I look back over this weekend and am frustrated with myself. My guard was down. Instead of practicing gratitude which *always* transforms my experience, I allowed myself to focus on circumstances and respond with my emotion. I allowed my feelings to dictate my choices. Instead of sitting in the presence of God, I allowed my emotions to dictate other choices.
From the emergency vet visit for one of my horses and wondering if he would survive, to having to put down our geriatric chinchilla, to the benchmark of my youngest child turning 16, to the stress and tension of car shopping for my husband, only to be disappointed after a four hour trip (one way) to see a car that had not been honestly represented…my choices were not made out of a grateful heart. I didn’t practice diligence. I didn’t guard my heart.
It wasn’t that I was rebellious. I just walked a line all weekend, but I can tell. My heart convicts me. I know the truth.
So, now what?
God’s kindness leads you toward repentance.
– Romans 2:4b
In this moment of conviction, of sadness about my lack of diligence this weekend to guard godly choices, to maintain godly boundaries, I can wallow in frustration or I can allow the un-ending love and kindness of God to lead me toward repentance.
All of God’s wrath against sin was poured out on Christ at the cross, so thinking that God is mad at me is wrong thinking. I believe my needless struggles break his heart instead of tick him off. I was reminded at church yesterday by our new pastor that what I think will affect how I live. I want to think biblically, so that I live biblically.
So, I choose to apply what I see in Scripture.
Thin Within calls this “Observation.” I acknowledge the truth:
Lord, I see that I allowed circumstances and my emotional response to my circumstances to erode my godly boundaries over the past three days. I didn’t guard myself from temptation. I didn’t turn to you to help me when I was feeling emotional. I didn’t practice gratitude. These things resulted in eating outside of godly parameters. I know that I could sit here and, somehow, minimize the significance of my choices since they weren’t blatantly rebellious. Conversely, I could hit myself over the head repeatedly for my choices. Instead of either of these two choices, I choose truth, Lord. I choose to recognize what you say about the choices made over the past three days. I agree with You, Lord. I see these truths and I admit them to you.
Then, I choose “Correction.” This is the repentance part of the equation:
Lord, I commit again to eating only when I am hungry and stopping when I am physically comfortable. All other “hunger” that I experience will point me to the need to be still and know that you are God. Additionally, Lord, today when I face circumstances that will cause me to feel sadness, fear, anxiety, joy, or pain, I will invite you in to the moment. I will not eat, but will choose to take five minutes (or more) to spend being still and soaking in your presence. I will choose to take that time to praise you, to ponder your greatness, and to will get distance from any physical food, as I feed my spirit at your table, instead. Thank you that in Jesus, I can do this. In Him I pray, Amen.
When I do this, it is done. I can now, “break camp” and move on. I can “follow the cloud” of God’s presence to the next stop on our journey. Yesterday is history. That is all there is to it. I choose to believe God:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and
will forgive us our sins and purify us
from all unrighteousness.
– 1 John 1:9
I now choose to believe God that he has forgiven me. He has purified me from all unrighteousness. I will not get stuck in the trap of “unbelief” that somehow insists that “This is too easy. I must pay for my sin!” NO. Jesus Christ paid the price. Now, I can never “let God down.” He doesn’t “depend” on me in the first place!
I am so thankful for these truths. This isn’t a diet that I can “blow it” and “go off.” This is discipleship. This is what it means to walk in Christ the rest of my life.
What peace there is in this place.
164 Seven times a day I praise you
for your righteous laws.
165 Great peace have they who love your law,
and nothing can make them stumble.
166 I wait for your salvation, O LORD,
and I follow your commands.
– Psalm 119: 164-166
I love the Word of God. There is peace in that. Praising him throughout the day brings me to the place of humble submission. I wait for his salvation. I am so relieved. Thank you, Lord.
How about you? Do you have regrets about the past few days? The past few minutes? Is the Lord convicting you that you may have compromised his best for you in favor of something else? Will you choose the club of condemnation (which is NOT His will for you!) or will you choose “observation and correction,” to break camp and press on to what He has next for you in this glorious adventure?