This weight loss journey has been a slow process mainly because the problem is between my two ears and not actually with poor eating habits. Once I resolved that this would take as long as it takes, the pressure was off and the process became much more interesting and even enjoyable!
Let me tell you about three of the most revolutionary moments I have had so far.
The first light to go on was found in Heidi’s online class where we studied Judy Halliday’s book, Silent Hunger. I was able to draw a visual of my body wrapped in grave clothes, ala Lazareth. In the Bible story, Jesus says to his friends and family, “Unwrap him and let him go!” That intrigued me. I found that each band of MY grave clothes represented a part of the puzzle as to why I remain encased in excess fat that insulates or falsely protects me from the world. The image to the left shows what that looked like a year ago.
With God’s amazing grace, He has helped me to slowly unwrap each of these layers to expose my raw and wounded spiritual flesh to the light of truth and God’s healing touch. The more “sunlight” that God exposed on each band of trouble, the more complete the healing has been.
The second revelation also came from the Silent Hunger book:
“Our silent hunger is our longing for intimacy where our deepest needs
for security and significance can be substantially met. This longing is real.”
Silent Hunger, page 26
When I pay attention to the times I am tempted to eat outside of 0-5, it is generally because one or more of those three things have been or could soon be violated:
Family events and holidays are perfect examples of this dichotomy. The very place where acceptance, security and intimacy SHOULD be found is actuality fertile ground for self-loathing, isolation, and insecurity. Gearing up ahead of time and speaking the truth of who I am in Christ before walking into family events is now my pre-game plan. Having a detox/post-game time afterwards of the same “truth talking” is imperative.
The last thing that has been brought to the light through the Thin Within program is my lack of understanding of the true meaning of grace:
“Grace is not simply a pardon from sin, but also a constant presence, power, and provision.
It is the power source that enables us to live the crucified life, a life where we are dead to sin and alive to God.
That is the resurrected life!”
Thin Within, Rebuilding God’s Temple, page C-4
I have been hospitalized three times for depression and anxiety. My focus had been on being my own power source. Continual failure or inability to protect and defend myself so enflamed the cycle of craving true intimacy, security, and significance that I would crack and come apart under the pressure to perform. Once I understood that God’s grace was the source of the power and not my own, all performance anxiety and the need to try to control my life was transferred to where it should be—on God, and I began to live my life free, thin within, and in a constant state of grace.
I still have more weight to release. This tells me there is even more to learn. The only way I am willing to do this is at the Father’s knee and under the protection of His amazing grace. It is in Him and through Him that I have found pure intimacy, godly security, and true significance. Glory to God!
How About You?
Can you identify with the challenge Marjie shared about family gatherings being a place where security, intimacy, and significance are challenged? Has this led you to overeat in the past? Can you apply her suggestion and gear up ahead of time—even for Thanksgiving this Thursday—by telling yourself the truth about your identity in Christ before you walk into a situation where you might find these important needs unmet or even “steam rollered?” If you want help with that, click here for this Who I Am In Christ file. Read these statements out loud! Can you, even now, plan a time for after the Thanksgiving Day gathering, when you can be still with the Lord to evaluate, pray, confess (if need be) and steep yourself deep in the never-ending love, grace, mercy AND TRUTH that God wants saturating you, His precious child?
Note: If you are interested in looking at the book mentioned by Marjie, the most recent version of it was titled Hunger Within by the publisher. The Kindle edition is available here at Amazon.