Last week, I was looking for a photo in my photos on my phone and I happened upon this photo (above) of myself from last spring (May 25, 2015). Now, when I saw this photo, I was like, “Wow, I looked pretty good!” But then I remembered still struggling with accepting my body. And now I see how ridiculous it was for me to be so hard on myself. At this time, I had recently released about 3 more pounds (I talked about this in my Counterfeit Hunger post). I believe I was very close to my natural, God-given size. But I still found myself doubting. The enemy was right there saying it still wasn’t enough…that *I* wasn’t enough. What a stinkin’ liar! He wants us to doubt and he uses the same ole lie, “Did God really say?” You know, the same lie he used in the Garden of Eden. In this example, the lies would be, “Does eating 0-5 really help release weight?” “Do you really think you look good? Look at [name that body part].”
I’m sharing this picture not to be like, “Oh look at me!” But because I want to share how the enemy gets in there and tells us we aren’t okay when we really are. I know why I still wasn’t satisfied with where my body was; it was because I was comparing it to the images of the “perfect body” we see splattered around. You know, those Photoshopped, air-brushed photos. But it wasn’t just those images, it was what I was seeing on social media. Or it was me comparing myself to the fitness gurus I’ve seen on workout videos. The enemy will always give us something in which to compare ourselves if we are not satisfied in our present circumstances. I felt that my body wasn’t good enough, that I needed to try harder. I was doubting. I didn’t feel good enough–and that I shouldn’t be satisfied until I reached some level of fitness or “skinny”.
“Let’s face it, there always will be someone prettier, stronger, more handsome, or more successful than you, and the media images will continue to hold up standards of beauty and perfection that no one can match” (Hunger Within, Chapter 5: Worth Not Shame).
On May 27, 2015 (two days after that photo was taken) I wrote this in my journal: “I am doubting God when I am thinking about eating another way (diet). I am saying I would rather trust the world and have no peace and have confusion than to trust God and have faith and peace. Do NOT be conformed to this world! The world’s way changes.”
And that’s so true. The “image” the world accepts has changed SO much over the years, but that’s a whole other discussion.