My heart feels numb. I think I am vulnerable these days–gosh, when am I NOT vulnerable? The expectations I have placed on my body (and on my kids’ bodies!) lately has been quite extreme. We have a TON of hard work to do here around the place. It is definitely taking a toll on my body. I find myself tired, fatigued and with the emotional cat-fights with my son, I am worn down…Daniel may be a young prayer warrior, but he is resistant to lifting a FINGER to do any work if it makes him break a sweat! Sheesh!

I read back over my testimony that I have here at the blog. It always floors me that anyone would want to read such a long testimony. I have been taught to keep testimonies short. SEVEN pages isn’t short! (I think it is actually about 16 pages if one were to print it out!)

I just re-read it wondering…”What is going wrong with me, Lord?”

There it is…in the testimony. From part seven:

If I find my eating is back in “I can TOO eat what I want WHEN I want!” mode, then I know to look only as far as these questions:
1. Is there someone I need to forgive?
2. Am I striving against God being God? Have I allowed arrogance and pride to raise their ugly heads yet again?
3. Am I practicing a life of humble dependence and gratitude?

Truly, these questions have been foundational for me in making headway since November 2006. They were like the missing piece of the puzzle that caused things to begin to “click.”

But by now you know that none of this came easily.

In addition, knowing without a doubt that this moment matters has also been crucial—knowing that God can take a heart offered to Him in a moment and do amazing things with it!!! Even if it is offered only in this moment! The choice I make right now is critical. Minimizing it is making a choice. I must make the choice that is intentional because let me tell ya…the enemy is very intentional about every single moment in our lives! I want to be equally–MORE–intentional in resisting the enemy’s influence in my life.

Wow…those last words…the enemy is VERY intentional about each moment in my life. So I had better be. This “vulnerabilty”…well, there is no way I can allow it to go on. I must do what needs doing to nip it in the bud. I must get the rest I need. I must sit at the Lord’s feet to have my soul restored. I must pray and surrender again and again and yet again. I must choose to be grateful and to foster a humble heart IN EACH MOMENT.

If I don’t have plans for this moment of my life, I am sure Satan DOES and he will be more than happy to “fill in” for me…eek…

No thanks.

Today, I will choose to be intentional.