My “Dirty Little Secret”


 I want to be honest with all of you.  


Real. Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at

I had another blog all ready to post today.  I could have scheduled it and pretended everything was ok with me. But somehow, I feel as if that is being fake. So. I am admitting it. Here’s my “Dirty little secret”.

Right now, while writing this blog the Thursday afternoon before posting it on Friday,

I want to give up.

I feel discouraged.

I admit, I don’t want to go back to dieting.  So, that is a step in the right direction.  AND I am not cursing this body of mine that is not cooperating. So, that is progress.  I’m also not desperate to be skinny or look a certain way. I don’t even seem to care much how others view my body.

WOW!  Ok….so that’s


So, why am I discouraged?

Well, I tried on an outfit that I wore just last year and it is too snug to feel comfortable wearing.  Yep. That’s right. My body has gotten a little bigger over this last year! That’s right. You read it…..I said it. My secret is out!




(well, other than a VERY stressful year and menopause reshaping my body in ways that I highly disapprove of!)

I was afraid to share this and be open for fear of discouraging anyone who is looking to Thin Within as a way to lose weight.  Or discouraging those who are struggling. Because, I don’t want you to give up! God has used Hunger Within to do so much in my life!  I want YOU to be able to break free of dieting and body shaming as I have been able to do.

Ummmm…..wait a minute. I don’t want YOU to give up, yet I think it’s ok for me to give up? I want YOU to experience breaking free of dieting and body shaming and yet I am ignoring this BIG work God has done in me?


  •••   silent contemplation  •••  


I guess I need to examine what this Hunger Within is all about for me.

It it about making my body behave or is it about total surrender to God with my food and body issues?

Will I continue to follow Him and obey Him even if my body doesn’t cooperate right now?

After thinking about it, I realize

I DO need to GIVE UP.

•I need to GIVE UP my plan and GIVE IN to HIS.

I need to GIVE UP what I think my body should look like and GIVE IN to what HE says about me.

I need to GIVE UP my will and GIVE IN to HIS.


Well, my Dear Readers I guess it’s that time again.

On my knees and in the WORD.


It’s time to reevaluate my boundaries again.

I need to examine my heart.


If anything, you all have learned that I am not perfect.9ed098_dafa56c15911455796b99faafb950c82

I am broken.

             I am flawed.

                                 BUT WAIT…

I am forgiven and loved.

And, my Dear Readers. His grace is renewed for me this very moment!  

My sight is shifting now from my tight outfit to JESUS!


I think I’m on to something here…..





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7 Responses to My “Dirty Little Secret”

  1. Lisa G. May 20, 2016 at 6:42 am #

    I am so very, very glad you posted this, Deanna. I, too, have been struggling mightily, and rather than discourage me, your story made me look at my own issues through the lens you shared.

    What is God asking me to do? What am I failing to turn over to Him? How does He see me???

    Thank you so much, Deanna. Lifting you up in my prayers today, and thanking God for the Truth you have revealed to the rest of us!

  2. Mandy May 20, 2016 at 7:22 am #

    Powerful and REAL!!!!

  3. Deanna Lewis May 20, 2016 at 2:08 pm #

    I’m so glad this spoke to you. I almost didn’t post it. It always amazes me how my discouragement or feeling down can somehow lift someone else up just by sharing and being real.

    It all comes down to reaching up to HIM! (and encouraging each other!)

  4. Denise May 20, 2016 at 2:21 pm #

    such a ‘real’ post – thank you for all your posts, Deanna, but especially this peek into your current walk of faith.

  5. Nisha May 21, 2016 at 12:23 pm #

    Yes, powerful…timely, for me. Thank you.

  6. Joy May 23, 2016 at 6:43 pm #

    I appreciated this. Thank you for being real and humbling yourself. ”

    Is it about making my body behave or is it about total surrender to God with my food and body issues?”

    “Will I continue to follow Him and obey Him even if my body doesn’t cooperate right now?”

    These are very important questions to take to the Lord. Thank you!

  7. WendyS May 26, 2016 at 9:33 pm #

    Thank you so much — this meant more than you will ever know. Lifting you up in prayer – your words always lift me up. Blessings,

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