In the past, I mechanically did some 0-5 eating and even lost 70 pounds. I was working so hard up here in the hills getting the place done up for horses, carting tons and tons (literally) of rock up and down the hillside to help prevent erosion from horsie hooves that when I wasn’t working outside, I was hungry from working so hard. I didn’t have enough time to eat for long before I had to head outside and work again…so I released the weight.
(Below is a photo of one of my horses on the rocks after I had placed them on this one particular hill…obviously, my plan failed, but it sure kept me moving a lot doing all the laying of the rock!)
I am now almost as low weight-wise as I was then, but a bit leaner, as I have been exercising my cardiovascular system specifically to help my heart be healthy. Thing is, back when I did the mechanics before, my heart was still not given to God in this. I was still resentful, bitter, frustrated. It was a prideful place to be and I know I gravitate back to that again rather easily. I can’t believe it, but I do!!!
I am seeing this time, some definite heart changes God is making in me. Not just in my willingness to allow Him the Sovereign right to BE God, but also in transforming my lusts and desires. No, I don’t assume that it is a done deal. Again, I know that I can, like a dog, return to my vomit (that is a bible verse…sorry for it being so gross! But it works!!!)…but I will praise Him for even the small steps forward. As I keep my eyes on him, I know we will continue FORWARD. It is when I get my eyes on myself or the praise of man that I falter.
That said, while the outer changes may seem the most obvious to onlookers, I know the truth…the most profound changes are in my heart where no one but the Lord sees. I also am keenly aware that there is a truckload yet to remain. What lies in the dark recesses of my heart? I have offered God access to those places…the places where there is disease. I have invited him to please expose the truth, cut out all that stands against him and cleanse it all.
I have often wondered about the connection of my horsemanship with my walk with God in this stuff. I know that sounds weird to most people, but God has shown me there are many connections. The latest one is related to Breezy’s feet.
Breezy’s front feet have had thrush…and this thrush has been deep in the crevices of his frog…one of the most important components of the foot of a horse. When you think about it, the feet of a horse have a HUGE job. Those tiny little hoofs (relative to the size of the horse) have to carry his weight. That is a LOT of pounds per square inch. Without getting too technical, the frog is the tissue that simply must function to help the hoofs do their job.
Yet Breezy’s thrush has worked it’s way into the deep dark recesses of his frog…it is an anaerobic bacteria, I guess. It doesn’t need oxygen to survive. Once it gets into those hidden places, covered by flaps of other frog tissue (which can even grow down around the thrush, effectively protecting the thrush further while it works as an enemy!), it does its nasty work which is to make “swiss cheese” of one of the most important parts of a horse’s hoof. This can ultimately cause pain and lameness and it can do this even while the foot looks relatively healthy to most people when you clean it out as tissue can grow down around the pockets of diseased tissue.
Below is Breezy’s frog after it had begun to heal! All those chunks of stuff missing…they are a problem. The flaps of skin are also a clue that there is more of the disease hidden away underneath. Thrush often gives off waste that is BLACK. Hmm….
The only way, it seems to really deal with this is to cut the tissue out and away. I have tried just soaking his foot in all sorts of concoctions (my neighbors think I am nuts), but the thrush didn’t really start dying off until we began (I had the help of a skilled hoof care practitioner) to cut out the very thing we were trying to save. We had to dig dig dig with a knife…a sharp one. Breezy didn’t care for this much. We cut away the flaps of frog tissue that hid the dark “caves” where the thrush was thriving. It was only THEN that the topical soaks could even GET to the places where they could do their work.
Was this pleasant for Breezy? Heck no. Was it worth it…wow. Yes. It really affected ME to see us cutting so much into the very tissue we were trying to save. I had to trust the more skillful one of us….and then and only then could the healing begin. I mean everyone in hoof care circles says you don’t want to cut or carve or trim the frog at all…that a normal hoof will be healthiest when allowed to shed the frog on its own. Thing was, Breezy wasn’t. The foot desperately was hanging on to the frog…even though it was diseased. And this was leading to a complete change in his entire hoof structure…and his soundness and comfort.
How like that hoof I am. I seem to cling to the darkness, the disease…the very thing that is choking off life inside, that is killing my ability to live as one alive to the things of God. It is like I grow around my sin, protecting it from exposure to the light and air…to God…to his probling, loving, careful and skillful knife. He wants access. The blackness is exposed as he cuts deep into me. No, it isn’t pleasant. It is quite painful in fact. Just to SEE it…to be made aware of the ways in which I have clung to my sin…it is quite shocking. But it is then and only then, that all of the less invasive things that I might do to walk in godliness can really be effective. Where does my study of God’s Word get me when I harbor sin in my heart? Scripture tells me and I don’t much care for it.
Anyhow, the most obvious changes to ME are not what is obvious to others. Just as Breezy’s frog, being on the bottom of his foot, is rarely seen to anyone else. Yet the changes are tremendous and affect everything.
I praise God that He is at work, carving and cutting out the very thing he is remaking and shaping. He is making my heart more a heart that chases after HIM. I must avail myself to this…I must let Him do it. Sometimes, I don’t want to….
I don’t know if this blog gets any visits, but I know this…a picture speaks volumes. So I will spare typing up volumes today and just share photos. The photo below was taken last summer before I was willing to offer my eating to the Lord. I obviously, am the one on the left. Tried to hide behind a horse, but it didn’t work.
BEFORE
The photo below was taken by hubby this morning. The scale this morning indicated that I may have released 44 pounds since November. That would be wonderful, but I know these things vascillate a lot. I just know that God is doing an amazing work. It truly is a new thing.
DURING – In Progress
I found these shorts some time ago when I was cleaning out my closet. I figured I would keep them to remind me of where pride and arrogance can take me. I was busting out of these shorts literally (I used duct tape to hold them together!!!), before God got a hold of my heart. I was worried about dying of a heart attack. I work hard here to take care of horses and kids…my life doesn’t allow for being sedentary. Problem was, my body wasn’t able to healthfully support the lifestyle.
I had even stopped riding my horses because I was concerned about their comfort.
Add to that the huge barrier I had in my life between the Lord and me…there was little peace and little joy.
Well, I said I wouldn’t write copious quantities of verbage today…so I will shut up now.
I meant to post this a few days back…after I had a “blinding flash of the obvious” (BFO), but I haven’t taken the time, yet. So I may as well now.
In Thin Within, for those who don’t know, “flesh machinery” is basically something that sort of kicks us into an unawareness of eating…it is something that sets us into eating. Like for some folks, when the DVD machine starts playing a good movie, there is a call for popcorn and soda. This happens whether we are hungry or not.
PMS is a common one. We use it to justify eating red meat or chocolate or whatever else. Even if we aren’t hungry.
My husband goes out of town a lot and that used to be a “flesh machinery” for me…eat for comfort as I miss him! Running errands (we live a ways away from anything) meant the drive through for milkshakes or more…and the list goes on and on.
Since God has been working on me from the inside out, so much of my flesh machinery has been rooted out and, I believed, cured by the Lord.
A couple of weeks ago, however, I discovered one that I had never thought of before, nor had I thought I possessed. Weather!!!
Here in California, we had the driest January on record in over a hundred years. We had glorious spring weather. I am a fair weather gal through and through. I enjoyed going riding and being outside a lot, as well. Suddenly, things changed DRASTICALLY! We got hit with a deluge of three days of rain. The entire three days, I spent EATING! I couldn’t figure out why such a departure from giving this to the Lord. I wondered what had set me off!
Well, it was flat out doing what I wanted when I wanted, but I wondered what had flipped the switch.
After the storms passed, I was able to take a step back and evaluate a bit. I realized, as I did, that the storm had resulted in a truckload of intense emotions. Here where we live, on the side of a steep hill, rain means a mess down yonder with the horses. It means blanketing the ones that can’t handle the rain, wind and coldness. It means feeding is a mess. It means worry…it means extra work…and add to that, I just don’t LIKE gray skies and rain! If I could have it my way it would be 80 degrees ALL the time!!!
Michaela, my daughter, and I had found a recipe for friendship bread starter on the web a week earlier. Bad timing! We baked the bread during the time of the storms. It seemed SO “homey” having freshly baked cinnamon sugar friendship bread (even with almonds and granola in one loaf!) during the storm. That combination of stuff sure set me off.
So when these latest storms hit us this past week, I was prepared and prayed for by others. I asked them to lift me up in prayer. I have prohibited the baking of friendship bread for a while! LOL!
Let’s kick some serious Satan bottom….WHO IS WITH ME!
I am sick and tired of giving ground to the enemy and why? All because I like the COOKIES more than GOD???? Hello? Does anyone think this is as stupid and ludicrous as I think it is? What is going on with me when I act like that?
It blows me away the birthright I give up for “stew”….good grief. Someone else has been there and done that and has the race t-shirt to remember it by and I think he wishes he did it differently. I think his name was Esau…..
I do NOT want to run a race like Esau….
“Oops…wait. I know you have a victor’s crown in store for me. I know I am more than a conqueror in Christ. I know that you died to pay the price to set me free, Lord. Your blood was spilled out to pay for my pardon. But….GOOD GRIEF…there are freshly baked brownies over there! You won’t mind while I take off on this rabbit trail for a day or two and enjoy eating them until I am sick or they are gone (whichever comes second), will you????? And that pizza…yes, I know I can have it in moderation as I am free in Christ, but one piece isn’t nearly as tasty as 5 pieces!!!!!! (A lie that I seem to enjoy believing.) So the finish line with the victor’s crown, the victorious Christian walk, the living in freedom, the walking free of shackles…all that will just have to wait while I stuff my mouth with more cheese enchiladas!!!! No offense, Lord, ok?”
I get the hint that God wants me to get it. This verse was in the TW workbook for today’s assignment. From Hebrews 10:19-23
19Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. —-
Then, when I went to my homepage, which I have customized, it said the bible verse of the day was this same verse. So, ok…let’s have a look at why.
Because of Jesus’ sacrifice and acting as the Great High Priest, I can have confidence to approach God. My relationship with Him has been purchased and provided for by Jesus. I can draw near to God…I don’t need to keep him at a distance…and I can receive the cleansing I need from my guilty conscience for ANY sin. He is faithful and just to forgive me of ALL unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
I am being called to cling unswervingly to the hope I have been professing. *I* am not the one who needs to be faithful in order for this hope to remain the hope that it is. It is GOD who is faithful. My hope of glory is CHRIST IN ME doing the work, renewing my mind, changing me from WITHIN.
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! Oh people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.
—-
What a WONDERFUL passage. It speaks to me fresh.
The Lord longs to be gracious to you…
I still wonder why I wouldn’t just drop my head and come to Him. He LONGS to be gracious to me. He waits…why would I keep Him waiting? The word “gracious” means to show favor. Yet I put off coming to Him….go figure!
“…he rises to show you compassion.”
The word “rises” means exalted. I find that fascinating. He is exalted when I come to Him and allow Him to show me His compassion. Again, why do I put Him off? Why do I wait? Why not surrender? Yield? Submit?
“Compassion” is also translated “mercy.” The actual definition from Strongs is “to love, love deeply, have mercy, be compassionate, have tender affection, have compassion.” All of this amazing “stuff” is ready to be poured out on me when I come to the Lord. I can come to Him ANY time. I don’t need to wait. There is no need for me to put it off. His kindness is waiting to be poured out.
For the Lord is a God of justice…
Wow. He calls all of that “justice?” It reminds me of the line from a song. “The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.” It really is true. Justice would seem to require that I pay for my OWN sin, but because Christ paid for all of my sin–past, present, future–God considers justice, giving me mercy, compassion, grace. If this doesn’t blow the mind, I don’t know what does!
Blessed are all who wait for him!
“Blessed” is also translated “happy.” Isn’t it funny to think that God wants to give me “happiness?” John Piper does a great discussion of this in Pleasures of God,
“Wait.” This is fascinating. This word is the same exact word used in verse 18 where it says the Lord LONGS to be gracious to me. It is almost like this passage says, “I long for you, won’t you long for me, too?” Once again, God’s precious heart is displayed…so tender.
I am now almost as low weight-wise as I was then, but a bit leaner, as I have been exercising my cardiovascular system specifically to help my heart be healthy. Thing is, back when I did the mechanics before, my heart was still not given to God in this. I was still resentful, bitter, frustrated. It was a prideful place to be and I know I gravitate back to that again rather easily. I can’t believe it, but I do!!! 
