Grace

Hmm…Got on the scale this morning and it read lower than ever.

Boy, why can’t I just rejoice?

Because I know the truth! I know that it is only because something weird has happened to my body…it is like my metabolism is super-charged right now. I feel like I eat a lot more than I used to. Maybe when the weather changes it will be different. I am outside a lot, but it doesn’t SEEM like I am so active as to explain the number of times I am hungry. And I know that I still have an ungodly attachment to sweets.

For some reason, the comments from people at church have come thick and fast during the past week as well. I guess I wonder if I am not being majorly tested or something.

I know that this is grace…nothing BUT grace as I have done nothing that could “earn” releasing weight, keeping it off, and releasing more. Yes, initially maybe. I mean I had to cooperate with God in BIG ways, but even that was His work.

…but right now…no. I mean, I feel like I eat more than I need more than I used to…that makes me really on high alert, in a way. So why do I keep doing it? I don’t know. And why is my weight going down?

Weird having it trickle off right now when I really don’t feel like I am living a surrendered life. It BUGS me!!!!

I will take it as grace, but now…what will my response be? Will I surrender? Goodness…It is His Kindness that leads me to repentance. This is about as kind as He could be over this…it truly brings me to my knees….