Wow…today has been revelatory. I can tell I am being prayed for by my fellow online support group members.
This morning, I waited…really waited…for hunger–powerful hunger…a definite zero…then I served myself less than I normally do for breakfast. It wasn’t until after 3pm when I was hungry again…powerful hungry, too. I knew God was telling me to make a smaller portion than I typically do for a meal of a particular thing that I enjoy eating (whole-body pleaser…sustains *and* tastes good). The portion that was small before was reduced by more than half. There was next to nothing on the plate. I wanted to gripe about it…a lot…but then realized, if I eat it slowly, it lasts just as long as twice as much….and I can see after that if I have followed the definition of 5 in the workbook “eat to the point of comfort”–if the hunger has been removed, basically. I could always make more to eat if I truly *need* more.
I can honestly say that I did that…hunger has *barely* (LOL!) been removed. I hope to arrive at a 0 when the family sits down to eat in a couple of hours, but I have to plan in advance to OBEY even if I am not yet hungry. And if I am REALLY hungry, I have to plan in advance to eat slowly and a TINY portion…now that I see it is taking so little to remove the discomfort of hunger.
The very cool thing is…and there has to be *something* good about this from my viewpoint, right? LOL! …The scale doesn’t have a pull on me at all today…for the first time in a while. I have been fighting something awful with myself about not weighing more than once a week. I didn’t start this journey with this struggle…so it surprised me when it cropped up. It is like I knew I was blurring the lines of obedience and eating even a bit outside of what God was laying on my heart that I should, so I wanted to use the scale to justify that I was being “obedient enough.” Today, having heeded his voice in my eating, I don’t need the “approval” of the scale. There is *no* draw, no pull. I know that I have done the right thing because God testifies to that. How cool is that! LOL! It is definitely sufficient. My brain can rationally think through all the reasons that I know that the scale is unreliable and not a useful tool for me on this journey…Before, it was like I was short circuiting rational thinking!
I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I find it interesting how listening for the Lord’s voice and obeying it has resulted in another thing I struggled with to lose its hold on me as well. At least for today.
