The Brownie is CALLING!!!!

So what is up? Sunday I ate one meal to 6 and another one yesterday. Not only that, but I have had constant thoughts of food. In fact, last night, I obsessed about brownies! I haven’t experienced brownies being such a powerful draw in a long while.

I dug in my heels and refused to succumb to eating the brownie and ice cream (just a tiny bit…) unless I was at a zero. ALL EVENING I looooonged to be at a zero. I was LUSTING big time for that zero so I could have “My preciousssssss….”

The zero never came and I actually considered several times having the stupid brownie anyhow just to “End the torment!” I realized that this was what I did over and over again in the past. I minimized the significance of indulging in “Just a tiny brownie and just a dollop of ice cream…” It isn’t even the food that is the issue here. It is my HEART. I didn’t want to harden my heart to the sweet voice of God in exchange for the insistent voice of the stupid brownie! Good grief! How is it that something like that could have so much POWER over me? :-/


I finally went to bed at 10pm (No, I didn’t eat the brownie), but no sooner did my head hit the pillow then hunger hit BIG time! AH! BROWNIE TIME!!!!!

That thought was followed by God stopping me dead in my tracks. My gentle, loving Shepherd laid it on my heart that while I could get up to go eat, that I needed to bypass the brownie. Why? Because brownies are evil? NO! Because brownies are not nutritious? NO! I had to bypass the brownie because I had to be master over IT instead of letting it own me! So, God convicted me that even if I ate (which I was free to do, even if it was 10:15pm by this time), it would be something other than the brownie. Ok, so I did not have a godly little attitude about that. More like “Wow, Lord…that is a total bummer…are you sure?”


I chose to fast that hunger to the Lord and go to sleep instead.

This morning, when I woke up, the first order of business in my quiet time with God was to look at just what has been going on with me! Why the eating to a 6 at Sunday’s lunch and again yesterday at lunch? And why the obsessive thoughts about the brownie? That isn’t freedom! So what is up?

God showed me in the quietness…in the stillness…the brownie has no power over me, but what did is feelings of rejection that I had at church on Sunday. I was deeply wounded and I hadn’t yet recognized that pain or given it a voice. I spent time this morning, sharing with the Lord the pain I felt about what happened on Sunday and then intentionally choosing to forgive the one(s) who I felt wounded by.

You know what? That act rendered a death blow to Brownie Obsession! LOL!

Funny how my emotions, even when they are not at the surface…can play a powerful role in causing food to seem like an answer when I am not hungry!

Choice

I love receiving the comments from those of you who read the blog. It is so encouraging to me and I must say, I have to bow before God in humble adoration. I truly am blessed. Thank you so much for your ministry to me. If there is anything here at all that encourages you, it is proof yet again that “we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us” (2 Corinthians 4:7).

My friend, Lundie, just posted the comment on the left and I don’t know about you, but this really does boil it down. Lundie also included that making that once that decision is made in the moment, we let it go. Even walk away, get distracted. Do other things.

Thanks, Lundie, for ministering to me–and others–with your insights.


Learning…

My accountability partner challenged me when she saw some “small” compromises on my hunger graph last week…could I string together seven consecutive days of eating 0 to 5 or between true physiological hunger and satisfaction?

She threw down the gauntlet. (I am pleased she did.)

Today is day 4 of managing this challenge. PRAISE you, Lord!

A few thoughts of things I am learning:

1. The little foxes spoil the vineyard (Song of Solomon 2:15)–the little compromises can sneak their way into our lives…and erode things. Enough of that! No more minimizing what can cut away at a root of holiness.

2. I have found that when I am committed to this, eating outside of these parameters just isn’t an option…period. How profound this seems to me.

3. The longer I have gone in practicing eating between hunger and satisfaction, the less obsessed my thoughts are with food. This is good news to many of us!

4. There is a brief moment of temptation. (There it is again…that MOMENT thing!) If I can just make a choice to set aside that temptation in the moment, to reject it…I have found that it passes. That choice is then followed by a number of other “brief” moments where the temptation isn’t present…and during those “brief” moments my heart is flooded with joy from the Holy Spirit because I made the choice to take that moment and thought captive and surrender in obedience!