The Scale

Ok…another gauntlet has been thrown down.

I was speaking with Judy on the phone about the upcoming first day of class I will be leading at our church. I am so nervous, it isn’t funny. I just need to lay it down at the Lord’s feet. This is NOT about ME…my fear of “messing up” is fixating my focus on ME. NOT ok…This is the LORD’s deal…and I WILL DELIGHT IN IT!!!

I described to Judy that after just a couple of days of no Oreos (my weakness food that I am fasting from for a season), I weighed and the scale surprised me…I am my lowest ever. Ok, I have long joked about how if I could just not eat Oreos (I eat them mixed with vanilla ice cream…and NEVER at a zero…but ALWAYS when I am NOT hungry!!!!), I would really know what God’s intended size for me is…but I didn’t really believe that it might be true! LOL!

So I shared the news with Judy that I was now a pound lower than my lowest weight since beginning, which was right after horse camp for a week–about 3 pounds lower than the beginning of this week. Are you tracking with me? She picked up on the fact that I weigh myself QUITE regularly…daily before I dress.This is a true confession…do any of you do this??? If so, I present you with what Judy presented me…

Upon hearing the description of the way I “use” the scale…which I thought was harmless enough…to “keep me honest” now that I have released (all? of) my weight…Judy told me I needed to “put the scale away”…I mean…she meant…AWAY. Like GONE…like no where NEAR.

Now I really didn’t feel that my use of the scale was inappropriate when I shared the story, or I wouldn’t have told her! LOL! Just being honest. No, not at all. I don’t let the scale dictate if I will have a good day or bad (or I haven’t so far). I truly do use it to keep me honest since my heart is prone to wander…I know from my dieting obsession years that weight can vary a LOT in one 24 hour period when it isn’t true fat weight…so I don’t let it beat me up it goes up or down…

But truthfully, as I think about it now, God’s Holy Spirit can keep me honest.

When Judy challenged me to put the scale away, my REACTION to her challenge is what concerned me. I was reminded that recently, I challenged someone to get rid of her Weight Watcher’s materials…and I encouraged her to evaluate her reaction to the thought of letting go of them, as I know that this can indicate when there is an ungodly idol in our lives. Well…HELLOOOOOooooo! My reaction to Judy’s challenge to “put away” the scale was indicative that I needed to heed my own words! My reaction alone…panic…indicates that in spite of my good intentions and feeling that I was not dishonoring the Lord in the way I used the scale, I HAVE A PROBLEM!!!!

So…as with Oreos…I will fast the scale for a time. My scale has now been safely hidden away in my “little mother’s” room…er…I mean my 13-year-old daughter’s room (her closet, buried beneath things…). She LOVES “watching out for me” so if I go in there to get the scale she is bound to hound me about it…I couldn’t bear that…

Truthfully, as with the Oreos, I feel relief…I am supposed to trust God with ALL. Yikes. That is scary. I know myself so well. WILL I let HIM be enough? HIS direction? HIS approval? HIS reprimand? HIS voice? Yikes…

But even as I type that previous paragraph it occurs to me that maybe by getting on the scale I was actually using it to endorse my sin…using it to “get away” with whatever I could without the scale going up…my heart was hardening even while I wasn’t gaining weight. The scale can NOT measure the changes of the heart, be they tenderizing changes or hardening changes…God alone can indicate that. And He is faithful to do that.

Hmmm…

I hate it when Judy is right! Well, *sometimes* I do. LOL!

Bless her heart…

Join me in putting your scale away…dare to believe that God is doing a NEW THING in you and HE WILL SHOW you what to do!!!! I need support! OK? 🙂