Is wanting to be a perfect size and weight part of the sin nature? Or is it the world trying to get me to conform to it’s ways again?
I can sense that there is still some fear in my heart that the weight I have reached (after releasing a total of 79 lbs.) may be my God-designed goal weight. You know, the size He originally created me to be. But I don’t like it!! I don’t want it to be ___ lbs. I want to continue releasing more weight, about 15-20 more. As I quiet my heart and bow my head, I begin to get a clearer picture.
“Who told you that to have a little bulge at the tummy is ‘bad’? Who determined your ‘proper weight’? I do not weigh the body. I weigh matters of the heart. I do not even possess a measure or scale for the body.”
Suddenly I could see the ridiculous notions that had filled my mind and had even starting seeping into my heart. A certain size or goal weight is not really from God to me at this time. It is the world’s standard of beauty and perfection that equates to acceptance from them. But this is what God opened up to my mind and heart.
In 1 Samuel 16:7 it reads, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I could see, like in the image here, that God had his eye on David, the little shepherd boy. He would choose him to be king. He rejected the one with the beautiful body because when He weighed the man’s heart, he was lacking what David possessed. So God chose David. Wow! God is so wise. Whenever a certain size or self-loathing and fear is in our heart, it will begin to rob us of our joy each day. We begin to grow dissatisfied and worried about the future. That’s not God’s way though, is it?
We are taught to love and nurture our bodies more, to honor our body that God has given us. We can accept our size, just as it is TODAY. We can begin to value our body more.
As the scripture here says, all my ways seem right to ME. But He is asking me to allow Him to weigh things out, in my heart, and to allow Him to decide. Yes, to release more weight and be a smaller size seems totally right to me. But I don’t know more than God about my heart. So I am going to choose to trust Him with my final outcome. I want to strive to apply MORE GRACE from God and not more pressure to achieve a certain size. More eating restrictions or more adhering to zero to five cannot transform our heart. Eating more healthy tuna salad cannot change our heart to obey God more willingly. Only God and His Word can change us. And when we fall short, we have a Father in Heaven who looks BEYOND that and weighs our heart. He tends to our heart and He mends our heart.
Let’s pray for constant insight and new revelation of the deception and times we fall prey to the world’s view of our weight. Personally, for me, it’s a time to repent (turn and go the other way quickly) of loathing my current weight as if it were a curse or something. Psalm 51:10-12 tells us; “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your holy spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant a willing spirit to sustain me.”
So, what about you? Can you identify with the struggle to weigh a certain number? Is God asking you to surrender your plans, hopes and desires for His? Will you trust Him more today that you did yesterday? What will you do to surrender?