God says that man looks at outward appearance. God looks at the heart. I wish that there was a scale that could weigh the changes in a heart.
Since I have no way of seeing the changes in my heart obectively, I will share the physical stuff:
- The scale has nudged down another pound to 152 or so.
- I am wearing the size 10 pants I bought (in public no less!)
So, the weight is still down…a bit lower, in fact. When I weighed last November before I committed to this path, I was at 230. Earlier last year I was closer to 250 and going up…
So there you have it. The numbers are out there for everyone to see! I can’t believe I just posted that…but there you go. Size 10 today, size 24s (and busting out of them) in summer of 2006.
You know what, though? The bible says nothing about numbers and size. What I weigh or the size I wear are meaningless. The fact that I use my size and the number on a scale to console myself really tells me something about my heart, in fact.
The truth is, my heart continues to struggle. I wrote the following for the Yahoo group (I have edited it just a bit). I post it here in case it can encourage others, too.
It isn’t the BITE of food that is the problem…It is my heart. What is my heart doing? Is it hardening toward God? Do I make a conscious decision to reject God? Is my heart bowing down before the food? Do I lust for a zero (hunger)? Even if I am at a zero…to me I am *not* balanced if I lust for food even if I am hungry or not! I don’t want to be so perverse that I pander after an Oreo Milkshake *or* a salad, one bite, or 3859!!!!
To me, it is about my HEART, not my body size, not the bite or the plate full of food. It is about my heart. (I am a broken record…)
Until I get this, I won’t walk in freedom. Period. It is a matter of time before “things” (my clothing size, my weight) start heading back up again. Do I hate my overeating? Or do I just hate being fat? Do I want God to change my heart? Or do I only want him to change my body and now that it is changed and there really isn’t any more weight to lose, I can check it off my “Do this for me, God” checklist and be on my merry way?
This is all about my heart. Is it given to God or given to food? Submitting to my will and my tastebuds? Impotent in the face of a candy bar, staring down a Snickers as if it has power over me? Or submitting my will and my tastebuds and everything to the power of an amazing all-powerful God who loves me and is at work in me?
Give yourself to Him…your tastebuds, your thoughts, your body…I know I need to commit to that afresh.