A few years ago God took me on an emotional healing journey, which lasted about 4 years. It was a very hard time in my life, but such a blessing at the same time. One of the areas the Lord addressed was my area of security, or rather, my lack of security in Him. It was really about where I was placing my identity, because it certainly wasn’t in Christ.
It all started when the Lord asked me a question. I had been waiting for a few years for Him to fulfill a promise He specifically gave me in a dream. It wasn’t only a promise, but a desire He placed in my heart. And so in that discouraging time of not seeing the evidence of His promise, He asked me, “If you never had this thing, would I be enough for you?” I remember right where I was, standing in front of our dining room table. I didn’t have to think about His question for very long at all when I spouted off, “No!” I wasn’t ready to sacrifice that promise. Oh, it really bothered me that He would ask me that. How dare He!? And so the journey to placing my true identity in Christ began.
I knew in my head who I was in Christ. I read my Bible. I spent time praying and in Bible studies. I only listened to Christian music. I sang on the worship team at church and was a leader for the youth group. I knew my stuff, but I was so insecure. I had fears. I didn’t like myself. I didn’t even know who I was. And I really didn’t know who I was in Christ.
Over a long period of time, the Lord showed me all of the things I was putting my security and identity in. He would show me one thing, we would work on that one thing, and then it was on to the next thing. I’m glad He worked slowly with me because otherwise it would have felt very overwhelming. I was shocked at the things I was placing my identity and security in. It was in food, in my friends, in my husband, in where I lived, in my past, in being a mother, in my job, etc. There were so many things. I remember the day he showed me how I was putting my security into one particular friendship. I couldn’t believe it!
When I say I didn’t know myself, I mean I didn’t even know the basics about myself. Like, I didn’t even know what my favorite color was. I believed it was blue and purple, but after awhile the Lord showed me that I only liked those colors because they were “safe” colors to like. (My favorite color is actually orange!) Even a little toddler might know their favorite color. (I think my daughter likes pink!) But that’s how lost I was.
I even believed things about the Bible, but I didn’t really have anything to stand on aside from what someone told me to believe. So I had to start at ground zero with some of those beliefs. The Lord took me back to the basics and taught me
His truth so I could know without a doubt why I believe what I believe. I couldn’t lean upon someone else’s Bible teaching. I had to go to the Teacher Himself!
I wore masks. I pretended to be invisible. I didn’t want anyone to know the real me because the real me could get hurt. The real me could cry and feel pain. It felt safer to hide behind all of my false identities. No one could hurt the real me because they didn’t know the real me.
And the Lord stripped all of my defenses away. I had built a wall around my heart, and He began to tear it down brick by brick. There were times it was so scary that I was trying to build up that wall again even as He was taking it down, but of course He won that battle. Praise God! He showed me my true identity in Christ. All of the façade was washed away. All of my defenses were brought down. But I wasn’t left desolate or feeling naked. As the Lord revealed the false identities, He also began to clothe me with my true identity. It really was and is a beautiful work!
I praise Him for what He’s done. I can honestly say that I’m at a place where I know who I am in Christ. Yes, there are times when I’m tried and tested, but ultimately, I am no longer moved or threatened by things as I used to be. I keep my eyes on Christ and He is there with me. There are quirks about me (we all have them), but I rejoice knowing that this is how the Lord made me. And He loves me for me! All of those false identities went to the wayside because I know that I am something without them, but I am nothing without God.
So let’s go back to that original question that started all of this: “Is God enough?”
And my question now is a loud and joyous YES!!!!!!!
I can honestly say that I got to that place where I knew in my heart that if I never saw the fulfillment of His promise, that I would still praise Him. That I would still live for Him. The realization that brought me the most joy was knowing that no matter what, I can still have more of God! He is enough for me!
Nothing fulfills or satisfies me like the Lord does. Like Jesus does. It’s like an overflowing cup. He just keeps on pouring in and I am full of Him. It’s so beautiful! Nothing in this world satisfies my heart like He does. Not my friends, not my job, not my husband, not my house, not my role as a mother, not food, not anything.
Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away. Matthew 24:35
It was a journey. Four years feels like forever when you are in the midst of it. But it was so worth it. Maybe you are in the midst of a similar journey. Maybe you have no idea who you really are or who you are in Christ. My friend, He will show you! He wants to fulfill that desire. He wants to satisfy you. No food will satisfy that. No person will. No job. No amount of money. No friend. Only Jesus!
You are precious in His sight. He loves you. He wants to be your Protector. He wants to clothe you in Him and His righteousness. He is drawing you to Him. Allow Him to take down those defenses and those false identities. And He will give you all that you need, He will not leave you defenseless.
Your identity is in Christ. He is Your rock! Stand upon Him!
How about you?
Is your true identity in Christ, or are you hiding behind false identities? How do you see this come into play with your eating? If God were to ask you if He was enough for you, would you be able to give him a joyful “YES!” or would you tell Him “No!” like I did that first time? He is our strong tower, our refuge…run to Him and HE will keep you safe!
Tonight (before this posts tomorrow), the Lord has been prompting me to ask another question. What if you never reached your “goal weight”, would He still be enough for you? He’s not saying you won’t get to your God-given weight. What He wants to shine His light on is, are you focusing so much on a goal weight or size that it’s become a false identity in your life? Have you used food, dieting, or your reason to lose weight as something you have hidden behind or have found comfort in? He wants to be enough for you, no matter what your weight or size. He is more concerned about your heart. Is your heart fully His?