Here is another “Before” picture. I found it yesterday. The horse I am with is Harley. This was taken last summer. Thank you, Lord, that I don’t live in the fears I had when I carried this much extra weight! Thank you that I FEEL so much better inside and out. But for the grace of God…

Ok, on to what this blog entry is supposed to be about.

Yesterday…I don’t know what was up but BOY was I ever struggling. I was hungry a lot, yes, but beyond that…my heart, mind, spirit must have been hungry, too. I felt like I *wanted* to eat…oooooh how I wanted to eat. It was like a demon was on my back or something. Ever since I started this journey (again) in November…I don’t think I have felt the pull of food so powerfully as I did yesterday.

God used this to give me a glimpse of just where I would be apart from HIM and HIS deliverance. I resisted, yes…but wow…ask me why it took me all day to finally call OUT to Him to make it stop!

In the midst of all of it, I felt anger…a lot of it. I know that I feel resentful towards the kids these days. I don’t know if they are being different–more challenging–than usual, or if I am just in a nasty funk. Probably the latter. I feel like my No doesn’t mean NO for one of them…and the other one blows off everything and anything anyone says while nodding and saying “Ok” as if he is engaged in the conversation! I think it sounds like I have a couple of teenagers, doesn’t it? LOL! I guess I do. But I have long vowed we wouldn’t be “typical.” I just don’t think we have to be “typical.” I know we are a bit weird. My kids hold my hands, cuddle me, sit me on their laps or sit on mine…they tell me they love me, that I am the best… I know this stuff isn’t typical. Now I would like it if they obeyed me, thank you very much! LOL!

That all said, I don’t know if the yuck hit the fan in my spirit and that is why yesterday I was thinking of food so much, or what. One of my former behaviors is that when I had a fight with one of my kids, I would eat…as if to say “Neener neener! YOU can’t eat, but **I** can!” I know…stupid, huh? I am thankful that is past…but yesterday I think I felt some of that same old yuck.

Thank you, Lord, that I don’t have any regrets about my eating yesterday, but I sure do have regrets about words and attitudes that I conveyed…