chat with Heidi and Christina and our group? ~ I’d rather be napping at the 3:00 hour, but these chats are worth staying awake!!!!!!
Writing a blog post (which is like journaling for me)? ~ Lots of work, even drudgery at times, but a richly-rewarding process!!!
Making or reading through my Truth Cards? ~ Encouraging to read, fun to make!!!
Reading and commenting in the forums? ~ I love being encouraged and giving encouragement!!!
Adding to my God List? ~ A joy that helps shift my mood and my focus!!!
But waiting for zero? ~ UUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!! I DON’T WANT TO!!!!
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There!!! I said it!!! I just reeeeeeeally DON’T. WANT. TO!!!!!!!!
In my favor, there have been lengthy seasons in which I have been able to shift into that dreaded-yet-coveted state of being able to eat within the 0-to-5 eating boundaries. But then [whatever in the world?!] happens, and the weight that I so diligently and joyfully lost, inches its way back onto my person! Annnnd :::sad exasperated sigh::: the favor dissipates.
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ENTER: TERRI!
In the midst of one of these downward detours in my forever-long struggle, one day I happened upon a post by Terri Graham in the Thin Within Discussion and Support group on Facebook. (At least I was searching and not just retreating into a dark corner, which is my tendency in such times.) And Terri graciously allowed me to share it here. She wrote:
I just finished the chapter titled “Holy Struggle” in the Hunger Within book. A question following the chapter asks:
“Do you view the principle of choosing to eat only when hungry and stopping before you are full as an ‘objectionable obligation’ or an ‘inviting opportunity’? If you don’t see this as an inviting opportunity, why not?”
I realized that I do indeed view it as an objectionable obligation. Why? Because it is hard and takes time and patience.
My food (and my right to eat it) is “mine” and I really have held onto it like a petulant child not wanting to give up her pacifier when it is time.
Today I confess this and I repent. I ask God to change my mind and my heart so that I will see it as an inviting opportunity. I need to renew my mind in this matter.
What about you? Why is this an obligation vs. opportunity? What are the truths you use to help you see it as inviting and as an opportunity?
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GETTING REAL
So, getting real with myself (not my favorite thing to do,) why do I see this as an “objectionable obligation” rather than an “inviting opportunity”?
It feels like an obligation because my “flesh man” – which wants what it wants, and wants it now – is being restrained and constrained. It’s not getting what it wants right this very second.
Terri’s reference to the “petulant child not wanting to give up her pacifier” rang embarrassingly true as that very thought had just recently crossed my mind.
Many times, in the heat of a battle of whether to eat when I’m not hungry or to go ahead and indulge and eat more than I need (beyond a 5), self-discipline is the last thing I’m interested in! The image of a baby not getting what it wants is a perfect depiction of ME! Well, lacking the baby-cuteness.
So I thought I’d explore that a bit, and asked my friends on Facebook for photos of babies and their pacifiers. I actually only wanted one photo ~ of a baby whose pacifier had just been removed ~ so they’d be angry ~ which would give me an in-my-face view of what I myself must look like to God when I’m not getting my way.
What I got was several pictures!!! And I realized that, together, they made up a darling, but a little-too-vivid composite picture of my own attitudes toward food. Since this is not the cutest thing to see in a grown woman (me), I will let these babies “say it all” for me! Cutely, which my attitudes aren’t, but these babies are!
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“I love my food. Totally contented with my food. See how contented I am?”
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“You’re not really going to ask me to give up my food, are you?”
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“But I wannnnnnnt it! I neeeeeeeeed it!!!”
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“Nooooo!!! Please let me have my food!”
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“I know! I’ll HIDE some so no one will know about it!!!”
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“You wouldn’t really take away something I cherish SO much, right?!?!”
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“I’m warning you; do NOT take away my food! Seriously ~ JUST. DO. NOT!!!”
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“Pleeeeeeease let me have it!!!!! I waaaannnt it!!!”
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“I CAN’T believe you TOOK it from me!!!!!!!!!”
(Thank you to the mommies of these little dolls ~ Shannon, Beth, Trieste, Maggie, Mandie, and Stacie, plus a grandma, Mary ~ for letting me use these precious photos!!! )
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BACK TO DISCIPLINE
Okay, that was a fun ~ even though too-familiar-feeling ~ detour. Back to discipline and my distaste for it…
I’m not off in disliking it. This verse in Matthew (11:28) says:
“For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant…”
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“Seems” painful?!?!? Feels pretty outright painful to ME!!! No “seeming” about it! But it’s in the Word, so it must be true. So I’ll come back to it in a moment.
Viewing “having to wait till I’m hungry to eat” as being an opportunity requires thinking beyond my current flesh-indulging state of mind and heart. However, it’s the only way that the rest of that verse can become reality, which is actually a pretty sweet reality:
“…but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
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And getting that peaceful fruit of righteousness is really the ultimate “opportunity,” isn’t it?!?!
So, once again, back to Jesus’ feet I go to confess this sin of self-focus and self-indulgence, and repent.
And I must remind myself (again) that repenting means I turn 180° and go ~ as in live and walk ~ the opposite direction! Not 360°! ~ a gaffé I’ve heard spoken by a well-meaning teacher! Which, if you think about it mathematically, actually means “coming full-circle,” right back around to the very state of sin we wanted to repent from.
Not exactly repentance, but it sounds sadly similar to what I have too often done. 😣 (The verse about a dog returning to its vomit comes to mind.😣)
I ask God to change my mind and heart so that I will see eating only when I am at a zero as the “inviting opportunity” that it truly is. My flesh man can’t see this because of its inherent trait of being blind.
Solution? My flesh man needs to DIE so that my spirit man can be free to grow and thrive, which will enable me to see things as God sees them. This is no small feat (specially in ME), yet I know it is nothing that God can’t handle. And it’s totally accessible via re-surrendering my will and then renewing my mind on an ongoing basis!!!
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HIS INVITATION
Back to the question of whether we see this as an “inviting opportunity.” I thought it would be fun to look into the word inviting a bit more deeply.
An invitation always bids the invitee to come to something. So what might that “something” be, specifically, if the Lord is the One doing the inviting?
Just for starters, here are three things I found in the Word that we are invited to:
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1) Come to the Lord’s own TABLE.
Jesus, the King of Kings, invites us to dine with Him and tells us in Psalm 23 that He prepares a spread for us! And I’m sure is not just scraps!
“You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” (Psalms 23:5)
(He’s not going to feed us flowers either; those are just the decorations!)
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2) Come to JESUS and find REST!
This journey through life can be full of heaviness, but the Lord doesn’t want us to carry the burdens by ourselves! He invites us to:
“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matt. 11:28)
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3) Come and TALK with Him!
The God of the universe actually wants to converse with us! And He has time for us!!!
“My heart has heard you say, ‘Comeandtalkwithme, O my people.’ And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” (Psalms 27:8)
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What we get out of the deal by submitting to God’s discipline ~ which, for us Thin Withiners, is 0-5 eating ~ far outweighs, outshines, and overshadows any pain involved. This is why I believe it’s worded that “all discipline seems painful…” What’s truly painful is not accepting God’s loving invitation to embrace discipline and receive ALL that He has in store for us. Living with our self-indulgent heart day after day, month after month, and year after year is anything but pleasant!
Terri had a bit more to say:
“One of the baby pictures of a sleeping baby brought to mind, strangely or maybe not, the parable of the wise virgins. Does that food pacifier keep me from filling my lamp with oil? Does it dull my hunger for God? I think so. I need to make some truth cards for this.
Come, Lord Jesus, YOU are the answer to our every need!!! Help us GET this, HEAR this, RECEIVE what You are saying to us, APPLY it to our hearts and our thinking, FILL our lamps with the oil of the Holy Spirit, STOP dulling our hunger for You and things of You, and WALK IN VICTORY in this!!!!!
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I’m sure there are many more “invitations” in the Word, and I’d love to hear any others that you find!!!
And I’d also love to see your responses to Terri’s two questions above:
What about you? ~ Why is this an obligation vs. opportunity? ~and~ What are the truths you use to help you see it as inviting and as an opportunity?
I hope that you woke up this morning with this thought on your heart…
I am fearfully and wonderfully made!
We can believe it!
You know what? Here’s the thing… If our God is awesome (and I bet not one of you reading this would say you don’t agree with that), if He is so creative and powerful and clever (and I bet you all agree with that), then He has made our bodies reliably, too!
Like a Thin Within class participant said
He has created our marvelous, fearfully and wonderfully-made bodies to give us signals about when we need sleep, rest, when we are in pain, when we need to expel something from our bodies, and when we need to drink or eat, as well as when we need to STOP eating or drinking.
The trick is that often, over the years, either through carelessness or dieting, we have “shut down” those hunger and satisfied signals.
We want to get in touch with those signals again because they are a reliable means for eating the right amount of food: Eating to live, rather than living to eat.
When I get back in touch with those signals (this may take work, so please be patient and extend grace to yourself!), I find that I will release extra weight to my natural God-given size and then maintain it. No hocus pocus. No counting. No weighing and measuring. Just a naturally, calm, worry-free, way of living for the rest of my days.
Sound good?
I knew it would. I know it does to those of you who already subscribe to this approach.
In Thin Within and Hunger Within, we use the Keys to Conscious Eating to help us get back in touch with the signals of hunger and satisfaction.
These are not “rules” but rather are intended to provide boundaries:
Keys to Conscious Eating:
1. Eat when your body is hungry. 2. Eat in a calm environment by reducing distractions or calming your mind. 3. Eat when you are sitting. 4. Eat when your body and mind are relaxed. 5. Eat and drink the things your body enjoys. 6. Pay attention to your food while eating. 7. Eat slowly, savoring each bite. 8. Stop eating before your body is full.
Each time we eat – as in each and every time we eat – we try to use each of these keys as boundaries.
• Numbers 1 and 8 are the primary boundaries of eating between physical hunger (called a “0”) and physical satisfaction (called a “5”).
• If we use numbers 2 through 7 as secondary boundaries for ourselves, it helps us to succeed at #1 and #8.
• The goal is to be intentional each time food crosses our lips.
If we set a place for Jesus at our tables and imagine His presence there, if we foster a heart of gratitude and thanksgiving for the abundance that He supplies and that He has made our bodies fearfully and wonderfully, we can do this.
We can get back in touch with our body’s signals and discover a stress-free way to release the burdens of our hearts and the burdens of our life. They are so often connected!
Let’s eat when we are hungry.
Let’s stop when we are no longer hungry.
And let’s run to God for all the other things that ordinarily draw and lure us to food.
Ya with me? 😃
How are you doing with eating between 0 and 5 being your primary boundary? Which of the secondary boundaries do you think could help you more effectively abide by your primary boundaries? Which is hardest for you? Select one of these today to ask for God’s special help with. How can you plan for success?
Thinking about this one: I have FREEDOM to walk in the Spirit when I keep my boundaries. It is just like when you go for a walk in a park or nature reserve and you see a sign that says, “Stay on the Path! The sign is posted there to protect you…the path itself is safe. Off the path there may be a drop off or poison ivy or animal traps, etc. It is only when we choose to veer off the path because something catches our eye and we think, “oh I think I just wanna step off for a moment, pick a flower, etc…no one will notice.
Stepping off the path can ruin the beauty of the journey for others to enjoy. We need to stay on the path as an example for others also. We don’t realize the impact of our feet. Sometimes there are reasons WHY and we don’t always know them…but the signs are posted for our protection and the protection of those around us.
When you think of stepping off the path…think again!
Just like the path in the park has signs, God has signs posted along our journey. These guiding markers are there for our protection. The signs of hunger and satisfied are simple, quiet ways that God gets our attention. They are not there to stop us from enjoying ourselves. They are there so we can get the maximum pleasure from this life as we follow Him!
Do you feel backed into the corner by life? Patsy Clairmont gives you hope in this video.
Trust Me and find out you are safe… ~Jesus
Here are the boundaries video resources that have helped me the most:
Click HERE to find great blog resources on boundaries. These have been very helpful to me!
I have made a “Why I love keeping my boundaries” list…When I review the benefits it is easy to decide to stay within my boundaries of 0 to 5. Why not consider making your own list? Also, be sure to make some Truth Cards to glance at when you are tempted to jump the boundaries! You will be amazed how much easier it will be to stay on the path!!
How about YOU?
Ask yourself:
What is God speaking to me about a FREEDOM FOCUS?
How can I see my boundaries in a different light?
How can I ENJOY THE JOURNEY?
Susan lives in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. She is the Mother of four great kids and Grandmother to one. In her spare time, she enjoys gardening, writing, crocheting and a good movie with a cup of herbal tea!
Emily lives in South Korea with her husband and 2.1 children. She enjoys being the token American in her neighborhood and baking for the Korean neighbors. She is grateful for the chance to lead worship in their small “expat church”. Like most mothers, she’s also good at multitasking–like cooking and putting on bandaids, rubbing four feet while reading two books and driving while chewing gum and talking on FaceTime with family back home. 
