It is so odd to me during my study of this book with the name of Get Thin, Stay Thin…well, I gained weight. Yes… I actually began the study thinner than I am now at the end of studying it. Isn’t that weird? Ironic really.
Get Thin…I had…and I was freaking out about all I needed to do to stay at that weight/size back in January when I began this study with my accountability partner. I struggled with a few pounds during the holidays…but that was nothing compared to what was ahead. I had NO idea!
Stay Thin…er…not quite! It seems so like God to lead me to unwrap grave clothes that actually resulted in my gaining weight…going up one size. I went from being artificially thin due to caffeine addiction to being a weight/size that I guess is his for me today.
Having shed that caffeine dependency, I am NOW my “natural” God-given size instead of my non-natural, caffeine-given size!
To be totally honest here, there is *some* caffeine in modest amounts in my life in the form of a flavored cappuccino drink and Dr. Pepper every once in a while (no nutrasweet, however)…but my accountability partner and I are watching that like hawks. I see how easy it would be to fall and become dependent on caffeine again.
I celebrate that God has done yet another NEW thing (and continues to do it!).
In the past, gaining ANY weight after losing it all and becoming truly *thin*, I would have thrown in the towel and been back up up up and away…I would have thrown caution to the wind and overeaten, returning to all my old ways. I would have *stopped* “struggling” and given in.
My life literally WON’T allow for that now. Eating when I am hungry and stopping when I am no longer hungry has become such a *constant* way for me and the way *I* am…not just something I am working at…that I can’t go back to living the old way. Praise the LORD!
So God has done yet another new thing…shown me how to gain weight gracefully. 😉 WITHOUT it spelling the end of all things! Without DOOM, destruction, HORROR!
THERE IS NO SHAME IN THIS! To allow shame is to believe a LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL.
So here it is again, in case anyone has missed it!…I AM BIGGER THAN I USED TO BE!
This is NOT failure!! Nanner nanner moo moo, Satan!
I have removed grave clothes that kept me from intimacy with God…even my “status” as “Thin Within Woman” kept me from dependency on God…pride and arrogance…bleah! But, now, I have broken out of that…I am free…or free to BE free. (It is a process!)
THIS IS the “holy struggle.” To believe Him for all I am worth no matter what my past may dictate, what well meaning people may think (“Being thinner is better”) or say or do in response to the newest addition of photos and admissions here at my blog. I am closer to God than I was in those months of being 150 pounds. More strongholds have been torn down in my life! How can I argue with that? 🙂
So onward I walk…I commit to the “struggle.” I am willing. It is worth it.
Hi Heidi…I haven’t been keeping up with your blog in its entirety for some time. Glad to see a current pic of you weight gain and all and how you’re walking through it.
Yahoo and amen!!!
Hallelujah! Heidi, thank you for your honesty, as usual. I’m praising God for your testimony of ultimately clinging to our wonderful Lord. Thank you for your example of being one with Him! It is amazing how God has used your story…you are so right. So many times we see being thin as the goal…yikes! Your posts here have really deepened my desire to know Jesus in a mightier way, and for that I am grateful.
Thank you so much for sharing this post, Heidi. I have followed your post for a long time now. It’s so encouraging to see that even though you gained weight unexpectedly, that you are continuing to keep your eyes on the Lord and to eat when hungry/stop when full. You are such an encouragement!