So, did you fall off the horse yesterday? Last week? Last month?
It’s never too late to get back up again! Take it from one who knows! PERFECTION is a myth. Both in riding a horse and in staying focused in our 0 to 5 eating, Thin Within approach.
If you feel you have “failed” in your attempt to “be faithful” eating 0 to 5 — you had Halloween candy or a full-on pizza feast or…well…whatever it was…— it isn’t “failure” unless you stop trying! You fell off the horse. So GET BACK on him and GO! There are wonders to experience! Adventures to be had!
Ten years ago, my husband, two kids and I moved to the country to experience the “horse dream come true.” We did it all wrong. Someday I am going to write a book about it and save a lot of innocent (potential) horse buyers a whole lot of grief. 🙂 In our horse-buying experience, if anything could go wrong, it did. I was bucked off (or fell off) more times than I care to admit. It took years to get it my confidence back. I worked hard with a couple of very special, talented horse trainers (actually, they were HUMAN trainers…the horses didn’t need training–*I* did!).
For reasons which shall remain shrouded in mystery :-), I rode my horse for the last time three and a half years ago.
Until *yesterday*.
Yesterday was a BIG day for me. I got on my horse, Harley. I got to know a new riding friend. I have a feeling some adventures are in store. I accomplished a goal I had set for myself for this year—to get back on one of my horses!
Harley reminds me that perfection isn’t going to happen. It is a myth. The important thing is that when we fall off the horse, we get back on. Relish the NOW and all that can be!
This is what I know from what Harley teaches me:
Over time, on our journeys in life, we will fall off the horse. But over time, we do so less frequently. And we stay off of them less long. That is the way the Thin Within journey goes. When I consider the GREAT time I had out in the fall sunshine, visiting with my new friend, smelling horse sweat (nothing sweeter!), feeling him beneath me and his blowing of air (a good sign!) I can’t believe I waited so long! What was really holding me back? Fear of failure! But for three and a half years, I couldn’t experience the joy of the journey! The thrill of victory *OR* the agony of defeat. I missed it all–because I just wouldn’t try.
Yesterday, I almost let fear of failure RUIN a wonderful opportunity to re-start a marvelous adventure!
What About You?
Have you quit, restarted, quit, restarted and….QUIT…this journey? Our entire lives long, we will be on this 0 to 5 eating journey. We will fall off the horse. The thing is, we will fall off less frequently and stay off less long before getting back on. Will you get back on today? Now? Don’t stay off! Are you afraid of “failure?” There are marvels to see! Joys to experience! God is waiting with open arms to welcome you on a wild and wonderful ride!
Then, have you ever experienced this sequence of events? That once you gave in to eating because it was a holiday, vacation, or weekend, you felt like a failure and it made you want to eat more?
Let’s kick this “left over” from our dieting days TO THE CURB!!!
This week, Week 11 of our Renewing the Mind Bible Study, we will have a look at these motivators for eating outside of physical hunger and satisfaction. We want to continue to scrutinize our thinking, expose the lies, dismantle them, and replace them with truth.
Monday
1. Time to update your “memorial stones” again in your journal. I am asking this question for the umpteenth time, but it bears repeating. Are you convinced…is it a conviction of your heart…that God is calling you to 0 to 5 eating? If the answer is yes, write it down (yes, again!) in your own words in your journal and sign and date it. We are soooo prone to forget our convictions! If you aren’t resolute today, but have been in the past, go back through your journal and find an entry (or two) when you were convinced and wrote it down. Spend time with the Lord, asking him to restore that conviction.
2. Evaluate “Commitment.” The point of a commitment is that we do whatever it is, even when we don’t feel like it. It is the same with “Boundaries.” A boundary is a demarcation that we might stray across if we didn’t have the boundary there to protect us from veering. It is something we know is best for us. So, if you have said in the past that you are “Committed to eating 0 to 5” (or something similar) or that you have a “Boundary of 0 to 5” (or something similar) when you don’t FEEL like living that way is when your commitment or boundary is tested. That is the point of a commitment or boundary! That is when you really see it for what it is. Think about it this way…when you tell your child to wrap up the leftovers after she is done eating and she does it because she thinks it is a great idea so she can enjoy the leftovers again another time, is her submission to your authority really tested? Not really. When she doesn’t see a good reason, or doesn’t agree with you, but does it anyhow, that is when obedience or submission is really seen. Likewise for us. If the only time we are obedient is when we feel like it, if the only time we are committed is when we feel like it, then we aren’t necessarily committed. We may need to spend some time with the Lord on this one, so that is why I am including it as part of today’s assignment.
2. The reason we are doing this study now is Labor Day is next Monday here in the United States. As you journal your answers to Barb’s questions, try to be as practical as possible. If you aren’t in the US, then consider strategizing about an upcoming holiday that you will celebrate.
3. Share with us here any strategies you will use next weekend to celebrate.
Wednesday
1. Make a plan for what you will do if you “fall off the horse” during this week or the upcoming holiday weekend or a vacation you have coming up. What can you do to minimize the damage and to get back ON the horse? What plan will you have in place so that you will NOT beat yourself up?
2. Visit Barb Raveling’s study on Failure Eating. Read the introductory paragraphs, Self-Condemnation section, and the section under the subheading, “Does it Have To Take That Long?” Journal any thoughts that you have that are triggered by what Barb shares in these paragraphs. Can you identify with what she has shared?
3. Feel free to click any of her other links and explore the resources she has there.
Thursday
1. Depending on how much time you have, visit Barb’s Failure Eating page again and select one or both of the bible studies she has in her “Bible Study” section to complete.
2. You can also read the article that she refers to. It is encouraging, too.
3. Add any new truths to your truth cards.
4. Share with us here any new insights you glean!
Friday
1. Visit Barb’s Failure Eating page again and complete her Failure Questions.
2. What truths can you add to your truth cards?
3. What is your VERY PRACTICAL plan to be victorious TODAY as the weekend begins?
Summary
Consider vacations and holidays a training opportunity. Many of my coaching clients and bunches of the emails I get mention the concern that weekends are very challenging. Each weekend there is a change in the routine, a change in structure (there may not be ANY structure). We may have attitudes of CELEBRATION!!! Then, when we give in, we beat ourselves up and get caught in continuing to break our boundaries because we are stuck in that old dieting mentality of “I already went off my ‘program,’ so I may as well forget it…” Let’s use THIS WEEKEND (be it a holiday, vacation, or just a normal weekend) to practice rejoicing in the pleasant, wonderful boundaries that God has established for us! If we fall off that horse, let’s get back on QUICKLY and rejoice that his mercies are new each minute!!! NO failure eating! You with me? 🙂
Last week, I created the Fire the Desire 3-Day Challenge form (did you download it on Tuesday?) in response to a request from one of my coaching clients that we “shake things up” to stimulate a change. I wanted to partner along with her, so I decided to take the challenge myself. Silly me. The first day I had stars in every box. WOOT! WOOT! YAY! I had an early breakfast 0 to 5 on the second day…off to a rousing start. Then, my daughter, recently returned from her first international trip, announced her desire to go to IN-n-Out. Hubby, Michaela and I headed off and, since I wasn’t hungry, I just got a diet soda. How about that! I would guess that was about when pride set in.
Next, I persevered through some tennis drills with hubby, still sustained by my breakfast. But after that? Well, I have no idea what happened. Something…I think when I got home I started “grazing” maybe because nothing sounded really good even though I was hungry (or was I?). So suddenly, my Fire the Desire 3-Day Challenge form had a big circle for one of the hours instead of a star! GASP!!!
THIS WAS NOT OK WITH ME! (Perfectionism rears its ugly head…it is not our friend!)
So, I did the mature thing…I crumpled it up (a tantrum, basically) and threw it in the trash. I printed out another chart so I could pretend to be perfect after all.
STOP!
Please tell me you won’t do this (or haven’t done this)!!!
And if you aren’t doing the challenge, I know you can relate even generally to applying yourself to eating 0 to 5, right?
Here is what I propose: If we have an hour when we feel hard pressed to put our star or favorite mark in the box (or experience victory if you aren’t doing the challenge with the chart), let’s circle the box, sure. Then, in the space below the grid, jot down an observation and correction. Prayerfully answer these questions: What happened to cause me to eat outside of my boundaries of 0 and 5 (or to drink sweetened beverages or not to have time praising the Lord at all during the day, etc)? What can I do differently next time so I won’t give in to whatever it was that got me during this hour?
Once you have answered these questions, you can consider the hour that is circled on your grid (or the choice you made to “mess up”) REDEEMED! You have allowed God to take your misstep (or, if you want to be really hard on yourself, a “failure”) and turn it into a victory where you have learned something to do differently when a similar situation presents itself the next time. THAT is a victory! This is what the Hallidays mean when they say failure can be a teacher, a coach, rather than your undertaker.
So, don’t do what I did and act like none of those starred boxes matter just because one of them didn’t have a star in it. Don’t assume that all the time you have made choices to honor God and to stay within your boundaries don’t matter just because of a mess up! Instead, observe and correct and praise God for the opportunity to learn.
In fact, let’s celebrate those boxes with stars in them. Let’s rejoice over the many moments we have made God-honoring choices!
But, of course, let’s have godly balance here…if you have more boxes that are circled than you do ones with stars in them, there is a problem–you may not be committed. But one hour out of 24–an hour where you were willing to observe (confess) and correct (repent) and make a plan for next time doesn’t a rotten day make!
How About You?
How are you doing on the challenge? Sure, you can start over from scratch if you want to, but why not observe and correct and press on now? This is the way life is. It is rarely perfect!
Hey, how is it going for you on our DITCH YOUR SCALE challenge? This is day 13! One more day! Did you make it? I am away from home on a trip right now, so I am not weighing myself. Unfortunately, I am dealing with the “vacation eating” challenges. I must renew my mind! I think I will do that. But on to what we are reviewing today:
Appearance Eating – In this bible study, Barb reminded us that focusing on weight loss is potentially detrimental to our success! (This is one reason why some of us may have needed to “ditch our scales!”) God may be at work doing a NEW THING that is a more lasting, valuable work and if we throw in the towel because we don’t see the results we want on the scale soon enough, then we may miss the blessing–AND the weight loss! If you want to review the video from this particular day, here is the link for that.I hope that, for those of you participating in the “Ditch Your Scale” Challenge, you were helped to see (well, I messed up on that!) that God is doing a new thing that is beneath the surface. What we see on the outside is not all that matters! In fact, it may not even be the most important thing at all. Do you need to renew your mind about that? I know I do. For me, here are truths I might need to rehearse again and again to combat a temptation to focus too much on appearance, weight, and size:
I am a 50+ year old woman and I simply will NEVER look like Barbi! And while looking like a teenager might be nice, it would be an unrealistic goal for this middle-aged lady. (I know this sounds silly, but I have to get that simple sometimes.
My value is not determined by what size or shape I am (or how much I weigh).
I am able to go on long walks in the woods, play tennis (singles and doubles) and enjoy doing all kinds of things physically. My body is amazing when I really stop to think about it!
My value is not determined by what size or shape I am (or how much I weigh).
God is at work doing a new thing from the inside out. He puts a premium on my character. Do I really want to have a different set of values (in a different order) than he does? No!
My value is not determined by what size or shape I am (or how much I weigh).
Oh, and did I say yet that my value is not determined by what size or shape I am or how much I weigh? 😉
What other truths could you add to this list?
Entitlement Eating – I really think Entitlement Eating and Justification Eating are twin sisters that wreak havoc with our 0 to 5 eating boundaries. If we aren’t able to deceive ourselves about breaking our boundaries via justification eating, then we most certainly DESERVE better than to have boundaries as restrictive as 0 and 5!!! NOT! LOL! But entitlement eating really convinces me that I…well…am worthy of this treat or that “prize” outside of my boundaries. I may be tired, stressed, have worked hard, put up with behavior of spouse, kids, or in-laws and so deserve to REWARD myself with food! NO! We want to renew our minds with truth about this:
God has called me to this (stress, challenge, difficult person, etc) and he wants me to meet the challenge in the strength that His Spirit provides.
I have no rights in Christ, but because of God’s grace and mercy I am given everything I need for life and godliness and I have been given every spiritual blessing in Him.
If I want to “reward” myself, how about something that will invest in my spiritual and emotional growth–something really beneficial? Like a hot bath with praise music playing or time on the back deck with my bible open?
A food reward is actually not a reward at all as when I eat outside of my boundaries it costs me spiritually, emotionally and physically.
A true reward would be something that God bestows on me. If I wait on him and his timing for a “reward” that HE establishes, then I will experience joy!
Failure Eating – If Justification and Entitlement eating are the twin sisters that wreak havoc with our 0 to 5 boundaries, then failure eating is a tag-along kid brother! No sooner do we “blow it” –usually due to justification or an attitude of entitlement–than we start beating ourselves up about our missteps and want to quit the entire thing. We reason “I didn’t stop at 5 so I may as well eat whatever now. I knew I could never get this Thin Within approach right! I am such a failure!” Then for a day, a week–however long–we give it up until we finally try again. This is one reason why Observation and Correction is such an invaluable tool. (I spoke about this in this post.) If we get in a routine of using the Observation and Correction tool, we will not let our failures or missteps define what we will do next. We will, instead, 1) observe 2) correct and 3) rejoice that God has drawn us back to his side! On this page, I have a video discussing “Failure Eating” in case it helps to review or you didn’t see it before.
Some truths that I use to renew my mind when I struggle with a temptation to throw in the towel (and honestly, I believe the longer you keep at this, the less this temptation will face you):
I may have failed in the moment, but I am not a failure.
God has declared that I am more than a conqueror. That is a FACT. I may not always live like this is so, but since God says it is true, I can believe it.
Do I really want to allow one misstep to define what I will choose to do next? No!
0 to 5 eating boundaries may not always be easy to follow…this is for a lifetime. Learning now how to start again immediately will serve me well for the rest of the days I am on this planet!
What other truths could you add to this list?
Which of these three–Appearance Eating, Entitlement Eating, and Failure Eating–challenge you the most? Can you anticipate a situation you may face in the week ahead when you will be tempted to eat because of this? What can you do to be victorious?
The day begins with hot tea and the warmth of a personal encounter with Jesus. Blessings and truth gush like a fountain off the pages of the Bible and saturate your heart as you are in awe of how intimate and personal His presence is to you. You have carved out this time first thing in the morning and it is richly rewarding!
In fact, you don’t think about food until a gnawing sensation in your stomach overcomes all other thoughts. Wow! I haven’t eaten since last night’s dinner! I am at a zero! Your quiet time was so satisfying and fulfilling and your heart so satiated with the goodness of God that it wasn’t until you were truly hungry that you gave a thought to breakfast. You thankfully relish a modest portion of a thoroughly satisfying meal.
As the day continues, you are prayerful, joy-filled, aware that Jesus walks with you.
Lunch is another “I-can’t-believe-I-am-actually-hungry” eating experience as you enjoy a lunch out with a favorite co-worker. You readily stop eating when you are no longer hungry. This is what it is like to “whether you eat or drink, do it all to the glory of God” as spoken of in 1 Corinthians 10:31!
Upon returning from lunch, however, demanding clients and a disgruntled boss cause the afternoon to lose it’s luster somewhat. By day’s end, the warm glow of the morning’s embers has been pretty well snuffed out. Tired, you saunter to your car considering the late afternoon commute. Your heart falls–overwhelmed–at what you know waits for you at home. Barring a miracle, the kids will be squabbling and messes will be everywhere. By the time you emerge through the thick traffic–made worse by a fender-bender in the slow lane–you are famished…you deserve some joy in your life. You enter the house and, sure enough, no one else thought to clean up the sink which now demands attention before you can even think about dinner preparation. Why is this always left to me?
You plug in the electric skillet with ingredients of what will not-soon-enough be a delicious meal and, as you reach for the cumin in the cupboard, the chocolate chips sitting right next to the spice rack grab you by the arm and threaten that you had better eat them! Ha! Not really, but you would think so! Before you give it any thought, let alone a prayer, you dive in. You finish your dinner preparation as you continue to revisit the bag of chocolate chips and by the time dinner is ready, you have inhaled enough chocolate chips to populate two batches of cookies. You aren’t hungry for dinner but feel the need to eat to “balance your blood sugar” since you know you will crash and burn later when you do get hungry after eating so much sugar. Besides, you don’t want the family to ask why you aren’t eating. That would be even worse than having eaten the chocolate chips!
By the time you go to bed, you are miserable…not just from having overeaten, but from the overwhelming sense of “failure.” Why can’t I ever have ONE good day of eating 0 to 5 all day long? The club of condemnation comes out and you start beating yourself up.
Can you relate to this scenario or one sort of like it? Are you frustrated that you can begin the day so well, but by the day’s end you have steamrollered right over your 0 to 5 eating boundaries?
What can you do when this happens?
In my personal experience and through the one-on-one coaching I have been doing for the past few months, I have seen this scenario or one like it play out numerous times. What we choose to do with our “failure” determines how “successful” we will be with our Thin Within program and the release of weight we hope to experience.
It isn’t the slip up that will keep us from releasing weight–not usually. It is allowing a mis-step to define what the next meal will be like, what the next hour will look like, what the next day, week, and month will look like.
This is why we have to, have to, haveto be willing to go from merely “observing” (and condemning) our behavior to planning a correction immediately. That way, the next time–and there WILL be a next time–we will have a plan of action to ensure success! We can take the proverbial bull by the horns and bring him down!
What do I mean by observation and correction? For those of you new or not yet experienced with the Thin Within book or workbook, this is a tool we use to help us see where we strayed from behavior and thoughts that didn’t correspond or support our godly goals. This is the “easy” part. It is the part that says, “I ate all those chocolate chips and then ate dinner when I wasn’t hungry and now I am stuffed!” In Thin Within, though, we try to observe dispassionately. We look at what happened and declare what action or thought was the culprit that derailed our godly intentions. We don’t judge. We don’t pull out the club of condemnation. This is the FIRST thing we do. You can add more power to this step by confessing it to the Lord in prayer.
Secondly, we want to plan a “correction”–what will we do differently the next time we are in the exact–or similar–situation? This is, simply, repentance. Choosing and planning a new behavior for the next time this situation arises. In our example, I would want to make a plan for when I am tired, frustrated, famished, and get little (if any) help at home after a long day. What could I *do* to change things around so that once I land at home the chocolate chips don’t assault me out of the blue? One suggestion for the woman in our example is that she could use her CD/mp3 player for the drive home to refocus her thoughts so that the commute time is spent renewing her mind about the rest of the day. Praise music can make a huge difference! Alternatively, downloading and using the audio files that I have made available to you might be helpful for the stressful commute. You can download the bible as mp3 or iTunes files, too! The journey home from work (or wherever) can actually become a sanctified “Holy of Holies” of sorts–land that you capture for the Lord. And if, when you do finally get home, you are famished you can have a prepared-in-advance baggie with a small snack designed for just such an occasion–to shave the 0 off just a tad. Like three Ritz crackers or one Oreo cookie–enough to get you through the dinner preparation without inhaling the chocolate chips!
Third thing you want to do after you have messed up is REJOICE! What? Did she actually say “Rejoice!”? Yes! You see, you are sensitive to the Lord and to the boundaries he has asked you to live within. That is why you have an awareness of the situation as a “Mess Up!” It means that you are tender-hearted. You haven’t become calloused to sin or to living outside of boundaries. It is a wonderful thing to realize! So, thank the Lord that he has given you a heart to obey him and that while you aren’t doing it “perfectly,” you are growing in godliness with each day. THIS time is different than any that may have come before as you are learning to do the struggle well.
Bringing it home:
Step 1: Observation. Consider the last 3 “mess ups” you have experienced. What did you think or do that worked against your godly goals?
Step 2: Correction. What will you do to structure life for success so that the next time you are in a similar situation you maintain your commitment to your boundaries?
Step 3: REJOICE! Can you thank God right now that he has given you a heart tender to him? You are here reading about this, aren’t you? That says a lot! LOL! 😀
Share your three steps below for one of your “Mess Ups.” You might give others that read your ideas some strategies for dealing with their own struggles! Let’s win some for the LORD!
