For our benefit, God often allows us to experience circumstances that will enable us to recognize our blind adherence to Satan’s deceptions. Many times these circumstances seem very negative, but through them we can learn valuable life-changing truths. The Search for Significance, p. 39
The doctor appointment for a complete physical was a great opportunity for God to work in the present time exposing the lies I have believed and the fact that I bring these lies and their subsequent emotional baggage into the present moment. This causes things to be emotional “powder kegs,” hindering my ability to be effective and sane–and godly, too! Yes, I have learned a valuable life-changing truth, all right!
God led me to be proactive. As I greeted my doctor, I was cordial. It was the end of a harried day in the office, no doubt…they had taken walk-ins and emergencies, so I had waited a long time to be seen and I knew that she was probably fried. I told her I can’t imagine a day like she had had and then having to wrap it up with an exam like this one couldn’t be a fun way to end a Friday. :-/
Then I explained that I would get right down to what had prompted my making the appointment–that in October of 2007 I was at a weight of 150-153 and held it steady for a year, until October 2008. Doing the same things that I had done to lose the weight (100 pounds) and then to maintain it for another year, I had nevertheless gained about 10-15 pounds. I acknowledged this to her and told her I wanted to know if anything could explain this medically. I also explained that I had gone from copious quantities of diet coke to no more diet coke.
She went over my blood work and everything looked terrific to her. I take issue with the TSH level and her conclusions about it and may get a second opinion since thyroid could explain the weight gain and some of the other symptoms I have. My cholesterol is low (in spite of french fries at McDonalds!), my glucose is great, liver function is happy–in spite of having lived as a human laboratory rat for 20 years with all the NutraSweet I had been drinking! My blood pressure IS high again, but it had climbed even before October of 2008…and so I will be treated for that again. Sigh…a blow to my pride, but genetics has won out, I guess.
So, in short, her answer was “No, nothing can medically explain your weight gain.”
Reality check here…less caffeine has probably really changed my metabolism (duh…I have said this before). But it doesn’t matter what has made a change. The question is…
…am I TRULY waiting for 0 or, mindlessly and without prayer, just eating what I always did for two years when I lost weight and maintained it?
So there is a need to be more honest with myself. In the past, I got away with “fudging” things some. Maybe I can’t any more. God is calling me to be…dare I say it… a bit more honest?
At one point, I felt such a sense of compassion and love for this woman, I knew that Christ was giving me a glimpse of his heart for her. It was really a tender experience for me and I knew that I had to stop referring to her as “DragonLady” and begin to identify her by name…though I won’t do that here to protect her identity.
A dragon WAS slain through this…the “dragon” of past emotions and experiences that have led to believing Satan’s lies and bringing that with me into the present, causing me to interpret things through black-colored glasses! Good grief! How I have over-reacted to her lack of tact and lack of professionalism in the past, certainly. Yes, I will look for a new doctor because of these things…but nevertheless…I rejoice that I didn’t bail before having the opportunity to see just how much I am responsible for all I felt as I faced into this appointment.
More on the deeper stuff tomorrow. God is sure using this extra weight to teach me some powerful truths. WOW! I can honestly say for the first time…this is worth it. Wow. It really is. IT IS WORTH IT to have these pounds if by doing so I truly see some things in my character that He has wanted me to see…and from which he wants to free me. PRAISE YOU, LORD!