My family and I are still in the #1 vacation destination spot for families around the world–Orlando, Florida, USA. We definitely picked an interesting time to be here! 🙂 This is the favorite time of families to travel, too! Everybody and ALL their cousins are here right now!
But we have been having a lot of fun. Today is our last full day and tomorrow is our travel day. We make our way back to California in time for Christmas Eve. 🙂
This vacation has given me a lot of insights into myself, my family and…well, it has been really interesting!
I think the most astonishing revelation came yesterday, however. My son and I were pretty exhausted, so we opted to stay at the condo and to take naps and relax. For me, this also included firing up the HUGE whirlpool tub that is in the room my husband and I share. I don’t have a real bathtub at home and I LOVE baths–always have! Since this tub is SO huge, I just started filling it with hot water only, knowing that most condos and hotels rarely have a big enough hot water heater to fill the entire thing…by the time they are filled, typically, the water has gotten cooler. Only one thing is worse than NOT having a bath and that is having a lukewarm one!
Once it was all full, I carefully checked the temperature. It was scalding hot! I guess this place has a bigger water heater than all the others I have visited. I assumed that it would cool down rather quickly as they usually do. So while I waited, undressed, for the water to get a temperature that wouldn’t cook me :-), I noticed that there were mirrors EVERYwhere. Yes, me “buck naked” and mirrors everywhere. NOT a combination I would usually prefer. In fact, I like to AVOID mirrors when I am not happy with my body.
I dared to take a look. Other than the typical middle-aged-yes-I-have-had-two-babies sagging places, what I saw surprised me. I have definitely had a WARPED view of what I look like in my mind. I am relatively sure that there is nothing about ALL the mirrors in the master suite that is designed to make one feel thin (you know, like the carnival mirrors that make you look tall and thin, or short and fat…).
Instead, I think I had a moment of clarity…my mind was in a good place, so was my heart…and I saw…dare I say it…what was real? And what was real was, yes, I am not as thin as I was a couple of years ago, but by no means am I at the place that I have assumed. I look “fine.”
Of course, I want my mind and heart healed in such a way that I not only see what is real, but also where I am at a place where my body never is a cause for shame. It is not God’s intention at all that my body–no matter what the size or shape–be a cause for shame or disdain. That simply is NOT his will!
Eating on vacation has been good for me, too. I have been enjoying focusing on enjoying my family instead of food. Food is MUCH cheaper when we share meals — and we end up satisfied. Two regular meals each day (eaten 0 to 5) with two smallish snacks (that are probably less filling, but cheap and on the go at DisneyWorld eaten about 0 to 3 or 4, just to tide us over) really does work and keeps things cheaper.
Another revelation I have had while on this trip is that even the size 16 jeans I bought before leaving…they are too big for me. I think they “run big.” I know they run bigger than the 100% cotton Levis I prefer to wear. And, in fact, the black version of the same Lee jean fits just fine…but I have three pairs of pants with me that I have worn. All claim to be the same size. All fit differently. So, really…what is the number attached to the jeans anyhow? It is clearly as arbitrary as the bathroom scale.
I look at all the family pictures and I think I can see what is really there…and can actually say…”It is well with my soul.” At least today. One more step toward wholeness! Hallelujah!
I keep coming back to this…when my heart is right, when I have released my tendency to cling to food, when I pursue godliness in my eating, I end up having a better feeling about myself, my body, everything. My body is no different than it was on day one of our trip when I posted the thing about shame here at the blog. What is different is my heart…and I see with different eyes because of it.