There’s a certain person in my life that I’ve needed to do a lot of forgiving of. He/she has not been to me what (s)he should have been. Neither was another person in the same type of role in my life. Both did the best they could, at least I’m assuming so, but a huge void (picture a blast zone) was still created and left in my heart.
I have let God do a lot of healing and redeeming regarding this void and the resulting feelings of rejection, disapproval, and my unmet needs.
But I’m getting ahead of myself… let’s back up and get into the story…
Several times during the first decade or so of Dave’s and my marriage, I made mincemeat pies for this person as birthday [or “other special day”] gifts. I even made them extra-creative – like I’d make lattice-tops – by which I mean real, actually-woven crust tops, not just the punched ones.
Other times I’d form “the person’s” name out of pie crust on the top of the pie, or I’d make other embellishments for the pie tops, like leaves or pumpkins, even though it wasn’t a pumpkin pie – it was just autumn, the season of “this person’s” birthday.
It was no small feat to make these pies, especially with young children underfoot, and homeschooling, but I knew this person liked mincemeat pies, so I made them as part of gifts for those occasions.
One year we were at a big family reunion, and a group of us was sitting around talking about pies, including “this person.” Mincemeat pies came up at one point, and “this person” started recalling and raving about all the different people who had made memorable-to-him/her mincemeat pies over the years.
On and on and on (s)he went, raving about the many mincemeat pies (s)he’d eaten over the years. I just “knew” – in a “knowing” way, not an “expecting” way – that (s)he would eventually mention mine since, at that point, I had probably made at least five for him/her!
Do you think (s)he ever even eluded to mine? … Eeeeeeven once? … Nope!!! Not even once; not even a hint.
The group conversation veered on to other things without there being a word from him/her about the mincemeat pies I had made him/her.
I was crushed. Utterly shocked. And devastated. I wish I was exaggerating, but I’m not.
Dave and I have been married for 47 years now, and that was 35ish years ago. I in the three subsequent decades after that reunion, I did not made one mincemeat pie for “this person.” It was partly out of not wanting to be hurt again, but partly – a big part – out of unforgiveness.
Time went on, and “this person’s” spouse passed away. Many difficult, hurtful things happened through the time leading up to and after the spouse’s passing. There were some good things, but there were far more difficult things, and those created even more wedges between us.
Enter: our Thin Within small-group coaching phone chats.
We came to the chapter on forgiveness, and I thought “No, I don’t really have any unforgiveness issues.” I wasn’t being smug or in denial; I just honestly couldn’t think of anything. I’m not sure how, but the Lord (using Heidi and Christina, I’m sure!) peeled away some scales, and I realized with a sickening thud to my heart that I needed to do some – okay, a lot of – forgiving of “this person.” Uuuuuugh!!! It was a hard but needed revelation of my true state of heart and mind.
So the significance of the mincemeat pie that’s pictured below, is, well, pretty significant for me. For the first time in literally three decades, I had the grace to make “this person” a mincemeat pie.
Now you know… it’s one of my two dads – my father-in-law, to be exact. It was so wonderful and freeing to rise above – and not feel bound to – my anger and hurt, and do that for him! But that’s not all! The Lord gave me a sweet bonus! When I gave the pie to him, he started crying! And then he hugged me! Not just a quick one – extra long!!!
I really don’t think it had to do with the fact that I was giving him a mincemeat pie after having been on a long hiatus, because he never knew how that incident affected me. And, since my mincemeat pies of earlier years obviously hadn’t affected him enough to mention them in that conversation at the family reunion, surely he didn’t miss them during my hiatus…
I think it was just a blessing to him, especially since Mom was an awesome cook, and the last mincemeat pie he’d had was made for him, I’m sure, made by her. (Cuz it sure wasn’t made by ME, nor by his mom who was long-gone.)
The first pie (after the 3-decade hiatus) was a bit hard to do, but the Lord kept softening my heart and healing that wound. And it’s even gotten better! I now make him a pie for him every birthday, and there have been several! In fact, I even bought pie-slice-shaped plastic containers and I slice up his mincemeat pie and put them into the containers so he can put them in the freezer and pull them out one at a time! He has told me many times how much he appreciates these, and how delicious they are!
I am soooooo thankful that the Lord enabled me – “by the mighty power of the Spirit of the Lord at work within me” – to start making these pies for him again by first helping me release and forgive him.
Here’s Dad, Dave, and me a couple months ago. See Dad’s hand on my back? He’s actually rubbing my shoulder the whole time the picture was being taken! I know this because it was set to “Live photo” and I can SEE it when I press down on the picture! What a SWEET gift!!!
Really and truly, “it is more blessed to (for)give than to receive”!
P.S. For anyone wanting to make one of these pies… I have been unable to find jarred mincemeat in stores for quite some time now. So, believe it or not, I get it on Amazon! I am an affiliate with them, so if you purchase it through the link that’s in the jar, I may receive a small commission (at no extra charge to you.) It’s basically just a sweet, spicy, apply/raisiny filling, soooooooyummy!!!!! I bet you’ve passed it up many times at Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings, thinking you wouldn’t like it, but I have a hunch that you WOULD!!! (As for crusts, I just use the pre-made, uncooked rolled-up crusts that come in a long box.)
My flesh machinery has really been riled up these past few days, with food loudly and persistently calling my name, like, all the time! Awaiting zero has been harder than usual.
We are taught in Thin Within that overeating – eating when we aren’t hungry – can cover raw, uncomfortable emotions, thus numbing us and keeping us from dealing with emotions that really need to be dealt with, not buried alive or smothered.
Doing things that I know I should be doing often helps me ignore the loud calling of my name by food.
My food is to do the will of Him who sent me, and to accomplish His work.” (John 4:34)
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I’m fully aware this is Jesus talking, and that I’m not Jesus! Or diety! But I believe that this principle – that doing the will of God is food to us – is true for us, too, and Jesus lived it out first to show us how to do it.
But still… right now all I want to do is eat! EAT EAT EAT!!!! UUUUGH!!!! (This is as embarrassing to admit as it is frustrating to feel!)
But the Lord reminds me… I am not without help! He Himself helps us:
Apart from Me you can do nothing…
But He has also inspired His people to create resources that help us more clearly see – and accurately apply – these truths. And He has given us many wonderful resources in Thin Within, especially via Judy and Arthur Halliday, and Heidi Bylsma! I am currently going through Rebuilding God’s Temple, and in the Week 10, Day 4 lesson, we are asked to take note of specific emotions that are stirred up in us while awaiting zero, and then also journal about them. So that’s what I’m going to do right here – share with you my process… for better or worse…
1. Identify the emotion that’s surfacing while awaiting zero:
That’s easy! ANXIETY!
2. Journal about it:
I know scripture clearly tells us to not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, to let our requests be made known to God…
And I totally get that and agree with that! Well, I totally agree with that, but I’m not so sure I totally get it, or I wouldn’t still be dealing with this stuff, right? But nonetheless, I am anxious.
The wonderful thing is that God knows us, He knows we will be anxious, and He has made provision for this emotion in these verses:
Pour out your hearts to the Lord for He can help.” … “Make your needs known to Him.” … “Come and talk with Me, oh my people…”
So I will take Him up on his offer and start pouring… making my needs known to Him… and coming to and talking with Him…
Here are my current anxiety-causers: (They really boil down to two.)
One is that I have a busy few days coming up, and I am anxious about how I’m going to get everything done. How do I best prioritize, not get side-tracked, and use my time the most wisely?
The other is that we will be having company staying at our home for several days. I have a melancholic personality and I enjoy – and actually need – time to myself. Having company will entail interruption to my usual quiet days – quiet because we are empty-nesters and my husband is retired. So this will be challenging to my flesh, especially since hospitality does not come easily or naturally for me – probably because I am basically selfish, and hospitality is basically all about unselfishness. It will be rewarding, too, I enjoy people once they are here, but I am still anxious about this.
So identifying the emotion and journaling about it got everything out in the open, and definitely helped, but now I need to take it to the next level and “finish it up”; I need to…
3. Pray it all the way through.
Okay, Lord, here I am…
Lord, You know all about the anxiety that is having a hayday in me right now. And I’m sure this is part of what’s drawing me so strongly to want to eat right now, to try to mask it or smother it or avoid dealing with it, or D. ALL THE ABOVE.
Of course I know full well that none of those will work, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fall for it, again.
Lord, I want to be honoring to you in how I eat, and I know I have not been, and for that I ask your forgiveness.
I come to You with the weightiness of my emotions, my selfishness, my confusion, my frustrations, my anger, and my insecurities…
…in this case, about hosting and entertaining guests. And I give it ALL to You, Lord…
You know what You want to happen with our guests, and I ask You to lead me that way and give me Your heart, Your love for them.
Help me think less about myself and more about them and their needs, and to make them feel welcome, and to show them Your love.
I also ask You to help me use my time wisely and get done those things that You want done, and let the rest go!
I cast all of these cares on You, Lord! I can’t fix them or get rid of them anyway, so I bring them to – and leave them with – You.
And I trust You with them, and to get me over any hurdles, and through any tough times that come up today and once our company is here. Please give me the words, the heart, the direction, and the wisdom I need in each moment.
Thank you, Lord, for everything You are doing and are going to do! Aaaaaaamen!
Actually, a better title might be: “No Man… but I have a Plan!”
During my second month of pregnancy, when I may have been feeling my worst, my husband announced he would be going to London on a two-week business trip. I was very concerned about being left alone with the two kids, work, housework, and in my first trimester of pregnancy. But most of all, I was concerned about being left to my own devices in the evenings… all alone…
Historically I would have used the evening times alone to “indulge” in over-eating, and late-night movie watching. But I know that inevitably, I wake up the next morning regretting staying up so late and regretting what I ate! So, I decided to use it as a re-framing opportunity. I wanted to think of an evening alone in a whole new light. I knew from experience that would take planning, accountability and a new way of thinking.
I started out with a favorite prayer pneumonic from John Piper. It’s “APTAT”:
A – Admit that you can do nothing on your own.
P – Pray for help
T – Trust a Promise
A – Act in response
T – Thank him for helping you.
In the past, this little reminder has helped me calm my anxiety and refocus on God and his ability to influence me and my circumstances. So that’s what I prayed. And then I made a plan.
Truth Cards
My attitude about this whole situation was not great. I felt panicky and like I was being left out of the fun. So I wrote some truths about what this time really was about—or some of the potential benefits of this short season. Truths like,
“Thank you God for this more relaxed week to make memories with my children.”
“Jesus is my Perfect Companion. He never gives up on me, grows weary, stops loving me, or walks away.”
“God, you know I am not perfect. But you have said I have your resurrection power in me. You said your Divine Power has given me everything I need for life and godliness today.”
I reviewed these in the mornings usually. A quick way to get my mind right for the day.
Evening Mind Renewal
One of my goals was to renew my mind every evening after dinner and before I started watching TV or having any snacks. This was an Accountability Point for me (see below) and was very helpful. In fact, I got a big surprise! I discovered new things about myself! I discovered I love to go out on the porch after dinner. Listening to the night sounds and looking up at the moon and stars gave me a wonderful calm and new perspective for the evening.
I came to look forward to that time to just “be” with my Heavenly Husband. We enjoyed such satisfying moments together that TV didn’t even interest me some nights (!) This time of mind renewal looked different on different nights. It might be praise time, reviewing my Truth Cards or using Barb Raveling’s I Deserve A Donut App or my own Bible study.
Extra Boundaries for TLC
I also tried to listen to what the wisdom of God’s Spirit was nudging me to do to protect myself during a particularly vulnerable time. I decided it was best not to buy or bake any sweets/desserts during that time, since those are particularly difficult for me to resist, especially when I’m alone. I also knew that the later I stayed up, the weaker I became. I was more likely to make choices I’d regret later. Plus, I need my rest—after all, I’m growing a baby! So my other boundary was to be in my bed at 9:30 on weeknights and by 11 on weekends.
Accountability
I knew that on my own, I’d be less likely to finish strong. I tend to thrive with that extra boost of encouragement. So, I called up my friend Molly. We met in one of the Thin Within online Facebook groups and really hit it off. We periodically text or call so I knew she’d be willing to help. She was so kind to touch base with me daily and encourage me that we were doing those two weeks together. Even when I had a disastrous day, it really helped me to Observe and Correct, when I had to reflect back and report in about what had happened and the choices I had made.
God was so gracious during the time my husband was away. He answered prayers and gave me extra energy, grace, and patience with the kids. He kept everyone safe and gave me strength to survive fever and floods! He is so Good.
So whether you have a challenging weekend coming up or a new life situation that has you baffled…I pray these ideas will prove useful to you. I have to remember: the main thing is the Main Thing—Jesus! He’s the one who empowers me to walk wisely in the way he instructs me to go. Keeping my eyes focused on the Author and Perfector of our faith is what makes life full and satisfying, regardless of my outward circumstances.
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Emily lives in South Korea with her husband and 2.1 children. She enjoys being the token American in her neighborhood and baking for the Korean neighbors. She is grateful for the chance to lead worship in their small “expat church”. Like most mothers, she’s also good at multitasking–like cooking and putting on bandaids, rubbing four feet while reading two books and driving while chewing gum and talking on FaceTime with family back home.
Thanks, Emily!
If you are a pregnant mom, won’t you post here and let us know? We would love to have a little support community right here on the blog for you all who are hoping to navigate the waters of your pregnancy (and after) while applying the Thin Within principles. Not only does Thin Within “work” during pregnancy to minimize weight gain, but many women LOVE the way they feel when they do this! EVEN when pregnant!
This week we are hitting “Night-Time Eating” head on by creating truth cards that will help us fight the lies we believe that cause us to give in to temptation after dinner with TRUTH.
Today, I want to share with you page two in my truth card deck!
This “habit” (of eating at night) is the single BIGGEST hindrance to my confidence that I am currently at my God-given size.
After I obsessed and went nuts and dropped all the weight I did, it was clear that I had gone too far. So I am not at that LOOOOOW a weight right now. I am good with that. But what I *don’t* know is if I am where I should be. I don’t think the number matters at all. But night-time eating is sort of a bug-a-boo for me. I haven’t conquered it at all. I know that many evenings, I do “desire” eating. If I were to be obedient during this trouble time, I know that I would have confidence that no matter what my size or number or whatever, I am right where God intends for me to be.
I need to CHOOSE to surrender my “desire eating” in the evening to God. Will I?
It really boils down to WILL I OBEY GOD? Or my desires?
Will I call “foul” to God when he asks me to give evening eating over to him?
Is this one of those areas where I retain *my* (supposed) rights? Or am I truly surrendered…”Not my will, but thine be done?” No food tastes as good as obedience feels!
Is giving up food after dinner (when I am not hungry) worth what I get in return?
There truly is no sweeter sensation–no tantalizing taste-bud thrill–than loving God with my choices. The peace that I experience when I submit to his authority is just SO wonderful!
HOW ABOUT YOU?
Are these truths that you can add to your truth card deck? How is it going for you using your truth cards? What truths can you add to these that I have posted?
You are going along happily in your Thin Within journey and you are finding freedom from diets, when BAM, you are tempted to look back at those diets. There are situations that can tempt us to look back (not being happy with the number on the scale, breaking your boundaries too often, feeling like you will never overcome, and so on). We think, “Oh, maybe my set of boundaries (0-5) don’t work, so maybe I should go back to _______, or maybe I should try ______.” Sound familiar? I know it’s very familiar to me since I have essentially looked back SO many times. In April of this year (2014), I was sharing with my husband about how I was thinking and felt tempted about going back to Weight Watchers because I knew it worked (even though I had sought freedom from tracking points). He said, “Going back to Weight Watchers would be like Lot’s wife looking back.” Ouch! It was something I needed to hear though. And then he said, “Weight Watchers is like a Band-Aid.” He has seen me walk my Thin Within journey, overcoming obstacles, gaining a healthy pregnancy weight, releasing inches and weight after baby was born, being free from obsessing, etc. He KNOWS this works! He has seen the transformation work God has done resulting from me choosing to renew my mind and letting myself to be free from the chains of captivity. And I needed to see through my husband’s eyes as he shared this wisdom with me: don’t look back.
Luke 17:32 says, “Remember Lot’s wife.” That’s seriously all it says. This was a scripture the Lord led me to after my husband shared that truth with me. I felt like it was a warning, a word of caution from the Lord about how very serious He is that I don’t look back, but to press on, to persevere. (The Lord gave me a word for 2014: persevere. And He has shown me He wants me to continue on this year with what He showed me last year, that He has brought CHANGE to my eating and is helping me overcome. God’s reminder to me to persevere has helped me climb out of some ruts).
So why should we remember Lot’s wife? What happened to her?
In Genesis 19:12-29, the story about this account is found. The summary of what happened was that God was going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah for their sin. Angels told Lot and his family to flee the city:
When the morning dawned, the angels urged Lot to hurry, saying, “Arise, take your wife and your two daughters who are here, lest you be consumed in the punishment of the city.” And while he lingered, the men took hold of his hand, his wife’s hand, and the hands of his two daughters, the Lord being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city. So it came to pass, when they had brought them outside, that he said, “Escape for your life! Do not look behind you nor stay anywhere in the plain. Escape to the mountains, lest you be destroyed (verses 15-17).
And then the Lord did exactly what He said he would, “Then the Lord rained brimstone and fire on Sodom and Gomorrah, from the Lord out of the heavens. So He overthrew those cities, all the plain, all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground” (verses 24-25).
But his wife looked back behind him, and she became a pillar of salt (verse 26).
That’s some pretty serious stuff! She looked back, after God had told them, “Do not look behind you!” And then she turned into a pillar of salt. Yikes!
I wonder why she looked back? Maybe she had fond memories of the place? But you know what, it doesn’t matter why she looked back, but that by looking back she was disobeying God.
So when God tells me, through my husband, to not look back like Lot’s wife did, I would have to say He’s pretty serious. I don’t believe God is going to turn me into a pillar of salt, but He is showing me how detrimental it is that I obey Him and submit to Him. Did you notice that Lot’s wife “looked back behind him?” Who was this ‘him’? It was her husband. And I’m guessing she was not only disobeying God, but she was not submitting to Lot. God instructed Lot and Lot led his family out of the city that was going to be destroyed. Lot’s wife looked past her husband and God and looked back. And POOF, she was a pillar of salt.
So why would Jesus say, “Remember Lot’s wife”? Because He doesn’t want us looking back. He doesn’t want us going back to those things that He has called us away from. For me, He’s asking me to persevere and continue on in what He’s shown me to do, to not look back. Christ came to save us from our sin and set us free from those things that held us captive. God was saving Lot and his family from the destruction of the city. He told them to “escape for your life!” It was for freedom that Christ has set us free (Galatians 5:1). Don’t look back. Why would we want to look back? But we are tempted to look back and sometimes we do look back.
I’m not sure where you are in your Thin Within journey, but I do know this, God doesn’t want us held down, ensnared, or under any kind of captivity. There are plenty of areas in our life that this can touch on, but what I want to deal with is the area of looking back at the diets and the food restrictions that have held us captive for so long. I’m not saying “looking back” for you is disobeying God, but I am saying for myself that looking back for me has meant that I have not submitted to God. It’s like saying, “God, I know you don’t want me looking back, but that life worked for me. That diet worked for me (and failed me). Just let me go back. I can’t believe you are taking this away from me.” It’s pride. It’s basically saying, “God, my way is better than your way.” Ouch. It’s saying, “Lord, I don’t trust that Your way will get me what I want, so I’m going to make sure that I am happy, so I will do it my way.”. Has God given you a clear direction of not going back to diets? Is He asking you to submit to Him about this area of your life, or even other areas?
Unknown source and author
I saw that cartoon (above) recently on Facebook and it brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful illustration of what God wants to do in our lives. We think when He asks us to give up something that it’s doing us a disservice, but really, He has something so much greater that He wants to give us in place of our sacrifice. He says to die to ourselves so we can gain Christ (Galatians 2:20).
Through what the Lord spoke through my husband to me, it’s very clear to me that I am not to go back to a diet…unless I want to be like Lot’s wife. And, um, looking back didn’t really work out for her. So why would I want to go against what God has said?
Another scripture God has encouraged me with is James 4:7, which says, “Submit to God. Resist the devil and he must flee.” So when the enemy tempts me with looking back, the Holy Spirit brings this scripture to my remembrance. It reminds me that I am to submit to God, to follow His lead (away from diets) and to not look back. God is looking out for me. He has a big ole teddy bear hiding behind His back that He wants to give me. *smile*
The enemy’s temptations to look back are becoming more and more quiet as I continue to submit to God. I have a lot more to say about the topic of submission, but I will save that for a future post. I am tasting more and more freedom as I continue to renew my mind and put my thoughts under the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
As far as the lie about thinking my Thin Within boundaries weren’t working: of course they work (I see the physical evidence as well). I like the way Barb Raveling puts it in her book Taste for Truth (Day 15), “When we find ourselves breaking our boundaries right and left, we don’t think, I need to renew my mind so I have the strength to follow my boundaries. Instead we think, I need to find a new set of boundaries because these boundaries obviously don’t work. Here’s what we are doing: we’re trusting the boundaries [we are looking back]. We’re believing the lie that somewhere out there is the perfect set of boundaries. And when we find them, they’ll be easy to follow. The sooner we get that lie out of our system, the better. We’re transformed by the renewing of the mind. Not by the boundaries.” This is exactly what would happen to me when I was breaking boundaries right and left. Instead of renewing my mind, I would think my boundaries must be broken, so I better go back to Weight Watchers, or not eating carbs or sugar. Lies! We think our boundaries will save us, but only God can save us. Only God can transform us. So the more we renew our mind and put on God’s truth, the more we actually do follow our boundaries. It works together, hand-in-hand. We follow our boundaries because God transforms us. We are transformed because of renewing our mind.
Renewing mind —-> Transformation —-> Following Boundaries
Romans 12:2 says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
My boundaries do work. I will submit to God. The devil will flee. I will follow the boundaries God has given me (0-5). I will walk in freedom!
How about you? Have you tasted freedom from dieting, but you are tempted to go back into dieting because you keep breaking your boundaries? Breaking your boundaries is an opportunity to draw closer to God. Go to Him. Pray. Praise Him. Renew your mind. Submit to Him. Walk in freedom! Don’t look back! God is doing a NEW thing!
Emily lives in South Korea with her husband and 2.1 children. She enjoys being the token American in her neighborhood and baking for the Korean neighbors. She is grateful for the chance to lead worship in their small “expat church”. Like most mothers, she’s also good at multitasking–like cooking and putting on bandaids, rubbing four feet while reading two books and driving while chewing gum and talking on FaceTime with family back home. 
