My flesh machinery has really been riled up these past few days, with food loudly and persistently calling my name, like, all the time! Awaiting zero has been harder than usual.
We are taught in Thin Within that overeating – eating when we aren’t hungry – can cover raw, uncomfortable emotions, thus numbing us and keeping us from dealing with emotions that really need to be dealt with, not buried alive or smothered.
Doing things that I know I should be doing often helps me ignore the loud calling of my name by food.
My food is to do the will of Him who sent me, and to accomplish His work.” (John 4:34)
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I’m fully aware this is Jesus talking, and that I’m not Jesus! Or diety! But I believe that this principle – that doing the will of God is food to us – is true for us, too, and Jesus lived it out first to show us how to do it.
But still… right now all I want to do is eat! EAT EAT EAT!!!! UUUUGH!!!! (This is as embarrassing to admit as it is frustrating to feel!)
But the Lord reminds me… I am not without help! He Himself helps us:
Apart from Me you can do nothing…
But He has also inspired His people to create resources that help us more clearly see – and accurately apply – these truths. And He has given us many wonderful resources in Thin Within, especially via Judy and Arthur Halliday, and Heidi Bylsma! I am currently going through Rebuilding God’s Temple, and in the Week 10, Day 4 lesson, we are asked to take note of specific emotions that are stirred up in us while awaiting zero, and then also journal about them. So that’s what I’m going to do right here – share with you my process… for better or worse…
1. Identify the emotion that’s surfacing while awaiting zero:
That’s easy! ANXIETY!
2. Journal about it:
I know scripture clearly tells us to not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, to let our requests be made known to God…
And I totally get that and agree with that! Well, I totally agree with that, but I’m not so sure I totally get it, or I wouldn’t still be dealing with this stuff, right? But nonetheless, I am anxious.
The wonderful thing is that God knows us, He knows we will be anxious, and He has made provision for this emotion in these verses:
Pour out your hearts to the Lord for He can help.” … “Make your needs known to Him.” … “Come and talk with Me, oh my people…”
So I will take Him up on his offer and start pouring… making my needs known to Him… and coming to and talking with Him…
Here are my current anxiety-causers: (They really boil down to two.)
One is that I have a busy few days coming up, and I am anxious about how I’m going to get everything done. How do I best prioritize, not get side-tracked, and use my time the most wisely?
The other is that we will be having company staying at our home for several days. I have a melancholic personality and I enjoy – and actually need – time to myself. Having company will entail interruption to my usual quiet days – quiet because we are empty-nesters and my husband is retired. So this will be challenging to my flesh, especially since hospitality does not come easily or naturally for me – probably because I am basically selfish, and hospitality is basically all about unselfishness. It will be rewarding, too, I enjoy people once they are here, but I am still anxious about this.
So identifying the emotion and journaling about it got everything out in the open, and definitely helped, but now I need to take it to the next level and “finish it up”; I need to…
3. Pray it all the way through.
Okay, Lord, here I am…
Lord, You know all about the anxiety that is having a hayday in me right now. And I’m sure this is part of what’s drawing me so strongly to want to eat right now, to try to mask it or smother it or avoid dealing with it, or D. ALL THE ABOVE.
Of course I know full well that none of those will work, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fall for it, again.
Lord, I want to be honoring to you in how I eat, and I know I have not been, and for that I ask your forgiveness.
I come to You with the weightiness of my emotions, my selfishness, my confusion, my frustrations, my anger, and my insecurities…
…in this case, about hosting and entertaining guests. And I give it ALL to You, Lord…
You know what You want to happen with our guests, and I ask You to lead me that way and give me Your heart, Your love for them.
Help me think less about myself and more about them and their needs, and to make them feel welcome, and to show them Your love.
I also ask You to help me use my time wisely and get done those things that You want done, and let the rest go!
I cast all of these cares on You, Lord! I can’t fix them or get rid of them anyway, so I bring them to – and leave them with – You.
And I trust You with them, and to get me over any hurdles, and through any tough times that come up today and once our company is here. Please give me the words, the heart, the direction, and the wisdom I need in each moment.
Thank you, Lord, for everything You are doing and are going to do! Aaaaaaamen!
I’ve never known that, when you do wrong, it breeds more wrong-doing. After all of the progress I’ve had, I overate early this morning and completely fell off the rails.
Just one misstep, and I was back wanting to do wrong today. I want to eat everything in sight.
Now this is where the choice comes in. What are my choices? I have two:
One is to turn off of the TV and reset myself by getting into the Word as much as I can all day. Today will turn out to be a great day if I do that.
My other choice is to eat all day, receiving condemnation from the enemy. He’ll be accusing me and telling me that nothing has changed. He’ll taunt me saying “It’s no use doing Thin Within! I told you, you haven’t changed! It really doesn’t matter. Mind renewal is just hogwash! Just go ahead and eat!”
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But I want to tell you the outcome of the day!
I finished well today!
I did not let the enemy get the best of me!
What a huge victory for me. Yes, I fell off of the rails, but only for a short while.
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This time was different from all of the other times! I finished by eating a modest portion only two meals after I had blown it!
Had I had this fall in my bingeing days, it would have been a disaster!
But guess what? The mind renewal is working! It’s actually changing me from the inside out!
There are a few words that I have now banned from my thinking vocabulary. These are:
I’ll start tomorrow.
You might as well.
More.
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The word less is good; not more.
I still use the word tomorrow, but it has a new meaning and use…
Instead of saying “Well, you’ve blown it, so you might as well go ahead and eat now and just start tomorrow,” I tell myself “You can have that food tomorrow, if you want.”
Next time I will not get tripped up with just one bite. But I’m glad that at least I learned a lot from that trip!
Am I alone in thinking this Thin Within journey is like the kids’ board game, Chutes and Ladders? Move your pawn forward to a particular space, then shoot up the ladder onto victory. Or land on a bad space (like eating too many cookies) and the pawn slides down the chute cause you have a tummy ache.
That’s me! One day, I’m moving ahead. Controlling my appetite. Tightening my belt. The next day, I over indulge and slide backwards. Drats! Foiled again! Takes forever to win. However, unlike the game whose progression is controlled by a spinning needle, I’m doing this to myself. Unless of course, the “devil made me do it.”
What is so difficult about not eating until I’m hungry and stopping when I’m a satisfied? The way I whine and limp along this 0-5 journey, you’d think someone asked me to race around the track in a wheelchair or swim freestyle with my eyes closed as though I’m blind. If anyone watched the Paralympic Games, you’ll understand. These disabled Olympians push their physical limits to win the race.
What’s my excuse for crossing my boundaries and giving up before I’ve reached my goal and won the prize? I’m not an athlete. But even the Apostle Paul writes in terms that inspires me to finish the race.
“Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave….” (1 Cor. 9:26,27).
“I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us” (Phil. 3:14).
The cost of reaching and maintaining my God-ordained weight means I may have to suffer. But what’s wrong with suffering if the prize is a thinner, healthier me who feels good in her skin from the inside out. What if suffering is the means to help me listen to God so He enables me to walk in the Spirit instead of submitting to my fickle flesh which entices me to eat…what I want when I want.
Besides, does an empty stomach cause more (or less) suffering than a bloated belly ache accompanied by a heavy dose of guilt and regret? And why should emotional comfort and eating to numb my pain override my common sense to do what’s best for my body?
Great questions to mull over when I’m salivating for that Godiva chocolate.
The wonderful thing about Thin Within is that no one expects me to fight this battle or win the race/game on my own strength. The lessons constantly bring me back to God’s Word which teaches and trains me in the way I should go.
That said, I’m also realizing the victory isn’t about self-discipline and buffeting my body as much as focus. Where am I looking for victory?
If success depends on human efforts alone….doing every lesson, filling out truth cards, my God list, my hunger charts, my not eating too many cookies…I’ll keep slip sliding backwards.
Instead,I must look to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith—who suffered and died for me—that I might live victoriously.
Image courtesy of nongpimmy at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
We get so discouraged when we break a boundary. We eat when we aren’t hungry (zero). We blow past satisfaction (5). We bring out that “club of condemnation” one more time (sigh). But wait! STOP! Pause. Freeze it right there! Come a little closer to the screen. Yes, there. Now let me tell you a little secret (hands cupped over your ear): Failure leads to victory! Sorry, did I shout that into your ear instead of whispering. Sorry! I just get a little excited!
It’s true! It’s not about following your boundaries 100% all.of.the.time. It’s about going to God if you break your boundaries. We get so upset when we break our boundaries. We feel bad about ourselves. We think we will never be able to follow our boundaries. So then we overeat because we feel bad about ourselves. It’s like this vicious cycle that is perpetuated by our thoughts, beliefs, despair, thinking we will never be skinny anyway, so we might as well eat. Sound familiar?
But what would happen if we looked at every boundary breakage (aka failure) and renewed our mind instead? What if instead of feeling bad about ourselves and discouraged, we got really excited because we get to get closer to the Lord because of our failure?
I tell you what would happen: we would have victory!
I’ve seen it! I’ve experienced this! I’ve tasted it! When I break a boundary, I get so excited that I get to sit with Jesus and talk things over. Maybe I’m just an odd one…wait…I KNOW I’m an odd one! But really, I do get excited to renew my mind and bring all of my thoughts and feelings before the Lord. I love that as I am real with Him, He shows me His truth.
So how does this work? How does failure turn into victory?
Here’s an example: Evening was the most tempting time for me to want to overeat. I had a really hard time breaking the habit of eating outside of my boundaries in the evening. I would put my daughter to bed and then immediately I would make some popcorn or grab some sort of snack, and then eat it in front of the TV (distraction, mindless eating). It wouldn’t matter if I was hungry or not, that’s the habit I had developed over the years (and well before my daughter). I knew I wanted to change it, but I kept on doing it. I would feel so bad and would feel like I failed yet again. My solution (well, God’s solution) was that after I put my daughter to bed, I would sit and read through my truth cards, or I would answer a set of questions from I Deserve a Donut in my journal, and reading scriptures. I took that time to renew my mind. Change didn’t happen right away, but as I took the time each night to renew my mind, little by little, day by day, the Lord was transforming me, until one day I no longer had the urge to grab something to eat after putting my daughter to bed. And since then, I just wait until I’m hungry to have an evening snack. And sometimes I am not hungry for a snack, and I’m totally ok with that. That’s a huge change! Victory!
It wasn’t self-control. It wasn’t will-power. It was GOD who changed me! My part was being self-disciplined in taking the time to sit with Him and renew my mind.
Failure led to victory!
We try to change our outcome through our own strength. We think if we change our habit or behavior first, then our thoughts and beliefs will line up. But it’s actually the other way around. First, we have to change our thoughts and beliefs, and THEN we will change our habits and behavior. We tell ourselves that we will “do better next time.” We strive and put forth all of our own human effort to see change in our eating habits, but when we lean upon ourselves to make it happen, we will only become weak and tired. It’s God who helps us overcome. It’s not in our own strength. So each time we go to Him and repent after we’ve sinned, we are transformed more and more to His likeness. When we renew our mind after overeating, we are transformed.
I look at failure as opportunity to grow. I look at failure as practice.
It took Thomas Edison 1,000+ times before he had the invention of the light bulb “perfected”. Every failure led to victory. He didn’t give up. And just because we overate just now or last night, it doesn’t mean we smash all of the light bulbs and give up. It means we keep going forward. We renew our mind. We go to God. We think that because of failing to follow our boundaries, that we need new boundaries. Maybe you’ve been really trying your best to follow your boundaries of eating between hunger and satisfaction, but you keep overeating. Does that mean your boundaries don’t work? No way! It means it’s time to renew your mind. It’s time to go sit at the feet of Jesus and drink in His truth.
So the next time you are tempted to fail: go to Jesus. Renew your mind. The next time you break a boundary: seek His truth. And know that each time you do, you are one step closer to victory! Sweet, sweet victory!!
Would you like to know more about renewing your mind? There are so many great resources on this website and blog about doing just that. Do you have a set of truth cards? If not, you can learn more about it here. I also have recorded a set of my truth cards on a Sound Cloud file that you can find here. Do you have a set of questions to help aid you in renewing your mind such as Barb Raveling’s I Deserve a Donut? How else can we, at Thin Within, help to encourage you to renew your mind and see failure as victory?
Where a person finds joy can encompass a great deal of areas. We all have activities we enjoy, people we love to have fellowship with, children we adore, spouses we love, ministries we want to flourish, and dare I say: foods we love to eat. All of these activities and objects are wonderful in and of themselves, but when taken out of perspective, we will find they often rob us of our joy rather than bring us joy.
What is joy? Among all the bible dictionaries and collegiate dictionaries, joy is defined in many ways, but the most common definition I found is this: a feeling of pleasure or happiness; a calm delight. Biblical joy is the result of a relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ. The joy of the Lord is evident in our lives even when we are facing trials. How can this be? How can we have joy in the midst of trials? The answer is simple. The Holy Spirit is living inside every believer, and according to Galatians 5:22-23, joy is a part of the fruit of the Spirit. This fruit is the evidence of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in an individual. Of course, we have periods of sadness and mourning and no one finds joy in these periods to begin with; however, when the Lord begins the healing process, after brokenness, joy cannot help but spring forth.
Far too often, we try to find our joy from sources other than the Lord. I know I have! Looking for joy in eating what I want when I want it is what brought me to Thin Within so I could get the help I needed. The leaders of Thin Within then pointed me to Jesus, the source of all joy. When I find my joy in Him, life’s hardships and challenges come into proper perspective, and I no longer look to any other thing to bring joy. Psalm 16:11 says, “You will show me the path of life; In your presence is fullness of joy; At your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Wow! There is no other place to find true and lasting joy than in the presence of the Lord, and this joy is full and complete. Knowing that joy comes from His presence and not food or any other idol, I need to spend time in His presence, sitting at His feet, or better still, getting in His face so I can know His heart.
Take notice of the last portion of Psalm 16:11 which says, “At your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” When I am spending time in His presence to find fullness of joy, I will experience pleasure. God never meant for us to avoid the enjoyment of this life He gave us. He meant for us to enjoy the food we have to eat. He meant for us to enjoy our ministries, friends, church family, and many others placed in our lives. He gave us all these people and things for enjoyment. Our joy disappears when any of these things or people become a god to us because we are no longer going to His presence for the fullness of joy only our Lord can bring. Instead, we expect people to fulfill us. We expect food to bring us fullness of joy. We tend to think that if we just had a little more food, a little more money, a little more of this or that, we would have joy and happiness. Nothing could be further from the truth! Fullness of joy comes when we are tapped into the source of joy—the presence of the Lord!
Nehemiah 8:10 says the following: “Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” We love to quote that last part which tells us the joy of the Lord is our strength, and it is true! Without the fullness of joy that comes from the Lord’s presence, we will be weak and powerless to fight our battles. However, notice the first part of that verse which says to go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks. God gave us pleasure including food. We are told to enjoy what God has given and be thankful for it. What happens is like I said before, we look to the food and drink for joy rather than getting in the presence of the Lord for fullness of joy.
It is no wonder that Jesus told us in Matthew 6:33 to seek the Lord first then everything else would be added to us. He knew that if we didn’t know the source of joy, nothing or no one else could bring us that joy. Isn’t our Jesus just awesome? Isn’t His joy like no other?
What about you? Where do you find your joy? Do you attempt to find joy in any other avenue but the Lord? Do you need to tap into the right source for joy today?
