This is suffering. LOL! Ok, maybe not, but it sure seems close. Papa Murphy’s pizza isn’t even that good, but it is one of the few things that everyone in my family can eat and enjoy (somewhat). Hubby brought it home and I was at 0 for sure!!! But I KNEW I didn’t have the freedom to eat even two skinny pieces…I only had the freedom to eat one. Sigh…and the crust from one of my son’s pieces…given how hungry I was, the tiny miniscule morsel of pizza sure tasted good, even if it DID have too much sauce on it! 😀

But nuts! This sure isn’t much food! I guess I really *can’t* eat just for fun any more. See there? This really exposes the motives. I mean, I sure seem to want to do some aspect of eating for fun. No, I don’t mean that God doesn’t want me to enjoy eating according to godly parameters. I think He gets joy from seeing me delight in all the good things He has given us to enjoy. But I mean…there isn’t much quantity wise or time wise when push comes to shove. You can only stretch out a tiny portion so long before it gets cold or something. Eating in a way that honors the Lord offers no room to justify “recreational eating.”

Which makes sense. It is “recreational eating” that has created extra fat on my body and associated health problems (or potential problems). God knows best. I just find my will having a hard time (at times) going along with this!

It is amazing how little food my body needs to get by. Ok…so the Lord wants to be what gives me ultimate joy and satisfaction. I have practiced for years using food to give me joy….I mean…all the time, throughout the day (and night), even when not hungry. I see now that this attitude isn’t going to go away quickly…I mean, God has changed my heart a lot, it is true…since I began this journey again in mid-November (when he kicked my bottom into it).

But I was coasting along while “cheating” it seems. The reality is, I could get by with eating more than I needed while cutting back a lot and release a lot of weight in the process. It was easy to pat myself on the back…boy, I didn’t want to face reality. Reality, apparently, is…I still have a “thing” for food.


I want to be normal!