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- Facing an 86 year old Mom who, one day engages in conversation and the next looks at me with confusion, and cries: “Where is mother?” Has opportunity for restoration passed?
- Evaluating the ramifications of an empty nest as my “biggest fan” heads off to Wheaton College in the fall…Lord, is she ready? Have I taught her enough?
- Putting the pieces of a 27-year-long marriage back together after the demon of depression had it’s way with my best friend and hero for 15 months. How can I trust again, Lord?
- Wondering what will become of my socially challenged son as he, too, heads off (against his will) to Montana Wilderness School of the Bible to experience community and whatever God has for him there. Will he ever be “normal,” Lord?
And with these challenges (and more) have returned old habits that I thought (in pride) were ancient history. Apparently not. Try as I might to deny it, what I see is that I have turned back to food once again to be my “comforter.” I have turned a cold shoulder and shaken a fist at the Lord who loves me with an attitude of entitlement and rebellion: I deserve better!
I struggle with defeat.
I am supposed to be beyond this. I lead Thin Within classes! I write material for the company! Sheesh! I even have one of the best literary agents in the business and new plans for a book to help women on this journey….and yet, here I am…struggling with this…again? Or is it STILL, Lord? How can I pretend to have anything to offer others when I am here? Worse…how can YOU stand me!? I can hardly stand myself! Such hypocrisy!
I go to the Word of God. Renew my mind, Lord.
and he saved them from their distress.
he rescued them from the grave.
and his wonderful deeds for men.
God lovingly leads me to ancient pages. Such wisdom, such love, such grace and mercy flow off of the page, dripping, it seems into the ache of my heart. Forgive me, Lord. I have looked to counterfeits for what only you can give. You alone hold the answers and Comfort I need. Thank you for your unfailing love, for your kindness and all you do for me…
Deuteronomy soothes me: