Many of you are taking the plunge with accountability partnership! I know it is a bold brave step! I applaud you! Thank you for stepping up and believing God for the NEW thing that he is doing!
Today, I want to provide some resources for you and your partner.
Here are some previous posts on Accountability here at the blog.
How to pick an accountability partner. This post goes through some considerations you might want to ponder as you select a partner. If you already have a partner, this post isn’t likely to be terribly helpful. 🙂
This postshares a glimpse into how accountability can work for you as I share how it worked for me with my partner.
You and your accountability partner will want to discuss what works best for you each. What works best for one of you might not for the other, but you could still be successful partners together. For instance, there are some tools at the Thin Within website that some of you can use and benefit from. Some of these, might cause the rest of us to go right back into “dieting mode.” I have experienced both extremes during my own journey, but I share these tools with you now in case they can be supportive to some of you:
Food_Log – While different from the usual “diet” food log, it can, nevertheless, trigger dieting behavior, so only consider using this after praying and sensing God’s leadership. Then, perhaps, try it only for a week (or less) and evaluate with the support of your AP (accountability partner).
Hunger_Graph– This link shows two pages. The first is a sample page of how the graph looks when filled out. The second page is the blank one. Again, only use this if you think God is leading you to try it. It can be a temporary tool that can help us focus, but it can also challenge some of us with dieting triggers!
Observation and Correction– Each time you practice the Key to Conscious Eating, you make a special mark on the screen indicating as much. 🙂 At the end of the day, if you don’t see many marks next to that key, then you know it is likely to be a key you want to work on. Some people use #1 and #8 as their primary boundary (0 and 5 eating) with #s 2-7 being secondary boundaries. It can be best to focus on only one or two of the secondary boundaries at a time.
No matter what you have decided about accountability, you probably want to be structured with your partner to talk about these things each week:
1. What successes have we experienced in our Thin Within journeys? (There should be something here each week. If there isn’t, please email me for input. It could be your partnership isn’t functioning quite the way it is intended and a little input can help.)
2. What successes have we experienced in our accountability partnership? (Hopefully, you are seeing some of these within the first week. These things might include “Our schedules are compatible,” “We both like to text a lot and that is working for us,” “My partner likes to text and that works for me, but she can also talk on the phone every 3 days which is my preference.”)
3. What challenges or hurdles have we experienced in our Thin Within journeys?
4. What observations and correctionshave we made?
5. Each of you will want to ask your partner: How can I best serve you in our partnership in the week ahead? If a partner needs more support, if a partner needs less, talk about these things and see if you can reach a happy medium.
Evaluate these things with a simple “Is this working for me?” approach:
Number of check-ins – does one of you feel like it isn’t frequent enough? Too frequent?
Nature of check-ins – does it feel like the emails are too long? Too short? No response?
“Venue” for check in – is the texting, phone calling, emailing approach work for you? Or do you need
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
– Galatians 6:2
Do you have an AP yet? If not, don’t wait any longer! Jump on board. Let’s have an updated response here on this post. If you still need an Accountability Partner, say so HERE on this post, ok? Then, please type out your email address like this: heidi bylsma at gmail dot com (no spaces) or harleys heidi at comcast dot net (no spaces). Then, if you see someone who intrigues you, go ahead and send them an email. No need to wait for me!
I have received some inquiries lately asking if I am still offering coaching. Yes, most definitely. And still at the introductory price. The details are on this page.
Sometimes, we have all the knowledge we need. I know a lot of you have read the Thin Within book, done all the workbooks, read Get Thin Stay Thin and have been on the Thin Within website for a while. I know, too, that some of you know that this approach works.
What you may feel like you are missing is support. That is what I want to offer you. That is one reason why I offer videos and blog posts here at this site. As you know, much of the blog content chronicles my own journey to release 100 pounds using these principles. Many of the posts and videos, though, I did specifically with you in mind.
Blog posts and videos can be really helpful (I hope!), but sometimes we need someone to walk with us. That is why I am offering the coaching option. I know you can do this! Whatever is holding you back, we can hurdle it together.
This is how it works:
1. When you contact me with your inquiry, I will respond in email.
2. We will arrange our first phone call which is 30 minutes in length. This is free so you can get a sense of if you think this may help you or not. It also gives you a chance to see if we connect in a way that you are comfortable with.
3. Before that first free call, I ask you to consider these questions:
What is your story relative to food and body image?
What is your experience with Thin Within?
What have been the hurdles you have faced in applying the principles?
How have you attempted to manage these hurdles?
What victories have you experienced in applying the principles?
What challenges seem to be a theme for you?
What are your goals physically, spiritually, and emotionally relative to this journey?
What expectations do you have for our four sessions?
What else do you feel is important for me to know?
4. During our first call, we will talk about the things on the list above. I will offer you feedback, some insights, and thoughts that I hope will encourage you. I will then ask you how you feel about going forward. You can take time after the call to decide this, of course. There is no obligation whatsoever. One of the things I will ask you to consider, too, is if you feel one of three different levels of accountability (or a personalized accountability plan) might be helpful. This is not required, but some find it helpful.
5. If you decide that you would like to proceed, then we can work out payment in one of two ways. You can either send me a check and we can start after I receive and cash your check or you can pay me via pay pal.
6. I will shoot you an email giving you a “first assignment.” The assignments will be prayerfully constructed to suit you and your specific situation. I will always eagerly receive your feedback so we can personalize this experience for you. For instance, some may need to invite God back into this process and want accountability that includes quiet time with the Lord. An assignment for this person might be to eat only when at a 0, but to read a psalm (or portion of a psalm) each time before eating, praising God for His character and that he has made her body to be so reliable. Another person may feel she needs to work through some forgiveness issues and I will ask her how she feels about doing that. That person, I may ask to do the material in chapters 19 and 20 (on forgiveness) in the Thin Within book. Those who are struggling to break free from a dieting mentality will be given different assignments from those who have been free from that for a while. Together we will craft a unique approach for you that shows you that you can be victorious.
7. We will use our calendars to set up our calls, hopefully for the next four weeks.
Each week you will be offered a unique assignment and each call we will talk about the assignment and anything else that you feel is pertinent.
I know just how much of a struggle this journey was for me (and can still BE!), but if *I* can do it, ANYONE can! That means you! The thing that helped me the most was having someone who had been down this path ahead of me cheering me on, routing for me, and fielding questions I had along the way. That is what I hope to be for you. Give it some prayer and thought. I know $100 and four weeks is a commitment.
And if you wonder about the money and why I charge for this service at all, it is because I want to help my husband by contributing to defray the costs of having our daughter in a private Christian college. We will also be helping our son get established in a place of his own once he returns from bible college in May.
What questions do you have about the Life Coaching/Thin Within Mentoring service? I would be more than happy to field your questions here so others can benefit from your questions.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
– Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
I promised I would share how to pick an accountability partner. Here are some thoughts about that.
For me, having an accountability partner is invaluabe! In my case, my partner hasn’t asked to be accountable to me…I am only to her. I pray for her, of course, but it isn’t a mutual accountability. You can do it either way, having a relationship where you both are accountable to one another or just you reporting to her.
Here are some things to consider:
1. Pray about this. God may or may not want you to do this at this season of your life.It is a big commitment and some of us can become overly needy of other people. God may want to be the ONLY one we need like that. Additionally, we can become obsessive. We don’t want to use another person to justify the bondage found in obsession! So please prayerfully consider if accountability is something God is calling you to now.
2. Prayerfully decide what “accountability” will look like for you. Are you feeling God leading you to have a daily end-of-the-day report to someone? Someone just to check in with every great once in a while? Weekly? Will it be a blow by blow of your day (time consuming) or a quick summary? Will you use the TW tools and just send them her way or show them to her to see?
I have found both in reporting to others and in being reported *to* daily is a must…that way, if something happens and there is no report, I will be asked “where is the report?” instead of the assumption being made this is just a day I chose not to report. it seems much more effective that way and it doesn’t have to be time consuming.
It is so easy, when we make mistakes, not to ‘fess up to our partner…especially if she isn’t expecting to hear from us daily. So decide in advance what you NEED (God will show you if you ask!) and then write it down. In my case, I specifically knew I needed someone to whom I could daily send my hunger graph. This would provide a visual image of my eating habits for 0 to 5. I didn’t feel a food log would be effective for me (I don’t use that tool). I also knew I needed my partner to be someone who would ask if I didn’t send her a report, ask if I sent her a flaky report, notice any patterns in my eating and be willing to comment on them, pray for me, and, of course, to praise me when I am on track. With all of this in mind, I knew I could prayerfully evaluate who I could ask.
3. Decide what the over-arching purpose in your accountability will be. Will it be “To make it through the holidays being faithful in 0 to 5 eating?” or will it be “To abstain from diet soda?” That will affect what you want your accountability to look like and maybe how long a partnership it will be. You can use your goal or purpose to establish a time frame…2 weeks, a month or “Until chocolate no longer has mastery over me!” 🙂
4. Decide if you want someone you can go through a book or program with at the same time (this is asking more of someone). Some who read the Thin Within book like to be able to walk through the book together with someone else and talk about it or have it as a common reference point each day in their accountability. For some, the accountability partnership described here is part of what they might use for the “unwrapping” of “graveclothes” mentioned in the Thin Again book. Others, just want to shoot an image of their hunger graph to an email bud at the end of the day (that is me) just long enough to get through the holidays and see if they can come out the other side maintaining their weight.
5. Consider if you will ask a “real life” (RL) person or an online person. If it is a RL person, you have the benefit of face to face contact. It is a bit harder to hide. If you are someone who knows you have a tendency to hide when you “fail” (remember, failure isn’t something we have in Thin Within! We allow God to turn our “failures” into learning opportunities instead!), then you probably don’t want an online person to be your partner. You want someone who could stop by, call you on the phone or see you at church. If you know you aren’t the kind that can ignore emails asking you “Where is your hunger graph?” for 5 days in a row, you might be just fine with an online partner. You can combine the approach and turn an online friendship into a RL friendship by sharing phone numbers and actually praying together on the phone or in Yahoo chat or something too if you wanted.
6. Once you have a pretty good idea of if you will be ok with an online friend or need a RL friend for this, then you can start looking specifically for someone that you think would be a good partner. She doesn’t have to be another Thin Within person…not if you don’t mind it being a one way accountability. But she should be godly, prayerful, have a heart for you to follow your convictions (not try to talk you out of things you know God wants for you), someone who can share the Word of God when you need her to, someone who can speak the truth in love, someone who can speak TRUTH and GRACE both…all kinds of qualities. In the RL people you run with, this might be someone at a bible study you attend, an older woman (or mature believer) at church that God just lays on your heart might be someone you can share with. Men, of course, will choose men…women will want to choose women…this is important!
7. If you prefer an online friend, then you can evaluate people you have sort of gotten to know in forums that you are a part of (like at http://www.thinwithin.org/ ) or various Yahoo groups where there has been enough sharing that you feel a sense of what a person is like. Keeping in mind that people can be anything they want online and may not be genuine one little bit, prayerfully bring anyone who comes to mind before the Lord and wait on him to show you.
You will want to ask someone who you feel you can identify with. Someone you kind of admire or relate to. It might be someone who you can tell has similar struggles, but beware of picking someone who is always in the same hole you find yourself in! You don’t want to endorse one another staying in the same pit! Not at all! It is best if you find someone who has walked the road you are on, but maybe just a few steps ahead of you. Or someone who can identify but isn’t in the business of justifying sin–their own OR yours!
8. When you are pretty sure who you want to ask, pray that God will make it really clear to *them* if it is His will for this. Then, when you initially ask them, be specific about what you want. You can share with her how you reached the decision to ask her (referring, even, to the steps above) and DO share with her specifically what you want your partnership to look like referring to your answers to #2 above. Mention the time frame you have in mind…like “I would like to try this for two weeks and then re-evaluate at that time.”
She may want to take time to prayerfully consider your request. Please use this time to pray further about it, too. An accountability relationship that is not from God is not something you want to be a part of. In fact, so-called accountability relationships that aren’t from God can be quite toxic at times, causing one person’s bitterness to be transferred to another, or one person’s sin to be justified by another in the name of “grace.” You don’t want a relationship that will “tickle your ear” and speak what is easy to hear. You want a TRUTH TALKER and GRACE GIVER both!
If the person you approached comes back to you with a decision not to be your accountability partner, then please praise God for her wisdom! You may not understand why, but God is shutting that door! Try your best NOT to take it personally! There are a variety of reasons that people may not feel led to be an accountability partner for another. Not the least of which is they aren’t ready to surrender that area of their lives to the Lord. Even when a person doesn’t enter into a mutual accountability partnership with you, there is vulnerability in just hearing how God is working in *your* life. Not everyone can handle seeing God touch your tender heart without feeling conviction in their own. Some people know this about themselves and carefully guard themselves until God works in their life to make them ready for that.
So, if you are told “No” once you get your courage up to ask someone, just gather your thoughts again and pray about someone else. Maybe God’s purpose in leading you to ask the first person was something else entirely!
Once she says yes, it will be up to you to get things rolling. It isn’t the time to get flaky! 🙂
Once your partnership is under way, BE FAITHFUL! If one or the other of you isn’t living up to what you thought things would be like when you began, you will want to just be honest about it…it isn’t working out…or you had something else in mind. Tell your partner the truth! Don’t just go on as if everything is as you hoped. If the partnership isn’t quite what you had in mind, just pray about it and then let her know. Be specific though…Thank her for her time and let her know you think it would be best to do things differently.
If you began with a set time in mind…like 4 weeks, it is easier if things aren’t going along perky positively, to end it and move on. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. One friend 🙂 asked me if she could report to me. After a few weeks she let me know that she felt she could move on. Our friendship was not threatened by this and I knew that either it wasn’t what she had in mind or she really was ok without reporting any more. No harm done.
Let God be God in this. 😀
I think it is true that as we prayefully consider inviting someone into this inner sanctum of our personal life, we will know in our hearts if someone seems like a good fit to ask. I could be wrong about that, of course. It doesn’t mean that it won’t be scary! The lady who is such a blessing to me right now, letting me report to her daily can really talk truth. But I know and God knows I NEED that! She was concerned that I felt she was a drill sergeant. I explained that, to me, a drill sergeant is someone that *helps* keep a soldier in shape as a matter of routine so that when real life gets intense, the soldier is ready and able to do what it takes. I don’t think of that as a bad thing at all. In fact, I think scripture esteems one who is willing to be that for another. My partner has just the right blend of truth talking with grace giving…she is gentle and kind as well…and I know, with confidence, that she prays!
I hope something here is helpful to you as you seek the Lord Jesus, to become more like Him in all ways. I would love to hear how your accountability partnership works out if you decide to go for it! This is a great time of year to connect with someone at this level!
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