So many things are hitting me.
I am feeling like this really will happen this time. I will reach my God-given size…and not just because I have mechanically applied the physiological aspects of 0-5 eating. God is really transforming me INSIDE (within) and out.
For some reason the 35 pounds I have lost seems like it was ALL really significant–like half from my tummy and half from my bottom. My profile looks different…when I accidentally see my reflection, now, I don’t cringe…I don’t freak. I look *different*…Almost…well, “normal.”
So what is my fear? How many times have I lost weight….a bizillion. And then gained it again. A bizillion. Just since having kids, I have lost over 210 pounds (not counting the latest 35) and gained it back…
I remember after I lost 110 pounds with Weight Watchers and made a huge monumental decision to break free from my fear of gaining the weight back…and I got rid of all my biggest sized clothing. (And the smaller sizes between that biggest size and where I was). I struggled with doing this for a long time before taking those large sized clothes to Good Will. When I did it, I hooted and hollered and celebrated! I was FREE!
I regretted it within two years. I had no clothes that fit as I gained back the weight and had to go out and *buy* the bigger sizes. That was awful.
Today I had the thought hit me, “I will probably gain all this back again just like I always have.”
Well, nuts, if that isn’t from the pit of hell, I don’t know what is. But I also am a realist…this thought has history supporting it as fact. However, on the other side of things, I also know that because this is so different this time…since God really is making me different “within” that former history doesn’t have to be repeated. I can truly FORGET what is behind and press on! So there!
So…I am going to do something different. No, I won’t get rid of the big sized clothing. I guess that says something….
Instead, though, I am going to type up little notes to pin inside the pockets. If I ever wear those jeans again, I will find that note. I know myself well enough to know that I will HAVE to read it…I am like that. In that note, I will point out how wonderfully easy and quick God has been making this. I will put my testimony of seeing God work, transforming me…and the way He is also calling me to be restored in ministry at the same time as well….
I think that it could matter. I know that the worldly thought that kept me from starting this sooner was that it would take “such a long time” to release weight. Well, that isn’t true at all. Not only that, but eating this way has felt GREAT.
Yes, there have been times I have stumbled. Around Christmas, I went bonkers. I still manage to eat beyond the place God has told me to stop many times. I am in process….
I will just slip a reminder in the pocket of those pants.
Who knows? Maybe when I finally DO get the courage and overcome my fear to give those jeans away, I will have forgotten about the note pinned in them and some unsuspecting thrift store shopper will find the note…and get hope! LOL!
Do I sound nuts?
Hmmm, Horsey-Lady… neat idea.Especially when you *won’t* be putting on those larger jeans again, and give them to Goodwill, and someone *else* finds the note! Just make sure it’s encouraging, in case they’re thrilled to have lost *down* to that size 🙂
LOL, Ellie! Yes! Good point! I better be sure to word it with sensitivity in either direction. LOL!
I’m brand new to Thin Within and I’ve been reading your blog journey. What an inspiration! Thanks for doing this.This post got me thinking – what about setting up a clothing “library” where we could donate our gently worn, but now too big sizes – that others could borrow so they don’t have to buy complete wardrobes every time they release a size? (Releasing weight can get expensive that way)