Are you doubting?

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I believe that 0-5 works all the time, no matter what.  Like for instance, I know that eating 0-5 works during pregnancy, but I find myself doubting my ability to truly do that.  Why is that? Because it’s hard to SEE the evidence of it working, because well, one gains weight while pregnant.  It’s just part of the process and every body is different.  So throughout my pregnancy I’m constantly wondering, “Is this working?”  And then I’ll feel like the rubber doesn’t really meet the road until post-pregnancy.  It’s sort of silly, but that’s how it’s been for me the last 2 pregnancies.  I guess it’s that unknown.  It’s trusting the Lord even when we don’t really SEE the proof.
28 weeks + 5 days pregnant with 3rd baby

28 weeks + 5 days pregnant with 3rd baby

Throughout my pregnancy, to be honest, I’ve battled with thoughts of this working after the baby comes.  But I KNOW it does!  I’ve already done this with my second pregnancy.  He’s already been faithful to see me through and to prove to me His ability to help me release excess baby weight.  But the thoughts are there, again, this pregnancy.  “Does this work?  Will I release the weight?”  So the diet thoughts pop up.  Doubts.
“Sometimes we are like the Israelites.  Our newly aquired freedom may feel unsettling, even frightening.  At first we may not trust it.  We may be tempted to go back to the bondage, sitting around the “pots of meet”–the meal plans and calorie counting–to have something external dictate when, what, and how much we should eat” (Hunger Within, Chapter 3: Grace Not Legalism).
This morning I opened Hunger Within and the Lord showed me that I haven’t been putting my security and trust in Him in this area.  He wants me to be so confident in Him and what He’s shown me even if this feels like a weak area.  He showed me that I compare myself to others.  My mom said something to me recently pertaining to something she and I both read about someone’s weight/health testimony.  She said what works for one may not work for another.  So true.  What she said made me realize that I keep on comparing myself to others and thinking that their way should work for me too, when it clearly doesn’t. And most importantly, I need to lean upon what the LORD has shown me.  There are areas of my life that I’m confident in and I feel very strongly and passionate about because the Lord has clearly shown me something.  Like for instance, homeschooling: I know the Lord has called me to homeschool and I believe it’s for the long haul.  I have peace in that.  There are those rare times I question it, but otherwise I’m strong in my conviction of what the Lord has shown me.  But when it comes to this food thing, I don’t feel as strong.  I waver based on what is before my eyes, what I hear, etc.  And it’s interesting, because I know the Lord has clearly shown me that eating 0-5 is His way for me, but I still have moments of doubt.  I want to walk in that confidence, trusting Him and not leaning on my own understanding or what the world around me is saying.

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Last week, I was looking for a photo in my photos on my phone and I happened upon this photo (above) of myself from last spring (May 25, 2015).  Now, when I saw this photo, I was like, “Wow, I looked pretty good!”  But then I remembered still struggling with accepting my body.  And now I see how ridiculous it was for me to be so hard on myself.  At this time, I had recently released about 3 more pounds (I talked about this in my Counterfeit Hunger post).  I believe I was very close to my natural, God-given size.  But I still found myself doubting.  The enemy was right there saying it still wasn’t enough…that *I* wasn’t enough.  What a stinkin’ liar!  He wants us to doubt and he uses the same ole lie, “Did God really say?”  You know, the same lie he used in the Garden of Eden.  In this example, the lies would be, “Does eating 0-5 really help release weight?”  “Do you really think you look good?  Look at [name that body part].”

I’m sharing this picture not to be like, “Oh look at me!” But because I want to share how the enemy gets in there and tells us we aren’t okay when we really are.  I know why I still wasn’t satisfied with where my body was; it was because I was comparing it to the images of the “perfect body” we see splattered around.  You know, those Photoshopped, air-brushed photos.  But it wasn’t just those images, it was what I was seeing on social media.  Or it was me comparing myself to the fitness gurus I’ve seen on workout videos.  The enemy will always give us something in which to compare ourselves if we are not satisfied in our present circumstances.  I felt that my body wasn’t good enough, that I needed to try harder.  I was doubting.  I didn’t feel good enough–and that I shouldn’t be satisfied until I reached some level of fitness or “skinny”.

“Let’s face it, there always will be someone prettier, stronger, more handsome, or more successful than you, and the media images will continue to hold up standards of beauty and perfection that no one can match” (Hunger Within, Chapter 5: Worth Not Shame).

On May 27, 2015 (two days after that photo was taken) I wrote this in my journal: “I am doubting God when I am thinking about eating another way (diet).  I am saying I would rather trust the world and have no peace and have confusion than to trust God and have faith and peace.  Do NOT be conformed to this world!  The world’s way changes.”

And that’s so true.  The “image” the world accepts has changed SO much over the years, but that’s a whole other discussion.

I really want to stand securely in what the Lord has shown me.  I don’t want to waver when my eyes don’t SEE the proof.  I have to walk by faith and not by sight.  I have to believe God’s way for me is perfect.  He doesn’t want me to obsess.  He wants me to follow His peace.  He wants me to trust Him and rest in Him.  In fact, that’s His one little word He’s given me this year for 2016: REST.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. 
Matthew 11:28-30
My one little word(s) for 2015 was: BE FREE and SERVE.  I most definitely feel more FREE than I have in a long time.  I’m not feeling as burdened by the heaviness of food obsession or body occupation.  My journal is filled with less “woe is me I ate too much” and more of scripture prayer declaring what the Lord has done, is doing, and will do.  My relationship with Him has been strengthened. I understand His grace so much more than I have ever in my 34 years of life.  He has definitely been at work!  And now He wants me to REST in Him.
Resting means putting my confidence and security in Him.  Is He faithful to watch over His word?  Yes!  Is He faithful to fulfill His promises?  YES!!!  God is able.  So I need to stop comparing myself to others.  I need to be completely confident in what He has shown me and stop wavering based on what someone else says or does or looks like.
I spent most of 2015 off of Facebook and, at times, Instagram because it creates doubt, comparison, and obsession.  Right now, it’s not a safe or healthy place for me to be.  This is a personal issue.  I’m just not strong enough (yet) to see all of that stuff in my face (especially this time of year) and to be able to turn down the temptation to research about diets.  It’s been a stronghold that the Lord has been helping me overcome.  I share that to encourage you that if there’s something in your life that is feeding the doubt, then back away from it. Prayerfully consider eliminating it.  Doubt is like temptation to not believe what God says.  And temptation leads to sin.  The Lord showed me that the social media arena is an area of weakness for me.  I do so much better without it.  Again, that is my personal struggle with social media; it may be something completely different for the next person. 
What causes you to doubt success in your Thin Within journey?  Are you doubting that 0-5 works?  There are lots of testimonies to read if you want to see “proof”.  Build up your faith by renewing your mind in God’s word.  Ask Him to show you His truth about what He wants for you in this journey toward freedom from comparison, food indulgence, not being satisfied, etc.  He will be faithful to show you.
Peace and grace to you!
 

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One Response to Are you doubting?

  1. Jacinda April 25, 2016 at 1:28 pm #

    I love reading what you’ve written Christina Smith! I too live in AK and think it would be neat to meet up! (Of course depending on where you’re located) I am trying to find healing and lose weight, but I can’t seem to do it. Thank you for sharing!

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