I am having a hard time with dizziness and light-headedness, headaches and other weird stuff.
I am not bypassing hunger intentionally. So if I am bypassing it, it is because the signal flew by me. When I eat, I like to stop when I don’t feel anything in my stomach. No hunger, no food pushing against the sides of my stomach….but with as active as I am maybe it isn’t enough…. I am wondering if I am dealing with low blood sugar more than I realize. I do lots of horse chores and work outside and I love to exercise using http://www.digitalpraise.com “Dance Praise” or other way of moving around…I am not sedentary.
I realize that this is a part of my journey and since I have shared other aspects of my journey…all good stuff….I figured I should share this. If any of you have experience with this, I would sure welcome hearing about it.
I may have to go to my doctor…I really don’t want to. The last time I was there, her comment about my weight gain was “Wow…your *poor* horses!” Talk about professional. :-/ While I am at least 35 pounds lighter than I was at that appointment, I still don’t want to see her. Bleah.
I hate going to the doctor even if they aren’t rude and condescending.
One other problem I am having…sigh…another true confession…constipation! BLEAH! I can’t stand eating a thing when I feel this bloated!
My journey…the good, the bad, the ugly…bleah!
I prefer the good!
“I am only human.”
This concept has been on my heart for a while. Basically, when I use the phrase “I am only human,” it is to *excuse* a behavior, attitude, or something I said.
Sure, it is a fact about my existence…I mess up…But….I want to find a way NOT to *admit* that I messed up…or find a way to justify that messing up is…well…*normal*…so I glibbly say “I am ONLY human!” (Usually with a bit of a defeated attitude, too….and for me…rebellion is there too when I say this….)
The truth is…I am NOT “only” human. I am human, yes….and that has some major drawbacks, to be sure. In fact, my human-ness seems to get in the way quite often!
However, because of the Lord Jesus Christ and what He did for me (and for you), I am not ONLY human! I have His Spirit resident in me. (Romans 8:15; 1 Corinthians 2:12; 1 Corinthians 6:19) In fact, scripture teaches that I have been made totally new in His sight!!! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Scripture teaches that I have been given EVERYTHING I need for life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3) So, what is with my blaming my choice to sin on being “only human!”?
It is like I want to do what Flip Wilson used to do (a comedian from the 70s) “The Devil made me do it.” Am I really trying to claim that I had no choice in the matter, but my “human-ness made me do it?” Ridiculous, isn’t it?
The truth is, I no longer have to give in to my human-ness. I now have the freedom, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to CHOOSE to give in to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, who is resident in me. I have the ability and the responsibility. (See Romans 8)
Will I fail? Sure, but that doesn’t mean I am to use my humanity as an excuse for failure.
In fact, the Lord tells us “Be holy as I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:16) Woah. How holy is God, any how? Completely!
If I am supposed to be holy *as* He is holy, it basically is a biblical mandate for me to keep on keeping on, or as Paul says in Philippians to press on to reach the goal…nothing is worth keeping me from the goal. Holiness IS the goal–becoming Christ-like. It isn’t like I am human and should accept that I will live like a “mere mortal” with the occasional instance of doing something good or holy! Nope. Instead, I am called holy by God and now I am to live in accordance with the identity that HE gives to me. I will live making holy choices with *occasional* struggles with human-ness. NOT the other way around!
Before you think that I am a believer in achieving perfection on this earth….nope. I am not. The scriptures, while telling us God says we are to BE HOLY, also indicate that we won’t achieve that until the day of Christ Jesus–Phil 1:6– (or, as my dear Mother in Law often said…”When we get to glory!).
So why belabor this point???? Well, I have found that what I believe about my identity will radically affect how I behave. If I think of myself as “only human,” I am likely to live as “only human.” When someone says “I am only human” it usually comes with a defeated tone of voice, downcast, dejected. That AIN’T NO WAY TO LIVE!!!! I don’t want to live a defeated “only human” kind of life, do you? Not when the Lord Jesus Christ has paid the price for the glory of God…a treasure beyond fathoming…to be resident within me. No thank you!
Instead, I can believe and KNOW…”I am superhuman!” Believing God about what He says He has done in me, is the key, here. Believe what GOD says…He says His Spirit is in me. He says that He has empowered me for life and godliness…So, if I believe it, I will have a totally different expectation and approach to life! And definitely to my eating!!!!
If I keep eating when I am not hungry, or continue eating when I am already satisfied and blame it on being “only human” that is totally BOGUS. As one dear friend says, Jesus laid down His life for me. Will I not lay down a little food? Especially when I consider that He has sent His Spirit to empower me to do great things? Will I really insist that setting down food is beyond His ability to cope with? Do I think I am beyond the grasp of the Holy Spirit’s reach? Wow…I mean, this is GOD we are talking about! The one who causes the blind to see, stones to be rolled away and gives life to the dead! the one Who created the Heavens and the earth!!!
If I believe that the Spirit lives in me, then I will expect the Lord to empower me to LIVE in step with the Spirit with all of the fruit of the Spirit ripe and ready in my life! (Erm….this includes self-control!) So for me, I am done with excusing myself or my SIN as being all because (whine whine) “I am only human.”
That “ain’t no way to live!!!”
Ok, I may LOVE the B.E.S.T Step Workout DVD by Patrick somebodyorother, but I clearly have NO clue just how UNFIT I am! I have GOT to cut myself some slack….I have been doing Dance Praise for a while now…but this video is too huge of a leap, I guess, from that. It is an advanced choreographed step bench workout. I love it. It is a blast…I don’t use any risers on my step, but I guess I need to not even use a step! I about passed out tonight…I actually scared myself and my head felt like someone had it in a vise and was putting the screws to it.
I have to evaluate what has me continue to do this when I do NOT have to! I love the dance steps…but….sigh…I wonder if it isn’t pride once again, rearing its head. I want to be able to do that video start to finish! Not only do I want to learn the fancy dancy steps, but I want to be cardiovascularly fit enough to accomplish this. Truth is…I am NOT yet!
Hellooooo McFly!!!! LOL!
Maybe I will pull out one of the other tapes or DVDs. I just hoped to do something totally new so I wouldn’t have negative associations…you know from the obsessive days….
Lord…what would YOU have me do?
Oh, Lord….this is raw…coming from my heart with tears streaming down my face. Why did you see fit in your grace to call me in 2000 to come alongside Judy and Arthur and have the unsurpassed privilege of putting words to all their wisdom…why did *I* get called to help to write the book, Thin Within??????? What an amazing sense of humor you have, Lord! It makes me laugh and cry all at once!
Judy has sent me letters that people have been sending her…even now, 5 years after the book was published….telling her their stories…and another COMPLETE testimony being prepared for the TW Thin Line Magazine has come to me…it is all about you working MIRACLES through the words that you chose to be put in the Thin Within book.
Lord, tears of absolute joy, humility, awe…stream down my face. Why are you so kind to let me participate? This is amazing Lord. Not only are you doing a new thing in my life, but you are in countless others. Oh Lord! And to think I have been invited to continue to partner with Judy and Pam…and…well, Lord…how can I thank you?
Thank you for this joy….thank you for this calling. Thank you for this privilege. Help me, Oh LORD!…I want to live as one who is called…I want to live what you have already attributed to me…such amazing esteem…you truly treat me as your treasure….and so often I snub you. This morning as I read Amos, I was floored at the continued references to your overtures to Israel…falling on empty unresponsive hearts. Lord let me not be an unresponsive heart.
Thank you for this privilege…all of these privilegeS!!!!
Oh, God, my heart can hardly contain….I bow in adoration….why, Lord????
God used brownies last night to show me that I am still lacking in being prayerful. What is UP with that? I know what is UP…it is PRIDE. No matter how much I declare it, that just isn’t enough to make it go away. It is like looking out in the forest and saying, “Yup…there are rattle snakes out there…they could bite my horses.” But if I just stand up here and don’t go down and root them out…well, the danger remains.
So, too, with my acknowledging that pride is present. I seem to be good at pointing it out and saying “Lookee thar! That thar pride will wreak havoc if I don’t get RID of it” and the I stand back PROUD of myself for declaring it….uh…what is WRONG with this picture???? :-/
Well, I have to DO something about it. Like HUMBLE myself. That is where the rubber meets the road.
Before, during, after meals…I want to invite God into each moment. In the book this is referred to as practicing the presence of God. I want to return to that prayerful spirit that I have known before. I have to think that practicing pride has kept this humble way of living far from me.
I must get practical…foster a prayerful life…
So, I had a tiny square of brownie, but did I invite God into it? Nope. I did the “diet mentality” thing….”I wasn’t even at a 5 when I stopped eating at dinner, so I can justify having this brownie…it is, after all, just a fragment of my past indulgence!” BAH!
I could have invited God INTO this moment with the brownie and He may have given His total approval about it all! It isn’t even about Him saying NO to food I want as I generally am willing to remain within the parameters he has set for me (generally…usually…not always….)! It is STILL about being HUMBLE before Him! It isn’t about the food. It is about the relationship….and that continues to be a weakness for me. I don’t foster it.
I did the mechanical 0 to 5 eating for so long that it comes so…ermm…”naturally” to me! Well, I am called to live beyond “natural!” To live “supernaturally!”
Lord, make it so!