No Shame!?

Now I know beyond any shadow of any doubt that God is doing a NEW THING! If I doubted it before, I can doubt no more.

In the Thin Within book, there has always been one thing that has been almost impossible for me to do…that is the “Mirror Mirror” exercise in Day 5. Even when I was first introduced to the material years ago and we were editing the manuscript…I couldn’t do it. The shame was just overwhelming. If you have the book, you will see the testimonies there…mine is similar to those shared, only I could not, for the life of me get past this exercise. I knew God WANTED me to be able to walk free of shame and complete (and learn from) the exercise. I KNEW he wanted me to be reconciled to my body. But it never happened.

Until today.

This morning, I completed day 4 and realizing what was ahead (Day 5 and this exercise) I knew I would have to plan to do it when the time was right. I didn’t want to put it off.

Basically, the exercise challenges the reader (me, in this case) to prayerfully look in the mirror and get to know my current body…by looking and touching…but doing so prayerfully praising God for all the ways my body has been used to serve God and other people. The hope is, of course, to be reconciled to my physical body, but also to have a clear view of how my body looks and feels now, so I can see the changes that occur when I compare again in 30 (or more days).

I have never been able to truly do this. I FORCED myself once and it was just too brutal for words.

So, when the kids were busy with school today, I stole some time. All was well. I began and it flowed. BEAUTIFULLY. Without going into all the details, I was able to praise God for the way He has used each part of my body for me to enjoy life, to serve Him, to serve others. I also was able to dispassionately view each part, touch each and evaluate…”Hmmm…my arms are a bit flabbier than I EVER remember them.” While this can be disheartening to one who has always had strong arms, I know that they are still strong, just carrying extra fat. That will change in time. It was really strange to literally withhold judgment. That isn’t my typical “M.O.”

I had two other experiences today that show God’s care in my life. I won’t go into details, but He has definitely been walking with me as I have returned to this path. It is the path that leads home. I know it well. It is familiar and yet this time it seems filled with such newness. I am so very relieved to be here, too.