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Dear Scale, I’m done with you! I’m finished! You no longer get to tell me who you think I am or how well I am doing. You do NOT define me! You are not my friend anymore. Goodbye! Sincerely, Christina
This is overdue. I meant to write this weeks ago.
It’s Sunday night, July 13, 2014. We had a glorious weekend with BEAUTIFUL weather! We live in Southeast Alaska. It rains a lot here. We get 14-feet of precipitation a year. Yes, you read that right, 14 FEET! Our temperatures this weekend were in the upper 70’s. That is warm for us. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!
Last night, I had this idea that I would weigh myself this morning. About a month ago, I removed the scale from my bathroom and put it in this storage space we have below our house, which is in a room above our cistern. (Because of all the rain we get, we collect the rain water into our cistern tanks, which is then filtered, and that’s the water we use for drinking and bathing). The room above the cistern is like an above ground crawl space. That’s where the scale lived for a few weeks…until last night when I got that [evil] thing out. Some of you may be wondering if I prayed about this: NOPE! I was full-throttle on-a-mission and I think the Lord was like, “Okay, have your way. You shall see…”
Mirror, mirror…who is the most beautiful of all? Well, let’s just say it’s, “Scale, scale, tell me, am I beautiful? Have I been good? Am I too much? Or not enough?”
I thought, “I’ve been doing really well (I’ve been good). I’m following my boundaries pretty consistently. God is changing me and transforming me. Let’s see the proof in the puddin’!”
I woke up. I got out of bed. I went (yeah, you know what I mean, let’s empty everything so no ounce counts against us). I put my 8-pound weight on the scale just to be sure it’s accurate (oh boy!). I stepped on the scale.
I gained 2 pounds! TWO pounds! GAINED!
Wait! This can’t be right.
Step off the scale.
Let’s try that 8-pound weight again.
Ready. Let’s try this again.
Step up.
Still a 2-pound gain. Sigh.
Now remember, it’s a beautiful day. But the majority of my day was spent in with this cloud hanging over me, all because of a number. A number. Two measly pounds. I let it define me. I let it steal my joy. I let it steal my whole day. I was grumpy. I set the mood for my home and my husband was affected, and so was my daughter. I was in a stinkin’, rotten mood all because of a contraption that spits out a number.
Really? I’m going to let it have that much leverage?
I’m DONE with it!
I am NOT what I weigh. I am defined by Jesus Christ.
So hours later, which really should have been right away, I sat down and renewed my mind using the Dumb Scale Eating questions from I Deserve a Donut app (there’s also the book) by Barb Raveling. That helped, but I still had a bad attitude. So then a little while later, I renewed my mind with the Discontentment questions from the same app. One of the questions asks what God wants me to do, and right away He showed me that I needed to apologize to my family for having such a bad attitude. And so I did, and they forgave me (along with hugs and kisses).
I’ve never walked away from the scale feeling better. Even if I had a weight loss, I still felt discontentment rising up in me. It will never be enough. It’s a tool the enemy has used in my life to make me feel like the scum of the earth. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but really, I have allowed it to define me. I am not my weight. I am more than a number!
So this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to ask my husband to hide the scale and I’m going to ask him to not let me have it back–ever! (Unless the Lord clearly gives me the “ok” to weigh). Really, I’m so done with it! We actually have a use for the scale for weighing our luggage when leaving town since Alaska Airlines doesn’t really like a bag to be over 50-pounds (sometimes we are just tired of the rain and we would rather see snow or sun, you know?). We aren’t light packers, what can I say? So…he’s going to hide it and I’m going to be done with it.
Will you join me in this? Will you get rid of or ask a family member to hide the scale? Or wean yourself off the number-spitting contraption? Maybe instead of every day, how about once a week? And then once a month, and then every 3 months? And then never? The number isn’t important. You are important!
This is a scripture that was included with the Discontentment questions from I Deserve a Donut. It really spoke to me:
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being RENEWED day by day. For momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Cor. 4:16-18
I don’t want to look at what is seen (the scale). I want to believe by faith that God is doing a work in me. Because He is transforming me, from the inside out. One of the questions asked in the Dumb Scale Eating questions is: Is it more important to lose weight, or to consistently renew your mind so you change the way you think about food?
Well, obviously it’s more important to consistently renew my mind. Because I have chosen to renew my mind and because God has transformed me (and continues to do so), I have seen some amazing changes take place. I no longer think about food like I used to. I used to lust after hunger (being at 0), but now sometimes when I’m hungry, I feel like it’s an inconvenience because I’m working on a project or spending time with my family. I’m no longer fearful about food (I used to think that sugar and carbs were doing deathly damage to my body). I eat smaller portions at restaurants (this is a new change). I don’t like feeling full, which for me is a “6”, where before, I used to numb myself with food. I no longer immediately think about eating after my kids are in bed (that is a HUGE transformation change–praise God!). And by following my boundaries, I was able to stay at a very healthy weight during my pregnancy. So WHY would I let a number make me feel like a failure? No way! I’m not doing that anymore!
I don’t know why I gained 2 pounds. But I’m not going to spend my time focusing on why. I’m just going to continue doing what I am doing: following my boundaries and most importantly renewing my mind. Taking the time to renew my mind about this got my attention today. God exposed the lies and revealed truth. The lie: you are what you weigh. The truth: the scale doesn’t define me; Christ defines me.
So would you join me on this quest to say goodbye to the scale? Let’s do it!
P.S. About 1-1/2 weeks after I weighed myself, I was able to tighten my belt one more notch. Praise God! So obviously something is happening. A new thing is happening! God is doing work from the inside out!
Thank You for you post today. I just cancelled my weight watchers subscription.
I feel anxiety rising up in me then I found you post. Weight Watchers is a good program(I lost 50 lbs) but found myself always focused on food. I know God is calling me to a better way. I too have let the scale dictate my worth. Pray for me as God starts a new work in me. To Him be the Glory.
Tammy, so glad this post was encouraging to you today. I’m praying for you! You are more than a number! 🙂 I followed WW for some time and I know at that time it was what the Lord led me to do, but now He wants me listening to my body and taking my feelings, thoughts and emotions to Him instead of focusing on food and points.
Thank you, Christina! I certainly need to renew my mind more. As I have just had surgery on my left foot, weighing myself is too hard anyway. And it is so very true that I already know how I am doing, by how well I am following my boundaries and renewing my mind with God’s Word. I remember years ago hearing a word that we need to allow God’s Truth to build up in us like allergy shots. I have never forgotten that, and yet, I am still inconsistent with following the advice. I will renew my mind today! Wonderful post!
Cathy, that’s a great analogy about the allergy shots and God’s Truth! I hope your foot feels 100% soon!
I am in with you Christina! I’ve not weighed myself in 6 weeks. It was a big leap of faith at first and I tried to ask for the scale back- but my son says NO! He hid it on me also. I accidentally found it a couple weeks ago and a battle ensued in my mind- thinking of stepping on it, where to weigh myself, wait till morning, etc, the. I decided it’s far better to walk in peace with God and continue living according to his grace, freedom and peace than allowing a piece of metal to be my judge! I feel so free and my clothes are not tighter.
I’m so glad your son is supporting you about the scale! Yay! Praise God for the freedom you are experiencing!
Hi Christina! I am with you all the way. Here is a challenge for you . . . how about not weighing yourself again until you are at a water park ready to go down a huge water slide and they make you do it? Ha ha! I started like you . . . having my husband hide the scale in the house. Then I used my neighbors scale once a week, but NO MORE! I am not what I weigh either!!! I know that my weight fluctuates several pounds every month because of hormones anyway and I done with that emotional game. Thanks so much for this wonderful post, Christina! Now go out and enjoy that sunshine!!! 🙂
Christina, I’ve thought about you a lot with having to weigh before going down those slides. And I hear you on the hormonal weight fluctuations. It’s all just normal. And good for you on saying goodbye to the scale as well!
Christina, my husband still has those scale batteries hidden! 😉
Jennifer, that’s too funny! That’s a great idea for digital scales!
I JUST wrote a friend on this very topic.. it’s amazing how God lead me here to find a post to back it up! Very well said!!! Also, I loved the example given in the comments about the allergy shots.. I’m going to repost that on my FB, that is a good way to look at growing in the Word and feeding on Thee Bread daily!!! 😀
Lynn, so glad this was inspiring to you! 🙂
I haven’t visited the site for awhile, & it is a God-incidence that I read this. I am preparing for a long-distance move near the end of August. For the last few months, I have made some donations to a charity thrift store (less to move!). Last weekend, my mother’s church had a rummage sale, & I had a few items left to donate…but (still!) I held on to the scale. With every donation I make, I have contemplated either donating the scale or (better yet!) throwing it away. It’s almost August. My move is a few weeks away. Why am I still holding on to something that at one time I checked in with a few times per day (yes, per day). I must say from experience that your weight not only fluctuates throughout the month, but also throughout the day. Why is throwing away my scale more scary to me than the long-distance move & total life change? I have come a long way from weighing a few times per day (also former WW…quite literally ;-), but God is calling me to let go completely.
Chelley, I can understand that struggle. It’s like when God has asked me to get rid of all the dieting materials or asks me to not research things about food or a diet or an exercise program He’s not given me the “ok” to do. It’s like my flesh *really* wants to go there, but I know that God’s way is best. He knows what we need. Do we trust Him completely? You can do it! If He’s asking you to get rid of the scale–trust Him! He is trust worthy! Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding!
Christina,
Absolutely brilliant blog post! The doctor and the scale have been defining my pregnancy, and furthermore my worth, with numbers, depressing numbers spit out by this contraption. I’ve been keeping track by the week with these numbers that aren’t helping my 0-5 boundaries. I’m going to pray about stopping this, and while being kind to the doctor, but not consider her as God in this area. I must trust that God is actually the one who’s sovereign and most capable in this area. He can lead me in the next 16 weeks to the right weight gain/size and knows this child inside as well. I pray that the child is not affected by my broken boundaries during the process, nor my disobedience, whichever is more prominent. Praise God for your victories in these areas! Thanks again! =)
Julie, tell the doc you don’t want to know your weight and tell them you are going to stand on the scale backwards when they weigh you at your appointments. You are so right, weighing and 0-5 don’t always have a great relationship together. I’m learning about this myself. Eating 0-5 works no matter what, even pregnant, but the scale will try to make us feel like we aren’t doing a good enough job. Something else I did was I threw away the sheets the doc’s office gave me because at the tail end of the info was my weight or weight gain since the previous appointment. I just didn’t want to know because I didn’t want to deal with the mind games.
I did what you said last week, I saw the doctor the day after you post. My husband hid the scale and then I stood backwards at the doctor’s, asking not to know the number. Later the doctor didn’t mention the number but said I was doing well with weight overall, to her satisfaction. PRAISE THE LORD! What a blessing from God that was, just a little gem of encouragement in that area and I felt like it was a sign I’d done the right thing. Not stressing about the specific number and just having the freedom of generally doing “well” is great. Especially with the next gestational diabetes test coming up, the doctor is not nearly as concerned about my results as she could have been. This is good. Thanks again!
Julie! Praise God! That’s awesome!