I believe we can learn a lot from observing children and their eating patterns. It’s really quite fascinating when they are purely eating intuitively. I wanted to share a bit of what I have observed and learned over the years.
Years before I had my daughter, I was aware of how children are born normal, intuitive eaters. I had spent some time with a mother who was overly concerned about what her children were eating. I believe the concern stemmed from a fear that her children would be sickly or unhealthy if they ate certain foods. One day, these children were in my care. Her son often asked for food, almost like he was fixated on it. There was a fresh batch of peanut butter cookies in the cookie jar and he knew it. After our lunch, he was alluding to the fact that there were cookies in the jar. I smiled down to him and asked, “Would you like a cookie?” His face lit up and he said, “Yes!” I brought the jar down to his level and let him pick a cookie. I encouraged him to pick the biggest cookie he could find. And then I asked him to pick out a cookie for me, too. He was beaming. We ate that cookies together at the table and savored every delectable bite. And for the first time, I observed him not fixated on food for the remainder of the time I was with him. That scene has played back in my mind so many times over the years. It proved to me that if we are more relaxed about food, that they are more relaxed about food as well.
Years later, this mother realized that she was being controlling about food and asked for my help. At that time I was battling diet thoughts and overeating, but I knew enough about normal eating to give her some wisdom on the subject. I encouraged her to allow her children to guide their eating more. She was so afraid they would only eat candy and sweets at first. I shared with her that it might be that way for a short season as they learn to navigate their food choices, but that after awhile their palate would balance out. I encouraged her to offer a wide variety of choices over time, including the “play food”. I was so proud of her that she took me up on this challenge. And now, to this day, her children have well-rounded appetites and enjoy a variety of foods. They are free to enjoy all foods. And their mother no longer tries to dictate what they can and cannot eat. They are healthy, active, and vibrant children and young adults.
Recently, a mother shared with me that her 10 year old daughter had been watching an episode of The Biggest Loser. Her daughter came to her and with concern, told her mother that she wanted to go on a diet. The mother’s heart felt broken for her daughter. When she told me about this, I encouraged her that we have to be so careful what we allow our children to see and hear when it comes to dieting, eating, and how we talk about and view our body. Children are sponges, and they are soaking up these things. Even as adults, we can be influenced by such things. My heart is saddened to know that we, as a society, have come to the point that young children are concerned about their weight in an unhealthy way. There is so much emphasis put on our outward image, from small children to adults.
As adults, parents, and guardians, I believe we have some responsibility in how we influence children when it comes to eating and body image. I believe children are born knowing when they are hungry and when they have had enough food. It’s simple, biological knowledge that they don’t even really focus on. It’s innate. Intuitive. Natural. But somewhere along the line, children are told to eat more, that they ate too much, that they are too thin, or that they are too big for their age.
I have to admit it’s been fun to watch my daughter as an intuitive eater. I have learned so much from her about what it means to be a normal eater. I’m thankful for the wisdom God has given me about being a normal, Thin Within eater. I’ve read enough books and observed about this subject to see what discourages a child or adult from being a normal eater, and I take that knowledge and do my best to apply it to my daughter.
I do my best to offer my daughter a variety of food. I try my best not to pressure her to eat more than she needs. If she says she’s “all done”, I trust her judgment. I never say, “Eat more peas and then you can have a cookie.” I don’t encourage her to try everything on her plate. I offer her a plate with 3-4 food items, and I let her pick and choose what she wants to eat. Sometimes she eats all the food, sometimes she eats only a few bites. Sometimes she out eats me! She loves fruit, but sometimes she will eat other foods before eating the fruit. Sometimes she eats all of the fruit before eating other things on her plate. I just observe and I don’t make any critical comments about what or how she’s eating. Often, she will ask for more fruit even before eating other foods on her plate. I will put a little bit more fruit on her plate and say, “All done after this, then you can eat what’s on your plate.” She understands that I will not be giving her more fruit and that if she’s still hungry, she can eat the remaining food on her plate. Sometimes I will plan ahead with giving her only half of the fruit I planned to give her, and then when she asks for more, I give her the other half.
I also know that over a week’s time that she will eat a wide variety of foods. I don’t have to concentrate on if she’s getting enough fruits or vegetables verse starches. This isn’t a science experiment–this is her being a natural-born eater. I want to be as hands-off as I can be. I’ve watched her try certain foods and then try to wash that distastefulness down with milk if she doesn’t like a particular food. And then I will watch her eat that same food again a few weeks later and eat it all up. I’ve heard it can take up to 12 times before a child will actually like a certain food. Of course, there are foods I knew she doesn’t care for, but I still offer a little bit of them when we have them for a meal. I don’t encourage her to eat them. I offer and let her decide.
Allowing your children to do what I’ve mentioned above may sound scary and out-of-control. It may make you feel uncomfortable allowing your children to be in charge of their palate. I truly believe the more hands-off you can be, the better.
What if your child is already feeling restricted in their eating? I believe you can help turn it around and guide them back to being a normal eater. You can use the same Thin Within principles for children as you can for adults. It may be harder for you, as the parent or guardian to let this go. Maybe you have fears that they will be overweight or eat in an out-of-control manner if you allow them to eat the foods they enjoy. I want to encourage you to prayerfully consider what’s at stake and ask the Lord for wisdom. He will help you! Also, if you are being an example to them of what it means to be a normal eater, that will help SO much! I believe it starts with the parent.
I read a story once about a mother who was controlling her child’s food consumption. The mother took her child to a nutritional counselor. The counselor asked the mother what her child’s favorite food was. It was M&M’s. The counselor encouraged the mother to buy bags of M&M’s and to fill a pillowcase with the M&M’s. Her child was to have complete control over these M&M’s. The mother was hesitant, but she did as the counselor suggested. At first, the child slept, bathed, and did everything with this pillowcase of M&M’s by it’s side. The mother was not allowed to say anything about when the child ate the candies. After a few days the child was no longer carrying around the pillowcase. The child realized that it could have those M&M’s whenever there was a desire. The novelty wore off. This same sort of thing happens to me when I have a certain kind of food around for a long time: I get tired of it being around, but I know I can have it at any time. It no longer has a hold on me because I know it’s always going to be there and if I run out, I can buy or make more. The conclusion to the M&M story: as the mother relaxed about food and allowed her child to actually eat what he/she enjoyed without criticism or control, the child also relaxed and over time, lost the extra weight and was no longer fixated on food.
Your child, just like an adult, may choose more play food at first when you surrender controlling their food intake. I know I did this. After awhile my body craved other foods and not so many play foods. I don’t even focus on what kind of foods I eat. When I’m hungry, I ask myself what I want to eat. You can do the same with children without emphasizing about a particular food being “good”, “bad”, “healthy” or “junk”. I personally don’t believe in in ‘junk’ food now that I’m more of a normal eater and following the principles of Thin Within. I believe we should treat all foods as the same, especially when starting out on this journey of becoming a Thin Within eater. The true emphasis should be on legalizing ALL foods and acknowledging those signs of hunger and fullness.
A child who hasn’t had much of a say in what they eat, will need to build up the trust that no one will dictate or criticize what they eat. This may take some time, but I truly believe that over time they will be in tune with their hunger levels once again and food won’t be such a fixation. And again, having an adult being an example of a normal eater makes a huge impact.
Pray about what you are allowing your child to see and hear. Is it “healthy” for you to watch shows like The Biggest Loser together with your family? How about those magazines or books? How do you talk about your body? How do you talk about your child’s body?
What can you do to encourage your child to be a normal eater? Do you desire to be that example in their life? Are you willing to let go of that control and let God guide? What can you learn from your little ‘Thin Within’ eater?
Are you convinced that you will be taken out—knocked down for the count—all because turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie (etc.) have an amazing “left hook” and you feel like you just can’t resist heading straight for disaster in the presence of sweet potato pie?
Are you persuaded that all your good intentions will be for naught at Thanksgiving Dinner tomorrow or the first Christmas party of the season…only to be multiplied in the days to come…so you figure why should I bother trying…I will only fail?
If we take on this fatalistic thinking, we will be convinced that there is “no point” in being vigilant through the holidays. We will put off having any boundaries and wait to focus in January—maybe even after we have gained some additional weight and hardened our hearts further!… After all, we reason, there is an online Thin Within class I can plan to take in January. I will get serious then!
Let’s DITCH 🙂 this trepidation, intimidation stuff.
Let’s DITCH the lies!
We serve the Living God!
He blew the lid off the grave!
The same resurrection power that raised Jesus out of the tomb is available to lift us away from the table and enable us to say NO to another bite beyond 5 (Ephesians 1:19,20).
Do I really think I can’t say no? That is a lie! Time to admit it!
Let’s choose to REDEEM the time we have right here and right now! Yes, even on the eve of Thanksgiving! Let’s embrace the meaning of passages such as these:
Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ,
and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.
– Romans 13: 14
—
…train yourself to be godly
1 Timothy 4:7b
What if, instead of being intimidated by what’s ahead on the holiday horizon, we were to view this as an opportunity for training in godliness?
Wouldn’t it be great if, by this time on Friday, you could look back over the previous day and rejoice that you had taken captive run-away thoughts (many might be lies) and had emerged a victor, rather than a victim of yet another Thanksgiving Day feast?
Think about it! We have an OPPORTUNITY to navigate through the most CHALLENGING season and to learn a lot as we do—by desperately clinging to God and seeing his grace as a presence, provision, and power in the moment or even by observing and correcting in those rare instances when we “mess up!”
Has God called you to boundaries of hunger/satisfied eating? I know for many of us, this is a conviction in our hearts. Then is it really negotiable? Rather than making a provision for our flesh to go hog-wild and eat whatever we want tomorrow, maybe we can make a “provision for our spirit”… by doing as Christina suggested in yesterday’s post and having a battle plan!
Let’s think of the next five weeks as a great opportunity to train for godliness, to grow in dependence on the Lord, to build our thanksgiving muscles (not just tomorrow, but every day). This is a season for training. If we make it through January 1st staying on the horse, or getting back on immediately if we DO fall off, we can do just about anything relative to our eating after these holiday parties and cookie exchanges are over. We don’t need to come out the other side of December looking like the Christmas Cookie Crisco Girls! We can train our spirits AND our bodies so that we have grown closer to the Lord and have released weight, too!
The reason I know YOU can do it is because I did it and I was the biggest rebel ever known to exist! So if I can do it, you can, too. I wrote this post on January 2, 2007, where I share the details of my first holiday season being faithful to God and the conviction that he wanted me to eat 0 to 5 even during the holidays. I had released just over 20 pounds–much of it through November and December! If that is your need, YOU CAN do this, TOO!
How About You?
Honestly, it IS possible for you to emerge victorious on January 2nd! AND it doesn’t need to ruin your holiday fun, too! I can’t promise you won’t have to make sacrifices, but isn’t it worth it? This time next month, you could have shed the burden of some extra weight, enjoyed your holiday celebrations (so far), AND be closer to the Lord! To do that, I challenge you to:
Shift from an intimidation mentality to an opportunity mentality. Think of this as an OPPORTUNITY to TRAIN for godliness this holiday season! Start now! Just think about how much stronger you will be for whatEVER challenges face you after December!
Recommit to 0 to 5 eating boundaries. Ask God to show you if this is what HE wants for you—even through the holidays.
Commit to getting back on the horse again quickly if you do fall off. Honestly, the success we experience in this approach is not by pursuing perfection. It is by refusing to quit. Instead, over time, you will fall off the horse less frequently and stay on the ground less long. So if you find yourself having “messed up,” just get back in the saddle. RIDE! 🙂 FIGHT! It is worth it!
Try this…my friend Barb has a great idea. It has worked for me! Since she knows she may want an extra bite of _______ even outside of her boundaries, she tells herself she can have _______ after she has renewed her mind. You can do this by choosing to do a set of questions in the “I Deserve a Donut” app or the “I Deserve a Donut” book (both by Barb) or even after you have read a post at this blog (or another blog that encourages you). Chances are once you do that, you won’t want the extra bites of __________. Last night I did this when I wanted a second handful of chocolate covered cashews. It worked like a charm. I didn’t want them. I knew I COULD, but didn’t!
So, who of you are IN? 🙂
P.S. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that, if you think you need a bit of extra support, you can get some coaching during the holidays. If you are interested in that, have a look at the Coaching page.
I was bee-bopping along…like always. Somewhat carefree, though only as carefree as I could be with many significant life changes happening in such a short period.
Eager to help as many people as possible to experience the freedom that Jesus has purchased for them, I am trying to build the ministry of “God is Doing a New Thing,” responding to emails and texts, phone calls and blog comments.
A common theme in these written and spoken conversations is the way life throws us a curve and so often these curves upset the applecart (sorry to mix the metaphors there!). The person was going along, getting her bearings with 0 to 5 eating, experiencing some element of joy and peace and freedom when all of a sudden out of nowhere, sickness hits or a trial or a massive temptation or…whatever it may be.
This is life in a Genesis 3 world (something I learned about from my pastor). Things don’t always happen the way we anticipate. The best way to grow and move through these challenges and do so without a major setback in our godly eating boundaries is to take stock of what happened, get back on the horse, and get going again, making a plan for the next time things go wonky. If we are proactive we don’t need to let a “failure” or misstep define what happens next. Yes, I have passed this advice out quite readily.
Easy to say and quite another to do.
I should have seen it coming, perhaps. Nothing new and major in at least 36 seconds, after all. 😉
At 3:30 in the morning one day last week, my life took a strong left turn. I want desperately to describe what happened, but it would be imprudent to do so. There is nothing that compares to this. It was extremely dramatic. I had no idea just how much it had thrown me until I surveyed the damage I was doing in the kitchen following the event and the subsequent response of other people involved.
I had reverted to old old old old…ancient… “I-thought-this-was-dead-and-buried” … behaviors. I had eaten my way through anything and everything. Not only was I not getting hungry first, but I was stuffed all day long.
Just to be clear, friends. This was last week!NOT 5 years ago! ME! I am supposed to have this WIRED! After all, I quickly encourage others how to navigate the murky waters (boy, I am filled with metaphors today) of unexpected challenges.
When I asked myself, “What is going on here?” I gave myself a flippant response… “It’s temporary…”
Hold everything…
I finally (after four days) came up for air.
I see now that what happened in our home triggered some flashbacks from my childhood. Nothing had ever done that like this event. I thought I was past having things triggered like that. But I was able to see it with such clarity.
As a child, I remember numerous times when my mom would overdose on sleeping pills, no doubt prescribed by my M.D. dad. (Weird, huh?)
In the dark of night the sirens and lights of an ambulance or Sheriff’s car came blasting down our tiny dead-end street. My unconscious mom would be wheeled out on a gurney. They would load her up and send her on to the hospital. I wondered if she would be dead when I saw her next or if she would come back the next day. My aunt and uncle would come and take me to their house to spend the night.
No one ever talked about what happened. Ever. No one ever asked me if I was ok or how I felt or…well, anything.
I am pretty sure that it was during these “events” that I learned to comfort myself with food. My aunt and uncle didn’t have children and didn’t know how to be around children so, while they could provide basic care, they didn’t have a clue how to play with me and didn’t really have any intention of doing so. I remember my uncle taking me to the “Food Circus,” an amazing place where we could go in and there was something for everyone! (It was sort of like the food courts in the mall or airports these days…we didn’t have food courts back then!) Almost all of my memories of staying with my Aunt and Uncle during these events, are of eating with them. I wonder if it was because they didn’t know what else to do with me other than feed me.
I played with their black lab, too, and prowled around in the wild jungle that was their backyard. At the time, the event with my mom overdosing and attempting to end her life never seemed to exist. I learned to live in a world where what I saw I didn’t see, what I heard, I didn’t hear, what I felt, I didn’t feel. Period. Move on.
So, when last Wednesday something traumatic happened…something that triggered these memories…and there was no ability to talk about it within my home for various reasons, I guess it is no small wonder that I turned to old coping mechanisms. It wasn’t conscious, certainly…but now that I know, I need to STOP it all. Deal with the pain and heartache. Forgive where it needs to happen. Draw close to my heavenly Abba.
I believe that is what this is about. This eating thing isn’t about us “getting it” and “getting thin” or “getting healthy.” It is about “getting” HIM. In all His fullness. This is what He desires. It is about getting dependent on our God. It is about seeing him as sufficient for my need. He is my portion.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:25-26
Have you been thrown for a loop recently? If not, you will probably be soon. Life may throw you a curve as it often does. What can you do to plan for success, to guard your boundaries, to emerge celebrating a great victory?
Is your routine disrupted and, while you start the weekend with wonderful intentions, do you find that pretty consistently, you fall into more chaotic eating patterns? Perhaps weekends have historically been a time of letting down your guard, throwing all caution to the wind!
I know for me, weekends signal me to “Celebrate!” which traditionally in my life has meant “It’s time to eat!” The whole mentality for me that weekends are a time not to work at anything creates a challenge with being diligent with 0 to 5 eating boundaries.
What can we do about this so we don’t end up the other side of the weekend, disappointed by our “failures?”
Preparation is our greatest ally for the weekends. If we expect the weekend to be disruptive, let’s take time to be with the Lord when the house is quiet. Let’s renew our minds about “fun,” about 0 to 5 eating being a good, godly, boundary that we can delight in, and call on His strength to help us. Let’s put on the armor of God found in Ephesians 6.
Know that there will be challenges to your resolve, but you don’t have to just let them roll over you like a tidal wave!
Consider the forms the challenges have taken in the past:
A spontaneous family trip out for ice cream.
A game night where snack foods abound.
Nascar/other sports on the TV all day with people munching as they watch.
One of the family members trying out a new cookie recipe.
One of the best strategies I know of is to plan ahead for all the fun. Then, I can plan my hunger to happen the same time as the fun.
For instance, we can plan the ice cream outing (or the cookie baking) ahead of time! Ask the family in the morning… “Hey, let’s go out for ice cream this afternoon!” Not only will it be fun to have the outing itself, but there will be joy all day at the anticipation. Spontaneity IS fun, but so is the joy in planning ahead! Once you have the plan for the ice cream outing (or going out to dinner…whatever it might be), you can plan your hunger so that you are at a “0” when it is time to go out. It is true that planning hunger takes some experience, but you can learn it in time. Just extend grace to yourself if you have never done that before. This is a process!
Let’s renew our minds about the connection of food with fun. The truth is we can enjoy the experience without the food. We can enjoy the laughter, the joy, the emotions, the hugs, cuddles, tickles of the family…just being together… without having to break our boundaries.
Let’s come out the other side of our weekends victorious. Let’s not shrug our shoulders, throw up our hands, and figure we can’t fight the disruption to our routines that often comes on the weekends. We can do this if we are committed to it!
If we do “mess up,” let’s observe and correct,rather than observe and condemn.
Invite God into your weekend. Renew your mind! Ask the family for their support. Plan ahead for the fun.
What can you do in your home life and family to ensure that weekends still provide fun without breaking your eating boundaries?
My husband has released 11 or 12 pounds. 😀 But more…he has sure gotten smart, too! LOL! He has encouraged me with things to share here in my blog…thus the photos, for instance, of the portions and other things, too. Today, I share some things that come straight from HIS brain and a bit from his heart, too. Thank you, hubby, for your willingness to share with those who visit my (now it is OUR) blog! 😀
Years ago, before he carried much weight in his tummy, he would do this cute little giggle like the Pillsbury Dough-Boy on TV commercials. He has a round face anyhow, so he really is adorable. LOL! So, for this entry, he has the affectionate name of “Dough Boy.” 🙂
After we made our photographic series on our Anniversary Dinner, Dough Boy took his leftovers to work. Our daughter had eaten a fajita or two out of Dad’s leftovers, but Dough Boy had enough left for a wonderful lunch. He was looking forward to it. He got to work early, put the carryout box in the breakroom fridge, and went to his morning meeting. After the meeting, Dough Boy was ready for lunch and his fajitas were on his mind.
He went to the fridge in the breakroom. The take out box with, what HE calls, his “precioussssss….” was GONE!
After snooping around to try to discover the solution to this mystery, hubby discovered his boss had “cleaned out” the fridge, assumed the box was left from before the New Year holiday and THREW IT OUT! Oh! Hubby’s heart did break! He has mentioned this event repeatedly since then and always with a sad little pout referring to his “preciousssss……” (Did I ever tell you how much fun hubby is? He is so silly!)
Friday night, the family went out to Carls Jr. and Dough Boy ordered a Western Bacon Burger with fries. He shared the fries and wrapped up half his burger to take home. Good grief! Will wonders ever cease! 🙂
Then, yesterday, we had our weekly date–just he and I–and went to “Main Street.” I ordered a burger and fries. He ordered a taco and chips and salsa. I cut off about 1/4 of my burger and put the rest in the carry out (they are large burgers). The rest was for my daughter and I to share later. I had about 10 fries and the rest went into the carry out.
Dough Boy had some chips, salsa, and his taco. In the past, he would have had all of that *and* my burger AND all the fries. There would have been NO food left for us to take home.
Even so, when we got into the car Dough Boy said, “Oh…I am at a SEVEN!” He can’t believe how his stomach has adjusted to eating differently. It takes SO much less food to satisfy and eating slowly is so key when you eat so little.
Last night, at Neighborhood Fellowship Group, there were tiny brownies about the size of dice. I kid you not! How funny is that? Dough Boy commented on the way home how “bingeing” has been redefined for him. It used to be eating taco, chips, burger and fries. Now it is eating a taco after the chips. A lot less food. It used to be half a pan of brownies. Now it is one chocolate chip cookie and 2 brownie dice. LOL.
Dough Boy says that he feels God is doing a new thing in his heart and life, too. He says God has been showing him a lot of flaws in his life that he needs to take seriously and address.
I realize sharing these things has *seemed* rather silly and frivolous. I mean, I am using silly pictures, for instance…but if you knew the strongholds that have been in our lives…you would know that this has been a result of serious spiritual warfare…we rolled over and refused to fight. We did’t “struggle” at all. We lived for years, just letting the enemy have his way with us and with our home. Ok, so *I* may have put up a fight every so often…but as my testimony has indicated…it was only a matter of time before I bellied up again.
I am thankful for a new season.
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