Daisy and the Buck
Without the boundary of this fence, Daisy, my golden retriever, would (no doubt) get even CLOSER to this buck than you see in this image. From her perspective, I have little doubt that the fence “stands in the way” of much fun! The truth is, the fence–a boundary–keeps harm out (deer can be deadly) and keeps what is worth protecting safe within–safe from straying.
This week, you will develop your plan including having a good look at your own boundaries relative to your Thin Within journey. We will use a lot of Barb’s material to help with this. Before you go on over to her site, though, I want to lay some ground work.
Please watch this short (4 minute) video first:
To register for this week’s class Wednesday at 3:00pm Pacific Time (OR the digital recording), please visit this link: http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=E956D880834D3A NOTE: When you select a password, please do NOT forget it! It will be necessary for you to access the class AND the digital recording after the class is over!
Take a moment to jot down in your journal (or think about) what you think is true about boundaries. Do you believe that they are there to protect you? To keep OUT influences that could damage you? To keep you IN, from wandering off on a path that would be destructive for you?
Or are you more likely to consider boundaries with resentment–as something that denies you something as if “God is holding out” on you?
Ask God to show you the truth about boundaries. Jot down what he impresses upon you. You might want to put them in your index cards if you are using them: “What is true about boundaries in my life.”
IMPORTANT: When I reference you to a page at Barb’s site, please know that there is a TON of incredible material there. For the purposes of our study, though, I will include the links here each week for any of the pages that are “vital” to our study this summer. The other links, you are welcome, of course, to explore. But please know that with so much wonderful material at her site, you can spend HOURS on it! ALL of it is good. Do what you feel God leading you to do of course, but any page that I think is foundational to our study here this summer, I will include as you will see below. For this week’s assignment, please be sure to do any of the linked pages that I include.
The foundational part of our study this week uses this post from Barb’s website.
This has several parts to it, so please spread it out over the week:
1.) In her post under THE PLAN, Barb links you to her post about boundaries. You can read that or not, but most of the information that you need is likely to be in the video above. So if you are short on time, you don’t need to read it.
2.) She also includes a link to a post on secondary boundaries. Unless what I have shared in the video is “murky,” you probably don’t need to read that post either. If you are short on time, I think you will be ok without reading that, though it is definitely helpful! For our purposes, if you are uncertain about what might help you to maintain your primary boundary of 0 to 5 eating, you can use the Keys to Conscious Eating. Keys 1 and 8 are the primary boundary. Keys 2 – 7 are ideas for secondary boundaries. If you are using a set of spiral bound index cards or using a binder ring with index cards (whatever your method), then you might want to write down on a card “MY PRIMARY BOUNDARY: _________________.” And on another card “MY SECONDARY BOUNDARIES: ____________________” I don’t recommend more than 2 or 3 secondary boundaries and you can add new ones or change them as you go.
3.) Barb also has a link to Renewing the Mind Goal. THIS ONE, IS IMPORTANT TO OUR STUDY this summer. In fact, it is foundational to our summer study. So please DO read it and do the activities. (Yes, I just included the link to the same page THREE times. I don’t want you to miss it, that this is important.) There are lots of great links even in the post on the renewing of the mind goal. Again, the links to other posts are helpful, but not vital, so if you are short on time, don’t do them. If you are using a set of index cards that are hole-punched or spiral bound, then write your Renewing of the Mind Goal down on your cards. If you aren’t using the cards, that is ok. But I suggest you jot it down somewhere. NOTE: In our online class last week, we had the pleasure of having Barb Raveling in attendance (you can still get the recording of the class if you want). I realized as she shared that my way of thinking about the renewing of the mind goal was different than what she speaks of in her blog. Maybe *both* can work. My way of thinking of it has been to pick something that you know you need to think differently about, like, for instance, “I need to think differently about having sweet foods after lunch and dinner.” What I want to think instead about desserts is that “I can live without desserts.” Another one might be, “It takes less food than I think to satisfy me.” So my goal is to change my thinking about dessert or about portions. Barb’s use of it is helpful in being quantifiable…”I will renew my mind twice each day about dessert/portion size.” You can use a combination of both ways of thinking if you like or just use Barb’s mentioned in her post!
4.) Under her heading THE CHALLENGE, you can have a look at her post about 8 Questions to Ask When You Don’t Want to Renew Your Mind. This isn’t required, but it can be EXTREMELY helpful. (I have not included the link because I will include the link to the pages directly only if they are foundational to our study.) I have written these 8 questions down in my card set as I think they are so good.
5.) Do her ASSIGNMENT in her Day One post, including her #2 item: Working With God on Your Goal. This was originally intended, I think, for New Years, but it is helpful to our summer study. All of this work right now is to lay the foundation for our summer study. Doing this work will be very helpful. Future assignments (starting next week) won’t be as lengthy (I think!).
6.) Continuing on her Day One study, you will want to complete the Following Your Boundaries Questions questions. PLEASE don’t skip this set of questions as, again, this is foundational to the rest of the summer. In fact, you might want to keep these questions handy. Any time you find yourself not wanting to adhere to your 0 to 5 boundaries and your secondary boundaries, pulling out these questions can help you get focused again, willing again!
7.) I would love to hear from you in the COMMENTS below about any of the following:
- What is your Renewing of the Mind Goal?
- What secondary boundaries have you selected that will support your primary boundary of eating 0 to 5?
- Which of her renewing of the mind tools will be helpful to you?
8.) If you would like, attend the class this Wednesday at 3pm-4pm Pacific time to discuss this material. The class costs $5. If you can’t attend, but want the digital recording of the class, the cost is the same. Both those who want to attend the class live and those who want the recording only, will need to register at http://www.anymeeting.com/AccountManager/RegEv.aspx?PIID=E956D880834D3A
I have created TRUTH CARDs and will be talking about that in the class on Wednesday. I have also created recordings and a play list that I can listen to in my car. So, my Renewing of the Mind Goal (from this week’s lesson assignment above) is:
1. I will renew my mind each day in the morning by reading my cards.
2. I will listen to my play list each day at least once about eating.
3. Between 4 and 6pm each evening, I will flip through the cards again and read selected ones out loud or highlights.
My primary boundary is 0 and 5 and my secondary boundaries are sitting while I eat and eating when my mind and body are relaxed. Come to the class on Wednesday (or get the recording) so I can show you what I have done and how it works for me. 🙂
I think this is the last week we will use “Any Meeting” as it hasn’t been reliable for class members. I am trying out GoToMeeting for next week’s meeting.
Heidi, Look forward to doing this study, but I had a question floating around in my head. When i looked over your pictoral food journal (thank you), I wondered did you go immediately from your before to your after portions, or have your portions been shrinking along the way? Does that make sense? Has it been in layers like an onion, or once you really started paying attention, were you called to the portion sizes you are now eating?
First of all I love this information!! It is so helpful. I have been copying and pasting the 1st day of the week onto a word doc along with all the links and printing that out and putting it with my journal to work on it during the week. It really helps to keep me focused and encourages me to do the whole study. My life is crazy busy but printing it out allows me to work on it daily as I can and is not overwhelming.
My primary boundary is 0 to 5 eating boundaries (hunger to satisfaction).
My secondary boundaries are to only eat when sitting and to eat slowly and savor each bite. I did this tonight and the food tasted so good and it was so much easier to stop at satisfaction because I really took the time to enjoy the food. The flavors felt like they were exploding in my mouth. I was honestly so surprised about how good it was!!
Here is my PLAN:
Listen to some of mine and/or Heidi’s soundcloud files daily.
Take time each day for Bible study/review and spend time with God.
Read each day my list I have made about why my boundaries are good. Add to list as needed.
Here is what I have so far on why my boundaries are good.
My boundaries make me more conscious of when, where and how much to eat.
They help me to stop and consider what I am doing,
If I stick to my boundaries they will be life changing.
They give me peace, hope and joy.
I find my satisfaction in God instead of food.
Following My boundaries improves my health.
They make me feel better physically, spiritually and emotionally.
When I stay in my boundaries I feel closer to God and I like myself better.
Staying in my boundaries feels so good! My body and my spirit feel happy!
Without boundaries I go wild- like out of control! They help me to have a willing spirit and to stay focused.
What a GREAT plan! I am going to “steal” some of your verbage to add to my truth cards, Adriane! I hope you don’t mind!
Hi Heidi,
Just wanted you to know I am hanging onto your blog and posts for dear life, trying to get back to making progress! I love Adriane’s post about why boundaries are good—I copied/pasted it–thanks Adriane! I’m working through the HEAL book ( I know—you just finished that! aargh, I’m always a little late!) and l don’t think I can do both that and this, but I want you to know I’m so grateful for this website and for your dedication to this journey!
xo
Brenda
Brenda! My friend! I miss your sweet presence! Thank you so much for letting me know. Thank you for the kind words! Love and hugs!
Wow… just getting “caught up” (massive understatement…) as time management has been a bit of a challenge since summer vacation started. Just listened to last Wednesday’s recording plus Carrie’s interview, and read about 10 days of blog postings and comments. Wow!! So much amazing content and wonderful thoughts shared. Back to basics (again!) My primary boundary is eating 0-5, and my challenge is to renew my mind when I break that boundary and to recognize the lies that enable me to break that boundary and to replace those lies with God’s Truth. I have a funny way of making things FAR more complicated than they need to be, so I’d better keep the focus really simple right now.
I want to dig into God’s Word to learn more about what He has to say about time, dealing with overwhelm, and discerning His will. While I’m rambling here, I’m really curious how others deal with the challenges of being the food preparer/provider for the rest of their family. I’m sure I’ve got hours of truth journaling ahead on this topic, but I’ve got a lot of thoughts to evaluate (truth vs. lies) about my role as meal planner, example setter etc.. and dealing with a husband and daughter who have different tastes in food than I do, and who are often on a different schedule than I am. I feel like I spend an inordinate amount of time in my life dealing with other people’s food issues, and I’ve got plenty of my own as it is. I have a sneaky suspicion that God is smiling/nodding here… Oh, the lessons/growth/transformation that’s going to come from digging deeper into all of this is going to be great…
Thanks to everyone who continues to participate in this forum. You are all so inspiring, and I love how you are all sharing God’s light!!
Hi, Mary. For me, it depended on if the “food issues” were relative to their unwillingness or inability to eat what I served. My kids are no longer home…amazing how time has flown. Since most of the issues in my home have been unwillingness rather than inability, I made what I made and then let them fend for themselves if they didn’t want what I served. I was really paranoid about creating eating disorder mental issues in my kids like my mom and dad did in me, so I erred on the side of “Laissez faire” if anything I suppose. That said, I did try on occasion to be sure to have a meal that I knew they would enjoy…so like with Daniel, I tried preparing “breakfast for dinner” once every so often…one way of loving him (pancakes and bacon). For Michaela, I tried to be sure I used *organic* *boneless* *skinless* chicken breast for our “build your own taco” night…that sort of thing. Depending on how old your kids are at this point, this might work for you. By the time my kids were teenagers, I figured I was done trying to cater to everyone’s whims. No one *couldn’t* eat what I served. They just had other ideas.
The food issues get a little more complex because my 13 year old daughter is probably the only true 0-5 eater in the house! Dear Hubby has some eating habits that frequently create situations where I’m easily entices to my breaking my boundaries, so it’s been an ongoing journey for me not to “make him wrong” with his choices, to communicate my struggles, AND not to let his binges be a “hall pass” for me to run amok. I just seem to spend an inordinate amount of time in my life dealing with food, and we’re just a family of 3. It’s crazy. AND I know that I’ve got some serious truth journaling work ahead about all this…
Mary – I can relate. Although I am the only one with a food sensitivity (gluten) and we are mostly on the same schedule…The word that came to my mind when I read your post was Simplify! When food was my obsession (only healthy, homemade), I spent so much time planning, thinking about, reading magazines, online, cooking, etc. Now I simplify. Although I may want super spicy Pad Thai, I don’t make that anymore. I’ll order it if I go out bc my kids won’t want to eat it. Now, I make meals that we all will at least tolerate and no one gets a special meal. And if I use something with gluten, I just don’t eat that part (the tortilla, pasta, bread, etc). I spend A LOT less time in the kitchen.
Look at what you will/can eat, make a list and rotate the meals. Maybe a crock pot or grill lots of meat on the weekends to accommodate the different schedules. It’s hard to give specific ideas without knowing your specific needs, but I finally made food not a big deal and it stopped consuming me.
Thanks, Carrie! Yes, SIMPLIFY!! It’s funny though… God created us with a physical need to eat. Sometimes I wish He’d made it where we only needed to eat once a week or something “easier” like that 🙂 Yes… just laughing at myself. What a great opportunity to have to rely on him daily. I’m grateful. But still, sometimes I’m envious of people to whom food is “no big deal.” I look forward to it being less of a big deal in my life. Getting there slowly but surely.
I don’t mind at all Heidi! I am really excited about this PLAN!!!! I have just posted it up at work and I have extra copies to put up at home. Having a PLAN outlined makes me feel like my steps are being established. I feel much more “hopeful” with a plan in place and like I am FINALLY taking more steps forward than backwards! It has taken me 6 months of knowing about this to get to this point but I have now strung 8 solid days together of 0 to 5 eating and it feels great!!! I still don’t have the scale (it is hidden) and that has been a little tough but I am learning to let go of control. I am excited and truly feel like God is doing a new thing in me! Woot Woot! Rocking it out for Jesus!
I’m not sure if this is the same goal you had in mind for the renewing of the mind goal, but this is what I wrote down for when we did Barb’s study.
My renewing of the mind goal: To believe that the God-given hunger/fullness cues (0-5) are perfect, God-given boundaries that will help me lose and/or maintain a healthy weight and size. And also to believe that the Holy Spirit will peacefully, without confusion, guide me to eat what nourishes my body instead of seeking the worlds unwavering, forever-changing opinions about nutrition.
My second boundaries:
1. to eat without distraction (no TV, no books, no audio books, no phone)
2. to eat while sitting
To renew my mind I will:
Read through my Truth cards in the morning, during my daughter’s nap time, and after I put my daughter to bed each night. I also want to look at Barb’s app when I’m feeling tempted to eat outside of my boundaries.
Christina, I appreciate the wisdom of your comment about the Holy Spirits leading vs. the world’s vacillation, I have added your words to a truth card.
Primary boundary: 0-5, Hungry – satisfied.
Secondary boundaries: 1. Sit down to eat, 2. Put fork down between bites, 3. Thank God and praise Him in each bit.
Renewing my mind: I use truth cards to read before each meal.