The past two days have been days of wondering about hunger…”Ok, so when will I be hungry?” I thought that maybe my hunger signals were off as sometimes happens when I am coming down with a cold or have allergies and take meds for it or during certain times of the month…I typically know that the signals are a bit different and evaluate accordingly.
But the difference is, *this* time, there has been no “valid reason.” My own wisdom has evaluated this and figured my body just must need to be TOLD when to eat. Well that is all well and good, but after all this time of seeing how faithful and trustworthy the LORD is and that he has used my body to *reliably* inform me what I need to eat and when…am I really ready to try to justify throwing that out?
Yesterday afternoon, as I was shoveling gravel and working up quite the sweat, I lamented this further, “Lord, my body doesn’t seem to need to eat much these days. What is UP with that? Even though I am more active now that the weather is warmer…WAIT…the *weather* is warmer!!!!”
In that moment, I realized that there IS a reason that my body may not require nearly so much food. Work with me here … do you realize how DISAPPOINTING it might BE for someone like ME to realize she needs even LESS food to sustain her body???? I mean, all this winter, I have been freezing my toochy off. I have burned through an entire wood shed full of wood…Never done that in even THREE winters before! I have been COLD! I realized this winter that not having extra fat on my body and not eating as much…well…it makes me COLD! But I think that may be one reason why I have gotten hungry many many times a day…for just a little bit each time, but I have typically eaten four to SEVEN times each day. Very small amounts, but eating “occasions” nevertheless!
So now that the temperature has been in the low 70s and I am out shoveling gravel, riding my horses, and generally being much more active, my body isn’t needing as much FOOD?
Ok, I am waaaaay disappointed. I must confess. I don’t think I realized just how attached to food I still have been. I mean, I ENJOY those 4 to 7 times each day when I can *justifiably* eat! So NOW what?
I have talked with Judy Halliday about this in the past and she and her husband, Arthur (they are the authors of Thin Within) eat two times each day. They are thin people and I have wondered about how this could be. I know they are relatively active. Well, I think I get it now…it is because they live in a mildler climate than I do and our bodies are even MORE efficient than I had dreamed.
Oh HEAVY SIGH!!!
So, this morning, I am sitting before the Lord, asking Him how I will manage this. The truth is, he has shown me something I needed to see. There is yet work for Him to do in me and to which I must surrender. I want NO master save Him.
Lamentations 3:22-26 says:
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
I have long appreciated verses 22 and 23. But suddenly, verse 24 is taking on new meaning to me, “I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'”
I do have to talk to myself about this…I think it is interesting that Jeremiah (who wrote these verses) felt likewise.
And, as much as I may want 0 to 5 to be my “portion,” apparently, this warmer season of life, there may be less food that my body NEEDS. I want to delight in how efficient he has made my body! Instead, I find myself *lamenting* that I can’t justify eating as often as I could during a COLD winter (of course, I have complained about how COLD I have been all winter! Do you see a theme here????).
The LORD is my portion.
And if he is my portion:
Therefore, I will wait…for him…
Ouch. I WILL wait. No questions, No hemming and hawing. No attempts at justifying.
And what will I wait FOR? Will I wait for HUNGER? Will my thoughts turn to “When will I be hungry? I want to be hungry! When do I get to eat? Oh, gosh, when I am hungry I will eat ______ and ______.”
NO! I am not to wait for *hunger*…I am to wait for HIM. In fact, I need not wait! He is here now…he is my PORTION NOW!!! I can “indulge” as much as I desire in HIM.
And as I do, this scripture promises something…
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him…
If I want to see the goodness of the Lord, waiting and hoping in HIM, seeking HIM is where it is found. Not in waiting “obediently” for hunger. Yes, that is a great way to honor the Lord with my *hunger*, but I want to honor him when I am *not* hungry and pining for hunger when I am not hungry isn’t the way to do it…or so it occurs to me. Having a grateful heart that God has made my body SO efficient, delighting in HIM and that HE is my portion…that He will show me His goodness as I seek him and hope in HIM….wow…
Doesn’t that sound like a great deal?
Lord, please change my heart. I see that I am yet so attached to food that I am like a spoiled baby–whining because I won’t get to eat as much as I have all winter…disappointed that I can’t have my food as often. Please change me from within, to delight that you have made my body SO efficient! Lord, keep me healthy and whole…not deceived, of course…but really waiting on YOU to be my FULL portion during those times when my body just doesn’t need food, but my mind and heart wish I did…Please help me to delight in, seek you, wait for you…please show me your goodness. Lord, I choose to wait for your salvation. Your Word says “It is good to wait for the salvation of the Lord.” I choose to wait. Thank you, Lord. In the precious Name of Jesus, Amen.