Real Time – Days 21 and 22

I have completed through day 22 and will do Day 23 tomorrow.

I feel a bit like I am coasting. God is not letting me off the hook. He continues to zero in on idolatry in my life, pointing out that my horse/family dream has been an idol. What have I longed for? What have I lost sleep over? What have I shed tears over? What have I manipulated, schemed, planned about? Nothing as much as I have this dream of having the four horses we have now be four horses that will take the four of us (my family and I) out on the trail.

This shouldn’t be. It doesn’t mean that the dream isn’t godly. It may or may not be. But I have bowed down to it. I have allowed my nearness to it or not to determine so much of how I will feel about things….God has convicted my heart of this.

I realize it may mean that I will need to do anything from the extreme of letting go of all four horses and never have horses ever again, to keeping the four we have and just changing my focus, to anything inbetween.

When he pointed this out to me, though, I began (through tears, of course), to beg him to please make it so clear what HE wanted. If HE has a new owner for any of them, HE would have to be sure I don’t miss it!!! I begged Him.

One thing has led to another and it appears that He is answering this prayer…but I will wait on Him for confirmation.

It has occurred to me repeatedly now just how crucial it is to develop a true heart of gratitude through this process. I have released 20 pounds. I lost 100 once with Weight Watchers and found them again…I believe because the focus was on ME and MY success. When WW stopped recognizing me for “maintaining” my ego wasn’t being fed! Stupid, huh? Anyhow, this time around, I don’t want the ego fed. I want to “feed” praises to God constantly! I want to constantly be ever mindful that HE has done an amazing work in me. HE has done it. Gosh, even the surrendering that has given Him access is a work done by HIM.

I can’t take any credit!