I want to be honest with all of you.
I had another blog all ready to post today. I could have scheduled it and pretended everything was ok with me. But somehow, I feel as if that is being fake. So. I am admitting it. Here’s my “Dirty little secret”.
Right now, while writing this blog the Thursday afternoon before posting it on Friday,
I want to give up.
I feel discouraged.
I admit, I don’t want to go back to dieting. So, that is a step in the right direction. AND I am not cursing this body of mine that is not cooperating. So, that is progress. I’m also not desperate to be skinny or look a certain way. I don’t even seem to care much how others view my body.
WOW! Ok….so that’s
A LOT OF PROGRESS!
So, why am I discouraged?
Well, I tried on an outfit that I wore just last year and it is too snug to feel comfortable wearing. Yep. That’s right. My body has gotten a little bigger over this last year! That’s right. You read it…..I said it. My secret is out!
WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?
(well, other than a VERY stressful year and menopause reshaping my body in ways that I highly disapprove of!)
I was afraid to share this and be open for fear of discouraging anyone who is looking to Thin Within as a way to lose weight. Or discouraging those who are struggling. Because, I don’t want you to give up! God has used Hunger Within to do so much in my life! I want YOU to be able to break free of dieting and body shaming as I have been able to do.
Ummmm…..wait a minute. I don’t want YOU to give up, yet I think it’s ok for me to give up? I want YOU to experience breaking free of dieting and body shaming and yet I am ignoring this BIG work God has done in me?
••• silent contemplation •••
I guess I need to examine what this Hunger Within is all about for me.
It it about making my body behave or is it about total surrender to God with my food and body issues?
Will I continue to follow Him and obey Him even if my body doesn’t cooperate right now?
After thinking about it, I realize
I DO need to GIVE UP.
•I need to GIVE UP my plan and GIVE IN to HIS.
•I need to GIVE UP what I think my body should look like and GIVE IN to what HE says about me.
•I need to GIVE UP my will and GIVE IN to HIS.
Well, my Dear Readers I guess it’s that time again.
On my knees and in the WORD.
It’s time to reevaluate my boundaries again.
I need to examine my heart.
I am broken.
I am flawed.
I am forgiven and loved.
And, my Dear Readers. His grace is renewed for me this very moment!
My sight is shifting now from my tight outfit to JESUS!
I think I’m on to something here…..