Have you ever felt unloved? Have you ever felt unworthy to be loved? Have you ever gone above and beyond anything anyone has done for you in order to win that love? I have. People have hurt me, offended me, and even made me feel unloved or unlovable. People may not like me at all. But, that’s okay with me now, because I have come face to face with the Lover of my soul.
The day I woke up to truth was like many others. Nothing set it apart in what I needed to get done that day. There wasn’t a load of chores to do. I didn’t have a day at work that was any different than the one before. I just felt different in my soul. The thoughts in my mind were, “I feel weak and unhealthy. Watching my weight and food used to be easy, but it isn’t anymore. I don’t know my purpose with an empty nest. I don’t have any family to take care of daily. I feel alone. I know God is working but I need prayer. Where do I go next?”
I cried to the One and Only True Helper and Healer, because I had nowhere else to go with all those rumbling emotions. I was finally at the end of myself. My Prayer was:
“Abba Father, oh how I want to feel Your love.
I want to not only know and believe in my head that You love me
and that You find me a joy and that You delight in me.
I want my head knowledge to move into my heart.
I want to feel it – really feel it, so that I no longer dialogue with the devil
when he works to make me feel undeserving and unworthy,
unloved and unlovable.
I know that Christ’s blood covers me.
I know that I believe in Him and have confessed Him with my mouth.
I know You have adopted me into Your family.
I know my sins have been forgiven.
Now, I need to feel His righteousness that covers me.
Abba Father, speak to my heart through Your Word as I deeply dig
into who I am in Christ and walk this pathway You have given me.
Allow Your Word, that is living and active and sharper than any double-edged sword
to penetrate my soul and spirit with Your truth.
Allow Your Word to judge
the thoughts and actions of my heart.
Unveil everything dark and dingy, Father,
because nothing is hidden from Your sight.
May my heart be uncovered and laid bare before You,
my loving Abba Father,
so that my life be transformed into the image
of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
through the power of the Holy Spirit,
so that my life be a pleasing fragrance to You,
and all those whom I meet.
I want those I am in contact with to smell Jesus on me.
I want to be, through this life You have given to me,
A member of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.”
(find this powerful word here: http://www.gospeltruth.net/unashamed.htm)
In the Name above all names, I pray, Amen
Did He answer my prayer? You bet He did!! He led me deeper into His Word and truly opened my eyes, my mind and my heart to receive the truth of His great love for me. I am not new to Bible Study. I might even say I am an old hat at it and that is not necessarily a bad thing, for I have a good basis of “knowledge”. Where He is walking me now goes so much further than a basis of “knowledge” though! He has taken the scriptures that I have been reading my whole life and opened them up to me as a precious gift.
Ephesians 1:4-6 says: For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will – to the praise of His glorious grace which He has freely given us in the One He loves.
He opened my eyes to the fact that this scripture is about so much more than being accepted. This scripture says that in Christ, I am: chosen, holy, blameless, loved (MY FATHER LOVES ME), predestined, adopted, blessed, by His glorious grace which He has freely given!!
So, I am chosen by God, holy, dearly loved. And through the Holy Spirit’s power I can be: compassionate, kind, humble, gentle and patient.
This whole life giving process of listening to God, walking closer with my Savior and being transformed by the Holy Spirit is something that has come about in many ways due to finding TW/HW. Remember me mentioning how weak and unhealthy I felt? Through imperfect obedience to 0-5 eating, I am being freed from the idol of food, which kept me from experiencing God’s grace. I know He led me here, to this ministry, in order to finally break down one of my huge strongholds! I no longer feel weak and unhealthy…I feel free and alive! He gave my life purpose in this season of my life, by giving me the opportunity to minister to others who have felt the same things I used to. One of the most beautiful gifts that has happened through this walk with you all in TW/HW is that without my bondage to food and body image, I can now freely feel the love of those around me. I forgive those hurts and offenses and God opened my eyes to knowing that if I “feel” unloved, it is because of my heart, not the heart of others. God has proven Himself to me. All He asked was for me to be obedient to Him.
How about you? Are you struggling with feeling hurt? Are you feeling unloved and unlovable? Are you ready to let those feelings go and run with me into the arms of the ONE who loves us better than anyone else can? I went through a few months in TW/HW without having any victory. The problem was me. I hadn’t surrendered to letting go of my idol of food for God’s simple and precious way of pleasant 0-5 boundaries. Will you surrender today?