Truth Inventory Part 2
The “Truth Inventory” process has been an amazing time of deep encouragement from the Lord. Of course, it hasn’t been without conviction…and repentance as well.
Before I really stopped and prayerfully evaluated, I beat myself up about how much I had “reverted” to former behaviors. The Lord has been showing me that, while I must be circumspect about the potential for this, that it is far from truth. In fact, I have been listening to the voice of the accuser if I conclude that I have done this to the degree I had assumed.
I had a very emotional thing happen at the beginning of this week. As I walked by the kitchen, I found an old familiar feeling of resentment and “I can TOO do what I want!” rise up in me…that same feeling that would cause me to grab food “Just because I CAN!!!” It is the same feeling that would own me choice after choice, in the past.
Almost as quickly as that thought assaulted me, another thought rebuked the first, “I don’t HAVE to have ‘what I want!’ I am FREE from having to give in to that urge!” This is a HUGE thing in my life. God has been laying in my life a foundation of strength in HIM. My weaknesses, which are so great, enable me to prevail upon his grace all the more and I see, like the Apostle Paul says, that I can “boast all the more in my weaknesses, for when I am weak, then I am strong!” God’s strength is at work, by His Spirit, in me.
So, any changes in my physical body that I don’t appreciate very much, while not welcome changes to me, I see that they are not because of totally allowing all the boundaries to be removed. I haven’t binged, I haven’t “let go” or “thrown in the towel.” Never once have I had the thought of “quitting.” I know well enough now that we can *never* quit this…it is discipleship. It is sanctification. Once in Christ, our entire lives are lived on this path. If I maintain any thought that Thin Within is a “diet” then, yes…diets can be quit and started, quit and started. But Thin Within isn’t a diet. It is about moderation, self-discipline, surrender to God…and my life is to be based on these things to honor the Lord in all things. This is what it means to live in Christ.
This is very different than all my past experiences with having lost a bunch of weight and then starting to gain it. I am not what I once was. There have been remarkable changes that have occurred inside of me…changes wrought by the Spirit of God. I praise and thank HIM for these things. I know I will never be the same person as before November 2006 when I really focused on the Lord in this journey and it being about the Lord and not about me really.
There *are* layers to this, of course…thus the reason I am at what seems to be a familiar place again. But I am thankful that my “Truth Inventory” has been showing me that what may appear familiar, actually is a “new thing!” This blog was aptly named when I began it….
…God really IS doing a new thing! He continues to!
Practically, I am doing something that is helping my focus a lot during this time. For a lot of months, now, I have had my watch timer go off at regular intervals throughout the day. It is my reminder to check in with God. I have my watch timer set for shorter intervals now than ever…I felt in such need to be reminded of God’s presence continually. I have used these reminders merely to say “Hi, God.” Or to lift someone I know up in prayer… For a time, now, though, my priority is to use these reminders to thank God for something specific (a return to gratitude) and to recommit my choices to the Lord…to ask Him to give me a heart after His. This is working wonders for me…for keeping my heart tender. I don’t find myself drawn to more food than I need. And he really IS enough!
I know that I have posted here about having “learned” these lessons before. Well, I guess I am learning them again. 😉
My daughter and I are heading out for the women’s retreat up at Lake Tahoe this afternoon. We are leading the worship music this weekend. See you next week!