How’d you do? Did you maintain your weight during the holidays? Or perhaps you’re like most Americans who’s number one goal this year is to lose weight. Before you hit the treadmill or eat that cottage cheese, you might want to weigh your heart.
In my last Thin Within blog, I challenged myself to avoid using the holidays as an excuse to binge. For the most part, I behaved myself. I managed to get through December with minimum damage. And I blame those two pounds on the Almond Joys that Santa slipped into my stocking.
Then our family went to Hawaii for a week-long vacation and my resolve vanished like smoke up a chimney. Christmas cookies didn’t tempt me like the smorgasbord of food on the tropical island. Sushi, Japanese noodles, grilled Salmon, pineapples, coconut. My appetite (and waist line) grew larger with each meal.
Barb Raveling’s app, “I Deserve A Doughnut,” would mysteriously appear on my phone like a wagging finger. Talk about a killjoy. Who needed self discipline and the means to escape temptation while I was munching in paradise? Then again, what’s the point of having her app if I refuse to use it when I need it most?
My muumuu disguised the consequences of eating more than normal. Plus, I’d had the foresight to wear stretch pants while I traveled on the plane. When I returned home, the bathroom scales confirmed what my heart feared. I’d gained substantial weight. No more skinny jeans.
Now, I don’t expect sympathy from readers. Sunbathing in Hawaii during winter might even invite contempt. But I wanted to share my recent failure which led to this eye-opening lesson: my heart’s best intention is no match when faced with Something I Really Want.
And that desire to have what I wanted—regardless of the consequences—weighed heavily on my heart when I read, “Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, But the LORD weighs the hearts” (Proverbs 21:2).
When I’m obsessed with my body or food such as…
Counting calories—or not—because I’m on vacation.
Worrying about my weight because I don’t want to look “fat” in a thin-conscious culture.
Justifying my eating habits when I’m stressed or my ego’s bruised.
Searching “Yelp” for the best place to eat.
Resolving—again—to eat healthy and exercise this year.
When I focus on those things, I tend to forget that God isn’t concerned with my outward appearance. He weighs the heart which includes my thoughts, intentions, and attitudes.
Yes, I need to respect my body which “is the temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor. 6:19). But I can’t discount my heart because the Bible says:
“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” (Jeremiah 17:9)
“For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.” (Matthew 15:19)
Thankfully, when I put my faith in Christ, His blood (not my good behavior) made my heart righteous. However, if I want a healthy heartthat wants what God wants, thenmeeting with Himmust be a priority.
I realize “being still” may seem as difficult as doing tummy crunches, but spending time with the Lord—in His Word and prayer—is how the Spirit of God softens, nourishes, and speaks to the heart. And I can’t think of a better New Year’s resolution than asking God to weigh my heart and change me from the inside out.
“Try to stay inside the lines,” said my teacher when I colored the picture of an an apple.
“Stay inside the yard,” warned mymother me when I went outside to play.
As a people-pleaser and big-time rule keeper, I complied. And that mindset colored my Christian faith. “What are the rules? Where are the lines? What am I supposed to do, Lord, to get into heaven?”
I was in my mid-twenties before I realized I could never be good enough or do enough good deeds to earn my salvation. Imagine the weight off my shoulders to know my salvation was based on God’s grace and Christ’s finished work on the cross.
However, I still tried to stay in the lines albeit most of them were self-imposed based on man-made rules. I didn’t always love the rules, but I wanted to earn God’s love and approval. I was in my forties before I realized God loves me as much today as yesterday. He loves me not because I’m good, but because God is good. And nothing—not even straying outside the lines—can snatch me out of my loving Father’s hands.
Only to say, I thought I understood freedom in Christ until Heidi sent me an email. She was concerned about me. Was I stuck in a diet mentality? Did I understand freedom? We never talked, but her question had me thinking. What does freedom look like? Am I enslaved to bad eating habits, faulty thinking, and idols that have nothing to do with my weight?
Perhaps that was God’s intervention. Because after a week of straying from TW principles, I realized I was going outside the lines because I have no boundaries when it comes to eating. I just think I do because I refuse to stock my pantry with soda and the junk food that I love.
Left to my own understanding and strength, I’ve lost weight with the help of TW principles, but I didn’t get the whole enchilada…the bigger picture…until I listened to another webinar by Heidi on the benefits of a Grace-Based Approached to Eating. She said, “We lose weight, but grow in character.”
Grow in character? Until now, my God list and Truth Cards had been eye-opening, but I saw them as a secondary benefit to my main goal: LOSE WEIGHT.
Then, Gina recapped Lesson Nine by quoting Jeremiah 2:25, “But you said, ‘It’s no use! I love foreign gods, and I must go after them.'” She might as well have hit me over the head with a watermelon.
Could it be the little girl (me) who grew up learning to stay inside the lines…who wanted the lines so I’d know how to live without fear of retribution or displeasing God and people…is really a rebel at heart?
Is it possible that avoiding boundaries (or justifying them in favor of what I love) seems like a small thing when it comes to food. But in fact, points to a deeper heart problem?
The gracious conviction of the Holy Spirit gave me this major Truth to chew on: I need to lose my rebellious pride and sense of entitlement, more than I need to lose weight.
If I’m ever going to stay in my boundaries while experiencing the freedom in Christ, I’ll need to follow Jesus more closely. And focus on Him instead of the lines.
As I waited in my car at a traffic light, tears came. My heart ached for my friend who had shared sad news. I also toyed with vain imaginings. What if that happens to me?
My mood darkened. And a strong craving stirred deep within me like a gluttonous creature waking up after a winter’s sleep. Restaurants on each corner of the intersection beckoned me.
“A coffee frappuccino would lift your spirits.”
I shook my head. “Too many calories.”
“How about a hamburger or ice cream?”
“No, I’m trying to lose weight!”
I turned left and drove towards home, never realizing how many restaurants lined the main highway in our small town. My mouth watered as advertisements for tacos, barbecue pulled pork, and deli sandwiches vied for my taste buds.
“You should treat yourself to a personal pan pizza. Think of that warm mozzarella cheese…”
I clenched my teeth. “Stop obsessing over food. I’m going home where I can control what and how much I eat.”
True story!
If I hadn’t signed up for Thin Within last week, I probably would have eaten the frappuccino and the pizza. Why? Because in that instant, I would have gladly satisfied my deep, ravenous craving for a few minutes of delectable joy.
I realize now—hunger wasn’t the issue. As my friend, Heidi, says, “I wanted food to alter my mood.”
Funny, I never thought of myself as eating for comfort. Other folks might eat a quart of ice cream when they were depressed, but not me. So the Holy Spirit used my circumstances to show me the truth in Thin Within’s Lesson One.
I learned experientially that consuming a quart of ice cream is no less emotionally driven than grabbing the Almond Joy just because I FEEL depressed, lonely, or sad.
Sorrow is part of the human experience. Some days I feel like a hurt child. I want to crawl into Mother’s lap and rest. Rub my back. Kiss my bruise. Make me all better.
Only, I’m not a child and it’s important to deal with life’s pendulum of emotions by resting in the Lord rather than acquiring self-destructive habits like overeating to numb my pain.
Isn’t it just like Satan (who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy) to entice people to search for comfort in anything or anyone other than God, the Father who loves us.
God knows we need comfort. He tells us,“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you….” (Isaiah 66:13 NIV)
Jesus said, “I will not leave you comfortless….” (John 14:18)
God longs to comfort aching hearts. However, unlike a mom who might comfort her child with animal crackers, the Lord doesn’t lure our sweet tooth to produce a smile. He satisfies our deepest cravings with Himself.
Comfort means “to ease someone’s pain,” but it doesn’t ensure the Lord will remove the problem that pains us. Instead, God comforts us with His strength. For the word “comfort” is derived from “fortis” which means strong.
“His strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).
Strength to endure pain and sorrow.
Strength to walk on feeble feet down the path that leads to abundant life.
Strength to abstain from creature comforts that might sabotage our efforts to eat healthy.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:25–26).
