I am finally becoming the child I never was.
Said by Sudebaker
As a child growing up, I wasn’t safe. I feared and experienced abandonment frequently. Life was devoid of the safety and protection of reliable authority figures.
Any surprise that I struggle with God as a wonderful, reliable, safe and strong authority figure today?
But I am growing in this–even now! As I sit in his presence and experience his love, tenderness, compassion, strength, and beauty, I am able finally to experience what it is to be a child–His child.
This video is of a great Jason Gray song…I just have to share it with you for your renewing of the mind playlists (editing this post after it has posted because I don’t want it just stuck in the comments!):
To buy it on Amazon, click the link here.
To buy it in iTunes, click here.
How about you? Is God calling you to become a trusting child? How so?
Wow, again I wonder how did you know I needed to hear this? Do you mean that my repeatedly turning to food rather than to God for comfort is a trust issue? I must ponder this more. I know the scripture says that God is faithful and trust worthy. How do I learn to trust him more? Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
I know that for me, Joyce, it has been a trust issue. In 2006 God brought it to a head for me and that was the reason I was able to start stringing together days that were more in line with my godly goals.
I wrote in my journal in March about God as the perfect Father. I was raised in a stable home with caring parents, but my father was/is pretty self-centered. I never felt unconditionally loved by him. We were estranged for over 10 years until just a few years ago (long story).
So, as I was journaling in March, I was thinking about God as Father. And I was thinking about the great fathers that I know – the father’s of my friends who will do anything for their kids, my husband as a great dad, and funny, loving, fictional dads (Father of the Bride is just about my favorite movie). Part of me feels jealous when I see these loving, doting fathers and part of me feels happy for the recipient. Then, I realized that God is like these “perfect” dads, but 1000x that – really, I can’t put a multiplier on Him, I can’t even comprehend how perfect He is. If these great dads that I see in the world are so loving and trustworthy, God must be even more so!!!
So, when I pray to Him, I recognize Him as the Creator Father but also as my perfect Daddy, my Abba, my Papa. Sometimes when I feel led to rest in Him, I picture myself at His feet, with my head on His lap – like I would be as a child with a dad. Sometimes when my husband reads at night to our 8 year old daughter, she wraps her arm around his head (palm on the top of his head) and leans on his shoulder. I can see the trust, love and comfort between them. God offers us that every day.
Thank you for sharing this, Carrie. It is beautiful!
I have wondered myself if I haven’t reached and grabbed for foods as a means of taking care of myself or self preservation because of some childhood issues I have as well. I have to change my mentality of who GOD really is. Making the God Lists has really helped! They help me to realize what a faithful and loving God He really is. Before I think I saw more condemnation or felt guilt when I thought of God, but now I see His unending love and how He wants to protect and shelter me. One example is from Psalm 27 verse 10. I wrote down on my God List that the Lord receives me even if my mother and father forsake me. Another good one is from Psalm 31 verse 20. I wrote that I can hide in the shelter of His presence and He keeps me safe in His dwelling. These verses help me to have a different view of God. This quote has seriously helped me the last few weeks. I wrote it on my board at work and in my journal and in my truth cards! It is from the Thin Within book and it is a quote from Kay Arthur: “Don’t struggle in self-effort to be better. Don’t determine that you are going to try harder. Acknowledge your need of His all-sufficient grace and go forward, surrendering and trusting in the power of God’s transforming grace. “ So I have stopped trying to get this message and apply the 0 to 5 boundaries with my own will power. Instead I have given up and I am allowing God to transform me. I am learning to be obedient to His lead of 0 to 5 eating and it feels absolutely fantastic. I honestly feel like I am on cloud 9. Took me 6 months to get here but I feel like I am finally getting this! This week’s boundary setting really helped too. One of my secondary boundaries is to eat slowly and that has made a big difference. When I eat really slow and enjoy the food I don’t feel like I am getting the short end of the stick when I get to a 5. Happy Friday everyone!
You are definitely on a roll. WOOT!
Wow Carrie I love that!
Here is a great song by Jason Gray that really ministers to me in my struggle to trust God. I hope it encourages you!
Great song Heidi, Thank you for sharing it with us all. Praying for God to bless you and strengthen you in your inner man for today…God is so good! : )
I too never felt that my childhood was much for a child. I was always surrounded by adults, thus learning more adult ways. However, as I learn to be child-like I think of my own children who rely on their father & me to provide the needs & ask for things they would like to have above & beyond the things they actually need. There is a simple trust in them that their needs will be met while they ask for things they want. The responses when we say no vary as do ours when God speaks His no to us. We think we are mature until we hear or sense Him saying no. Then we aren’t just child-like, we become more like spoiled children. I am learning how to trust Him more & more in providing my needs & when He is first in my heart & life then He delights in blessing me w/ the deisres of my heart because He is the One who put them there. He fashioned me, created me, molded me, HE above anyone knows what I enjoy in life when it comes to those desires so He loves to bless His children as my husband & I do because we love them & are raising them up to seek first His kingdom over the world. I would suggest for anyone who does not have their own children to find a way to be around them more & discover their ways, esp the ones who are polite & use their manners. The others teach a whole other lesson. Thank you ladies for sharing. <3
Learning to trust in God. I had parents who where not there for me either. At the Age of 15 years old I left home to never ever return…It was a hard time for me. God was faithful to me then and still is now…I was home less and no food at times. God showed me His great love at an early age in my life. When My parents failed HE was there to pick me up. ” I will never leave or forsake you” He still wispers this into my heart, fear not for I AM is with you…I need to be reminded over and over again. My God Almighty will not ever forsake me, HE is and will always be with me. I can trust Him to supply all my needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. Fear, Worry, has been in my life at times, but as I have grown in the LORD and understand that HE is not like my parents or man that is weak and sinful, I can TRUST HE Will supply all my needs.
I like to medatate on,
Psalm 23 ” The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want”
” He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemys”
I listened to the song and it brought tears to my eyes. While on vacation speaking with my daughter, she said wow mom you have some deep trust issues, and I just said to her yea. My dad left my mom with 6 children when I was eight years old. I am the oldest. I had a love hate relationship with my father ever since I can remember, my dad raised another woman’s children and I always resented it. my struggle is knowing that I am good enough that my relationships wont cease once my friends or my husband has found someone else that they would rather be in relationship with. I would get sick to my stomach when I saw a father loving his daughter no matter what age the daughter was/is. I would experience so much pain. this past week has been okay for me, my secondary boundary is to eat slowly and to chew an extra three times over and over. I am more than a conquerer though Him who loves me Jesus Christ! I want to trust God that He loves me for me and that no I am not less than the next person to me.