I used to write about my challenges with my horse, Harley, on a Yahoo group I was a part of. Readers of the posts said they thought that he breathed fire based on my description of him. I had turned him into a 5-headed monster! The truth was, he was spunky and needed reassurance from his human. If he didn’t get that…well, he might…um…buck. 🙂 Yes…BUCK.
Unfortunately for both of us, I wasn’t really situated very well to give him those reassurances. So…well…buck he did. Land on the ground…yes…I did that…frequently. I couldn’t stand the thought of coming off…again and again and again. I just quit riding him in 2005. The fact that I was 100 pounds overweight at the time, certainly contributed to my decision. I was somewhat convinced that my large size *hurt* him to carry! It broke my heart, but I was so tired of failure.
Finally, with the help of a couple of very gifted trainers…who trained me…I dusted myself off and got back on the horse. The above picture was taken, the second time I rode him after a two year lay off. I decided that I was done “giving up.”
You can tell by the smile on my face how I felt about the experience. The thing that strikes me about this picture is I finally overcame my fear and, other than the “death grip” of my right hand on the rein, I am riding with merely a halter! (No saddle!) It is one of my favorite pictures of Harlinator and me because in it, I had come such a far distance from where I had been.
[Note: Here is a video of the first time I got back on Harley after those two years of staying off. This was shot about a week before the photo above was taken. See if there are any similarities to how you feel when you consider “getting back on the Thin Within horse!” Note Melissa telling me to remember to “Breathe!”]
I haven’t come off of Harley in a long while, but when I did the last time, I dusted myself off immediately. I observed where I went wonky. I made note of a needed correction so that whatever-it-was wasn’t likely to happen again. Then I put my foot in the stirrup and lifted myself back in the saddle.
I approach my “eating life” the same way. When I fall off the horse, I don’t wait around until I feel like getting back on. I observe and correct and hop back on up in the saddle. There is fun to be had. Places to go! Adventures to enjoy! I don’t want to indulge myself in self-pity and woe-is-me self deprecation.
So, did you stay on the horse yesterday? Did all your good intentions win out? Did you keep your rear firmly in the saddle and are you smiling big, knowing that you DID it?
Or…Or did you get thrown off? Are you licking your wounds, mercilessly inflicted by the “Ultimate Caramel Apple Pie?” Or just a few too many bites (past 5) of turkey and gravy?
Well, I want to encourage you…you CAN get off the ground and back on that horse right now! 🙂 It is WORTH IT!
I was asked recently by one of my coaching clients…”What do you do when you overeat…when you overeat by a LOT?”
The answer…simply…is you just wait for hunger again. Presto! No big heavy emotional guilt tripping allowed! Instead, just get back on that horse and start riding again. Wait for 0 and serve yourself a modest portion, stopping when you are no longer hungry. It really IS that simple!
I do find it VERY helpful to build a foundation for lasting change if I deal with the beliefs that fuel my actions. Really, I can’t say this enough. We can keep restraining ourselves with “will power,” but unless we change the way we think and what we believe (beliefs fuel actions which fuel a lifestyle), we will find ourselves back where we were before or—worse. At the very least, change won’t be sustained.
God wants my heart more than he wants me to be thin. So it stands to reason he won’t let me be content to just lose weight. I got to the place where I carried 100 extra pounds on my frame because I believed food was a better comforter than God. I got to the place where I sustained such a large size because I turned to food to be my savior instead of to the Lord.
So, it stands to reason that the real work will have to be in my mind.
No, you really probably don’t need to read another book.
… and you probably don’t need to read the Thin Within book again.
Those things may be helpful, sure. But what you may need, if you are anything like me, is to work on what you believe more than what you know. You probably know plenty! But what do you believe?
If you watch even the first moments of the video I referenced above, you will see that I believed that I was going to get hurt. The ride didn’t flow. It was hindered by my beliefs. By the time I was on Harley a week or two later bareback and with the halter, though, I believed that things were going to work between us! What I believe makes a HUGE difference in my actions! Watch the video to see what I mean!
So, what lies were motivating you yesterday if you overate? What truth can counter the lies?
EVERYTHING is redeemable by our wonderful Lord! In fact, no matter what you may have done eating-wise yesterday, God intends that “failure” be redeemed. “Failure” can be a great teacher. Observe what you did by looking back over yesterday. Look at where you went astray. And now, correct. What could you do differently in the future? What could you believe differently in the future that would help you to choose to do that behavior?
Getting back on the horse again after a mess-up is all about observing, correcting, choosing.
It is about extending grace.
It is about learning from your mis-steps and struggles.
It is about trading lies that have moved you with truth…doing it even before the lies have a chance to work again. Right now.
What About You?
What lies were at work yesterday that kept you from acting in a way that supported your godly goals of 0 to 5 eating?
What truths can you use to refute the lies?
How might your actions change the next time you are faced with a similar situation?
And if you negotiated through Thanksgiving Day with NO regrets, I would love to hear about it. It is encouraging. Tell us what challenge you faced and how you were able to emerge victorious. You may have experienced the bucking of that horse beneath you, but if you managed to stay on anyhow, we want to celebrate that with you!
Every year the Lord gives me a word for the new year. In December of 2012, I began to pray about what the word would be. Almost immediately the Lord said my word was “change”. With that being such a simple word, I thought that just couldn’t possibly be it–but it was! And one of the things the Lord said would be changing is my eating. So being the planner that I am, I started to decide for myself what that change would look like. Following my emotions and compulsiveness, I decided that God no longer wanted me following Weight Watchers, but wanted me ordering powdered shake mixes to follow a regimen of drinking shakes and doing cleanses. The Lord let me go along with it, and after a few days in the beginning of January of drinking shakes and being told when, what, and how to eat, I was humbled and confessed that I made the wrong decision. Oops! I knew that change still needed to take place in my eating, so I began to search again. This time the search led me to contacting a naturopath, hoping to figure some things out with my body. Again, I followed my emotions and was compulsive. And the Lord let me go along with this as well. I was told not to eat carbohydrates or sugar. And so I began that quest and discovered very quickly that I felt very deprived and, after awhile, fearful that if I ate those two “don’ts” that I was damaging my body and tempting God.
And so began (or continued) my struggle. I had never been so fearful about food in all my life. I was constantly being attacked in my mind about food. I wrote SO many journal entries about this, going back and forth about what I should do. I wanted to go back to Weight Watchers SO badly, but I didn’t feel peace doing that. I also didn’t have peace following the naturopath’s regimen. And then one day in March, the Lord led me to look at Heidi’s blog. I hadn’t looked at it in a couple of years. And immediately, as I began to read her posts, peace entered my heart. It was the first time in months that I felt peace and comfort in the area of food. It was like the Lord shone His light and said, “This is what I want you to be doing. This is the change I intended.”
That peace remained in my heart for a short time until I began entertaining the dieting and restrictive thoughts again. I was really hung up on the lie that eating carbohydrates and sugar would damage my body–that it would basically kill me. I was being tormented in my mind. When the enemy tries to bring fear, he likes to ask the “what if” and “what about” questions. There was a major battle going on in my mind and I had a very hard time getting out of it.
I knew from personal experience and from what Heidi was sharing about renewing our mind, that truth was the only way I was going to win the battle that was going on in my mind. The hard part was pushing past the “what abouts” the enemy was throwing at me constantly. I had to get to a place where I absolutely could ONLY believe and focus on what the Lord says in His Word about eating and food. I wrote out scripture after scripture on notecards about how God has blessed ALL foods, about how no one had right to judge me in food or drink, about how I was to set aside what the world was saying and fix my eyes on Jesus, etc. And every day I read through those cards 2-3 times a day, sometimes less, sometimes more. It wasn’t easy at first, but after awhile those truths began to resonate in my heart. I also asked different ones to pray for me. After awhile I recognized that it wasn’t so much of a battle about food, but it was the enemy trying to lead me down the path of fear. Fear comes in all shapes and sizes. The enemy will tempt us with fear about EVERY thing in life. But God and His word is bigger and more powerful than any lie the enemy throws at us. The Word of God is our weapon! It never returns void. It goes out and accomplishes what God has set for it to do. The truth sets us free!
So little by little, every single day, every single time I read those scriptures, the Lord was setting me free! By mid-June I was walking in victory over this food battle. Praise the Lord!
And then the next part of the journey began. The second phase of the Renewing of the Mind Weight Loss Bible study started mid-June on Heidi’s blog. The Lord blessed me with an accountability partner and I began the next phase of my journey. This part of the journey included overcoming the diet mentality and finding truth about Weight Watchers.
Would you believe that I subscribed and cancelled my Weight Watchers subscription probably 4-5 times since January? You better believe it! It’s quite embarrassing, but that shows right there how hard it was to break free from those chains.
Let me give you a little history about my experience with Weight Watchers. About 4 years ago I was at my heaviest weight, which is about 30 pounds heavier than I am currently. I knew all about Thin Within and normal eating. I felt that I had “tried” eating 0-5, but really, I wasn’t committed and found every excuse to eat. I had just come through a lot of emotional healing, which unfortunately was combined with emotional eating. We had also been trying for a child for about 5 years at this point and I was very discouraged. So I ate. And ate. I felt disgusting. I felt discouraged about normal eating not working for me (even though that was a lie I was believing), so I prayed about doing Weight Watchers. The Lord allowed me to follow Weight Watchers for about 3 years, except for when I was pregnant or breastfeeding. I always kept in mind listening to my body’s hunger cues and I knew better to eat if I was hungry, even if I didn’t have extra points. That doesn’t mean I didn’t feel guilty about it, but I knew that listening to my body was more important than a points allotment. I lost weight and then lost weight again after pregnancy. Toward the last few months of following Weight Watchers, I began to lose my peace. And when the Lord told me that my word for this year was “change” and that would involve even my eating, I knew I would be kissing Weight Watchers goodbye.
Up until the last part of August of 2013, I was really struggling with thinking about going back to Weight Watchers. My accountability partner encouraged me to commit myself to a certain amount of time with Thin Within. The Lord told me 90 days, which would end September 11th. I went back and forth about Weight Watchers, with it as a constant afterthought. Whenever I felt like I failed with eating 0-5, I would tell myself that I just need to go back to tracking points. And sometimes I would be so tempted that I would actually subscribe to Weight Watchers online again, but never actually track points. Why didn’t I actually end up tracking? Because there was NO peace! The Lord kept putting His foot down and would NOT release me back to Weight Watchers.
Heidi has talked a lot recently about truth cards. I have a little notebook with about 50 cards filled out with scriptures, truths from Heidi’s blog, tidbits from the Thin Within book and from Intuitive Eating (my other favorite book about normal eating), and quotes. I read through these cards about twice a day. I had lots of truths written down about how I don’t want to diet anymore and about why dieting (Weight Watchers) is not something I want to do. But I was still struggling with going back to Weight Watchers!
Finally, toward the end of August, I emailed my accountability partner and Heidi, asking for prayer and help with my thoughts about Weight Watchers. Heidi shared an idea that was so powerful to me that it honestly rocked this whole mental roadblock. She basically said that maybe my thoughts about Weight Watchers was bringing some kind of “drama” into my life that I was actually, in a weird way, enjoying. Like, that I needed something to fixate on and Weight Watchers was that thing. It was creating this drama, this thing for my brain to constantly go on and on about. One word came to my mind: obsession. I was OBSESSED with thinking about Weight Watchers. This wasn’t new to me. The enemy has used lots of things over the years to encourage me to obsess over. Little obsessions. Big obsessions. When I realized that this was just something that was trying to get my attention and create drama, I was like, “There is no way I’m entertaining this anymore!” And I made the decision not to entertain the Weight Watchers temptation anymore! I was done!
And really, just like that, the obsession was gone. It was all the Lord. It was like I had to surrender that drama to the Lord. He gladly took it. And now when I read those truth cards about how Weight Watchers IS a diet and the damage dieting does, I can nod my head in agreement, with NO temptation to go back! Praise God!
So since starting the Thin Within journey, in 6 months the Lord has freed me from the bondage about fear of food AND about being on a diet. I PRAISE God for what He has done! His work is marvelous!!
This was something I wrote in a comment recently on Heidi’s blog. It pretty much sums up my thoughts on truth cards and the importance of renewing our mind:
Renewing our mind is VITAL to becoming a normal, intuitive, Thin Within eater! I wish I would have realized this truth many years ago when I was “trying” to eat 0-5. I had so many hang-ups and wrong thoughts about it. But now I have truth cards that I read every day at least twice and they are packed full of truths from the Word, from the TW book, from this (Heidi’s blog), from other ‘normal eating’ material, and tidbits of truths I have found here and there. The first few months I felt like it was more of a burden to read the truth cards, like it was more of a duty than a privilege. But NOW it’s what I cling to and it’s VITAL in overcoming the battle I have had within my thoughts about food, body image, dieting, etc.
Back in May I was struggling (almost being tormented) by thoughts about food. I was believing lies that I couldn’t eat certain foods and that if I did, that I was purposely damaging my health and tempting God. It was a HUGE battle! The Lord had me write out scriptures on notecards, which eventually became part of my truth cards, and it was after reading those cards over and over again that I began to see a breakthrough. God’s truth prevails! It doesn’t return void! It is our weapon! I have read through scripture cards like that before for other situations, such as fear. When we consistently wash our mind with His Word and truth, we are being renewed little by little. At first it may seem like a lot of work, but after awhile we see LIFE being brought back into our minds. The lies flee. Freedom reigns! It’s pretty awesome!
I no longer deal with those thoughts about food. God has completely released me from those lies, that prison which held me. He continues to set me free daily from other mindsets I have struggled with. I am praising Him for what He has done and is doing!
I don’t know how else to emphasize on how very important it is to renew our minds in the area of our struggle with eating, dieting, and body image. Honestly, if I would have understood this years ago, I would have been set free a lot earlier. I’m thankful for the journey I have been on because I learned a lot along the way. The beauty of having truth cards and renewing our mind is that even when we don’t think it’s working–it is! God’s word is powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword! He wants us to absorb these truths. I think of the scripture Psalm 119:11, “Your word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” I thought I would never be able to conquer the food thoughts I was being tormented with earlier this year, but as I began to bathe my mind with the Word, I saw victory through Christ! The Lord helped me breakthrough and all I did was read those scripture cards that I had hand-written. That’s it! God did the rest! I had to commit myself to writing them out and reading them; that was my part. God honored His word. He set me free! And He WILL do the same for you!
I’m not perfect with 0-5 eating. I have moments where I want to eat when I’m not hungry. The next part of my journey is learning to delight in the boundaries God has set up for me in regards to eating. I see Him working in me and I’m so excited!
There’s one more thing I want to share. When I decided to commit to 90 days of Thin Within, I asked the Lord whether I should weigh myself after the 90 days were done. He didn’t answer me right away, but then the answer came when I found out I was pregnant about 1/3 of the way through my commitment. I’m one of those that doesn’t want to know weight gain in pregnancy until the very end. So that pretty much solved that question. And I think it’s so neat to be going through this part of the journey being pregnant, without the focus of weight loss (which is what I should be doing anyway), because I really get to mentally focus on finding peace with food and allowing God to help me with renewing my mind. God is so good!
Oh, and in case if you were wondering, I did stay committed through September 11th, and I continue on! Praise God!
What About You?
Can you identify with Christina’s turmoil? Do you find yourself playing along the perimeter, toying with 0 to 5 eating, but never really “buying in?” Do you leave in fear of “normal” food? Do diets seem to have the answer, but you don’t feel released to have peace dieting any more? What thought has Christina shared here that God is driving home to your own heart and mind? WIll you please share it with us here? We can commit to praying for you!
Image Courtesy: ME – It’s my daughter and her friend!
I chose this image to open today’s post because it sounds like such a great illustration of freedom to me.
Today, I am blowing the dust off the archives. 🙂 This video is from 2002. (Subscribers, please visit the website to see it.)
Here I share how I went from fat gram counting and exercise obsession to freedom as I began to trust my hunger and satisfied signals–even through a period of bed rest! I also talked about the hunger graph, one of the Thin Within tools available for you to try!
If you are interested in trying the hunger graph for additional accountability, you can download a copy from the Thin Within website here. When our Thin Within/God is Doing a New Thing app comes out (we are getting to the last stages of development) it will include, among other things, a hunger graph tool! I am excited about that!
How About You?
Do you struggle with fear any time you don’t get the activity that you are accustomed to getting? Are you free? Are you able to trust your body’s hunger/satisfied signals? Where are you in this journey? If you are just starting out, please share with us in the comments. I know there are many veterans here who would like to support you!
As you launch into this leg of your journey, there may be three fears or doubts that assault you. If you are like most of us, maybe you can relate to these. Hope there is something here that can encourage you!
Let’s not let doubt win. Instead, let’s submit our thinking, our doubts and fears, to the Philippians 4:8 test:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent
or praiseworthy—think about such things.
– Philippians 4:8
If you find yourself thinking things that are not serving the godly goals you have established (and I mention some of those thoughts, doubts, and fears in this video), subject them to this test: Is this thought true, noble, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy? If not, REJECT the thought!
We demolish arguments and every pretension
that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,
and we take captive every thought
to make it obedient to Christ.
– 2 Corinthians 10:5
This is what we are doing! We are replacing thoughts that are not God’s thoughts with His thoughts. How does God think about whatever it is you are thinking about? What does He think about your attempts to apply these principles? What does He think about the doubts that people may verbalize to you? What does He think about the process of eating 0 to 5 for landing on a healthy weight and maintaining it all your life long?
What do you think? 🙂
What doubts have you been facing as you begin this leg of your journey?
The horse dream ended up in a very real way being a nightmare—God continued to shut down everything to which I looked for satisfaction but Him (including my horses!).
I stopped riding due to challenges the horses faced (the one in the picture wasn’t even 5 yet and came totally lame…surgery was required…he is only 9 now and is retired). Between that and my escalating weight (again), I stopped riding. This was a heartache as well.
God was insistent. Gentle, yes, but insistent. Would I look to Him? Or would I continue to resist His call?
In the fall of 2006, I got involved in an online Christian horse owner’s list. I wanted to fellowship with other believers who loved and were owned by 🙂 horses. I guess the group owner “Googled” my name and found out about my involvement with Thin Within.
The internet is an amazing place. We can be whoever or whatever we want independent of how we look. In real life, had this woman seen me, she might have been very polite and never even mentioned a “Christian diet book” to me given I carried 100 (or so) extra pounds—even if I “helped write” it! But, not having seen me, she didn’t know I didn’t practice what I preached…And innocently asked me about it. She had no idea that this was something from my past—or was it?
She was a tool in God’s hands to flush me out of hiding!
In fact, she asked me to lead the horse group members through an online study of the Thin Within book. Good grief! God was actually pursuing me! Rather than interpret it as indicative of His great love, I felt trapped. 🙁 And a bit annoyed.
Not willing to be Jonah and run the other way, however, I went along with it. After all, no one had to know the truth–that I was almost as big as ever and didn’t give a flying fig about surrendering this to God…right?
I am sure that precious woman didn’t have a clue how God was using her. She may have only known that she and others in the group wanted to lose weight (or, at the very least, make it through the holidays without gaining) and Thin Within was a “Christian diet” (or so they thought—it isn’t at all, but they didn’t know that yet).
It is funny how the Lord works things out.
Early in November 2006, I began to share lessons about Thin Within on the Christian horseman’s list. Getting to know the group, I also shared the video of Daniel and Dodger.
In response to that, I discovered that a young mom of a four year old boy…who had been diagnosed with the same autism spectrum disorder as my Daniel—Asperger’s Syndrome—was also present on the list! When we began to talk about our sons—hers only 4 years of age and mine 14 years old—we shared and talked and shared and talked some more. I had walked this road 10 years ahead of her…and God used her earnest questions to soften my heart some more. There were times when I would come through an email exchange in tears…both at the pain I had touched upon in my own life in order to reach out to her, but also with joy that the years of heartache had an outlet…a positive one.
God showed me again…He spins straw to gold if we allow it.
The question was, would I yet continue to resist that God is God? Could HE use me in some way to encourage another about her child’s autism?
How ironic…I found that, in spite of myself, I did have encouragement to offer her. If nothing else, I could share pitfalls to avoid, blessings to rejoice in…and as I shared with her, I found that God was redeeming many years of pain, years of resentment that He chose to make my son autistic, years of feeling God’s “cold shoulder.” I began to consider that God had much more tenderness toward me, and toward Daniel, than I realized.
As I shared daily in just two short weeks with the online horse group about Thin Within, God continued to melt my heart…this time, combining the awareness of the truth about Thin Within with his gentle nudge to look at all the areas of my life I had yet to surrender or to surrender…again.
Because of what I learned in 2001, I knew forgiveness of others, of myself and, even of God, was an important factor. I knew that, if nothing else, it would help clear the air in my life and lift burdens I was carrying needlessly.
Not so nearly the huge undertaking it had been in 2001, I was able to move forward quickly.
Early on, a song came on KLOVE radio that echoed the stirrings in my heart for the first time in a number of years:
You are my desire,
no one else will do….
help me find a way,
bring me back to you…
You’re all I want.
You’re all I ever needed.
You’re all I want. Help me know you are here.
God was making a way in the wilderness…and a way to bring me back to Him. That song was like a healing ointment applied to my heart, softening it. God gently peeled back the callus…and the heart beneath was tender.
Another song ministered to me deeply– “He’s My Son” by Mark Schultz. God used that song to show me that He was, indeed, aware of my heartache and pain. He reminded me that He, too, gave up His Son…only He gave His Son over to sinful man. He was not asking me to do that. He asked me to trust my only son to HIM—to the Lord. To let God be God.
As if to confirm what He was showing me in the stillness of my quiet times with him, another song came on the radio while I was driving through the canyon near our home:
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part
of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God
God showed me unmistakably that he cares, that he is here, that he is making a way, even when I see no possible way for that to happen. He IS doing a new thing, even when I don’t perceive it.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19
He is faithful to complete that which He has begun (Philippians 1:6). I had allowed my vision to be blurred by bitterness and fear. As these blinders came off, I could begin to see the truth. Truth sets me free (John 8:32)—The truth that He loves, He cares, He is involved…He calls to me, to you. He beckons to us to draw near to His love…so great a love. So unfathomable, in fact, that we may miss it.
I challenge you, dear reader…believe Him for the truth. He says the truth is that He IS doing a new thing. Will you choose to believe God? To believe what He says?
Tomorrow, I promise 🙂 the close of this lengthy testimony.
